Unanswered [29] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by karizma101
Joined: Dec 23, 2012
Last Post: Dec 29, 2012
Threads: 4
Posts: 16  
Likes: 5
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 20
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
karizma101   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / "Black and White Rainbow"; William and Mary sup- What makes you unique and colorful? [4]

thanks a lot! these really helped a lot. I should've made this clear in the essay. What I meant was that I lived in India for over 11 years. I didn't go to help African kids or build a dam or something. It was my life. And yeah i just cut and paste from other essays. Kinda obvious, huh?

Anyway thanks but I already had to submit it :(
karizma101   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / "Black and White Rainbow"; William and Mary sup- What makes you unique and colorful? [4]

Prompt: What makes you unique and colorful? This is actually a very hard prompt to answer because there are so many things about me that can't fit into one essay. I tried my best but please tell me if there are glaring mistakes and weird sentences

"Hey, do you like my hair?" she asks with questioning eyebrows but all-knowing eyes that are expecting me to say how pretty her hair looks. But I just stare at her and smile. Her hair looked like a rat's attempt to make a bird's nest. I'm honest but not blunt. I would rather be quiet than hurt others' feelings with harsh truths. While I enjoy listening to music, I would rather act to it or dance it out. It helps me escape reality and find that temporary bliss. I don't believe in God; I believe in culture and tradition. Dancing to those Bollywood songs and wearing Indian clothes gives me a rush of euphoria. I forgive but don't forget. Everyone deserves a second chance but it comes with a hardened heart. I study, not for tests, but for my own education. If I want to know how cell respiration works, I'll learn it with no procrastination or whining. I'm quiet but not anti-social. Being quiet reduces the chances of drama but once in a while, I need those random chats. I'm different but not bizarre. Crime shows are my favorite but at the same time, eradication of all crime is my hope. I'm nice but not fake. If I have something to say, it'll be with no hesitation or disloyalty. I love nature but also my technology. I would rather play sports outside than video games inside but a power blackout is enough to give me a panic attack. I'm stubborn to my opinions yet flexible to everyone else's.

These conflicting characteristics of mine are only few examples of how unique I am. I've had experiences that students my age may have only read or heard about. I spent my summers in a place where there's limited water and electricity. I watched the birth of a calf from a three feet distance. I slept whole nights entirely covered under blankets to avoid lizards falling on my face. I drove stick in India, where traffic rules seem to be nonexistent. Individually, these experiences might seem typical but together, they come to make an interesting and unique individual: me.

Don't let the dark shades of my attire fool you but inside, I might as well be a rainbow. (Excuse the bad attempt at a joke.) I'm the perfect example of the clichĂŠ "don't judge a book by its cover". At first glance, I will be the quiet girl who smiles and giggles at everything but doesn't utter a single word. After a while, I will be the girl who intervenes once in a while to agree saying, "I know right!" Get to know me for couple more days and I will be the girl who cracks jokes on herself just to get the other person laughing. But if you stick with me long enough, I will be the girl who brings a smile to your face on your bluest day and catches you when you get off balance. I might seem black and white at first: either I talk or I don't. But time is all you need to see the room painted with a mosaic of colors behind the black and white wall.
karizma101   
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Chinese poetry; Stanford Supp - intellectual vitality and Chinese [8]

There are few grammatical errors but the idea is very good! Maybe you can talk about how learning the language affected your life. Did you ever had to use the language outside class and how did that affect you? How did you become more intellectual? Consider these questions.

Overall, it was concise and well written (other than grammar mistakes/sentence structures) If you tweak it enough, I think it will really good!

Good luck!! :)
karizma101   
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / "The Notebook" UVA Supp; (Discuss something you secretly like but...) [9]

I think you should add the humor parts. They added a nice touch to the essay. Another thing I would talk about is how The Notebook affected you personally. Like how did the life lessons about love and perseverance affect your life. Was there an instance where you found inspiration from Notebook?

