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Posts by roxy481
Joined: Sep 8, 2013
Last Post: Dec 23, 2013
Threads: 5
Posts: 11  
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From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 16
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roxy481   
Dec 23, 2013
Undergraduate / Representative - Why Columbia Essay [4]

the specificity is good, it shows that you've done your research
but be sure to elaborate more on Columbia as a whole
roxy481   
Dec 21, 2013
Undergraduate / Why Northwestern? Essay: Economics Program/Broad Choices/Values/Chicago [4]

avoid talking about the "midsize" campus or the location- the read about this way too much in essays. you're essay is pretty general, try to find out some specifics- maybe the name of a class you're interested in, and tailor it to Northwestern
roxy481   
Dec 21, 2013
Undergraduate / U.S. AND IRAN SEEK OUT NUCLEAR DEAL. ISRAEL ENRAGED; EC Essay on MUN Crisis [3]

thank you!

I revised it a little bit- not too much, because of the word restraints, but hopefully it adds more of a reflection?

U.S. AND IRAN SEEK OUT NUCLEAR DEAL. ISRAEL ENRAGED.
One day before the conference, and the tables have turned. Time to regroup.
In Model United Nations, I specialize in crisis committees. I have to be prepared to adapt to a new situation, whether it's a new treaty or the KGB hijacking UNICEF, and quickly form a solution. Piles of research and possible resolutions are the norm, but receiving live updates during committee makes it all the more interesting. I'm on my toes, ready to change my speech mid-sentence. Each position paper I write, delegate I caucus with, and resolution bloc I join helps to solve the crisis. With my research binder and notepad in hand, I lead an antsy committee into voting and watch ideas materialize on paper. In MUN, anything is possible, and for two days, I am no longer (my name). I am a delegate. I am my country.
roxy481   
Dec 20, 2013
Undergraduate / U.S. AND IRAN SEEK OUT NUCLEAR DEAL. ISRAEL ENRAGED; EC Essay on MUN Crisis [3]

any feedback would be appreciated. I need this urgently to submit to three schools

prompts:
Briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences.
and
Please discuss one of your extracurricular activities that has required a particularly significant time commitment or that has played a meaningful role in your personal development. (Please limit your response to no more than 150 words.)

does it really fit the second prompt? ^

U.S. AND IRAN SEEK OUT NUCLEAR DEAL. ISRAEL ENRAGED.
One day before the conference, and the tables have turned. Time to regroup.
In Model United Nations, I specialize in crisis committees, usually as a delegate to Luxembourg or Russia. I must be prepared to take on a live situation and form a quick solution, whether it is a new international treaty or the KGB storming into UNICEF. Piles of research and possible resolutions are normal for each conference, but receiving live updates during committee makes it all the more interesting. I'm on my toes, ready to change my speech mid-sentence. Each position paper I write, delegate I caucus with, and resolution bloc I join serves to solve the crisis. With my research binder and notepad in hand, I lead an antsy committee to the voting bloc and watch ideas materialize on paper. I become a delegate. I become my country.
roxy481   
Nov 17, 2013
Undergraduate / 150 word EC: Yemen in MUN, Bravo delegate [3]

or here's another version- this time from my point of view

The United Nations Human Rights Committee is restless. The topics are women's rights and sex trafficking, and I am the delegate to Yemen. Well, so much for my speech on gender equality within my nation, considering the amazing one just delivered by the delegates to Japan. Thankfully, Model United Nations is not the real United Nations, so there is still a chance to make an impact a resolution. But first, I need to think of another speech, especially since I just heard that the Afghani and Kenyan delegates are teaming-up in a resolution bloc against me: how rude.

Luckily, my impromptu speech and thoroughly researched resolution earn me at least an "Outstanding Delegate Award." Plus, naming all twenty-eight nations in the European Union definitely impressed the French and British delegates, who were rather disappointed that they could not use their veto power outside the Security Council.

Bravo, dear delegate, bravo.
roxy481   
Nov 17, 2013
Undergraduate / 150 word EC: Yemen in MUN, Bravo delegate [3]

prompts: (they all ask essentially the same thing..except for maybe Duke. do you think I could reuse this for all of them?)

Duke: Please discuss one of your extracurricular activities that has required a particularly significant time commitment or that has played a meaningful role in your personal development. (Please limit your response to no more than 150 words.)

Stanford: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences (150 WORD LIMIT).

Harvard: Briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences.

