Undergraduate / Contribution to Petroleum-based economy/I'm a geek;U Southern California(Engineering) [4]

Hey,

Would love to get feedback on the following two essays. They're due today, so I really need to get them done as soon as possible. I would be happy to help back.

1) How do you plan to use your engineering degree to benefit society?

Coming from a country whose economy is petroleum-based, I want to employ my education in engineering to refine that wealth while also contributing to its development in other areas. I want to make Saudi Arabia less dependent on oil and explore other resources. By studying engineering at the University of Southern California, I can contribute in many of the newly-introduced industries in the country. I want to help the world, and my society is the place to start.

2) Some people categorize engineers as geeks or nerds. Are you a geek, nerd, or neither? Why?

From my perspective, the words "geek" and "nerd" are light-years away from one another. Nerd is used to describe a person who fails to maintain the proper balance between their academics and social life; putting their education as their top priority at all times. The result is usually a socially-awkward, highly-intelligent introvert. Geek, on the other hand, is used to describe a person who is holistic but has a passion for something peculiar. A geek is usually fairly balanced and socially-involved but still a bit quirky. They're the fun, more practical version of a nerd. Geeks have unusual interests or activities that distinguish them from their peers. They can be as ridiculous as wearing mismatched socks, or as common and run-of-the-mill as playing a first-person shooter. I, like most engineers, am a geek.

Undergraduate / Extracurricular programs/ Research in the Bio Sciences; U Michigan: Unique qualities [2]

Hey! Here is my supplement essay for the University of Michigan. I am applying to the engineering school, and I answered the prompt below accordingly. I desperately need feedback on this essay because I want to submit my application as soon as possible. Thanks in advance!

-Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the speci#c undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree
programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests?

All three of my older sisters chose to pursue degrees in medical majors. Consequently, I started reading about many different majors that incorporate biology and medicine, including engineering. I had always been fascinated by the continuous breakthroughs of technology. For instance, I would have never imagined that there would be a transition from a 130nm semiconductor node to another 22nm one in only twelve years. I had always enjoyed mathematical problems and loved numbers. My interest in engineering grew as I started to view its disciplines in depth.

I had read many articles and watched many videos relating to applications of engineering. I was in Disneyland when I saw a demonstration of Honda's robot, Asimo. Seeing the sophisticated movements of the robot made me ponder upon the possible ways in which robots could be utilized to make our lives easier. I developed an interest in robotics.

As I learned more about robotics, I came across the term "feedback control", which is one of the main concepts implemented in bipedal robots like the Honda robot, Asimo. It sparked my curiosity, so I decided to read more about it. I came to realize that it is one of the main concepts of control systems. I started teaching myself about basic control systems, one of the main branches of mechanical engineering, mostly by reading books like Kuo's and Golnaraghi's Automatic Control Systems and going through online articles. I learned about closed loop systems as well as the different types of controllers. Some of the concepts were harder to grasp than others, especially those reliant on fundamentals of engineering; such as the use of step responses to evaluate a system's BIBO stability. I derived great pleasure from reading about robotics, and it is the main reason why I became fond of control systems. I knew that mechanical engineering engineering was ideal for me.

Extracurricular programs like Saudi Aramco's Summer Program Special and University of Chicago's Research in the Biological Sciences exposed me to the practical side of engineering. The former acquainted me with the work environment present in labs and power plants, and the latter introduced me to intensive research. Upon completing those two programs, I knew that engineering was ideal for me.

Coming from a country whose economy is petroleum-based, I want to employ my education in engineering to explore other resources and make it less dependent on oil. By studying mechanical engineering at the University of Michigan, I can contribute in newly introduced industries in the country, such as the automobile industry. I wish that I can work along with pioneers in the field of control systems like professor Jessy Grizzle and partake in the further development of the amazing MABEL robot. MABEL had an impact on my decision to become a future Wolverine.

NOTE: I realize that my essay does not fully answer the prompt, and that is why I was hoping you could give me suggestions on how I could possibly improve it.

Undergraduate / Petroleum-based country/ Freedom of Choice; Indicated Areas/ Brown Curriculum [3]

Hey, guys. Here are two of the bazillion essays that Brown requires. Would love to get feedback on both, or either and proof-reading if possible. I promise to help back what whatever essays you need help with. Thanks in advance!

-Why are you drawn to the area(s) of study you indicated? (300 character limit)

Coming from a country whose economy is petroleum-based, I want to employ my education in engineering to refine that wealth and contribute to my country's development, specifically, in the technological industry. I want to enrich my country's resources and make it less dependent on oil.

