Poetry / Poem analysis writting sample for McNair Scholars Application. Grammar and sense check. [2]

Hello Guys,

Thank you so much for helping me, your help is greatly appreciated. What I'm looking for is any grammar / structure errors you may spot as well as anything that doesn't make sense to you, coherence of ideas, suggestions for improvement and critical thinking. I need this essay to be really good since it's for my application to enter the McNair Scholars Program which is a research grant basically.

If you want a little background, this is an essay I composed a couple of years ago for my English Composition II class. It is a poem analysis of the poem "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. I suggest that you DO NOT read the poem. You should be able to know what is talking about without having read the poem. That is basically the main reason why I'm submitting my essay in here.

Again, thank you so much!!

Uncertainty of Choices

We are individuals of free will - we make choices we deem appropriate to satisfy our needs, and we follow the paths we think will take us to our desired destinations. Unfortunately, it seldom is a simple process. Paths diverge, and, eventually, decisions become inevitable. At times, if we have some luck, we get to see hints that guide our decisions to follow a certain path. Perhaps it is the beauty of a waterfall, the comforting sound of the bird's chants to a sunny day, or the refreshing breeze of the summer's ocean waves. However, other times it is not quite that easy and making decisions can turn into a frightful event. It could go so far as to haunt us at night and force us to dwell in a foggy cloud of mixed feelings and blurry vision. Robert Frost uses symbols and metaphors in his poem, "The Road Not Taken," to talk about those paths: the ones that inevitably diverge and force us to look back and wonder where the other path would have taken us.

Frost's poem presents us with a very common dilemma everyone can identify with: choosing which path to follow in our lives. The first verse of the poem reads: "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both" (Frost page number #). Choosing a path from a diverged road is something that everyone is familiar with both literally and figuratively. Roads are very often analogized into making critical decisions over one's lifespan. From the very beginning, Frost makes sure that we understand that choosing both paths is not an option; hence, the fact of having to choose only one without knowing what awaits at the end of it is a rather undesired situation. Frost stresses the difficulty of making decisions that would essentially change the course of our lives forever.

Through the second stanza of the poem, Frost portrays the two roads that are, although differentiable from one another, essentially the same. He mentions he took the road that was more "Grassy, and wanted wear"(page number). This statement often misleads readers into thinking that this road had been less traveled than the other. However, he also mentions that "the passing there had worn them really about the same"(page number). Frost shows how his character was trying to find reasons to convince himself that one road was better than the other; when in reality, they were essentially the same. It is obvious that Frost's character found himself looking for something that did not exist, which was something that would make himself feel better.

The last stanza of the poem is perhaps one of the most misunderstood stanzas of all time, yet it is at the same time the one that culminates a whole life story in as little as five verses: "I shall be telling this with a sigh somewhere ages and ages hence; Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference" (page number). Although it looks like the author wanted to convey a comforting message of success and satisfaction, it is precisely the opposite that stands true for this poem. This last stanza makes the poem have the wonder many avid readers look for: a misleading message that only those who dare to submerge themselves in the hidden meaning of words will find. Frost is not fulfilled about having taken one road over the other; he had stated before that both roads were the same. Frost forces us to look into the future and know that at some point we will encounter ourselves with the disappointing and dark feeling of regret. In the future, once again, he will try to look for a reason to justify the choices he made, yet the not so comforting thought of wondering to where the other road leads will stay with us for the rest of our lives.

Robert Frost leaves one message, and it is not a message of bravery or fulfillment. It is a message of crude regret, and the fact that it is inevitable. It does not matter which road you choose, which paths you take, or which life choices you make; you will always look back to the past, sigh, and wonder what your life would have been like. Where would the other road have taken me? Certainly, curiosity not only kills cats. Libba Bray said in her book titled A Great and Terrible Beauty: "There are no safe choices, only other choices"(page number). Some things are just meant to be left to fate. Robert Frost wrote "The Road not Taken" to reflect on how haunting our thoughts can be. His use of symbolism to represent life choices as a path to be taken is subtle yet intimidating. Frost did make sure to leave one message clear: choices matter more than we think they do - they can shamelessly haunt us, endlessly follow us, and change our lives forever.

Writing Feedback / The 2nd Holocaust - Argumentative essay about Death Penalty. [2]

The 2nd Holocaust

"What says the law? You will not kill. How does it say it? By killing" -Victor Hugo, author of Les Miserables.