-------
Imagine sitting in the United Nations Human Rights Committee meeting. The topics are women's rights and sex trafficking, and you are the delegate to Yemen. Well, so much for your speech on gender equality in your nation. Thankfully, Model United Nations is not the real United Nations, so you still have a chance at being taken seriously in this committee. But, quickly- think of another speech, it is almost your turn on the speaker's list! Plus, the delegates to Afghanistan and Kenya are preparing to team up in a resolution bloc against you: how rude.

Your impromptu speaking skills and thoroughly researched resolutions earn you at least an honorable mention award. Plus, naming all twenty-eight member states of the European Union definitely impressed the French and British delegates, who were rather disappointed that they could not use their veto power outside the Security Council.

Bravo to you, dear delegate, bravo.
----

I'm at exactly 150 words here.
Any suggestions/ feedback is welcome!
roxy481   
Sep 30, 2013
Undergraduate / "I tie my last knot," -Quilting: 150 Extracurricular Essay [3]

I plan to use this for multiple schools, most of them ask to

"elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below" or something of that sort
150 words max

I tie my last knot, hoping that this time, each stitch and block will be perfect. Slowly opening my eyes, I mentally cheer myself upon seeing the beautiful hand- made quilt I had been working on for months. After my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, I started _______, a non-profit, volunteer-run organization which makes and donates quilts to cancer patients. Since day one, quilting has challenged my perseverance: from the internal battle of choosing fabric colors to wrestling with sewing machines, making a quilt can be taxing. But for me, the fuzzy warm feeling I get from giving a quilt to a chemotherapy patient trivializes the lengthy quilting process. Today, _______ has distributed over one hundred quilts to cancer patients at local hospitals; I revel in the feeling of accomplishment from seeing a quilting project through, and bask in the pride associated with aiding those patients who need support.
roxy481   
Sep 22, 2013
Undergraduate / I am one-sixty-fourth French; MIT: cultural background, activity you do for pleasure [2]

please look over these essays I'm working on for MIT EA. all advice is appreciated!

1. Please tell us more about your cultural background and identity in the space below (100 word limit). If you need more than 100 words, please use the Optional section on Part 2.

My mom proudly says that I am one-sixty-fourth French, from the ex- French colony of Pondicherry. The remaining sixty-three sixty-fourths come from an Indian state, Karnataka. However, I like to consider myself as part of another group, the American- Born Confused Desis. ABCDs, the nickname we go by, are the first generation of Indians born in America. While I was born here as a Desi, a term for Indian people, I have to disagree with the "confused" part. Both the American and Indian culture have affected my life equally, so I must just be an ABD, an American- born Desi. (100)

2. We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer).

I tie my last knot, hoping that this time, each stitch and piece would be perfect. Slowly opening my eyes, I mentally cheer myself upon seeing the beautiful quilt I had been working on for nearly a month. Since the first day, quilting has challenged my perseverance: from the internal battle of choosing fabric colors to wrestling with sewing machines, making a quilt can be taxing. And although quilting often results in my pricking myself with a needle, the ends outweigh the means. I revel in the feeling of accomplishment and pride of seeing a quilting project through. (99)

3. Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer)

My family had always wanted me to become a doctor. Although I enjoy the sciences, especially biology, the fact that I cringe upon getting blood drawn and can hardly bear entering hospitals eliminates my chances as a successful doctor. It was this past summer, after conducting research at the Center for Advanced Surgical and Interventional Technology at UCLA, that I began to channel my interests in science to the field of bioengineering. Since the opportunity to contribute to medicine without having to physically administer drugs and conduct procedures excites me, I am interested in MIT's Department of Biological Engineering. (99)
roxy481   
Sep 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / The influence of popular music on young people? [4]

Because there are so many different types of music, it can influence them influence who? be clear in many ways. For some it can be good, yet for many others it is not.

work on spelling and grammar
roxy481   
Sep 8, 2013
Undergraduate / Multiple disciplines; Why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech [3]

Why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech, and what do you hope to contribute to our community? (150 WORDS MAX)

Because my interests are spread across multiple disciplines, I found it difficult to find a major and university which catered to my intellectual pursuits. For example, although I find the intricacies associated with biology unparalleled, business and debate excite me, since I often learn about other perspectives and examine new ways of thinking. I also love learning French, and I cannot imagine a curriculum without French classes. As a result, I am interested in attending Georgia Tech because it gives me the best opportunity to pursue my interests. Through the Industrial Engineering major, I can master the sciences and learn essential business concepts and strategies. With the international plan and the Georgia Tech campus in Lorraine, I can immerse myself in French culture while still taking classes for my major at Georgia Tech. I hope to contribute a new intellectual perspective to the Georgia Tech community; one that is able to make connections across multiple disciplines and appreciate the value of other opinions.

I'm actually 13 words over
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