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Posts by Lydmeister
Name: Lydia Anderson
Joined: Oct 20, 2013
Last Post: Dec 28, 2013
Threads: 6
Posts: 17  
From: United States of America
School: Secret

Displayed posts: 23
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Lydmeister   
Dec 8, 2013
Writing Feedback / Difference between Public and Private School [5]

I'm not sure if your post is looking for help in general or just grammar help, but there seems to be a lot of holes in your argument. It's fine if this is your opinion but you should definitely address the opinions of others, especially the majority. If this all holds true, then why do must people think that private schooling is better? Why do wealthy parents even send their children to expensive schools if they can just send them to a public school for free?

Also, why would a private school hire an uncertified teacher?
I agree that public schools are usually more diverse, but what makes you think that they have more space? Generally public schools (especially in America) are well known for their over populated classes (up to 40 students) and generally crowded facilities.

You may want to do a bit more research on your topic, but your opinion is certainly a original one.
Good luck!
Lydmeister   
Dec 8, 2013
Undergraduate / It is crucial in mathematics, insight plays an secondary role; Amherst Insight 'Reasoning' Essay [3]

Kannan Jagannathan, Professor of Physics, Amherst College



Investigating the wonders of biology has always been more like unfolding a story for me than tediously studying the subject. The summer before my junior year I took a Molecular Medicine course at Oxford. The teacher, a researcher, taught the class by explaining his many research projects. Each lecture was oddly reminiscent of kindergarten story time, where everyone gathers around the teacher to listen to that day's tale. Even without understanding every detail I found myself tuning in like an eager six year old.

During my junior year of high school I job-shadowed a neonatal nurse. I hadn't expected to have much contact with patients until I was pulled into a room bustling with activity. A baby was about to be delivered. A nurse handed me a pair of gloves and told me to sit down on the spot if I suddenly felt faint. She needn't have worried-I felt incredibly lucky just to be in the room. On top of all this, I was instructed to push on the patient's leg during labor and allowed to hold the newborn. To be part of a successful delivery was more of an honor than I could have ever imagined.

This experience exemplifies the reason why I am drawn to the study of life. Every time I learn something pertaining to biology it contributes to a greater understanding of life. For me, this type of learning is as profound as it gets. It is the insight into how the details of biology pertain to human life that makes the subject so powerful. Unlike any other area of study, the findings of biological studies directly result from the pursuit to promote the welfare of human beings. The beauty of biology lies beyond the facts and figures and in the bigger picture of the workings of life.

Word count: 303
Lydmeister   
Dec 7, 2013
Undergraduate / I have keen interest in farming - a story that tells my identity. [4]

Hemc

I have had a keen interest in farming since my childhood. For future, I wantedMy dream is to become an educated farmer. That is what makesmade me study hard from the beginning of my school life. I was one of the best in studiesstudents in my school. Therefore, I expected score above 90% in School Leaving Certificate Examination. But unfortunately, I scored only 81% in SLC which is not very good.(something like this maybe : Thus, I was disappointed when I only scored an 81% on the School Leaving Certificate Examination. I had expected to do much better. Because of this score, I was rejected by the prestigious high schools of my choice. This reality was unacceptable to me . I got frustrated. My family put pressure on me to join high school before it iswas too late. So,Frustrated and left with no other choice left , I had to choosechose A-Levels which is not considered good option--a less than admirable option in my country.

I felt like I haveas though I had drifted away from the path of my dream. Thinking that I could not achieve anything from study-even if I study hard-Feeling that my education, regardless of how much effort I exerted, would be fruitless I gradually lost interest in studyin my studies . InsideIn school, I was notoriously famous as a leader of the group that regularly bunked classes, broke school rules, and disrespected teacher. Outside school I was even worse.My family did not support me as I was neglecting studies. I was in a bad company.Take great care to avoid putting the blame on others. It makes you sound irresponsible to admissions staffI was nobody, alone and lonelyI was lost and alone . I had lostgiven up hope. Many negative thoughts came in my mind. I myself lead my life towards darkness. My life was miserable.My life became a miserable one full of darkness.

