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Posts by artin
Joined: Jun 22, 2012
Last Post: Dec 19, 2012
Threads: 7
Posts: 17  
From: Islamic Republic of Iran

Displayed posts: 24
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artin   
Dec 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / Toefl:Should children grow up in coutryside or in a city? [4]

Should children grow up in country side or in a city?

Totally the place where a child grows up has the most influence on child future. Some believe that how far their child be from advanced places like countryside, more fresh their child will grow up.Hence,I think that child should grow up in a city due to the below descriptions.

First of all, it is obvious that the world is progressing in all matters. In addition, this progress is mostly affected on cities in the first stage.Forexample, having the connection of internet which joins a place to the rest of the world is inside city.Therefore,if a child grow up in a city will be surely included in this subject which will be influenced on his/her grow up perfectly.Thus,world most progresses are more spectacular in cities than countryside.

Secondly, one of the most important matters for child is the education. In my opinion, how complete and reachable the sources of learning and of course the quality of schools are, child will grow up in the best way. Statistics have shown that high quality schools and universities are located inside city. Therefore, as another aspect of growing up a child in a city will be surely the education matter.

Finally, I would like to focus on the social life in cities. As a matter of fact, most None Governmental Organizations and many more social groups are located inside cities. For instance, a child has a talent in dancing.Although,there may be classes in countryside but surely for professional courses the child should attend classes which are all occurring in cities not countryside.Thus,social life which has the most effect on child`s growing up add to the other advantage of growing up in a city.

In conclusion, choosing the place where the child grows up is very important matter. According to the above mentioned reasons-world progresses are more spectacular, education and social life-I believe that child should grow up in a city rather than countryside.
artin   
Dec 18, 2012
Writing Feedback / Toefl: A good neighbor should be honest, cooperative and considerate! [4]

Toefl:What are the qualities of a good neighbor?

Generally apart from where we are living, we have neighbors around us. Each person according to the own characteristic divide neighbors to different categories, which one would be " The good neighbor". I believe that good neighbor should be honest, have the feeling of cooperation and be considerate.

First of all, I think the major issue that shall be talked on relating to a good neighbor is his/her honesty . Having an honest neighbor will make the relation more friendly. For example, living in an apartment. If you don`t have any honest neighbors ,in the case of robbery , you will suspect on all and will probably change your apartment. Thus, being honest is the most important aspect of a good neighbor.

Secondly, having the feeling of cooperation among neighbors will add to the sense of friendship and humanity .Once, I was managing to paint my apartment me myself. As far as,I was alone and I didn`t have the required equipments, I asked my neighbor.Accordingly,although he prepared all my requested equipments but also he came and gave a hand to expedite the painting. Therefore, I can say I will always appreciate and accept kindly a cooperative neighbor.

Finally, I would like to focus on benefits of having a considerate neighbor. I n my opinion, there are a few rules that each person shall consider by living in an apartment. For instance, playing music loudly will annoy other inhabitants. Also, keeping clean the apartment is the other point. Therefore, if all neighbors consider the rules and obey them correctly, then all shall be included in the category of good neighbors.

In the end, I believe that in order to enjoy the life in living place, all should be more patient to the matters with other neighbors. Hence, having an inhabitant with the above mentioned characteristics such as being honest, having the sense of cooperation and being considerate is informing you from a good neighbor.
artin   
Dec 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / Toefl : Haste makes waste? Yes, I think so [6]

Thank you very much dear Dumi for kind,complete and prompt checking.I will work on your given comments in my next writing.
artin   
Dec 16, 2012
Writing Feedback / Toefl : Haste makes waste? Yes, I think so [6]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Haste makes waste.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your response.

Generally during our life, we are always trying to do our bests. However, sometimes by considering the condition such as lack of time, we behave more quickly which the result wouldn`t be the same as the normal condition. In my opinion, haste in doing something cause time and cost waste beside the low quality of the result.

First of all, I believe that when a person is behaving in a quick manner, surly would have more faults. Thus, in order to come back and correct the faults it would take time, which results in the duplication of time for a certain job. For instance, imagine you are washing a T-shirt, In case you wash it quickly, some dirt may be remained. Therefore, you have to wash it again in order to clean it completely which cause time waste.

