Undergraduate / 'they can be giants one day' - common app essay [3]

PLEASE MAINLY HELP ME WITH THESE:
1.cut down words(should be 500 words, now is about 600.)
2.see if it's clear-focused enough
any critics are welcomed!

At first, there were merely stares. Surrounded by the group of small ones, I stood still on the soccer pitch at the Olympic Sports Center, speechless. I had found myself face to face with China's first official Dwarf Soccer Team, a squad of sixteen players in their mid-20s, each standing about 1.3 meters tall.

At the time, I was in charge of the Beijing Teenage Press of the London 2012 Olympics, a journalism club organized by my school, hoping to explore the differences between the Beijing and London Olympics first-hand. Owing to unexpected visa issues, however, we were unable to travel to the Games. Therefore I redesigned the program as a series of interviews in Beijing. Slated to appear on Beijing Mobile TVs in city buses, the interviews would be a way for Beijingers from all walks of life to deliver their blessings to London. One of these interviews was scheduled with China's Dwarf Soccer Teamefore this, I had never met any dwarves in my life. And I had never expected that, in just one short day,I would learn a lesson about life that I'll never forget.

After a quick warm-up with them, they seemed to accept me as a companion. We sat on the pitch and started to talk. Off the pitch, they work as shadow play actors. And they formed this team due to their shared love for soccer. "We had played soccer at the parking lot of the shadow play theatre for a year. Later, Coach Xu noticed us and decided to form us into a real team. We started systematic training on the pitch of Tsinghua University." Said Peng, the captain of the team. On weekends, they gather at the Gold Soccer Boy Club at Olympic Sports Center. Because they are of a similar height with children, they hold friendly match every Saturday to help children players improve as ideal training partners. "There are many people who criticize Chinese soccer, but few do anything to make a difference. I think what we're doing is meaningful." They smiled.

As I talked with them about their great passion for soccer, I found that they loved to smile. But these were not sheepish smiles; they were the biggest and most confident smiles I have ever seen. I realized that they are not overwhelmed by physical limitations. They were instead what Mitch Albom might call "whole-hearted lovers of life" in Tuesdays with Morrie. "While I am on the pitch", Lin said, "I feel blessed to live my life to the full, simply put, it's just the right thing to do." For them, happiness is the consequence of personal effort. They have fought for it and insisted upon itHowever hard their life is, they have met it and lived it, lived it to the full. Within all the realm of life's choicelessness,we do choose how we shall live. They enabled me to deepen my awareness of what I have got and inspired me, therefore, to enjoy more meaningful life of purpose, passion and joy. A great life isn't handed to me, but starts with me, starts with discovering my values and my passions for life.

On the bus ride home I could not stop beaming. Their big brown eyes had sparked something inside of me, something I now see as passion for life. The dwarf soccer players are some of the most amazing, inspiring people I have ever met. They are dwarves, but I know they can be giants of life one day. I have faith in that.

Undergraduate / 'Chinese bamboo hammers' - extracurricular essay-FINAL [2]

extracurricular essay(1000 charaters)

Out of my bamboo hammers flow streams of vivid scenes. As I play "The Storm," it's like I'm in a real tempest, such a full and fast fortissimo that I can feel the energy pulsing through my body. During "Spring Arrives at the Qing River," I press the strings to produce vibratos and picture myself wandering along the river bank, listening to the gurgling water and admiring the reflection of stars. I've been loyal and constant in my love for yangqin ï the Chinese dulcimer ï for 10 years. More than just wood and strings, it is a source of comfort and an outlet in which I can express myself. I've served as chair yangqin within my school's Chinese orchestra since Grade2. Called "the soul of Chinese folk music", yangqin plays an indispensable role in an orchestra, standing out with its bright timbre but remaining in perfect harmony with the other instruments. It has taught me to stick to my passion and bond with my community while contributing my own unique character to life's ensembles.

Focus:
1. Persistence in interest
2. Bond with community while lead with my own brightness (analogy to the role Yangqin has in the orchestra)

Is it well-written and focused enough? Any comments appreciated! Thx!