A Few months past liked that. One day, one of my school friendsa friend of mine suggested me tothat I participate in a spiritual course conducted by the Art of Living organization. At first I refused, but hearing his experience of the course I thought to give it a try. When a person is in darkness, even a small glimpse of light attracts that person. So was I.<-- not grammatically correct or appropriate in this context In the course, I gotgained spiritual knowledge and wisdom. I also learned ways tomethods of mediations and yoga. After a month, I participated in other programs of Art of Living. I learned ways toof deep mediations and high class yoga with much deeper spiritual knowledge. Regular practice of mediations and yoga help me to bring positiveness in my life. It helped me to view life from different prospective. I also knew that there are people with much more difficulties in life, and there is a solution to every problem. We fail in life but that is not the end of life; we are above the problems.Something like:Failure is not definitive; we have the capability to overcome obstacles through perseverance. I regained myselfmy self[ respect and self esteem. Art of L iving helped meto develop my overall personality and become a more mature individual .
Once again, I have ahad hope that I could fulfill my childhood dream can be fulfilled . I studied harder than before and scored good grades in A-levels. I am now ready to face any challenges in my life as I have knowledge and wisdom. As a citizen of Nepal, I want to bring development intothe agriculture system of my country. I want to study agriculture science and bring an agricultural revolution. If a better agriculture system is developed thanthen the living standard of people here will increase and poverty will decrease. That is the reason I want to get best education available in agriculture and chosehave chosen U.S.A. for higher studies.

Hi there!
I did my best to fix some of the grammar mistakes and unclear wording. Hopefully I didn't leave much out. As for the longer phrases I corrected, they are just suggestions. You should play with the wording so that it's your own voice. Good luck!
Lydmeister   
Nov 4, 2013
Undergraduate / Mother inspiration, Artificial world - Stanford - Intellectual Vitality [8]

As another member applying to Stanford tonight I thought I could help. I was confused about the intellectual vitality prompt for awhile. Stanford's website has a little paragraph about it on their website:

We want to see your commitment, dedication and genuine interest in expanding your intellectual horizons; both in what you write about yourself and in what others write on your behalf. We want to see the kind of curiosity and enthusiasm that will allow you to spark a lively discussion in a freshman seminar and continue the conversation at a dinner table. We want to see the energy and depth of commitment you will bring to your endeavors, whether that means in a research lab, while being part of a community organization, during a performance or on an athletic field. We want to see the initiative with which you seek out opportunities that expand your perspective and that will allow you to participate in creating new knowledge.

Your topic is fine. Just try to edit it to make it a little less about the ideas of a virtual reality and more about how you are passionate about a virtual reality and want to contribute to developments in this field.

In any case, good luck to all my fellow Stanford applicants!
Lydmeister   
Nov 4, 2013
Essays / Common app essay format question (is it double-spaced, 12 Times?) [8]

Questions about formatting your essay on the Common Application.

So I have a vague understanding of how to work (the incredibly cumbersome) common app essay section, but I don't really know what is standard. Obviously, indenting isn't an option but what is the standard from breaking up paragraphs? Should I add an extra line of space between paragraphs?

Also should my title in bold? I'm kind of hard-wired into MLA formatting and this is driving me a little bit crazy!
Lydmeister   
Nov 4, 2013
Undergraduate / "Future Careers" University of Illinois; Academic Interests/Strenghts/Future career goals [2]

It is believed by many thatVery vague. You could either find a different phrase or delete it altogether. consciousness does not occur until one is fully aware of his or her own surroundings. This must mean that we are not ourselves until our brains are fully mature. The pre-frontal cortex, the part of the brain that the ability to make decisions derives fromthe part of the brain that gives us our ability to make decisions , is not nearly fully matured in the brain of a teenager. So, how can I truly make up my mind on the field I want to study and contribute to for the rest of my life? Do you really want to imply that you are not mature?

Although it may be blatantly obviousSounds kind of harsh. And how is it blatantly obvious anyway? by now, the field of neuroscience fascinates me. Knowledge of the brain is also key to understanding the world of business. While pursuing a career in biology leads me to further understand the inner workings of consciousness and the body, business relies on the minds power to influence the masses.

A background in economics would help me to better understand the monetary state of the people as a collective unit. Money has astounding power over people. Advertising in particular shows that the way people spend their money is already predetermined by the minds of others. The ability to influence people to spend their hard earned income to purchase a product through a simple picture or short film intrigues me.

I If I were to continue with bio-medical sciences, I would like to eventually achieve status as a surgeon with specialization in neurology. On the other hand, if I continue with business I would like to enter the workforce as an investment analyst.