-A distinctive feature of the Brown Curriculum is the opportunity to be the architect of your education. Why does this academic environment appeal to you? (700 character limit)

It can be tempting to lose oneself in the freedom of choice for which Brown's curriculum is famous. However, this quality is ideal for me since I have a main interest in mind.

With engineering as my main area of interest, I plan to pick a course selection that is mainly focused in science and mathematics. I am a fan of prose and poetry, and the interdisciplinary aspect of the curriculum will quench that thirst and feed my intellectual curiosity.

The atmosphere that is accompanied by Brown's style of academics forces the students to stimulate each other intellectually.
The flexibility of academics, brilliant students and hands-on opportunities I seek are unique to Brown.

-We all exist within communities or groups of various sizes, origins, and purposes; pick one and tell us why it is important to you, and how it has shaped you. (1000 character limit)

^ I don't fully understand this prompt. Is it like the "describe the world you come from" questions from other supps or is it more general?

Undergraduate / The Rubik's Cube ; Common App Essay/ Significant experience/ achievement [4]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

I was at a bookstore with my friends not too long ago; they bet me that I couldn't solve a
Rubik's cube in less than 2 minutes. Despite having never tried my hand at one, I was willing to
give it a shot. I bought it, only to stow it away and forget all about it. Nearly 5 months later, I
was going wandering our new home in Riyadh. My books had yet to be unpacked, the internet
had not yet been installed and my room had barely any furniture in it. My boredom led me right
to my old Rubik's cube.

I stayed up until 3AM that night trying to come up with patterns to help me solve the
cube faster. I was obsessed. I carried it with me everywhere. After about a week, I was able to
beat the challenge.

I was ecstatic about beating the challenge, but I was even happier with how I beat it. I
learned how to search for, get a hold of, and use the necessary resources to make achieving my
goal possible. With time and effort, I did it.

Since then, the Rubik's cube has changed how I view people. It has influenced my
interpretation of human interactions and how the world works. It made me value the importance
of unity and teamwork. No matter what color or location the blocks are, they're all connected to
the core. There will be moments where everything is a mess and out of place, but when working
together it's only a matter of time and patience before everything clicks into place.

The more time spent solving the cube, the more I started noticing its similarities to the
world; the core never changes. The elements surrounding it move around until they reach the
place that makes it perfect. In this analogy, I was the middle piece, and the problems within my
life were the different, colorful sides that surrounded it. I came to understand that there are
several ways a person can approach a situation. Just as there are different methods that can be
used before an illness is cured, there are multiple combinations in which the blocks of a Rubik's
cube can be placed before it is solved. There's always a solution, you just have to keep turning
those blocks-trying different methods-until all the blocks eventually line up and the problem
is solved. The key is to keep trying.

The most valuable lesson I learned throughout this experience is that achievements could
start from anywhere. No matter how impossible a feat seems, it can be accomplished if you take
the right steps and move in the right direction. This side of me influenced my decision on
choosing to pursue an education in engineering. I see engineering as a way to solve problems
with creativity. Upon solving the Rubik's cube, I realized that my strategic and organized
approach to life will help me become a successful engineer.

Please please please PLEASE proof read and criticize. With the deadline being tonight and still having a few more essays to write, I need all the help all can get with this one.

Thanks!

Undergraduate / Hi, I'm Ibrahim! ; Stanford Roommate [4]

Hi, I'm Ibrahim! I thought I'd let you know a few things about me before spending my first year in Stanford with you. The concept of living in the same room with another person is not unusual to me. I have been sharing a room with my sister all my life until I moved to Philadelphia, where I shared an apartment with my friend. I am pretty systematic when it comes to tidiness, so you will rarely find my things laying around on the floor. However, having roomed with a very messy friend, I'm completely tolerant if you're laidback in that sense. I hope you like video games, because I love them. I enjoy single-player RPG games, but multi-player fighting games like Tekken are my favorites. If you don't like video games, it's okay because I also like card games. My favorite is Baloot; a Saudi card game that depends on memory and prediction. I'll be glad to teach you how to play it. I love food and I take it a bit more seriously than I should. I cook, and -dare I say- am quite good at it. I usually cook Arabic food, so here's a heads up that our room might smell funky (in a good way) at times. The reason I love cooking so much is because the scents trigger many of my memories. I tend to associate memories with what I smell. For example, the smell of coconut reminds me of my sister; she had a coconut-scented lotion that she applied every day. While my I consider my family as the most important part of my life, my friends come in at a close second. I'm pretty social, so you'll find me hanging around with new friends or Skyping old ones often. I am crazy about adventures and I always like to try new things. Whether it's as simple as trying out a new restaurant, or as extreme as jumping off a plane. At the same time, though, I enjoy spending time alone reading or writing my thoughts down.

