Scholarship / CHCI Scholarship; Mexico = Opportunities for the Future [4]

Prompt: What field do you intend to pursue if you receive the CHCI Scholarship, and how will the Latino community benefit? *
Word Limit: 300 words minimum; 600 words maximum

Does it answer the prompt well enough?? Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated!!

Here goes:

Glazed eyes peered out at us from the doorways of small shacks as we walked the dusty road to our destination. A somber mood hung over the slums like a sickness as we passed through the shantytown; even with the sounds of people in the background traveling toward the city, it was a trek that made us feel isolated from the rest of the world. But this was a journey I was used to. As a child, I would often accompany my mother on her visits to her family in Guadalajara, Mexico, a rare trip that offered me a frighteningly real view of the issues faced by the locals. There, hepatitis, malaria, and typhoid - all easily vaccinated against and treatable here in the United States - wreaked havoc in the neighborhoods. Even after returning to the United States, what I had seen remained burned into the back of my mind, even at such a young age. But it was miles away in another world; it was seemingly just another memory. Never did I once think the sickness would follow us home.

The news hit me hard when I found out Mom had cancer. Maybe it was the sight of her sleeping the day away and growing increasingly skinny that finally awoke my memories of my time in Guadalajara and motivated me to become a pediatrician. Here, miles away from the troubles I witnessed as a youth, I experienced the same helplessness that the children from my past must have felt. For nearly two years, I watched her as she was wheeled in and out of her chemotherapy treatments, never losing faith that tomorrow would be a better day. Each time, her smile shone with the same hope I now strive to spark within the youth of Mexico. In a world where opportunity and success are very much linked to the stability of one's childhood, I aim to make as much of a difference in the lives of impoverished children as my mother's doctors did in mine, working as tirelessly as they did to save my entire world. I believe good health and peace of mind are as sturdy of foundations as any, and with this scholarship, I will be one step closer to giving the children the fighting chance they deserve.

It will not be an easy task, however. With nearly 53.3 million people below the poverty line and many living in rural areas without readily available health care, my goal of opening up clinics dedicated to treating their daily ailments will be a mountainous task. Despite all this, I see Mexico as a land of opportunity. There, I see people with goals, aspirations, and fears the same as mine who strive to build successful futures with their own two hands. As I age, I know that I have been given the chance to make a difference where it is needed most. I can finally stop just observing the problem from a safe distance like I did as a boy and instead, with my childhood memories and my training on my mind, become a part of the solution.

Undergraduate / 'Irish philosopher Edmund Burke...' Event That Has Shaped Your Future, $10,000 Question! [2]

Your academic performance and promise of achievement are evaluated through the essay. Describe your academic and career interests and/or the most important creative, educational or personal experiences that have led you to pursue a university education.

Does this show academic performance, enough character, and a drive to succeed? Thank you so much!

Irish philosopher Edmund Burke once said, "Good order is the foundation of all things." Today, however, "good order" can be hard to come by. For the poverty-stricken slums of Mexico, disorder and illnesses are constant companions; as I age, I become increasingly aware of the struggles children in these situations face and, consequently, how blessed my own life is by comparison. Though separated by only a thin border, we exist worlds apart, an unreachable dream for one and a sobering sight for the other. It wasn't always this way, however; as both a child and a young adult, that gap would be bridged, and I glimpsed the same uncertainty that plagues so many on the other side of the dividing wall. With the goal of becoming a pediatrician within my reach, I work toward giving children the fighting chance they deserve, knowing that by promoting "good order," they will have a foundation from which they can pursue their own dreams.

As a child, my mother, who often frequented her family in Guadalajara, Mexico, used to take me with her to give me a perspective of my own privileged life. A somber mood hung over the slums like a sickness as we passed through on our way to our destination. There, yellow fever, malaria, and typhoid wreaked havoc in the neighborhoods, and the effects were palpable. The glazed eyes of illness-stricken children followed us wherever we went, peeking out from small shacks. Our visits never lasted long - just long enough to brush up on my own Spanish-speaking skills and maybe get un helado (an ice cream) or two. Soon enough, we would be off, back to the United States and back to our blessed lives. What I had seen remained burned into my mind, but it was miles away, just a memory. Never did I once think the sickness would eventually follow us home.