An education at the University of Illinois would be a key step in reaching my high aspirations. I would be honored to study biology or business at Urbana-Champagne and I believe I would fit in well in the environment of motivated, high-achieving students who value their futures.

While your essay answers the prompt, it shows little of your writing ability or your passion for either biology or business. Try to include why biology and business are important to you not just what you learn in those subjects. Parts of your essay also sound a bit harsh and unenthusiastic. You have a good start here and do a good job of showing that just because you aren't applying for a major yet, it doesn't mean you don't know what you're doing. Just try to include more of yourself and your personality. Good luck!
Lydmeister   
Nov 3, 2013
Undergraduate / Stanford Supplements- extracurricular, roommate, freedom, intellectual, and short answers [2]

I like your essay topics quite a lot, the one exception being your roommate letter. (I'm really struggling with that one too). It sounds a little superficial right now and doesn't show much of your mastery of the english language. What stuck out to me the most though was the phrase "i like taking long walks". That's great and all but it sounds kind of like a cliche self-description on a dating website or something. Maybe rephrase?

You may in general just want to pick one or two key characteristics about yourself and focus on those for your roommate letter. Pick one or two things that may seem weird, funny, quirky, etc. and turn it on its head to make you seem like a cool person. Delve a little deeper into yourself.

A couple notes on prompt #2:
2. You want everything in this section to be believable and for the most part, down to earth. Try and balance serious elements and fun elements as you did in number one. Do you really read both the Chicago Tribune and the NYTimes regularly? If so, great! But also try to include other things. Do you like the Onion? reddit? seventeen magazine? do you have a blog on tumblr that you love? You can provide an explanation if you think it needs one, but there are very few things that an admissions officer would completely dismiss you for. They want to get to know the real you! (:

3. Yes, gun control is important, but think carefully if this is the most important. Gun violence is a very specific issue. Is there something else at the heart of our society that leads to gun violence? Does some other malicious force pervade our lives? Also, identify what society you are thinking about before you pick your issue. You might want to consider whether or not you are a world citizen before an American citizen. These are just things to think about, but if you truly believe that gun control is the most important thing for our society to tackle, you can still stick with it. Just try to broaden your idea to encompass a little more.

4. They are not asking what you like to do during the summer, they are asking what you did during your summers. Be careful to answer exactly what they are asking.

6. Witnessing is not the same as taking part and the Constitution is more than just a law. Rephrase and you'll be good to go.

7. These are all great characteristics for a Stanford student to posses. But I would change one or two of your chosen words to something more specific. For example, caring to compassionate, loud to extroverted or animated. "Loud" and "Hardworking" are especially vague/superficial. Play with similar words that reveal more about you.

Good luck!
Lydmeister   
Nov 3, 2013
Undergraduate / I belong in California, the U.K., Singapore: What matters to you and why? [5]

What matters to me? Home. Why? Because I don't have one yet. Home, to me, is not just a house or a city or a country. It is one's place of contentment. The place where one feels a distinct, but intangible sense of belonging. It could be anywhere.

My family has been moving from place to place since I turned four. My relatives are spread out from coast to coast and then some, and my friends come from every corner of the world. Ranging from biology to studio art, even my interests are wide spread.

It would be fair to say I haven't put down any decisive roots just yet.
What I do know, is that I love to learn and explore new things. With every class I take I learn not only about the subject but also discover part myself. It's one step closer to understanding my interests, passions, skills, and where I feel most at home.

Whether I belong in California, the U.K., Singapore, a lab, or an operating room, I am eager to carve out my path and find what lights my fire, what I can contribute to the world, and where I feel most content. I believe that Stanford is the best place for me to begin my quest for home.

Words: 215

Please someone save me. Any help greatly appreciated!
Lydmeister   
Oct 27, 2013
Undergraduate / What a Wonderful World: UVA/ surprised, unsettled, or challenged [12]

I would sneak in an explanation about how this depression episode happened a few years ago, you learned from it, you're a stronger person now because of it, etc.

I disagree with the person who said the song was a bad reference because they didn't know it. Admissions officers tend to be very well rounded, cultured people. Almost anyone will recognize the chorus of the song. It works perfectly!

If the world limit is very small then what you have is fine, but if not then I would try to include a bit more about yourself. Spell out how the song inspired and motivated you!
Lydmeister   
Oct 27, 2013
Undergraduate / To see all of the little lights; Common App/ Where are you most content? [7]

I agree with anumeha that your imagery is wonderful, however, I am left unsure of the message you are trying to get across as an applicant. Definitely expand on this before you submit. You are far from reaching the word limit; use at least some of that space!

