Writing Feedback / IELTS essay -- individuals contribute to environment problems [2]

please help review my practice. thanks in advance.

Everyone believes that it is important to protect the environment however seldom do that themselves.
Why is it important to protect environment by ourselves? What action should we do?

Undoubtedly, environmental damage and pollution have been a pressing concern of the public for years. Yet, while governments and the industry have been spending more on protecting the environment, we see little effort of individuals to help combat this serious problem. In my opinion, individuals should and can do more to contribute.

Firstly, the modern lifestyle of people is rather environmentally ditrimental. The increasing number of privated owned cars, for example, have been widely acknowledged as the main source of carbon dioxide, the main green-house gas. In addition, our tendency of using conveinent packaging such as paper and plastic bags, and throwing them away after using once, has not only wasted considerable amount of resources, but increased the pollution to soil and water as well. This way of living must be changed if environment problems are to be solved thoroughly.

Even where the modern industry is blamed for having caused some environment damages, it is the conumers' demand that motivates their production. Therefore, if consumers can use goods in a more conservative way, the problems caused by industry can be alleviated at least. For instance, paper making factories are a major source of water pollution and deforestation in many developing countries. If two-side printing became a standard practice in the workplace, then the level of tree clearance and river pollution in those countries could be significantly reduced.

Therefore, a more environment-friendly lifestyle should be advocated. Minimising use of cars, avoiding using plastic bags and disposable goods whenever possible, and trying to reuse whatever can be reused, along with other things, may not produce noticable effects in environment protection when only one person practise them; however, if everyone does, it can be amost certain that the environment will be a far less worrying concern than it is now.

Writing Feedback / (adopting greener forms of energy in the US) - IELTS Graph [5]

This is my report for the graph as attached that I wrote in 20 minutes. Please help collect any mistakes and try to guess what band score can I expect with it. Thanks a lot.

The two charts given show how the sources of energy changed in the USA from 1980s to 1990s.

In 1980s, oil was the most popular fuel in the US, supplying 42 percent of its overall energy, while the second popular was natural gas, accounting for 26 percent, a figure 4 percent higher than that for coal. The two types of clean energy, hydro power and nuclear power, shared the remaining 10 percent evenly.

Ten years later, although the percentage for oil dropped considerably by 9 percent to 33 percent, it remained as the biggest source of energy. The share of natural gas stayed roughly unchanged with a negligible decline of 1 percent, but coal supplied 5 percent more energy for the country. While hydro power was still representing 5 percent of this country's energy as it did a decade ago, the percentage of nuclear power had actually doubled.

Overall, we can see from the graph a trend of adopting greener forms of energy in the USA.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS - reasons for root-seeking trend, and is it good? [2]

Please help review my practice and give me any comments and suggestion.

task: It becomes more popular to find out the history of your family, what are the reasons and do you think it's a positive or negative development?

Seeking the root of one's family has been gaining increasing popularity among city dewellers in recent years. This phenomenon, in my opinion, is a result of the alienation between people in cities, but can in effect help keep valuable culture of the country in this age of globalisation.

Psychologically, a sense of belonging is essential for an individual to feel safe. The urban lifestyle, however, is not likely to afford people this. This is not only because of the fierce competition and poor labour relation in the workplace -- which can hardly make workers feel belonging to a team or the company, but also because the isolated neighbours in the living places rarely make the community a warm home. Accordingly, family becomes the only place where one can find this sense of belonging. They can be proud of a family member in their family tree when they learn a success story about him or her. And a closer connection may be established with a normal colleague or neighbour if a common early ancestor is identified between them.

The process of discovering family history is also the process of learning stories about traditional values and culture. This gives the positive part of these traditions, which have been largely ignored by modern people, a chance to regain their role in the society. In fact, many young children in this country have started to realise the importance of and to show more respect to their elderly relatives and neighbours as a result of this process with their parents.

As can be seen from the above, although the popularity of root-seeking stems from the unsatisfactory reality in today's world, its effect is in fact surprisingly desirable. Thefore, while the problems with cities need to be addressed for sure, this trend of recovering traditions should rather be encouraged.

Writing Feedback / IELT essay - causes and solutions for poor work-life balance [6]

Could you please help review my practice. thanks.

Basically, I believe the increasing competition in today's world is responsible for the poor work-life balance of the working class.

First of all, the rising unemployment rate has made acquiring a job rather difficult in recent years. As a result, job security becomes a priority for those in work. This means employees are, in effect, in a disadvantaged position when they are in conflict with their employers, and have to accept any workload assigned to them or they could easily be replaced by another equally skilled person who is eagerly waiting to be employed. Indeed, it is not uncommon for workers to be asked to work overtime but without being adequately payed and without any complaint expressed.