Years later, it found us. I knew something was wrong when my parents entered the house and sat my brother and me down. With tears in their eyes, they told us the doctor's diagnosis: my mom had breast cancer. As time passed, she grew increasingly weaker and her checkups at the local hospital evolved into weeks of chemotherapy treatment. While Dad spent days on end by her side, I remained at home delving into various treatments, medicines, and procedures I could recommend to the doctors - as if I were qualified. In school, my chemistry and biology classes could tell me all about the organic compounds in the phospholipid bilayers of a pulmonary artery, but it could never relate to me the devastation of watching a loved one wither in the face of illness. I was already a student of that experience, steadily watching my foundation crumble away.

But my mom was far from finished. Her efforts, combined with chemotherapy and a relentless stream of prescriptions, sent her cancer into remission. After months of watching her fight for her life against illness, I now understand that remaining healthy can be one of the sources of "good order" Edmund Burke was referring to. Today, when I think back to the sick children in Mexico, they don't appear as memories of the past; instead, they motivate me to reach for the future and complete my college education. If I am additionally blessed with the UC Davis Undergraduate Scholarship, I intend to use it as a stepping stone to bring my dreams into reality, specifically to improve the lives of those living in the impoverished slums of Mexico. My visits to that seemingly foreign land taught me that healthiness is just as good a foundation as any; after all, I am a witness to that lesson. Though I entered UC Davis a pre-med hopeful, I wish to graduate an architect - laying the base for the future generation and providing them with the stability they need to chase their own dreams.

Undergraduate / THE BIRTH OF CIVILIZATION AND THE BODY AS ITS METAPHOR -- MYTHOLOGY (Herakles, Isis, etc.) [2]

PROMPT:
Bodies figure significantly in the texts we have covered in the past few weeks. Bodies are fed, starved, dismembered, killed off, resurrected, and transformed. Most of the texts we have examined are deeply concerned with the vulnerability, fragility and transience of the material body. Bodies, both masculine and feminine, are often set against "other" kinds of bodies- animal bodies, twinned bodies, replicated bodies. Among many other roles, texts use bodies to mark gender, signify civilization, and define the connection/separation between the physical and spiritual. In these ways bodies can be read as texts, analyzed for what they can tell us about the cultural and social worlds that produce them. Just as bodies are texts, texts also work as bodies: they are built with certain anatomies, function as cultural and social markers, and can be enriched, resurrected, transformed, etc. through the use of specific rhetorical structures and strategies, and reanimated through the process of translation.

With the relationship between bodies and texts in mind, conduct a close reading of two of the stories we've covered analyzing the how stories work as bodies and with bodies to construct and convey meaning. In your essay, you may consider the metaphorical implications of dismemberment and reconstitution (both of the text through analysis and of the body itself), or the ways in which bodies (social bodies, material bodies) are controlled and disciplined. For instance the body of a text might be controlled through its adherence to a certain pattern, but can be transformed through a retelling. Here you might consider the truncated version of the Akkadian Descent of Ishtar, or the expanded version of the Horus/Seth myth. Your analysis should be cross-cultural, meaning you should compare stories from two different cultures (i.e. Greek, Akkadian, Egyptian). In your analysis also keep in the mind the historical context from which each text emerges.

My Essay:

A Body Divided
Whether immaculate or unkempt, mortal or deathless, the bodies - both textual and physical - present in Greek, Akkadian, and Egyptian mythology conjoin under the belief that they exist to spread culture and civilization across vast distances, embodied narratively by the voyages of Herakles, Osiris, and Isis. Furthermore, the stories of Herakles and Ishtar argue that by either joining one's body with another or separating what was once whole, one may ascend into a higher state of power, effectively becoming immortalized in legend.

