Writing Feedback / TOEFL, Communicating via e-mail and voice mail vs Telephone and face-to face [3]

Prompt: Some people like to communicate by e-mail or voice mail. Other people like to communicate by telephone or face-to-face. Which type of communication do you prefer and why?

Essay: Although many people prefer communicating by telephone or face-to-face, personally I believe that communicating by e-mails or voice mails is better. There are several reasons to support this idea which I would like to mention in this essay.

Firstly, communicating by e-mail is easy. Many people have problems with calling a person that they are not acquainted with. In this case it is not so difficult to write an e-mail or to leave a voice mail because even shy people feel themselves more confident.

Secondly, you can write an e-mail at any time of the day. As for me, I work and study at the university and I don't have spare time during the day. I get home at about midnight and I still need to answer some questions and to solve some routine problems. I might not have time to call a person or to meet with him or her in an appropriate time so for me it is better to leave a voice mail.

Thirdly, when you write an e-mail you have enough time to think carefully about what you are writing and how it would be better to express yourself. For example, you can change the word order or you can choose more appropriate style to sound more polite. When you speak face-to-face you are not as able to control every word as you are when you write an e-mail.

And finally, there is no chance to disturb people by sending them an e-mail. You should not worry about interrupting an important conversation or some other business.

To sum up, I would like to say that for me both options of communicating are possible, but if this is an important and not urgent question I would prefer to answer it by means of internet or voice mail.

Thank you in advance!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL iBT: Integrated Essay, The win-win negotiating [4]

This is an integrated essay and since I can't provide the materials, I would be grateful for comments on grammar and logic. Thank you in advance!

Essay: According to the passage a win-win negotiating is a deal after which both sides get something valuable for them. For example, in the case study both the software engineer and the multinational corporation minimized their risks and increased their profits, furthermore, Tony started his own company and the corporation got highly successful game.

There are several points that are crucial during the negotiating. Firstly, both parties involved should be willing to listen to and consider the other party's proposal. In the case about the computer game Tony was not happy with the first offer of the computer company so he made his own proposal which was more profitable for him. Instead, the company offered him a different share in the future profit which was finally accepted.

Secondly, some variants could not be considered because they are definitely not profitable for one of the sides. In this case both parties should work on other options to negotiate on.

In addition, this approach can change the way that both parties feel about each other. One side doesn't think of the other side as of the adversary which really helps to work together for one goal. Moreover, win-win negotiating can be considered as working in one team. Both Tony and a company did their best to make this game successful and profitable. They worked as colleagues, not as opposite sides.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Students should apply for admission for their first choice or several schools? [3]

Prompt: Some students apply for admission only to their first-choice schoole, while others apply to several schools. Which plan do you agree and why?

Essay: Although I completely understand students that apply only to one school, personally I support the idea of applying to several colleges at the same time. There are a few reasons for me to think so.

Firstly, you can never be too sure about your accepting in the one particular school. There could be some accepting requirements that do not depend on your skills or your motivation letter, for example. Some colleges search for a particular type of person and you may not be this person. This does not mean that you are not good enough, this can happen because you do not know the university from the inside. Furthermore, in spite of high grades and excellent recommendation letters, there might be limited possibilities to accommodate students.

Secondly, if you are applying not just for an admission but also for a scholarship, the competition between the applicants is really serious and tough. I understand that I won't be able to support financially my studies, so I will be looking for a full scholarship and in this case the best advice is to apply to no less than five schools. Thirdly, I would like to have an opportunity to choose where to study. For me the first-choice school simply does not exist, because there are a lot of interesting programs in different universities and I do not prefer one program to another. Financial support from the university may be a crucial criterion to choose between the wide varieties of these programs.

To sum up I would also like to mention my own experience about this problem. After graduating from high school I applied to 6 universities at the same time, both in my native city and in the capital of my country. I was accepted in most universities and I have chosen the university in Moscow and I think this was an excellent choice!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL iBT: Integrated Essay, The origin of dreams, Freud vs biochemical approach [3]

Prompt: Summarize the main points in the lecture, contrasting them with the ideas in the reading passage.

Essay: While Freud studied psychological reasons of dreams and claimed that they are our subconscious respond to some events in our life, Hobsin and McKarly focused on biochemical reasons and physiology of dreams. They conducted an experiment on cats because their brain waves are very similar to those of human beings, and in this research Hobsin and McKarly determined that during our sleep some brain cells are activated (in particular, the brain stem which is responsible for our muscles and movements) and brain sends signals to our legs and arms. Since during the sleep usually there could be no movement the dreams occur.

But there still exists a question about the content of the dream. In his book "Interpretation of Dreams" S.Freud proposed that this content can be explained by the wish fulfillment, which is an origin for many dreams. According to the lecturer and in contrast with Freud's theory Hobsin and McKarly said that this content can also be accounted for by means of physiology. For example, if we are dreaming about an escape (a very common dream), the brain sends to our legs the message to run, but there is no response. So in our dreams this could result in the fact that we may be chased or there could be another obstacle for an escape.

Hobsin and McKarly concluded that dreams occur just as a chemical response to the brain activity. They also claimed that there is no hidden meaning in our dreams which opposes Freud's theory.

Thank you in advance!