Also be very careful with your descriptions of being "reckless". "Disregarding evident danger" often gets college students into trouble and admissions officers will look to avoid individuals who have a tendency towards unwise behavior. There is nothing wrong with the topic or the event, but switch out reckless for carefree. You will seem like a very well adjusted person too.

Ultimately your essay was very fun/easy to read which admissions officers will love! It definitely shows command over the written language. Now just work on actually conveying the message about you and your identity. Your character is one of the most important factors in the admissions process.
Lydmeister   
Oct 27, 2013
Undergraduate / Investigating the wonders of biology; University of Illinois App Essay - MAJOR [4]

midge
Hi midge,
Thank you for your edits. You noticed a bunch of errors that I left in when I revised :P
Just for the record:
I meant partial not impartial (whoops)
And I agree that chemistry (and physics) helps people all the time. What I was trying to say is that biology is the only science that focuses on life (obviously) while chemistry and physics focus most basically on properties of substances and the behavior of matter/motion respectively. How can I revise this sentence to make it sound less like hating on the other sciences?

Thanks!

Lydmeister   
Oct 27, 2013
Undergraduate / Investigating the wonders of biology; University of Illinois App Essay - MAJOR [4]

Explain your interest in the major you selected. You may describe a related experience you've had to that area of study and/or your future career goals. Please limit your response to approximately 300 words.

Investigating the wonders of biology has always been more like unfolding a story for me than tediously studying the subject. The summer before my junior year I took a Molecular Medicine at Oxford. The teacher, a researcher, taught the class by explaining the various past research projects. Each class was oddly reminiscent of kindergarten story time, where everyone gathers around the teacher to listen to that day's tale. Even without understanding every detail, I found myself tuning in like an eager six year old rather than a confused or bored student. Being the only science that directly concentrates on the workings of life, biology holds a certain magic to it.

During my junior year of high school I was actually able to be a part of this magic when I job-shadowed a neonatal nurse. I hadn't even expected to have much contact with patients when I was pulled into a room bustling with activity. A baby was about to be delivered. A nurse handed me a pair of gloves and told me to sit down on the spot if I suddenly felt faint, but she needn't have worried-I felt incredibly lucky just to be in the room. When I was actually able to push on the patient's leg during labor and hold the newborn, I was overjoyed. To be part of a successful delivery was more of an honor than I could have ever imagined.

This experience exemplifies the reason why I am impartial towards the study of life. While there is plenty to discover in both physics and chemistry, biology focuses on how life is governed at a molecular level. To me, understanding life seems to be as profound as it gets. Unlike any other science, the study of biology is an active endeavor to uncover the mysteries of life in ways that directly and tangibly help people. Nothing excites me more than the prospect of participating in the subject that can improve lives everywhere.

Words: 327

Please help!
Lydmeister   
Oct 27, 2013
Undergraduate / UF APP;student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship, call to service [3]

Good essay topic! Fits the prompt well. Here's a couple things I noticed:

I don't know what your world limit is, but if possible I would try and make your anecdote a bit more vivid. Amp up the imagery if you can.

Certain phrases sound a little unnatural. Reread it a couple more times looking for parts that aren't as fluid as they could be.
Admissions might not want to hear that you keep "telling [yourself] that this is [your] dream". I know it isn't what you are trying to convey but it sounds as though you are trying to convince yourself. I would simply state that it is your dream very straightforwardly.

Good luck!
Lydmeister   
Oct 27, 2013
Undergraduate / I'm wild, weird and whimsical; Stanford Roommate Essay [3]

While Stanford is an inherently rigorous school in recent years there has been a great effort to reduce student stress and compulsive habits. When you discuss your ability to focus at the beginning you may want to present this in a lighter format. Waking up before dawn to reread your physics book may cause admissions officers to write you off as a little little too focused.

As a general rule you should avoid any diction that comes off as harsh. "I won't shut up" doesn't portray you in the best light.

I also think you should make sure your essay fall in line with your first sentence. Explain how you are wild, then weird, then whimsical. You might want to even restructure you essay to follow that order.

Finally, I think you should find a way to end your essay with more of a bang. Find a strong message that you want to convey to your roommate (the admissions officer) and stick with it.