Hope that helped! But overall, it was a wonderful essay. Very unique and interesting. You are a great writer!

GOOD LUCK!
karizma101   
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Happiness matters to me; Stanford supplement [6]

PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS PROMPT. I had no idea what to write about so i just typed what came to my mind. Harsh criticism plz

Prompt: What matters to you and why?

Well, that's a very broad question. Some days, everything matters to me while on the other days, nothing matters. For example, there are times when I convince myself that the reason of my existence is to savor the delicious taste of food. But there are also times when I'm the philosophically perfect citizen whose ultimate desire is global peace and end of starvation. My priorities in life are not always constant and the things that matter to me change according to those priorities. A disappointing grade on a test might make education matter but disappointed parents might make family matter. Heartwarming notes from peers might make friends matter but heart-rending pictures of starving children might make ending world hunger matter. I'm not ashamed of my fluctuating concerns in life because they exemplify the range of perspectives I carry and my ability to focus on many parts of life at once. But when it comes down to it, what really matters to me is my happiness. When I'm happy, I feel like I'm invincible. Happiness allows me to be a Hercules challenging the Greek gods or a Jew standing up to a Hitler. It allows me to look forward towards the future rather than to ponder over the past. It allows me to appreciate my life and avoid self-deprecation and regrets. So what makes me happy? Everything, like I mentioned above, ranging from gaining knowledge and making my parents proud to hanging out with my friends or helping for a bigger cause. If my family and friends are happy, I'm happy. If I'm fighting for something I believe in and doing something I like, I'm happy. I know I'll be happy when I'm at Stanford because I'll be studying what I wish, how I wish, and where I wish. I will be able to tackle the many priorities in my life at once, giving me the ultimate happiness.

It def needs tweaking but does the idea work?
Thank you!
karizma101   
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / MY INTEREST ON STATISTICS-Cornell essay [13]

you got really nice advice and corrections above. I would def follow them.

It was a good essay overall but you were just listing facts/details. It would be much more personal if you added some of your own voice and experiences in there.
karizma101   
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Huzzah! + Piano - Standford Supplements [5]

LOVED the first essay! it sounded just like you and not forced. I can tell that you have very energetic and appreciative personality and those are very good qualities that colleges will be looking for. I wouldn't change anything. It's perfect!

The second is also very very well written but I feel like, at times, it seems too cliche. But there were parts that were very unique to you so maybe it's balanced. I would suggest a stronger ending. Maybe switch the last two sentences?

Good luck!!
karizma101   
Dec 24, 2012
Undergraduate / Dealing with people; Stanford / Intellectual vitality [16]

You have two ideas in your first essay. One of them is about adults not being perfect and the other is about your personality that doesn't get influenced easily. I would pick one of these and develop that using ONE important event/experience regarding that idea.

plz help with mine? thanks
karizma101   
Dec 24, 2012
Undergraduate / " We are to conquer the world in pairs " ; Letter to future roommate [10]

If you see a South Asian guy wearing a back pack full of books and wearing a FC Barcelona shirt and soccer shoes, looks neat and tidy, and seems to just have taken a shower then stop right there because you have found me.

parallelism is working against you in this sentence. for example, you are saying "wearing" but change to "looks" and "seems". Either change them into "looking" and "seeming" or change "wearing" to "who wears". I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

but other than that, i think this is a very unique and interesting essay! I love it!

Good luck!! and plz help with mine? the intellectual vitality one?
karizma101   
Dec 24, 2012
Undergraduate / "Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis"; Stanford supplement- Intellectual vitality [5]

Prompt: Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

My eyes snapped open and I sat up straighter. A huge, silent yawn escaped my mouth before I had the time to stop it. My AP Biology teacher appeared to be still lecturing gene expression, for about the tenth time in the past five classes. It's the same process every day: transcription, RNA splicing, translation, and post-translational modification. Just as my eyes were about to close against my brain's orders, my teacher said something different.

"Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis, or PGD, allows the manipulation of genes that transcript the embryo's physiology such as gender, eye color, hair color, and complexion. And not too far in the future, parents will also have the option to dictate the embryo's athletic, intellectual, and artistic ability", he said in the same bored, monotonous voice. Oh cool. Designer babies. I thought to myself. My teacher continued, "It has allowed thousands of couples to dodge some of the world's deadliest genetic disorders. Today, in-vitro fertilization clinics across the globe are offering these services."

At home, I stood in front of my parent's 6-feet long mirror. The girl staring back at me is rather disproportionate with short, bulky legs and a slim torso. Her bushy hair is twice as large as her face, which has its own imperfections. If my parents had the choice of PGD, would they have designed a girl with flawless skin, silky hair, and the hourglass body? Or would her intellectual abilities compensate for her physical errors? All of a sudden, I saw the future with a mixture of technological robots that resemble humans and designer humans that behave like robots. Is this what our world is working towards: a more extreme homogenous population? Isn't the world globalized enough already? While my thoughts might be passionate and scientifically inaccurate, they help me get through the day. It's these thoughts that question behaviors and actions. It's these thoughts that help me look past someone's physical "flaws". They make me a better person and in some ways, a more intellectual one.
karizma101   
Dec 24, 2012
Undergraduate / Dealing with people; Stanford / Intellectual vitality [16]

ok the voice/tone for the roommate essay is perfect as it should be very casual and personal. But I would strongly recommend changing your voice to a more professional and sophisticated one for the other two essays. All three essays need revision on grammar and sentence structure. They got confusing at times.

The first essay was all over the place. You need to find a focus and write about that. Your essay was very amateur and "child-like", almost like you are whining? Idk how to describe but def. change the essay so that it's about your INTELLECTUAL development and not an emotional one. Your idea is very good but it just needs a little more development in terms of sentence flow.

Hopefully this helps but I really like the ideas for all of them. GOOD LUCK! :)
karizma101   
Dec 24, 2012
Undergraduate / "He, who opens a school door, closes a prison";Stanford Sup/ What matters to you& [5]

First of all, thank you for helping with my stanford essay!

Overall, it was a very powerful and intense essay but I think you need it make it more personal. Unless you are a very serious and passionate guy, the voice of the essay can be tweaked a little. But it was very well written and it felt really professional. Good luck to you too! :)
karizma101   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / At a glance, I'm a quiet girl who smiles & giggles / Stanford supp; Roommate Letter [6]

It is very informal but I think it captures my voice the best. Harsh criticism is welcome

Prompt: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Dear future roommate,
I feel like it's only right that I caution you of my strangeness now before you get bombarded by it the first you meet me. At first glance, I will be the quiet girl who smiles and giggles at everything but doesn't utter a single word. After a while, I will be the girl who intervenes once in a while to agree, saying, "I know right!" Get to know me for couple more days and I will be the girl who cracks jokes on herself just to get the other person laughing. But stick with me long enough, I will be the girl who brings a smile to your face on your bluest day and catches you when you get off balance. In a nutshell, I'm the perfect example of the cliche "don't judge a book by its cover". I'm honest but not blunt. I only speak the truth or just be quiet. While I enjoy listening to music, I would rather act to it or dance it out. It helps me escape reality and find that temporary bliss. Dancing to those Bollywood songs gives me a rush of euphoria so be ready to jam out at the most random times! I study, not for tests, but for my own education. If I want to know how cell respiration works, I'll learn it. I'm quiet but not anti-social. Being quiet reduces the chances of drama but once in a while, I need those random chats. I'm different but not bizarre. Crime shows are my favorite but at the same time, eradication of all crime is my hope. I love nature but also my technology. I would rather play sports outside than video games inside but a power blackout is enough to give me a panic attack. I'm stubborn to my opinions yet flexible to everyone else's so don't mistake me for zealot. The only favor I'm asking of you is to stick with me until my shell breaks open. If you are smiling at the end of this letter, I know we will be great friends! Can't wait to meet you!

-*name*
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