Capital punishment - also known as death penalty - is a legal process through which a person is put to death by a state as punishment for a crime. In the United States it's used almost exclusively for aggravated murders committed by mentally competent adults. This punishment is currently legal in 32 out of 50 states (64% of the U.S.A.). The righteousness of this method of punishment has been long debated by many. There are plenty of reasons stated about why capital punishment should or should not be abolished in the U.S. However, the death penalty is an act of inhumanity that should be abolished for it goes against our moral beliefs and does not accomplishes its purpose.

People in the U.S. might not be completely aware of the impact of capital punishment in this country. According to procon . org, 1188 people in the US was executed from 1977 through 2009, primarily by means of lethal injection. The average cost for a capital punishment case (including the killing process, trials, lawyers, and maximum security cells) is about 2 million dollars - 4 times the cost of keeping a prisoner in prison for a lifetime. This leads to a total of roughly two thousand million dollars spent since 1977 in capital punishment. Also, the murder rate in the U.S. is about 6 times greater than that of Britain, and 5 times than that of Australia. Curiously, neither of this two countries have capital punishment as a legal sentence. And within the U.S., Texas (which uses capital punishment as legal sentence), doubles the murder rate of Wisconsin (which does not use capital punishment).

Plenty of people supports the use of capital punishment in the U.S. They argue that a high percentage of our taxes goes to prisons and it's not fair giving murderers a "free" life - giving them shelter and food. Many others say that the abolishment of capital punishment would limit the government power. Also, they talk about how we would act the same way if the victim would've been a loved one. And perhaps it's somehow true, all of this, but it happens that it's actually more expensive to kill them than to keep them alive. It happens, also, that we would be giving the government god-like power. And sadly, it also happens that we look for "justice" when we get hurt, it's collective consciousness, and I understand it. However, revenge is not synonym of justice, and our history clearly shows how our ways of giving "solutions" to problems have not been the best ones.

The death penalty puts many, like me, to wonder where humanity is left at. If there is still any. What happens with those who were actually innocent and yet sentenced to death by mistake? There is no come back from it. What do we do, then? What do we tell to their families? Do we go ahead and erect an apologetic tombstone over their grave? "Sorry, we killed you by mistake, rest in peace..." Oh! But there are those who actually killed. Then, let's just go ahead and create a vicious cycle- killing those who kill, right? Should we get killed as well? Or we have such privileges to be the exception? What is the justification behind it? Justice? If that's what justice is supposed to be we might as well just go ahead and arouse a second holocaust, instead of Jewish, we'll kill "not deservers of life."

Capital punishment is not the way of making justice to those who kill and it should be abolished. It's clear that the system of rehabilitation in prisons is not the best one, but that's our fault. The death penalty is an act of inhumanity and it goes against our morals, our beliefs. It's an irony in our lives, and yet many support it passionately. There are certain human behaviors that I just cannot understand. Having the death penalty in my country confuses me- I don't really know if I should laugh at the irony, or just go ahead, sit in the darkest corner of my house, and cry.

I just need grammar/content/sense revising and feedback.

If you need help with yours just let me know (even though not everybody is a master in English Composition, it always comes handy that someone else reads your essay)

Thanks!

Writing Feedback / Definition essay: Relevant unimportance (Defining: " oxymoron" ) [2]

Hello, this is an essay for my English Composition college class. I really need to do GREAT on this, I haven't in my previous 2 essays and if I don't get a 100 in the next two I will not be able to reach an A.

Thank you very much for your help.

Relevant unimportance
Now a days, one can realize that life has turned to be a beautiful anarchy. Everything everyday seems a contradiction to everything. We probably many times become one as well. Perhaps is just that actually, we are an oxymoron.

The oldest available evidence of the use of "oxymoron" dates back to the 1640. At that time, because of the word's Greek roots, it was spelled as ὀξύμωρον. It's interesting that its Greek roots mean sharp and dull, making the word itself oxymoronic. The word oxymoron is a figure of speech and it refers to a contradiction of terms- like if words were to fight against each other. It creates emphasis, irony, and it's thought-provoking. The complete understanding of it is probably the most complex simplicity.

One of the beauties of the oxymoron is that it's exclusive. As Richard Watson said, "unless we sit back and really think, we happily accept them as normal English." An oxymoron carries serious, deep meaning when is understood, but its use is risky- many could let it go just as another nonsense phrase.

An oxymoron goes beyond being only a figure of speech. Just as a metaphor can create a more vivid image, an oxymoron can provoke deeper thoughts. It can also explain a complexity in such a beautiful way, that although it might not allow you to actually understand it, it will give you a pleasant time trying to do so. An oxymoron can make you laugh, realize, regret, or even feel touched. It is reality in the most surrealistic way.