The struggle to separate...is represented best by the Greek demi-god, Herakles. Born when "Zeus came by night...and bedded...Alkmene" (Exploits 260), Herakles' body already veers toward two extremes: his potential to either ascend into godliness or remain mortal. It is only by separating himself into a pure being that Herakles may reach his full potential. However, the internal oppositions do not end there. Despite being born during the peak of Ancient Greek civilization, his body is further divided between the warring forces of nature and culture. During his first exploit as an adult, he "vanquished [a] lion...dressed himself in the skin and wore the gaping mouth as a helmet" (Exploits 261). In a sense, his body - born of civilization - already symbolizes the difficulty of spreading culture across vast distances, as it remains in a power struggle to assert dominance of one extreme over the other. By dressing savagely, he represents the internal struggle humanity faces fighting against its roots in nature and expectation to remain an active role in society. His duality is our duality; the very forces which place humanity on Earth are, ironically, the ones we strive so fervently to escape - and are so adept at avoiding. These triumphs over nature are again represented in Herakles' Twelve Labors, his punishment for acting on animalistic instinct and "[flinging] his own children...into the fire" (Exploits 262). By defeating creatures such as the "Nemean Lion" (Exploits 262), the "Erymanthian boar" (263), and the "Cretan bull" (264), Herakles slowly ascertains his dominance over nature, not only representing civilization's conquest over the wilderness, but also shedding his own savagery as well. NEED TRANSITION

As a symbol of culture, Herakles' travels parallel those of technology, storytelling, and knowledge, all three of which transcend vast distances to be shared among various peoples. His final three labors force him to travel through "Europe to fetch...cattle" (Exploits 267) - a highly-regarded symbol of agriculture - as well as traverse "Libya...[and] Egypt" (268), where they continued to "sacrifice to Herakles...[albeit] with curses" (268). By traversing miles between each destination, Herakles effectively dispersed Greek culture among the various countries of the world, either civilizing what was once primitive or introducing new rituals and ideas to an already-established society. This theme is not solely present in Greek mythology, however; it is also closely mirrored by Egyptian culture, specifically in the story of Isis and her search for Osiris. Osiris, the "overseer of the cattle" (Hymn to Osiris 442) and for whom "plants grow...and the horizon conceive...provisions" (443), was synonymous with civilization. As established earlier, agriculture and cattle formed the basis of an advanced society during ancient times, and thus, to the Egyptians, Osiris' presence ensured a culture would flourish. Upon his murder at the hands of his brother, Set, his body was cast across Egypt in pieces, unintentionally creating thriving societies wherever he landed, as we discussed in class. For the Egyptians, this meant the opportunity to share their cultures with neighboring societies - to intermingle stories, ideas, and knowledge with a world beyond the desert. Isis' attempts to locate her husband assisted in this diffusion of civilization as she "looked for him without being weary" (Hymn 444), her travels eventually taking her to foreign kingdoms belonging to deities such as Ishtar. Symbols for Egyptian society, Osiris and Isis fulfill the purpose of bodies in mythology - to spread civilization across vast distances and unite a world of many into a body of one.

Despite these attempts of mythic heroes to unify an array of peoples under a single idea, many face the difficulty of conquering their own duality, and often choose to either unite with or divide from another to manage this schism. In Ishtar's case, after departing from the Underworld and being reborn into the world of the living, she stumbled upon her husband, Dumuzi, in a state not befitted to her absence. In a fit of rage, she sends him to the void "in exchange" (Descent 442) for her as "her ransom" (442), thus escaping Death. This departure from her marriage occurred shortly after her rise to power, rending her sacred union with her husband in two and reestablishing her nature as an immortal and vengeful goddess. The events following Herakles' resurrection from the dead closely resemble those of Ishtar, however instead of splitting one into two, he wished to join himself with another. His death - a transformation marking his internal victory over his bestial half - allows him to finally attain the wholeness he strove for since the beginning of his journey. Herakles is described as "wishing himself to be wed" (Exploits 270), and later, upon shedding his mortality and achieving eternal life, ascends to Mount Olympus and "married [Hera's] daughter Hebe" (Exploits 275). Here, two bodies are united to become one through marriage, increasing their power and securing fame, similar to the bleeding together of cultures that occur as folktale crosses geographic and ethnic boundaries.