Besides, being in a hurry in doing a job indirectly cause to cost much more than the usual time. As supplementary description, return to the example mentioned in the above paragraph. In case that you want to wash a T-shirt two times you have to use two times more material. Using two times more material means costing twice. Hence, it could be concluded that hasting in doing a job makes us to cost more.

Finally, I would like to present the worst thing which results in hasting and that is the low quality.I believe that good quality could be gained in case that a person has the most accuracy in doing something. As far as,being in a hurry reduce the accuracy , so that the quality would be reduced subsequently. As mentioned in above example,it is clear that finally the T-shirt remained a little bit dirty.So,it could be concluded that haste effects on the quality in bad way.

In the end,according to the above described reasons, time waste,duplication of the cost and also reduction in the quality of the result, I believe that haste makes waste.
artin   
Dec 16, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS: We should spend more time listening in the teamwork. [3]

Introduction paragraph is good!!!
You presented very good ideas,but support them with only a sentece.I think it could be more useful if you choose forexample three ideas,divide them in three seperate paragraphs and support the completely instead of saying all ideas in one paragraph.
artin   
Aug 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Changes in Town_Maps [5]

Hi April April,
How are you?I would like to appreciate for your useful comments on my previouse essays.
Recently I have wriiten a new one.I would be thankful if you correct me again.
Since I`m managing to take Toefl exam.
Thanks,
Artin
artin   
Aug 22, 2012
Writing Feedback / Toefl Essay : Do you prefer to live in an old or a modern apartment? [2]

Toefl Essay : Do you prefer to live in an old or a modern apartment?

Generally during our life, we may have the opportunity to experience living in different apartments. In my opinion, characteristics of living place such as being modern or old fashioned has its own influence on our lifestyle. Due to the below reasons I prefer to live in a modern apartment rather than an old one.

First of all, as far as the apartment is new designed therefore it is tried to consider more things for more convenience. For instance, previously I was living in an old apartment which hadn`t any air cooler, thus in summer it was awfully annoying. After our movement to a modern one, we noticed the air conditioner which makes our apartment more enjoyable. Thus, having new design for more convenience is one of the impacts of living in a modern apartment.

Besides, in these days economical matters & loss of energy is the topic of the most conversations. Recent statistics have shown that the most loss of gas energy is taking place in old apartments. It is obvious that windows are one of the easiest way to loss the heat made by gas. So, if we can insulate windows, we can reduce loss of energy, furthermore the payment of the relevant bill. Therefore, reduction of energy loss could be considered as another advantage of a new apartment.

In the end, I would like to present the most important attribute of a new apartment which is safety and stability of it. I believe that we have to be certain about the stability and rigidity of our living place toward the earthquake. Nowadays, civil engineers are using more powerful beams in new apartments in order to make the structure more strength against earthquake. Hence, because of the above mentioned reason I choose the new one.

In conclusion, it is clear for us that sometimes old apartments are more convenient or particularly have more attractive interior than the new one. Due to the above mentioned reasons new disgn, economical and energy loss and strength of the whole structure I prefer to live in a modern apartment.
artin   
Jul 16, 2012
Writing Feedback / THE STUDY OF CHARACTER AND THEIR DEVELOPMENT OR THE STUDY OF LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT [9]

Hi joshua,sorry for delay because I was on vacation & no internet connection.
However,
"God's people have good characters " what does it mean?
"This means, things are happening" use punctuation
"Which proves that the characters we make ,or even the development of characters we make is due to the silence that does not bring any perfection of the faithful God within us ." meaning is not clear.

"If, (no comma ) "I will punish them" (people's characters) was (were ) not true then"

At all your improvment is considerable.
Good Luck
artin   
Jul 9, 2012
Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY : best time usage - people visit museums when they travel to new places? [3]

Many people visit museums when they travel to new places. Why do you think people visit museums? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Generally people in their leisure time try to travel to new places. Learning new information is one of joyful things that a person is always looking for. One of the most common places that each person would like to visit in a new place is museum. In my point of view, I believe that people prefer to visit museums because it is a place collection of information about the culture, governmental history and somehow animals.

First of all, by focusing on the collection of different clothing, dishes and so on in museums, the culture of the new place could be identified. For example, knowing which kind of foods, also type of clothing people of that place used or maybe recently using, you can have an imagination of the culture of them. Hence, learning this kind of valuable information about the new place is one the most advantages of museum visiting.