As it's been said, life many times it's an oxymoron and we are as well. Plenty of the time we fight to achieve the saddest happiness, we love the suffering, and our 1 world is actually 7000 billion individual worlds. It's not wrong that it's like that, of course, because what's wrong is right and what's right is wrong, depending on the perspective. That's why we don't change besides knowing that we live in an oxymoron. War gives peace, and death might be life. Still, we remain the same, even though some say that change is the only constant. What's the point after all this? Anyway? To give the best definition of an oxymoron: life, indeed.

But of course, this essay might be seen as nothing else than another cliché of life being compared to whatever. It's very likely that it is. But hey! Just as Samuel Goldwing said, "whenever you're told a script is full of old clichés: let's have some new clichés." At the end, this goes as another read, relevant unimportance.

Writing Feedback / Process Analysis Essay-How to change a tire (Proofread, suggestions, improvement) [2]

How to change a tire
Picture this situation: you are driving in the middle of nowhere, heading to a very important meeting, when suddenly your tire goes flat and you realize you're screwed because you don't know how to change it! You have to make phone calls and wait for help, and in the mean time, you miss your meeting. Well, with this quick, step-by-step guide you can easily become a pro without any previous knowledge of an automobile. The following is the best guide for how to change a tire.

The very first thing you want to do is keep calm whenever the actual tire goes flat. Then, you need to pull off the road and out of the traffic flow (look for a level spot, it is unsafe to jack the car on an incline.) Next, you want to turn on your hazard lights. After that make sure you put the car in the "park" position if automatic transmission or put either first or reverse if standard transmission. Also, it's safer if you put heavy objects (such as rocks) in front of the front and back tires.

Gather your tools-you will need a jack, a spare tire (inflated properly) and a lug wrench (the star-shaped shiny tool that has holes for the lug nuts at the end of each point.) If you don't know where this tools are located, consult your owner's manual. If your vehicle has a hubcap over the tire, you want to remove that first. To do so you just pull it Off and away from the tire. Take the jack and place it behind the tire you are going to change (make sure you put it in a metallic surface, you don't want to ruin any plastic frame whenever you pump up the car.) Pump the jack up just a little bit so it supports but not lifts the car.

Use the lug wrench and loosen the nuts by turning counterclockwise. You don't want to take them off, only loosen them and break the resistance. By keeping the wheel on the ground you allow yourself to turn the nuts when you use the wrench and not turn the tire instead. If a nut is stuck you can use your body to turn the wrench (for instance making little jumps in it with your foot.) Once all of the nuts are loose, you can pump the car up using the jack. Remember to jack it up not only until you can pull the tire off, but until you'll be able to insert the spare one.

Finish removing the nuts and pull off the tire (it's better if you put your hands in the 3 O'clock and 9 O'clock position.) Insert the spare tire and push it all the way down. You now want to put the nuts on again and at first tighten them by hand and then by using the wrench (you only need to tight enough so the tire stays on its place while you lower the car.) Make sure that when you tight the nuts completely in the next step you do it in an evenly way (all the nuts at the same pressure.) A useful tip is going in a star shaped order (start with one, move to the opposite, and so on.) Jack the car down but don't let it rest only on the tire, instead leave the jack a little pumped as support. Finish tightening the nuts as tight as you can.

Finish pumping down the car and remove the jack. Get everything back to their proper location (including the flat tire below your car.) Recheck that you don't leave anything and that your tire is well fastened. You are good to go. Don't forget to get your tire repaired and to turn your hazard lights off. Have a nice meeting!

That's my essay. I really need a hundred ( I got a 60 on my last one and probably will get the same for the second one.) If I don't raise that grade things will get rerally bad. Thanks for your help guys!

By the way my teacher is nice but she DOES grade throughfully. The essay needs to be REALLY good to get a 100.

Writing Feedback / Waving thoughts; Narrative Essay (Revising and correcting) [4]

It's a homework assignment that got a 60 :( I got things like " run - ons" awkward sentence and stuff like that from my College English Composition Teacher, but I don't know how to not have this errors or how it should look like without them. I cannot turn in back for a grade, this is personal development, so no, you're not doing my homework... I know it's bad, I've been two years in the country and my English is still in progress, I don't want compasion for that but it's just so you know a why.

I appreciate immensely your help

Waving thoughts

Water, as plain and dull as it may seem, it has worlds submerged deeply into the darkness. I stare at it and its infinite motion and changing shape, the breeze hits my body kindly, the soft heat of the sun shines through my skin and I enjoy the calm and solitude of the beach, or that's what I want to think. I think about that day, and those other days, and many more, and I keep thinking trying to take away the thoughts themselves, because they hunt me and won't leave me alone, not since then.