In many ways, the travels and exploits of mythological heroes translate into the movement of and alterations to storytelling throughout history. As characters venture out into the world, it calls to mind the mobility of stories - easily able to span continents using trade and barter as its vehicle. A tale essentially becomes a body itself, traversing cultures and dividing into numerous versions of itself, just as Osiris was split across Egypt. It can unite with aspects of another civilization, forming hybrids just as Herakles was born a demi-god. Parts are lost to history, or die off to conform to societal standards or rituals, just as Dumuzi died in place of Ishtar. Folktales are the mark of civilization - like the bodies in Egyptian and Greek mythology - and reach global and historical acclaim, much like the immortal heroes of Greece and of Sumer. NEED TRANSITION

The great heroes of mythology embodied the greatest hopes of their time periods. Like the stories themselves, their exploits flung them across the world, sowing the seeds of civilization that would continue for thousands of years. As bodies, they were born, grown, and strengthened, transforming the world around them by blurring the lines between cultures and uniting many into a constitution of one. By uniting a globe defined by its differences, these heroes and myths have secured their legendry and prominence for eternity.

What i'm looking for is whether or not my thesis is too broad, if I need to focus on one part or the other AND if my body supports my thesis well enough (by representing Herakles, Osiris/Isis, and Ishtar well enough)

Thank you so much!!!

Scholarship / "GIVING THEM A FIGHTING CHANCE", CHCI LATINO SCHOLARSHIP [2]

Hey everybody!! This essay is due really soon (within three days) and I really needed to know if it answers the prompt well enough, as well as if there are any excess words that I can cut. Thank you SO much!

Prompt: Essay Question: What field do you intend to pursue if you receive the CHCI Scholarship, and how will the Latino community benefit? *
Word Limit: 300 words minimum; 600 words maximum

My grandfather wiped the sweat from his brow. Working in the fields of Texas was backbreaking labor; the serious faces of the workers around him reflected his own discomfort. But he had to provide for his family; he could not give up. Sadly, at age 67, he would die unexpectedly of a massive heart attack while tending to his garden. Though I was never blessed with the opportunity to know him, his legend lived on through family stories of his perseverance and self-sacrifice. As I aged, I realized that the greatest gift he ever left behind was the opportunity to build my dreams off of the struggles he endured. In my dream, I strive to be a doctor and to ensure the prosperity of families much worse off than my own. Just as my grandfather fought to lay the foundation for future generations, I face the challenge of financing and receiving an education - all in the hopes of rescuing those who make as much a difference in their families as my grandfather had in mine.

My mother, who often frequented her family in Guadalajara, used to take me with her to give me a perspective of my own privileged life. A somber mood hung over the slums like a sickness as we passed through on our way to our destination. There, yellow fever, malaria, and typhoid wreaked havoc in the neighborhoods, and the effects were palpable. The glazed eyes of illness-stricken children followed us wherever we went, peeking out from small shacks. Our visits never lasted long - just long enough to brush up on my own Spanish-speaking skills and maybe get un helado (an ice cream) or two. Soon enough, we would be off, back to the United States and back to our blessed lives. What I had seen remained burned into my mind, but it was miles away, now just a memory. Never did I once think the sickness would follow us home.

I knew something was wrong when my parents entered the house and sat my brother and me down. With tears in their eyes, they told us the doctor's diagnosis: my mom had breast cancer. As time passed, she grew weaker and her checkups at the local hospital evolved into weeks of chemotherapy treatment. While Dad spent days on end by her side, I remained at home delving into various treatments, medicines, and procedures I could recommend to the doctors - as if I were qualified. In school, my chemistry and biology classes could tell me all about the organic compounds in the phospholipid bilayers of a pulmonary artery, but it could never relate to the emotional aspect of watching a loved one wither in the face of illness. I was already a student of that lesson. The medical field was calling and I had a reason to pursue my dream, a duty to not only my mother but also to the children in Mexico.

As Mom slowly recovers and my plans for college narrow, I strive to become the doctor I always knew I could. Today, when I picture the sick children in Mexico, they don't appear as memories of the past; instead, they are goals for the future. If I am additionally blessed with the CHCI Scholarship, I intend to bring my dreams into reality, specifically to the impoverished slums of Mexico in the form of clinics dedicated to treating the most devastating illnesses in their lives. Perhaps - like my grandfather - I can lay the foundation for others to build their own dreams as well, and give them the fighting chance they deserve.

