Writing Feedback /
Living individual or staying in apartments is better [5]
Hey you say ...Living in city they can get any information/food etc... -----> who is "they"? in first line you say " each and every person" is singular...
we use pronoun in our writing when we recently we used noun.
It is better to say ...."Living in city people can get any information/food "
They can easily locate
anything in compared to individual homes...
why "anything" and why not "everywhere" because you use locate
about your idea...in first paragraph ,..you say at the first sentence
Where each and every person present day is interested to live in apartments instead of independent home because mostly they feel
insecure .
you insecure but talk about construction it is not relate each other. when you say about something you can explain that things in detail.
your first paragraph has not coherence.
It would better you say "detached"
In toefl essay is it acceptable you say your own ideas in body paragraph? It would better you say it in conclusion.
In ..." Living in apartments we can interact easily with neighbors, we can move friendly with others and share well our good times and best things which located in city."
it would better you say about common sense. ..."Living in apartments may share common sense with neighbor and interact easily."
instead of "While living in individual house we have some advantages like
growing plants/pets " ...it would better you say "nurture"
don't say "in home" say "at home"
..."While constructing individual home we have to be aware of security mainly because we live separately and individually. " this idea repeat again.
it would better you say about cozy ,... or comfortable position/surrounding...
You say ..."If we need help regarding personal/house hold repair, no one will locate nearby and may take hours to
rectify the job to be done"
rectify means correct errors , I'd better said "reconstruct" you mean you need helping someone else to reconstruction home ....?
And ultimately your good ideas remain dormant just in conclusion.
It would better explain them in your body clearly.