Days were not much different from each other, but if there is something to highlight about them, it's those times with my hands clinging tight to bars, screaming for chances, and the end of those painful days when everything was surrounded by grey walls and a lack of windows. My memories were not enough punishment? I guess they were not, yet for me they would have been; even more than what I would ever be able to handle, I wouldn't need to spend 20 years to realize the damage ones can cause, the single hunting thought was sufficient to create nightmares, even with sunlight and solitude, and a beautiful beach.

The thoughts don't leave; my memories haven't been able to fade even after 20 years, each day they were submerging deeply in my mind, and my soul. It was one of those days in which the weather decides to be your best friend, I was young and wanted to have fun, just as any other teenager, and didn't realize that you are not the only one in danger when you cannot think clearly, or at all. The music was loud, and the thirstiness was fading away with a pretty much of alcohol and pineapple water, it was incredible, surrounded by that many people and dancing like it was no other day, it's funny, perhaps there wasn't.

Now the limit was from 500 to 650 words, and because I know that you probably (as my teacher) didn't get what was going on... The dude was in jail, 20 years, for the crime he commited, and the essay tried ( with no succes) to give out a moral message of how small things done without thinking can lead to awful consequences. The assignment was just to do a narrative essay.

Again... thank you

Undergraduate / Everything is about Choices- COMMON APP/ Hardships [10]

There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

Choices
There is a time in our life, when we realize that everything is about choices. We have the liberty of choosing how to live, how to reach, perhaps how to fall. I made the one who brought me here, and I could regret it, because it is been more difficult than I thought it could be, but I do not, because with time I learned to rise from the deepest hole, stronger, and wiser. My experience taught me that languages, economic resources, and lack of good education are not excuses, nor barriers. And if somebody asks, my answer is no, I am not stopping here.

Who would have known, that a letter would change my life forever? I received my appointment to the U.S. Consulate in Ciudad Juarez to finish with the process of my U.S. Residency 1 Year ago; my mind was struggling to determine whether I was happy, or worried of the eminent destruction of my life. Most of my family was here, but in Mexico, I was just about to leave behind my plans, school, friends... my happiness. One day, my mind froze with the words of my mother - Is your choice -. After a couple of non-sleeping days, I realized that life is about sacrifices, and taking risks. One week after, I was on a road pointing straight forward to the United States of America.

Communication, I found how important it was when I wasn't able to perform it. My eyes became watery when I bought a t-shirt and I stood there trying to understand what "Do you have a quarter?" means. Those days were full of regret, my mind did not think of anything else but failure and impotence. What was I thinking when I believed that the education that I have always dreamed was possible? When I was seeing myself standing with pride wearing one of those gowns and holding a diploma in my hands? Until I understood how difficulties can turn into motivation along with the portals toward achievements.

Yes, I have always been limited. The economic resources of my family have never been plenty. In many ways that has been an obstacle, in others, it has been a fear, but also, it has been my force. Since I was going to go to College for free in Mexico, the high amount of money that the higher education costs took me by surprise. I admit that is one reason for which my dreams got torn in a certain moment. I discovered that my family cannot help me, even if they want too, but I realized, too, that papers with values are not going to stop me, they have not did it before, and they are not going to do it now. I am going to give every part of me to make my dreams a reality, what is the purpose of our life if not put everything into our desires to make them true? I know that effort pays back, and not necessarily with money.

I arrived to the conclusion, that blaming my school for the lack of good education that faces is worthless. It might be a disadvantage, but I see it as an opportunity to learn how to improve myself. I knew that it was not going to be easy to teach myself what my school could not, but I am, because there is something that I desire, and that is what pushes me to give my entire life in order to get it. I thank, at the end, this challenge, because it showed me that I should ask myself everyday: "Why should I stop learning, why should I limit myself"? I look forward to be able to answer the same, everyday: "I should not, and I will not".

I understand now, how everything is about choices. I chose to rise from the deepest holes, I chose, to sacrifice my entire life to make my dreams a reality, to learn a language with a shortage of time, to fight strong, to dream big. I learned to see lights through the shadows of the challenges. Since then, I promised me to see every one as a learning experience. And I promised me, that I would never stop, no matter how many times I fall, or how difficult is. I believe that this is nothing compared with what I want to accomplish, then I can tell, that if somebody asks, my answer is no, I am not stopping here.