Undergraduate / The Man in the Rain is my Brother; Pepperdine Prompt [2]

Hey everybody! Happy New Year! If you can, please let me know if my essay adequately answer's Pepperdine's difficult prompt. Thank you so much! If there is anything you see, please be harsh, thanks!

Please respond to the following question (500 words or less):

Pepperdine University is a Christian university committed to the highest standards of academic excellence and Christian values, where students are strengthened for lives of purpose, service, and leadership. How are you prepared to contribute to Pepperdine's mission and community of faith, learning, and service?

We passed him on the roadside, his dark brown eyes looking up mournfully from under threadbare tarps and a soggy cardboard box. He stood to fix the sagging roof of his makeshift home, and suddenly the wind blew his hat mercilessly down the street, the rain drenching his tattered khaki pants. I never prayed as hard as I did on that night, a year ago. But it was not really a stranger I was praying for; because of my faith, I was instead praying for a family member down on his luck. Though the path was troublesome, today I strive to benefit my community - and in a college such as Pepperdine, I know my dreams are well within reach.

Presentation church was a second home to me since childhood, but I wasn't always as involved in my faith as I am now. A typical boy, my thoughts were instead filled with plans to meet with friends in the park, maybe even falling and scraping my knees in the sandy playground for good measure. My teenage years revolved around my friends, studies, and girls; God and church were pushed further into the backseat until they were almost nonexistent. As I entered high school at Lincoln, I entered it without the sense of family I had grown accustomed to in church. I felt unconnected and alone without the familiar presence of God in my life, yet did nothing to rebuild our bond. This all changed, however, when Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.

When her stays in the hospital lasted days on end, and I could do nothing for her besides cook and clean the house, I prayed. I prayed I would never have to see my mother - the strongest person I knew - weak and bedridden. In my darkest time, I reconciled with God and remembered His message: Everyone is a brother and sister in the eyes of God. For so long, my life was devoid of the true meaning behind all those years in Presentation; it was time to reconnect to my family in the community and was time to serve them instead of myself.

The following year was radically different. Mom made a full recovery, and my counselor recommended me to the Leo's Community Service Club, where I worked my way to the Treasurer's position. Here, was a place where I could easily realize my dream of constructing a stronger community. Events like feeding the homeless at St. Mary's Dining Hall were opportunities to benefit my family outside of my school and neighborhood. To me, the Leo's Club is a stepping stone to achieving bigger and better accomplishments. I learned to reconnect with God, to use my life to the benefit of others, and that through Him, all things are possible. With this in mind, and with the challenge set forth by Pepperdine's creed, I know I am ready to accept my duties to the community and begin a life dedicated to helping those like the man in the rain.

Undergraduate / My duties towards the family; HAZ LA U SCHOL; Academic & Career Goals (Mexican Heritage) [2]

Tell us about your academic/career short-term and long-term goals.
How has your Hispanic heritage influenced these goals? *

My Mexican Heritage and Traditions

My grandfather wiped the sweat from his brow. He looked up, the scorching sun beating down on his unprotected neck. Working in the fields of Stockton was backbreaking labor; the serious faces of the workers around him reflected his own discomfort. But he had to provide for his family; he could not give up. Familia es todo. Family is everything. That was his motto. Even today, 40 years later, being born a Cumpian means carrying these values as if they were genetic. Like my ancestor before me, my overwhelmingly ambitious schedule clashes with familial duties; however, whereas my grandfather struggled to support those he loved by gathering onions, I face the challenge of attending college and receiving an education - all in the hopes of inspiring a new generation of cousins to become leaders in their own right. From my strenuous water polo practices to my weekly Catholic studies, I have never forgotten the value of family; it is something my heritage will never allow. "Familia es todo" has become more than just a traditional phrase - it has become a way of life.