Despite how much I'll miss my family and friends, I can't wait to share a year full of adventures and memories to keep. See you later -or as we say in Saudi- ma'a al-salama!

I would love for you to proof-read my essay and criticism is always welcome! Deadline is tonight so please help!

Thanks!

Undergraduate / I have been living the dream; it's time to share it ! -Stanford [4]

So I only recently decided to apply to Stanford. I am done with most of the supplement except for two essays. I plan to recycle one (or two) of my essays for the other schools. Here is one:

"Soon after they started their careers, my parents made enough money to move to the Khozama District in Riyadh, one of the most affluent neighborhoods in Saudi Arabia. People can get caught up in the fast-paced, money-driven lifestyle of Northern Riyadh, but it is a great place to grow up. It radiates a sense of tranquility, comfort, and security.

As a child I thought everyone had it this good, but overtime I came to realize that many others do not retain that lifestyle. There are people who work until their feet bleed for a meal, whereas I had always taken food for granted. There are people that cannot attend college, despite their excellence, while I only have to worry about my acceptance. It saddened me that some people had not been as blessed as I was; and I wanted to change that.

I believe that one could only attain their full potential if they embraced others and shared the fruit of their success. That is why I started giving presentations about research to the younger students in my school; I wanted to expose them to the same opportunities that I had.

Many of the people in my community are successful. My personal definition of success is being where you want to be in life while also helping others get there with you. An example of success has been presented to me and I want to obtain that success. I have been living the dream; it's time to share it."

I would appreciate notes on the essay. But more importantly, I need you to suggest which of the three essay prompts it fits best.

1. Stanford students possess intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

2. Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate-and us-know you better.

or 3. What matters to you, and why?

Thanks!

Undergraduate / Living alone has taught me to become more independent; Gap Year [2]

I graduate high school in 2012 and am currently applying for schools to enroll in fall of 2013. I am taking a gap year, which is basically a year in between high and university that a lot of international students take to better ready them for college. I need it proof-read because I barely have any time to work on the gazillion other essays I am assigned. Here it is:

After my high school graduation, I was enrolled in King Abdullah University of Science and Technology's KAUST Gifted Student Program (KGSP). KAUST is a new world-class postgraduate research university located in Saudi Arabia, globally attracting top STEM field faculty and student talent. The KGSP scholarship was established to assure a source of highly talented Saudi graduates, holding bachelor's degrees from leading undergraduate programs, for its masters of Science degree programs. I was among the top secondary school graduates in 2012 to receive this prestigious award which includes a year of foundation postsecondary training and four years of undergraduate study in the United States.

I am currently enrolled in a foundation year program at University of Pennsylvania that ultimately prepares students for success at a STEM bachelor degree program in the U.S. Coursework focuses on preparation for university admission tests, review of math skills, strengthening of English language skills, freshman level science courses, academic English, time management and critical thinking skills. This will help me in many ways since I studied high school completely in Arabic. Taking academic courses in English will help me such that it will not be something I will need to get used to once I'm enrolled in college.

My first semester, which started in September and ends in December, focuses mainly on TOEFL and SAT test preparation, advanced English, and math. I have taken the SAT and TOEFL tests and I plan to take the SAT in December and January.

The second semester, which starts in January and ends in May, will consist of an advanced academic writing course, a Calculus course and a non-credit, college-level science course with lab. The academic writing course will focus solely on teaching me how to write academic essays and research papers more efficiently; a key skill that I will need in my studies. The science and Calculus courses will take place at the University of Pennsylvania. This will benefit me since I will be studying with current college students in an Ivy League university classroom environment. In addition, I will be exposed to a wide variety of lab techniques that I will be using in college.

Aside from academics, I have learned a lot upon spending my time here. Living alone has taught me to become more independent. I learned how to keep a balance between everyday chores and school. I manage my time much better than I used to. Also, living on the University of Pennsylvania campus has gotten me used to being surrounded by a college setting. I have met a lot of students and joined several clubs that the university offers. Doing so has made me an active element of the college community. This will strengthen my college experience because I will have already adapted to life on campus when I start school next fall.

Thanks in advance!