Undergraduate /
I was standing in a 324 mts tall structure; CENTRAL TO IDENTITY [3]
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.I just stood there. My eyes looking forward: paralyzed yet ecstatic. The beautiful panorama in front of me extended broadly and covered all my eyesight. It was a remarkable sunset. One I would never forget, for sure.
Although the beauty of the scenery captivated me, I could not ignore the fact that I was standing in a 324 mts tall structure. I took a deep breath as I quickly glanced at the floor, standing profound beneath me. Mere seconds were necessary for the disturbing sensation to spread from my stomach to my entire body. I shivered.
"Vertigo is not the fear to the height."- said Alejandro, staring at my trembling. "It is the insatiable temptation to fall, from which we defend ourselves completely frightened". He was quoting Kundera.
I looked back at him. His quote sounded poetic and mysterious: it was like it concealed a secret message. I thought about it for a second. If I was perfectly secure behind the bard, then what was my real fear?. All of a sudden I remembered. They came to me like forgotten memories, captured between the lines of shame and pain.
And I saw the kid who had beaten me in four moves at my first chess contest ever. I saw Alba Rocío, my 8th grade teacher, reproving my Spanish essays. I saw myself struggling with my bat robot, and the sparkles that popped up after mixing up the lines of positive and negative. I saw Solano receiving the Maxima Cum Laude. I saw myself falling.
"I cannot look down."-I said. "I'm afraid that I might fall".
"If you ever want to learn fly you will have to learn to fall first."-he replied. And I thought of Icarus facing his abysmal prison, taking a jump to freedom: a flight that would earn the fame of the centuries. He had risked everything he had for his goals, I thought. So can I.
In that moment I finally understood. I would have never earned a fifth place in UNCOLI's chess championship if I have not learned from the kid who beat me in four moves. I might have cried for my bad Spanish grades but I would cherish the lessons that would make me a better writer. Even though I had screwed my first robots I learned electronics, the necessary skill to develop my own robotics projects in the future. I had lost the Cum Laude when it was my main objective, but I won it when I finally discovered that the reward was not the prize itself, but the knowledge and skills earned from dedication and hard work. I had become a resilient person, eager to take risks and to rise up if necessary.
My vertigo was never the fear to the failure. It was the fear to the conformism, to the possibility that it would be easier for me to stand in the floor and never rise up. But as humans even though we might not have the power to control our own destiny we do can choose the attitude we held towards circumstances. And I chose to fight my failures, I chose to rise up.
I finally looked down. The 19th century buildings seemed to shine brighter. And I stared in delight the beautiful Paris crowded with tourists, yet still and frozen in time. I felt happy. My vertigo had vanished and I had uncovered the nature of my true identity. But far more importantly, I was enjoying the view, for the first time.