Similarly, the life of employers is not easier. In the midst of the economic recession, they are faced with as fierce competition among competitors in order to survive. Reducing the operational cost would then be of equal importance to them as promoting product sales and qualities. Consequently, they may be forced to cut staff, though the amount of work to be done may keep unchanged.

All these can explain why people have been diverting increasing amount of their time from family to the workplace. Unfortunately, there seems to be no easy solution to this problem as the root cause, the competition, is unavoidable; but there do exist ways to improve the situation, to a more or less degree. Even though working hours cannot be reduced, for example, allowing employees to work flexitime or telecommute can offer them more flexibility while still maintain their productivity. Also, efficiency and innovation -- key factors to the business success of a company -- can be encouraged among the staff if the working environment is comforting and the management lenient, thereby leaving them more time for leisure.

Overall, it is true that the present hardship of the global economy needs individuals as well as companies to fight against; however, clever management can be more desirable than merely enforcing lengthy working hours, for the sake of a better life for employees and employers.

Writing Feedback / IELTS -- Students learn more from teachers than from other sources (internet or TV) [2]

Modern technology has always been improving the way we learn. A particular change is the increase of sources where knowledge and information can be gained. Although the new forms of learning methods can by no means replace traditional teaching, I believe they are useful supplementary to the existing ways of education delivery.

Admittedly, the unique role of teaching forms such as lectures, seminars and tutorials is irreplaceable as of now. What they do are far beyond imparting knowledge. More important tasks such as fostering group discussion, presentation and other useful skills are achieved in classes as well, which none of the new learning methods can provide.

Nevertheless, new technology can sometimes be more effective in terms of acquiring information. Television, for example, although usually viewed as a device for entertainment, can in effect serve educational purposes as well. Programs such as documentaries, in particular, when produced by experts in related fields and with materials presented in graphic details, can lead to comprehensive understanding of the viewers on the related topics. Equally importantly, they may be more interesting to watch than the typically dull lectures.

Internet, the relatively new, convenient source of information, has become a standard form of learning facility for students today. Search engines such as Google seem able to provide any information the searcher needs, whereas in discussion forums, answers from specialists can be expected for virtually any questions.

In conclusion, although it is no doubt that teachers still play a key role in students' academic life, new ways of learning are getting increasing popularity in this age of information. A learner is thus encouraged to adopt both if they expect a satisfactory outcome.

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay -- should students attend private schools [2]

The number of private schools and the number of students attending them have increased over the past two decades in this country. Despite this, I do not think privately-funded schools are necessarily superior to public ones in terms of all-round development of students.

It is true that students' academic performance is usually better in private schools. This is mainly because the teaching there is generally more academically oriented. While the quality of universities can be relatively easily evaluated with the employment rate of graduated students and their salary levels, the only clear criteria to compare primary and secondary schools is how well their pupils do in exams. Therefore, in order to attract more students private schools tend to implement curricula that involve more academic activities.

As a negative consequence, however, children studying in private schools are less likely to have sufficient time for other physically and psychologically beneficial activities. For instance, courses on sports and music have been removed completely from the curriculum of some schools.

Furthermore, as most private schools are also board schools, going there can mean the reduction of time for family communication to a worrying level. Although it can be argued that children can learn to be independent by living in schools, serious problems such addiction to computer games and unruly behaviors may arise, especially for primary school students. They are just too young to be left unattended after school hours and not under supervision of parents. In addition, family bonds would be more difficult to maintain in those children's families.

Overall, while there are some academic advantages to attending private schools, they typically come at the cost of children's growth in other aspects and family ties. So, although this may not be always the case, parents do need to be careful when they decide to send their children to a private school.

Writing Feedback / IELTS GT -- should governments be responsible to help the unemployed and homeless [4]

This is today's test in China. and the following is exactly my response to the task. Could somebody help review. I am wondering if I can expect a band 7.

Thanks in advance.

Unemployment is clearly a global problem, be it in developed countries or developing ones. However, I tend to believe it is the responsibility of these disadvantaged citizens, rather than the government, to help them out.

Government money should be spent on publicly benefitial programs only. Tax revenue is collected from those who works. Spending them on helping those not make contribution to society would not sound fair to tax payers. Besides, there are other pressing demands on the government expenditure, such as health care service and education, so addressing unemployment should have low priority.

Also, it is obvious that, to survive in this competitive world, one has to work hard and equip themselves well. If they could get free financial help from the government, they might end up with out any motivation to work at all.

Of course, this does not mean we should leave alone those who do need assistance. They are already in reverse circumstances and it would be rather difficult for them to overcome the difficulties without external support. In this case, the government ought to set up free vocational trainings or to provide interest-free bank loans for them, so that they can have the chance to get back to work. After all, it is benefitial to the society as a whole when the jobless can make contribution again.

In conclusion, my point of view is that, although the government should provide help for the disadvantaged people, direct financial support may not be a wise option and people should rely on themselves to get out of the adversity.