Writing Feedback / GRE: Analyze an arguement; Wearing a helmet while bicycling [4]

Prompt:
"A ten-year nationwide study of the effectiveness of wearing a helmet
while bicycling indicates that ten years ago, approximately 35 percent of all
bicyclists reported wearing helmets, whereas today that number is nearly 80
percent. Another study, however, suggests that during the same ten-year period,
the number of bicycle-related accidents has increased 200 percent. These results
demonstrate that bicyclists feel safer because they are wearing helmets, and
they take more risks as a result. Thus, to reduce the number of serious
injuries from bicycle accidents, the government should concentrate more
on educating people about bicycle safety and less on encouraging or requiring
bicyclists to wear helmets."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions
of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these
assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions
prove unwarranted.

Response:
The writer argues that the government should put more emphasis on educating
cyclists about bicycle safety rather than abouyt educating them on wearing prop
-er gear. In this arguement, the writer assumes that accidents are less likely
to occur if cyclists are more aware about cycling dangers and that education
on cycling gear has no effect in the reduction of bicyle related accidents.

The assumption is a supporting column for the writers arguement, however
the this support lacks details. The writer has not pointed out what exactly
caused the increased number of accidents. The increased
number of accidents can occur due to a multitude of reasons. For example, the
increased number of accidents can occur due to lack of general road safety. Car
, bus or other four-wheel transport drivers may not have been driving safely
or may not be following the law while driving, which can lead to an increased
number of acciednts. Another reason could be the lack of proper cycling lanes.
This may force cyclists to use footpaths or the main road and thus increase
the possiblity of an accident occuring. Given the lack of details, it can
be understood that the cyclists may already be adequately educated about
safety and that the increased number of accidents are occurring due to
other reasons.

Regarding the assumption about helmets, the writer has not pointed out how
proper gear does not lead to the reduction of the possiblity of accidents. Proper
gear significantly reduces the chances of grave and fatal injuries in the
event of what can be serious accidents. For example, if one properly geared cyclist
falls onto the pavement headfirst due to colliding with some unseen obstacle
he is much less likely to suffer from a serious concussion than a person who
does not wear a helmet. The previous case provides a valid statement as to
how helmets can reduce accidents.

The author may have a valid point. But, given the lack of details and the
weak bases upon which the writer supports his argument, it would not be wise
to implement his idea without carrying out a more detailed study of the issue
first.

Writing Feedback / GRE Analytic Writing; Should student study the same National Curriculum ? [4]

Prompt:
"A nation should require all of its students to study
the same national curriculum until they enter college."

Write a response in which you discuss your views on the
policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take.
In developing and supporting your position, you should
consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy
and explain how these consequences shape your position.

Response:
If fairness is to be insured among people competing for anything,
it is absolutely important that everyone be given a fair ground
and an equal plane to compete on. This statement goes for any
kind of competition. And by extension, to the field of education
as well. As such, I support the fact that all students from a single
nation must study under a single curriculum until they enter college.

Let us consider the example of Bangladesh. In Bangladesh, A
majority of the student population studies under the national
curriculum set by the Educational board. However myriads of
students, paritcularly those from more affluent families study
under the British O and A level or the Iternational Baccalaurate
educational system. All three educational systems have their
own merits. However, problems do arise when students sit for
entrance exams for government universities, which are some of the
best in the country. The syllabus for the entrance exam is heavily
based on the syllabus of the national curriculum. And consquently,
students who do not study under the national curriculum suffer
a disadvantage. Such students are required to study the entire
national curricullum syllabus in short periods of time in
order to be familiar with the exam content. Similar problems occur
in other countries such as india where various students study under
a multitude of systems.This example makes a strong point as to why a single national
curricula is needed in order to ensure fairness in competitive
exams. By enacting a law that requires all students to study under a
single curricula, all students will have a level ground to compete upon
and have. Thus ensuring not only fairness but increases chances of universites
accepting the most desrving students.

Let us consider the exmaple of the US educational system. Almost
the entire student population studies under a unified system.
More affulent students study in private schools which have a
similar curriculum. Given the similarities in the curricula, and
the fact that all college applicants are required to give the SAT
in order apply for college. The reader can clearly see that all
students are compete from a level ground and their is no intrisnic
educational advantage or disadvantage in applying to schools. As
such, colleges can make choose the most suitable and deserving
candidates from an applicant pool and no university has voiced out any
form of dissappointment or diatribe about being unhappy about the
general characteristics of the student popultion. This example
provides another strong case as to how a singular educational curriculum
is beneficial.

It is simple, the best people can be accepted from a sea of paperwork
only and only if everyone is given equal footing. from the two given examples,
and a plethora of other available examples available, it is hard to conceive why
a single educational curriculum is not needed.

