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Posts by haneom94
Joined: Dec 27, 2012
Last Post: Dec 27, 2012
Threads: 4
Posts: 7  
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From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 11
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haneom94   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Wake Forest; God is not a loving God - argument for position you do not personally support [2]

Make a rational argument for a position you do not personally support. For clarity, please state your true opinion first and then argue the opposite position. Consider an issue that has affected you personally.

I believe that God is a loving God.

The argument of Christians that God is a loving God is not evidenced from the events that go on in the world. It is universally agreed that killing of the innocent and taking advantage of the weak is immoral. However, suffering permeates everyone's lives, whether good or bad. For example, natural disasters ruin and destroy hundreds and thousands of people. The earthquake that hit Haiti a couple of years ago are still debilitating the people from being able to function properly. There were more innocent lives than the wicked that were killed that day and onward. The God who created and controls all things did not stop the innocent from dying in this event, or generically, in events of the past. Millions of more people die and suffer from diseases and the actions of foul people. Fundamentally, God created the natural order of society by natural selection, with the strong surviving and the weak dying. This natural tendency of "survival of the fittest" created people like Adolf Hitler. The whole system God created is warped so that these killings and sufferings never stop. The amount of evil that goes around in the world cannot point to a loving God.
haneom94   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / "Ideas worth spreading"/ Columbia/ "Meaningful" [5]

You don't talk about why that book/topic is interesting to you. You scratch at it towards the end, but you need to elaborate more on why it is significant for you personally.
haneom94   
Dec 27, 2012
Writing Feedback / Christmas & continuity of traditions; Stanford/ What matter to you and why? [4]

Your Christmas essay was very warm and fuzzy :)
Your roommate note, however, felt disorganized and very list-y, if you know what I mean. I feel like anyone else could say what you said; if you could personalize it more, or even focus on one point, I think it would make your note a lot smoother and better to remember.
haneom94   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Biggest student volunteer groups; Emory Supplement_Why Emory? [2]

What are the unique qualities of Emory University, and the specific school(s) to which you are applying (Emory College of Arts and Sciences, Oxford College, or both), that make you want to become part of Emory University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified? Please limit your response to 250 words.

Growing up, I have experienced discrimination and loneliness, and I see the world in a different way than many other people. Being raised as an immigrant has broadened my eyes to connect with other people who are also suffering, and I learned to use this connection to not only empathize with other people, but to help them. This desire to help others, along with my dual identity as a Korean and an American, fueled my interest in international relations and community service. So when I found that Emory has one of the biggest student volunteer groups in the nation, my interest in Emory peaked. Reaching out and giving back to the community is a big part of my passion, and Emory's spirit of giving and the way this school's education is based on service to others makes me want to become a part of this University. Even more, it is exciting that the Emory's College of Arts and Sciences offers an Honors Program in the Political Science Department, because this program allows me to conduct my own research in my specialized field. This will personalize my education and make me more independent in learning; my current school focuses on research in math and science, but I have always wanted to expand my education through research. Furthermore, through Emory's principles of serving the community through higher education, I have no doubt that I will truly become a person that contributes to doing good in the lives of the global world.
haneom94   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / My qualities; UIUC App/ Something more [3]

I thus, feel that these qualities I possess, always have and will always be instrumental, in improving and pushing me forward as a student, who wants to achieve a lot.

That sentence structure is... questionable. Too many commas and the main point of your sentence gets lost.
How about: "Thus, these qualities I possess will further improve and push me as a student." It makes your point clear and concise.
haneom94   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / highest quality of education; U Chicago/ How UChicago satisfy you? [2]

Your essay seems to praise UC a lot, and while that's fine, I don't think you relate it with yourself often enough. Colleges know what they do and have, but they want to see why you are pursuing them. Make it more personal - provide examples and change the focus to you.
haneom94   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Understanding each other; Cornell Supplement_Intellectual Interest [2]

College of Arts and Sciences:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

Tktktktk...tktktktktktk" The wheels of the eight black immigration bags moaned loudly on the floor of the entryway of the airport, and almost automatically, all eyes within fifty feet turned to see the ominous 5-foot-tall monsters my family was carrying. These bags easily towered over the eight year old me at that time, but I could still see the stares of people of all sorts of colored hair and the most electrifying eyes I had ever seen before. Thinking about it now, we probably looked like the crazy ones, lugging eight bags of who-knows-what. However, looking at eyes and hair that were far too colorful to be human, this was the first time I truly felt like I was different. I was afraid, but all the same, I couldn't get away from their mesmerizing faces. Strangely, I yearned to connect myself with them, and the differences only made me want to learn more about them.

On the first day of school, I met a girl who epitomized my fantasies and my fears - a natural chatterbox with blonde hair and blue eyes. She talked to me incessantly, personally making it her responsibility to teach me English. I soon realized that even though we looked different and had different cultures, there was a hum of harmony between us as we started to blend our lives together. I slowly evolved to a Korean American, and my knowledge and interest for the global world deepened with this change.