Undergraduate / 'upbeat and tough girl' / 'Chinese dulcimer' / 'School model' - extracurriculal [8]

Extracurricula essay for common app(within 1000 characters)

1.half-year taekwondo experience
I'm now an upbeat and tough girl, a far cry from the shy, weedy girl on my first taekwondo day. And I had never expected that just in half a year, I came away with fresh courage and confidence from the dojang. "Shout aloud with your every move. That's the rule. Show me your strength combined with spirit!" My coach yelled at me. "CIE..." I showed him my open-handed strikes with a tiny shout, full of a hot embarrassment. "Louder! Louder! Hit me on my handboard! Come on!!" I took a deep breath and roar from within my chest and striked on the board. "CIE!!!" It was my very first step out of my comfort zone in class and to my surprise, I felt good to let go of my fear and inconfidence like this. My mind and body are one and my tension, anxiety and stress no longer get trapped inside. "Ground yourself. Feel your power within and your root beneath. Feel the energy pervading through your body." I then bared my feet as said by my coach and started my outdoor running warm-up. I realized when I am grounded, energy flows more easily from head down to feet and back up again. Shouting aloud and walking barefoot, these simple attempts drew me into the faith which I inherently possessed, but had not yet discovered or claimed. From then on, I began to feel my own power better through my every practice of blocks, kicks, take-downs and sweeps.I feel energized, ready to take on the challenges the world has to offer, step out of my comfort zones and embrace new things. Currently, I pause my taekwondo class due to the increasingly intense workload at school, but I know I'm going to continue practice. My passion is still there, and it shall never end. My taekwondo class is over, but my new life has just begun.

2.Be a Chinese dulcimer player for 10 years
Out of my bamboo hammers flow streams of vivid scenes. While playing The Storm, it's like I'm in real whooshing tempest; the capricious beginning magnifies to be such full and fast fortissimo that I can feel the energy pulsing through my body in waves. While playing Spring Arrives at the Qing River, pressing the strings to produce vibratos or gliding from one note to another to make portamentos, I picture the star shedding her sparkler dims on the river and myself wandering along the bank, listening to the gurgling water. I've been loyal and constant in my love for Yangqin (Chinese dulcimer) for 10 years. I never regard Yangqin as a dead piece of wood but find myself so empathic and connected with it. I was also proud to be the chief Yangqin at school Chinese orchestra since Grade2, where us 70 kids could be heard as a whole, with various performances and contests being honed to perfection over countless practices and rehearsals. Hearing our ensembles echo off the hall was a point where I first realize the true power of teamwork. Being called the soul of Chinese folk music, Yangqin plays indispensable role in orchestra, highlighting its brightness, meanwhile in perfect harmony with the rest of instruments. Though orchestra isn't available in my high school, Yangqin remains a life hobby. It teaches me to stick to my passion and bond with my community while lead my own bright and unique timbre in life's ensembles, and that I will do through college, and life in general.

3. Run the school Model United Nations Club
Model United Nations has been a large part of my life. I fell in love with it since my first conference; I won my first Best Delegate at Fudan University Model United Nations Conference, one of the highest-standard one in China; I was invited to be Chair and Academic Director of official conferences in Beijing...Along the journey, I consider my experience running the school MUN association, BJ80MUN(stands for Beijing No.80 High School MUN), the most impressive. Our core team of 6people, which given the name CORE SIX, create our association's logo and motto"You've got the world in your eyes", recruited 106 members, held the very first conference on campus which attracted over a hundred delegates, designed mini conference at our school's faculty meeting to show the teachers what MUN is about.We even publicize international issues at school by original posters or lectures regularly, and teach elective courses of MUN at school, which are welcomed and loved by the students. Feeling the hottest when at the core, us CORE SIX have become close-knit. As experienced MUNers ourselves, we've headed to a new role, club runner. We reach out to our school, seeding and sharing inspiration, passion, and civil awareness. Before our took over the association from the elder students, our BJ80MUN was just like an infant whose eyes can hardly open. But now it is better developed by us, more like a sturdy and vigorous teenager, who can have his own voice among various MUN associations in Beijing and China. Last month, when University Guide interviewed our team and photographed us for its magazine cover, I recalled an old dairy of mine, "I will carry on the responsibility. I will grow as our BJ80MUN grows. I will be a drop of hot blood of BJ80MUN, fight for its advancement, and imprint the best of me here." As a 2-year core team member, it really reminded me of how far we've been through. You know, "MUN" is pronounced like "dream" in Chinese, and our school MUN association is just like a fine dream we have built by 2-year devotion. Now again, it's time to pass it to the next core team. The beat goes on.

Please read them and any comments are appreciated!!
1.They are a bit too long. Need advice to cut down words.
2.Which one is the best fit for admission EC essay? How do I improve it?