THANK YOU ALL OF YOU

You make this community what it is, thank you

Undergraduate / Constraints/ Help family/ People skills; COMMON APP - Financing/ Major/ Life goals [5]

Hey everyone, this time are my short answer questions for A&M but they are also the same for other universities, thank you, sincerely, for your help.

What I need it's a grade in a 0-100 scale, and maybe some feedback, what would you change? if you see grammar errors I highly appreciatte those too, DON'T FORGET TO POST A LINK OF YOUR ESSAYS OR NEEDS, I will be more than happy to help you with them

Special circumstances that affect your family's ability to fund your college expenses. A maximum of six 80-character lines will be sent.
I can truly say that I'm alone in my way to college. My father is a 60 year old man worried about paying our house and the bills, while my mother spends her days building a home. A lack of transportation has made difficult the work possibilities for me, and the establishment of a new life started less than one year ago, when I and my mother decided to come to America. The financial supporting of my mother is also impossible since neither one of my parents speak or understand English. The work possibilities reduce in a highly percentage.

Why have you chosen to apply to Texas A&M University?
A maximum of two 80-character lines will be sent.
Academics, installations, staff, values, excellence, high dreams, opportunities, diversity. It adds up to a family to which I want to belong

Why have you chosen your academic major(s) of Business Administration and Human Resources Development ?
A maximum of two 80-character lines will be sent.
The relations with people are my passion, I find a different world and each one, and my majors bring me a enormous opportunity to enhance these relations.

Briefly describe any educational plans you have beyond earning your Bachelor's degree.
A maximum of two 80-character lines will be sent
Keep building my passion of learning and being involved through a master's degree, then keep up the effort to reach my doctoral dream.

What are some of your life goals and objectives?
A maximum of three 80-character lines will be sent
Lead my family to out of the box by being the first one to attend college, give them the education that I never had, and support them to get out of the low-middle class, have a company own by me and build strong relations with people.

Undergraduate / 'The biggest small' - Passion/ Pressure/ COMMON APP; Issue of importance [21]

Choose an issue of importance to you--- the issue could be personal, school related, political, or international in scope--- and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

The biggest small

In 16 years I constructed a desire in pursuing success, in 2 hours and 45 minutes, it torn like a selling drugs contract being shredded by a teenager making decisions for his future. It was a movie called 3 idiots and it made me feel a familiar sensation. It is curious that people usually finds their purpose in life with life experiences, travels on train or trips to unknown places. I found mine in a gather of scenes mixed with music, sounds, and a container with popcorn. Do not pursue success, pursue excellence, and success will come by itself.

It was late evening and my heart and mind were being dug unconsciously. It all started with 3 students who met in a university of engineering. The first one is incredibly intelligent and passionate in learning; the second one was there because of his parent's pressure, and the third one to lead his family into a better economic situation. Touching an electrified fence would make a sensation similar to what I felt when I realized that I was each one of them.

Plenty of people, me included, somehow behave also as the fourth one, who is the top student and impresses teachers because he memorizes information one day before tests, and participates in classes with the intention of showing that he is erudite. He's only purpose is to have money and power, the fake success. Sadly, is the kind of success that me, and a big part of our world is pursuing. Consequently what this world gets are teachers with apathy toward students, doctors who do not help out of working hours or engineers who detest math.

The impact of the movie in my life was incredible, my beliefs and actions changed entirely and it made me want to motivate others and show them what I had learned; if a movie did this to me, it should not be too difficult to do it to others. Imagining a world full of people performing passions and following excellence is imagining a perfect world. Students motivated by teachers, unconditional doctors, and clients not afraid of the honesty of a lawyer. With a little help we can see our world finally reaching the happiness that is lacking and, to see that happening, I will fight all that I can.

That day, a message got planted in my heart when at the end the passionate student taught his 2 friends and the "erudite" that we must pursue our passions, and excellence, success itself will follow us just because of that. After that evening I started to enjoy the school much more and my grades started to get better even though I was not even worried about them, my only worries were just learning with passion, and pursuing my dreams. It is because of experience that I believe that our world can do the same; it deserves people who love what they do, perhaps we just need a boring evening and a movie, or perhaps the smile of a kid eager to learn, or the smell of the forest or maybe the breeze of the sea to realize that our world is more than a check in the pocket, and that small things do make a change.

Every skyscraper starts with a few bricks, or an essay for a college application.

So what do you all think? if you help me to idetify as many erros as you can I will be so thankful, I NEED an outstanding essay in order to get scholarships and be admitted.

I highly appreciate your help!

Have a great one, Jorge