Fascination with foreign people only sparked my interest in government and international studies. This spark smoldered as I soon learned about discrimination through middle school, where I was shunned because I was Asian as well as a pastor's kid. However, the hurt I felt turned into a connection with others who were also suffering from their own circumstances in life - whether that was discrimination or loneliness. I want to help these people, as others helped me in my time of need. I remember a quiet Hispanic girl who invited me to sit at her lunch table, whose simple gesture of kindness showed me the importance of selfless giving.

Likewise, I agree with Mario Einaudi's mission that "we humans need to understand each other better." If someone did not help me in my time of need I would be here today; there are many more around the world who need help. I have only experienced a small bit of the suffering that goes on, but I want to use my experiences to help others. Cornell's Center for International Studies constantly strives to improve people's lives through transnational education, and this is the type of environment I want to learn under. I believe that it is my calling and my mission to use my passion and interest in the global world to make a difference. I will fight alongside Cornell in the front lines battling international problems, and through its principles of serving the community through higher education, I have no doubt that I will truly become a person that contributes to doing good in the lives of the global world.
haneom94   
Dec 27, 2012
Writing Feedback / I am unsure of my exact future study plans; Cornell Arts and Sciences App [4]

Your essay feels all over the place for me. It seems like you're flippantly going from one topic to another without any smooth transition.

In the first paragraph, try to connect your interests together (and going into the second). The second paragraph is good with your interest in international students showing with personal examples, but I still think it could use better organization.

Also, isn't Cornell's essay topic on how your academic interests grew and how you intend to use Cornell? I don't think you focus much on the first prompt. Expand on how your interests in a specific topic grew over time and concentrate your details on that.

Much luck to you!
haneom94   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Neuroscience/ Helpful & Empathetic; Johns Hopkins Supp ; Pursue what?/ You [4]

I think that the first essay is pretty solid with background and goals.
The second essay was okay with helping people and all that, but it didn't seem personal to me. You also sounded like you try too hard to help people rather than you enjoying it. If you could possibly put more of your passion and desire to help people and explain why, I think it would make your paragraph a lot stronger :)

Solid job!
haneom94   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / "Well, look at us"; Harvard Supplement_Letter to Roommate [2]

I would greatly appreciate all help <3

Roomie,

Well, look at us - on our way to one of the most renowned school in the world... And here I am, casually listening to music like nothing happened. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of emotions going on right now. But it's difficult to say if I'm more anxious of the unknown or if I'm so excited for the possibilities of the future. Whichever it is, or if it's both, music seems to be the only thing that's able to express my emotions right now.

Currently, I keep on switching between the songs "Stop the Train" by John Mayer or "Taking Chances" by Celine Dion. One says to slow down and go back to what things used to be while the other urges me to keep on moving forward and take risks. For me, these two songs are coalescing in my mind right now. I can hear the notes merging and majors chords stretching to augmented and dissonant chords as I combine these songs together. The B-minor that transitions into D-major in "Taking Chances" would go great with the starting of the "Stop the Train"... But I'm getting carried away, like usual. Whenever I play music or even listen to a song that pleases my ears, I go in a different world - heads up, this is a forewarning before meeting me :) I love taking music apart and rebuilding it back up in my mind; it's something that has always made me happy and free.

Music makes sense to me, and I find refuge in playing and listening to music whenever I hit a wall or something I can't understand. This habit began from another big change that I experienced 10 years ago when I moved to the United States from Korea. Korea is located on the opposite end of the world, as you probably already know, and the people and the culture are... completely different than Americans and the American culture. The people were different (yellow hair and green eyes... what? Everyone looked like an alien.) and the language was awful here. I couldn't understand anything and so I retreated to the world of music. Before, I had only played the piano because my mom forced me to (typical Asian mothers) but then this skill became my biggest asset and friend in a foreign country. I could talk through music and others understood me.

As a pastor's kid, I've gone to nursing homes and hospitals where death and disease permeates the mood and atmosphere. But playing at these places have made me grateful for being here and having a talent to share. I'm able to help others through music, and I think that is an irreplaceable blessing. Seeing grandmothers shed tears of gratitude or reminiscence when I play for them is absolutely unforgettable, and I cannot help but feel deeply connected to everyone I play for. Music grows deep connections between people and society, and I've realized that it's a powerful tool in communicating with people.

I started to open up to people because of music, and I would be more scared than excited to meet you very soon if it wasn't for it. But as I'm listening to music and wondering which accompaniment of the left hand would go best with the melody, I have to say that I am way more ecstatic about meeting you than nervous. Very much so. I'm hoping you love music as dearly as I do, but even if you don't, it's okay. My love of music will be sufficient for the both of us. However, when we get a chance, I want to jam out with you whether you're musical or not - it doesn't matter. Music has a way of speaking to everyone in a personal way, and it can be our roomie-bonding time moments, along with many other things we both enjoy doing.

Thanks for listening to my words all the way through,
It really means a lot to me!

Much love,

Kelly
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