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Posts by CTHIMENYOR
Joined: Dec 30, 2012
Last Post: Jan 2, 2013
Threads: 1
Posts: 13  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 14
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CTHIMENYOR   
Jan 2, 2013
Undergraduate / "Everything happens for a reason." Helping Others [13]

Americanos!" a young Dominican boy said pointing to my classmates and me as we walked into the classroom ready to begin our lesson. Each student smiled widely and enthusiastically, eager to get to know the foreigners who would be teaching them English.

I was really confuse by the wording here because I couldn't tell who was teaching who English. And also because your "classmates were teaching "students" and those words are very interchangeable.

There are many different kinds of adversity people face whether it's materially, physically, mentally, or emotionally,

You should probably try to re word this sentence

Hope this helps
CTHIMENYOR   
Jan 1, 2013
Undergraduate / Worthless; Stupid; Failure, these words shackled every aspect of my life [5]

Worthless. Stupid. Failure. For as long as I can recall , these words shackled every aspect of my life. My parent'sparents' emotional abuse eroded away at who I was and individualwho I aspired to become. I struggled to release myself from the burden of their words. But as I try to earn their happiness, I found my own.

The pain that their words invoked cannot be articulated into words. These feelings haunted every fragment of my day. I could not escape their afflictions. For a long period of(sounds better without) time, I attempted to ignore the hurt. I shielded my battle with a smile. But, ignoring the problem did not deflect the pain.

Gradually, I became desperate not to allow their words to define me. So, I decided to take control. I walked into my freshman year with a mission: I would personify their concept of perfection. Subsequently, I sign up for as many clubs as I could and worked tirelessly in school. The results did not achieve their approval. But, I did gained much more.

My involvement in extracurricular activities set me to embark on a journey to attain my own approval. In participating in Best Buddies I unearthed my love for serving people. As I dedicated myself to helping others define their value, I have discovered the ability that I have that I have the ability to impact a life. This personal realization of worth was further developed in Mock Trial. Whether delivering an opening statement with pose or portraying a witness with enthusiasm, I have found my confidence in the courtroom. In Youth and Government I utilized I expanded that confidence. This program has given me several opportunities to present legislation with 655 fellow New York delegates in the Albany Capital chambers. Now, in my second year serving as a Presiding Officer I am confident in my beliefs and my values. MSG Varsity ignited my passion for educating the public. Directing, writing and reporting on stories in my school has brought me to a variety of places. From interviewing Senators in my school's library to Olympic athlete at Town Hall I am so very proud and honored by my accomplishments. In the capital, in the courtroom and in front of a camera I have found that wasn't there approval that I needed (if your talking about your parents in this sentence you shouldn't use promouns) ; I was my own.

In diving myself into these activities I have discovered my worth, intelligence and success. I still struggle with the noise. However, I have learned to appreciate the pain that I have survived through. My attempt to conquer my parents words shaped and molded me into a person that I am proud of today. Without that struggled, I would not have progressed. Through negating those words I found not only happiness but my purpose. The adversity the I faced, has taught me to perceive hardship as an opportunity to develop. I'm certain that there is more difficulty to come. I am ready to see what I can learn from these future trials.

There were only a few grammer mistakes, but overall good essay. Good Luck
CTHIMENYOR   
Jan 1, 2013
Undergraduate / "You are Not Special" ; Cornell Sup /Economics [15]

"You are Not Special"; Cornell- Interests/major

Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
CTHIMENYOR   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / I wanted them to be moved; UPenn Supp- Ben Franklin! [4]

I like the idea that you not are not only a person who move but also someone who moves the movable, but I think you should devote more space explaining why you are a person who moves. (If that was what you were going for)

I hope this helped. PS can you look at my essay.
CTHIMENYOR   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Education system in the US; Brown Sup; Academic environment [10]

After immigrating to America, I experienced a different educational system, one that gave me the flexibility and freedom to explore new subjects. The system in Spain, although effective, restricted/made me common/got rid of my individuality/generalized me considering my curriculum was decided by the government. (restricted me and got rid of my individuality this is because my curriculum was dictated by the government) What attracted me aboutto Brown University, among other things , was that I would continue to design and take control of my education with autonomy and encouragement. I may know what I want to study but that does not define who I am, because I am more than a science major student. I aim to take academic risks without fear of failure for I know and I am self-directed. (I am someone who is self-directed and aims to take academic risks without fear of failure) But if I do fail, I know I would have the options to rebuild it/my design. (re-do it my own way)

Red marks are grammar problems while blue marks are ways to make it sound better.
This essay is very good and will definitely stand out at Brown.
CTHIMENYOR   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / "You are Not Special" ; Cornell Sup /Economics [15]

College of Arts and Sciences: Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you.

I have a weakness for smart, funny, and inspirational YouTube videos. My favorite is the "You are Not Special" Commencement speech given by an English teacher named David McCullough. During his speech, Mr. McCullough urged his students that whatever they do in their lives, they do it "because you love it and believe in its importance." Ever since I heard that speech, I brushed aside all thoughts of majoring in biology or engineering, to focus on my most intense intellectual interest: economics.[..]
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