As I strive to attend a prestigious university, I realize more and more of the truth in my grandfather's philosophy. Mexicano heritage traditionally consists of strong family ties and encouragement; it is with both of these that I adjusted as well as I did to Lincoln High after transferring my sophomore year. My mother - armed with stories of her youth - pushed me to break past the stigma of being the "new kid" and join the school's water polo team. My father, proud to see his son involved in his community, supported me in my decision to accept nomination as the Leo's Club Treasurer. With their backing, as well as the backing of multiple aunts and uncles, I studied and tested my way to a 4.15 GPA. If I am to inspire future generations of family members as my grandfather did me, I must learn to exceed my limits and defy expectations, all while keeping my eyes on the true prize - my aspiration - of attending Pepperdine University. My maturation, however, meant more to me than a grade or a class ranking. As I aged, I realized that if I were to truly support others as my grandfather did his family, I needed to do it through more than just my studies.

When Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, I realized it was time for me to return the encouragement she had lent me so many years before. Being a family means supporting each other through any of life's obstacles - and now, Mom needed me more than ever. Dad took weeks off from work to remain by her side when her hospital stays lasted days on end; my brother and I maintained the house and cooked dinners on nights when the chemotherapy sapped my mother's strength. Familia es todo. As my grandfather's words of wisdom rang in my ears, and as my Mexicano heritage reminded me of the value of family, my priorities changed. I still strive to inspire others to follow in my footsteps; however, I also aspire to become a doctor and assist those in the world who have made as much a difference in their own families as my mother has in mine. I strive to open clinics in places such as Africa, dedicated to treating malaria and AIDS. With the backing of not only my family, but also the leadership skills developed in my years with the Leo's Club, my goals are well within reach. Founded on the ideals of my Mexicano heritage, I can extend my definition of family far beyond the borders of Stockton - and create opportunities for those without the encouragement I was so lucky to enjoy.

Undergraduate / Jumping into the Ocean Without a Lifeline UC PROMPT #2 [3]

Hey everyone! If you could, please tell me if my essay answers the prompt sufficiently enough. Thanks so much! I really appreciate all the help!

-Nick Cumpian

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

It's not every day a child attempts to learn the same skill that nearly claimed his father's life just five years before. But that was Danny's story. To the young boy, the three-and-a-half foot end of the community pool was an ocean. And as it was my job to teach him to conquer that ocean, my apprehension was just as paralyzing. What if I failed him as a coach? Forced him to avoid water like his father? Questions bombarded my mind as I waded into the shallows, uncertain of what was to come.

As I neared, the anxiety on his face was obvious. His eyes were wide, his hands balled into fists. How could I blame him? I had been in his position myself, long ago; I was familiar with the fears of the first swim lesson. In a way, we were on common ground. Swimming was my passion, but it wasn't always so. As a child, the pool was a relentless enemy, and it wasn't until I received my own training that my fears were assuaged. To Danny, I was a lifeline and a confidant, his trust weighing heavily on my inexperienced shoulders. I needed to be a leader.

"OK, Danny, ready? I want you to jump as far as you can; I'll catch you," I said, hoping my upbeat attitude would convince him of his safety. He hesitated, stepped forward, and dipped his toe into the water. Suddenly, his fear vanished, replaced by a glimmer of determination. In an instant, the frightened boy on the pool deck relaxed, breathed deeply, and pushed off of the deck, his arms flailing in the air. "Are you gonna catch me? Are you gonna catch me?"

As Danny's confidence grew with each additional lesson, I couldn't help but smile at his tenacity. He was the first into the pool, and would splash and jump until he was satisfied with his efforts. Though his technique wasn't perfect, I'd applaud at his progress, hoping that one day even his father would have as much admiration in Danny's accomplishments as I had. My own leadership qualities flourished during our morning swim lessons. Just as Danny had transcended his, I shed my own fear of failure. This is what made our swim lessons so meaningful to me; Danny reminded me of myself and of my own apprehension as a child. In both situations, bravery was the key to success. Even now, as I prepare to make one of my biggest leaps of faith from the life of a Stockton lifeguard into one of a college student, determination is necessary. Like my young protĂŠgĂŠe, I am determined to conquer even the smallest challenge, to brave even the most unfamiliar situations, and to experience the world without the fear of failure tethering me to the ground.