Writing Feedback / GRE Analytical writing; Letter to the editor from a Central Plaza store owner [2]

Hi,
I wrote my first response to an "Analyze the Argument" question. Feel free to evaluate

Question:
The following appeared as a letter to the editor from a Central Plaza store owner.

"Over the past two years, the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased dramatically. Many Central Plaza store owners believe that the decrease in their business is due to the number of skateboard users in the plaza. There has also been a dramatic increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza. Thus, we recommend that the city prohibit skateboarding in Central Plaza. If skateboarding is prohibited here, we predict that business in Central Plaza will return to its previously high levels."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

Response:
The author of the passage argues that the increasing number of skateboards of central plaza has led to a detrimental effect on
the number of customers shopping on central plaza. Although the author puts forward a possible reason for the
decreasing number of shoppers in central plaza, the reason put forward is supported by a number of assumptions which
have not been substantiated with proper evidence.

The author assumes that the increase in skateboarding in central plaza led to the decrease in business in central
plaza. But there may be other reasons why the number of shoppers have decreased. For example, the presence of new plazas.
The construction of new shopping malls and plazas in the area is bound to attract customers away from central plaza
because the location of new plazas may be more convenient for some people. Another reason can be attributed to the
price of commodities available in central plaza. Taxes may have gone up, or incomes may have decreased, which in turn
may have discouraged people from going shopping so often, and thus businesses may suffer.

Another assumption that the author of the passage makes is that it is the skateboarders who have been littering in
Central Plaza. The littering and vandalism can be attributed to other factors. For example, a lack of hygiene has
attracted more vermin or stray animals. Stray animals can overturn dust bins and trashcans and carry about thrown
away food which may lead to increased littering. At the same time, Vermin such a wood mites may bury into wooden objects
and mice may eat away cloth, thus leading to increased vandalism and littering.

Therefore, the author has based his demand on assumptions that the increased presence of skateboarders is at the
root of the problems he/she states. And unless the author can clearly prove that the Skateboarders themselves perform
actions that discourage the presence of customers, or that the increased vandalism and littering are traced back to
them, there is no ground which would justify the ban of skateboarding in central plaza.

Writing Feedback / Need help in evaluating my Analytical Writing. GRE [4]

Hi,
will you kindly evaluate the essay I have written?

Topic:
Governments should focus on solving the immediate problems of today rather than on trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future.

Response::
There are a myriad of problems plaguing humanity. However, humanity has always been able to solve such probelms
come out ahead. From my perspective, problems are like weeds. When one weed is uprooted and eradicated, another one simply sprouts up.
And simply uprooting weed after weed offers no permanent solutions to the weed probelm. Similarly, whenever we solve one problem, another
one simply sprouts up. As such, although governments should focus on fixing the problems of today, the metaphorical uprooting of the weed,
They should also try to fix anticipated problems of the future.

Let us consider the Environmental situation. In Europe, In the last decade, various forms of polluiton, river, air etc. have casued Flora
to decay and cause certain species of animals to go into near extinction. In order to combat the environmental problems, the European Union
Commissioned a Green tax, which made companies pay a singificant lump sum of cash for relaesing a certain volume of pollutatns into the atmosphere. AS

a further precaution, various research institutes were asked to come up with solutions to the environmental problems, which ultimately led to the
invention of the hybrid gas-electricity engine and the creation of filters which sequester solid pollutants from the gas released due to
manufacturing processes.These did contribute to the betterment of the environment. However, it led to the unanticipated rise in prices of certain
products and services, such as the rising prices of airline tickets, which caused smaller airline companies to go bankrupt. At the same time, due to rising

taxes (A significant portion of European families own a car), the standard of living of a number of families fell. If the Union had spent time

solving the price rise problem, the current condition of Europe would have been better now.

Another example can be taken from the great depression in the 1920s, when almost 70% of the world population lived below the poverty line. The great

depression rose from the US Governments imposition isolationism and the protection of local industries against foreign competition. Althogh the initial
problem was the protecting the local companies against foreign ones. Local companies were heavily subsidised were high import tariffs were imposed on
foreign products in the market. US companies enjoyed the protection of the government. However, when US companies overproduced on a large scale, the
market system crashed and comapnies went bankrupt, people went into unemployment, struggling very hard to earn two pennies a day. Therefore, this example
demonstrates the dangers of solely focusing on present problems without keeping check on what problems may arise in the future.

It is true that present problems require the attention of the government, it is also very important to maintain a balance between the problems of the

present and the problems that may arise in the future. At the end of the day, it is important to remember that a soltuion to a single problem does not

come in one step, whether it be science and technology, the law and the economy, and so on.