Moreover, some political people are curious to know about the governmental history of a new place. To put it simple, it is good to know who has been the president of that place. Regarding to this matter, by looking at the taken pictures in the museums beside their historical descriptions, this item could be clarified. Therefore, museum would present good information about the governmental history of a place.

Finally, depending on the type of the museum, it is a good place for collection of different animals. Although, animals which are put in museums are mostly dead, however they can simply transfer data. Actually, it is exciting to know which kinds of animals had been living in that place. For example, knowing that whether lion had lived in that place or not could have lots of excitation. Thus, if you are looking for information about the animals of a place, you can go to the museum of animals.

In the end, I think that we have to use the best of our time in travel. As many people try to do is visiting museums. As I mentioned in above paragraphs, you can gain lots of information about the new place like about culture, governmental history and somehow animals by visiting museums.
artin   
Jul 9, 2012
Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY:In the future, students have the choice of studying at home by using tech [5]

Hi farzin_1875,
As my friends told you need to change your essay to TOEFL format.Including around 300 words.
1)Introduction
2)Body #1
3)Body #2
4)Body #3
5)Conclusion

As positive point you used transitions.But I think not corectly.
Your ideas are good.I recommend chose 3 of them and prepare supporting sentences.
Thanks
artin   
Jul 7, 2012
Writing Feedback / THE STUDY OF CHARACTER AND THEIR DEVELOPMENT OR THE STUDY OF LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT [9]

Hi Joshua,

1)I think sentences are too long.Make it shorter therefore reader feel relax.(especially first paragraph)
2)If 'I will punish them' (people's characters) was not true then ==> change to were
3)I think you can make sentences a bit simpler.

Finally,some gramatical problems exist.I recommend to work on tenses and "IF CLAUSES".
Thx
artin   
Jul 6, 2012
Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY:Growing violence in films has affected youngsters in a negative way? [10]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Growing violence in films has affected youngsters in a negative way?


It's obvious that violent behavior is growing more in films in recent 20 years. This matter has been considered as a way to advertise a film. From my point of view, I believe that violence in movies has negative effects on youngsters mostly on their behaviors, emotions & study.

In the first place, children behaviors are the most concerning matter which parents are always trying to do their best. Nowadays children are more involved in TV programs. Imagine an actor who is a child`s favorite is doing violent roles. In this case, the child would imitate the actor's behaviors in order to look like to him. Thus, unexpectedly the violent behavior has effected on child`s behaviors.

Meanwhile, human beings are very sensitive, especially of youngsters. For instance, dying is always a disappointing happening. Furthermore, killing is worse. Therefore, if these scenes are in TV, they would probably have their negative effects on the viewer who could be a child.

Finally, beside all above mentioned items, the study of youngsters shall always been controlled. For example, a child watches a frightening movie. On the other hand, he has to study for the exam. In this condition, because he is thinking about the movie or whatever has happened in it, it is obvious that he wouldn`t be able to concentrate on his study perfectly .Hence, the study of a youngster would affected terribly.

In conclusion, I certainly can say that growing of violence in films have definitely negative effects on youngsters mostly on their study, emotions and behaviors. Therefore, I think this matter should be controlled by parents or somehow by directors.
artin   
Jul 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Young careless drivers_agree? [9]

Your writing was good.But I think some of your sentences are too long:like in paragraph 3 sentence 3 & 4.Maybe modifying these sentence could be useful.
artin   
Jul 3, 2012
Writing Feedback / Do you prefer to eat at food stands/restaurants or prepare and eat at home? [6]

Generally eating food is one of the actions that everyone enjoys it. As a matter of fact, eating a prepared food like in restaurants has its particular joy. But, in my opinion, I like more making food myself at home and then doing relevant ceremonies before eating food because of below mentioned reasons.

First of all, one of the major points in eating food is, knowing about the ingredients. I mean that as fresh and as good quality material we use in food it would be more useful. For example, when I want to prepare rice at home, obviously I would use the best quality. Or making fried potatoes in good oil would be more delicious for me. So, being informed about the material of the food which you are making at home could be one of the advantages of my opinion. [..]
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