Undergraduate / "MEETING THE CHALLENGE" UC PROMPT #2 [2]

Please, tell me if this essay flows well enough, and if there are any words I can cut, please let me know. Thanks so much for all of your help! I appreciate it!

-Nick

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

It's not every day a child attempts to learn the same skill that nearly claimed his father's life just five years before. But that was Danny's story. To the young boy, the three-and-a-half foot end of the community pool might as well have been an ocean. I watched from a distance, readying the kickboard and pull buoy we would use in that day's lesson. Time to test his bravery.

I waded into the shallow water, suppressing the shivering that wracked my body. I needed to make him comfortable. Sacrifice my own wants for the greater good. As I neared, the anxiety on his face was obvious. His eyes were wide, his hands balled into fists. How could I blame him? I had been in his position myself, long ago; I was familiar with the fears of the first swim lesson. But behind his fear, there was the same glimmer of determination I had as a child in his situation; Danny was ready.

"OK, Danny, ready? I want you to jump as far as you can; I'll catch you," I said, hoping my upbeat attitude would convince him of his safety. He hesitated, stepped forward, and dipped his toe into the water. Then it appeared again: Danny's spark of determination. He reared back and pushed off of the deck, arms flailing in the air.

"Are you gonna catch me? Are you gonna catch me?" His faith in me was surprising. Here he was, a neighborhood boy, entrusting his safety to a lifeguard he'd never met before. I caught him, and though we had conquered a major milestone, I knew from experience there was much more work to be done. But that had been enough for the day. Tomorrow, we would try again.

Each morning was the same. At eleven, I would find Danny waiting patiently beside the pool's gate, towel in hand, goggles already on. The moment I removed the padlock, he would dash in as I stumbled groggily behind. He was the first one into the pool, eager to show me what he had practiced on his own outside of our lessons. I couldn't help but smile at his tenacity; he would splash and jump until he was satisfied with his efforts, and even though his technique wasn't perfect, I'd applaud at his progress, hoping that one day even his father would have as much pride in Danny's efforts as I had. But, due to his fear of water, his father never showed. Asking Danny one day if he would ever stop by to see him stroke across the pool, Danny hung his head, replying, "No. He doesn't believe I can swim."

In that moment, all of his hard work made sense. Faced with opposition, Danny worked to improve in order to make his dad proud. He never quit under the pressure, and in a sense, I could relate to his struggle. This is what made his swim lessons so meaningful to me; Danny reminded me of myself as a child. The same determination - the same bravery - that we came to know in our childhood carried over into my young adulthood. Like my young protégée, I am determined to succeed wherever life takes me and to use every challenge as an opportunity to measure my growth. Danny unknowingly became a role model, not only for all others learning to swim, but for his teacher, longing to explore the world for the first time.

Undergraduate / UC PROMPT #2, TEACHING LEADERS / C.O.V.E program [2]

I've seen your posts on others' threads, and I have to say, I'm impressed with the level of help you've given. If possible, could you look at my prompt #2 for the UC application. Did I answer it well enough? Is my main point clear enough, or should I change my thesis? Also, does it flow well? Thanks so much for your help!! Also, are there any unnecessary words I can cut? Please let me know.

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

I had been called into the principal's office - and it had never looked more intimidating. I knew what lie behind those glass doors; without hesitation, I threw the doors open and strode inside. Mrs. Holmerud stood in the conference room next to a man I had heard much about, yet had never formally met. With an impassive expression, he gestured to a seat opposite of him, asking if I knew why we were meeting. I nodded. As if waiting for my confirmation, the man grinned, welcoming me aboard his exclusive program. I thought I knew what to expect. I was wrong.

Professor Ronald Hallett, M.D., of the University of the Pacific, was the man's name and official title. At the recommendation of my principal, who had noted our grades and extracurricular involvement, he offered me and six additional juniors the chance to become role models and tutor eighth graders in the best ways to reach college. This was the coveted C.O.V.E. program, an acronym for Creating Opportunities via Education. Eager to test my leadership, I stepped through the doors of the Bernard School of Education on UOP's campus for the first day - and was greeted by dejected stares and blank expressions. As I stood to address the thirty congregated students, a thousand questions assaulted my mind, each one no closer to an answer than the last.

What would I say to them? What if I was too casual or demanding? Essentially, I held their futures in my hands, and my advice could make or break them. First impressions indicated that many would have rather spent their summers elsewhere. However, just as I was about to speak, a young boy raised his hand from the back of the classroom.

"What's the best part of being in high school?" he asked. The simplicity of his question caught me off guard - its effect shocked me even more. One by one, uninterested faces changed into ones of curiosity and attentiveness. Smiling, I answered the question, and each answer drew another inquiry until the classroom was a sea of raised forearms. In the weeks that followed, they displayed more than a simple interest in their futures - they showed a determination to reach their goals. College searches intrigued even the most skeptical mentees, public speaking drew even the most timid from isolation, and high school planning lent even the most unprepared students confidence in their potential. The apprehension I had seen in their faces just five weeks earlier evaporated like water in the sun. No longer were they the inexperienced eighth graders I had first been assigned; on that day, they were the masters of their futures, the confident freshmen of tomorrow.

The C.O.V.E program allowed me more than just time to exercise my leadership; I watched a new generation of leaders flourish. In a sense, C.O.V.E. was a role reversal, an opportunity for the students to instruct their mentors. Their tenacity and determination to push their own limits remains inspiring to this day. As I complete my own high school career, I take pride in their accomplishments and in my responsibility to those now attending Lincoln High, knowing I played a role in leading them to college. All great journeys begin with a single step, and together, through C.O.V.E., we took our first steps toward limitless opportunities.

Undergraduate / Burning flames - UC APPLICATION ESSAY PROMPT #1 [5]

Hey everyone!

I was reading some of your feed back on others' essays, and I have to say, I'm impressed. Please, if you could, lend me some advice on the UC Prompt #1. Thanks so much!

- Nick

P.S. There won't be any indentation in the paragraphs because for some reason I can't attach my file, so....thanks!

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Everything was burning. Flames licked at the windows, the floorboards, the doors. The same frightened expression I wore on my young face was reflected in my mother's, highlighted by the glow of the fire as it swept through the house. Terrified, I closed the book. (End paragraph)

This is the world I come from. Perhaps it's not a single, definable world, but a collection of adventures and possibilities that the books of my youth presented. Each day after school, I would sift through our humble collection of books - our "library," as my dad called it - and would select one to read that evening with my mother. Curled up with a dictionary handy to define any words we did not already know, our story time began. One evening we could explore a hidden rain forest, tucked away in the Chilean mountain ranges. Another time, we would visit Abraham Lincoln and hear his recounting of the Civil War or even dive the depths of the Pacific Ocean, swimming with the fish that thrived on the ocean floor. To me, time and space were tangible, resting between two hardback covers - I only had to reach for them. (End paragraph)

As I aged, author Mike Lupica was replaced by George Orwell and Ray Bradbury. Story time faded into a memory, but the stories themselves were always there, waiting to be rediscovered. When Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, and her overnight stays in the hospital required Dad to take a day off from his job at FedEx, books became my constant. Unable to read to me as she once had, I knew the mantle had been passed. It was up to me to pursue my own education, to fill empty banks of knowledge and satisfy my own curiosity. I read like she and I had read in my youth, exploring the same forests and oceans we conquered years before, only this time with Jack London as the narrator. My parents instilled me with the value that education is the key to my future, and the treasures I found hidden in books only served to support their point. (End paragraph)

In my personal world of books and literature, I could be anything I wanted simply because I could read about it. To this day, the Pacific Ocean captures my attention and urges me to pursue a degree in marine biology. As Mom recovered, I began to delve into the medical field, researching illnesses, cures, and positions I could fill once I completed my education - all in the hopes of saving people who I knew had made as much an impact in their own homes as my mother had in mine. Today, my aspirations are endless. I dream to succeed where no other has before. I want to swim with the deepest of ocean dwellers, to cure even the most virulent diseases - all because I know that with literature, a little luck, and plenty of determination, I can make the impossible, possible. (End)