A good essay topic but you could do more to develop it in such a way that it shows off the different sides of your personality. Good luck!
Lydmeister   
Oct 26, 2013
Undergraduate / The experience was a welcome reminder;Stanford Intellectual Vitality: Sharing Knowledge [3]

It's far from great. Be brutal.

Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development. (250 word limit)

Between elementary, middle, and high school I have racked up about fifteen thousand hours of school attendance. Consequently, I have spent a considerable portion of my lifetime learning. Yet it wasn't until I actually shared my knowledge with someone that I became truly excited about it.

My younger sister entered her freshman year this fall and began taking her first biology class. As the only biology enthusiast in our household she came to me for assistance. I was a tad reluctant considering most of our tutoring sessions led to frustration on someone's part. (Often because I'd left most of my Geometry knowledge in the final exam room.) Nevertheless, I sat down and tried to answer her questions, and to my astonishment I had an explanation for all of them. To my further amazement, she actually began to understand the chapter. I found myself actually getting exciting as I discussed the organelles of a cell and how they all worked in unison.

Even though I was only covering the very basics of biology, the rare opportunity to share my knowledge with another allowed me to realize how enthusiastic I am about the subject. I was surprised at just how much information I already knew and how much I wanted to keep exploring the topic. The experience was a welcome reminder of why I am so eager to further my education: I look forward to sharing and exploring knowledge with others who are equally as passionate as myself.
Lydmeister   
Oct 26, 2013
Undergraduate / The Strength of Symbols (Common App Essay) [2]

Wow! What a powerful topic. Definitely integral to your identity.

In terms of essay construction, I would look over it again checking for unclear and unnecessary details that detract from the message/story.
For example: Electric stoves were not very common,
This detail is a bit distracting and is entirely unnecessary. All your reader needs to know is that there was a gas stove.
Also check for confusing things. Either clarify or cut altogether.
For example: ..and as the eldest . Didn't you say you were a triplet? If you felt entitled because you were born just a few seconds earlier then include that (perhaps for comedic relief) or cut it altogether.

The symbolism message needs to be carried through the entire essay. You mention it once at the beginning and once at the end, but if you want your essay to revolve around this idea then it needs way more emphasis.

Finally, make sure you bring this essay back to you. It's wonderful that your mother has been such a powerful role model, but keep in mind that this question is about getting to know you. Relate everything that your mother went through to yourself: how did it impact you? what did you learn? etc. You do this to some extent but definitely amp it up, particularly in the conclusion.

Wonderful essay though. You definitely conveyed the feels. Just read and edit it until you can't take it anymore and you'll know you have a winner!
Lydmeister   
Oct 25, 2013
Undergraduate / Soft-spoken (Stanford Roommate Essay) [7]

I agree with all of you. There's almost no way to write this without sounding obscenely negative. It's just not a winner I guess. This one is completely different. I think the topic is much better, but I'm not sure it's really up to snuff either. Any more help would be super awesome!

Thanks in advance!


Dear Roommate,
I am unpredictable. My interests are about as eclectic as it gets. Most of my peers may know me as a biology nerd, but this doesn't even begin to encompass who I am. While I do like to get my nerd on more often than not, I have a very eccentric creative side. I love art, namely drawing, painting, and compulsively sketching doodles throughout the margins of my class notes. I enjoy K-pop and punk rock music. I adore baking (one of the comforts of home I'll miss most), so you'll probably often find me experimenting with the microwave to satisfy my sweet treat cravings. One week I'll be a fashionista and the next sweatpants are religion. I'm shy and reserved, but there are days I'll talk your ear off if you don't stop me. When you walk into our dorm room at the end of the day you can expect the unexpected. But bear with me and maybe you'll get a microwave "cake in a cup" or two out of your eccentric roommate.

Looking forward to out adventures!
Lydia
Lydmeister   
Oct 20, 2013
Undergraduate / One Foot in Front of the Other (COMMON APP ESSAY) [2]

Hi guys. I need to submit this really soon so any feedback would be super helpful. I am especially looking for things to delete and removing any useless details or redundancies. Thanks for your time!

650 words is your limit, not your goal. Use the full range if you need it, but don't feel obligated to do so. (The application won't accept a response shorter than 250 words.)

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.


One Foot in Front of the Other

One look at the towering summit that lay before me and a sense of dread began to take over. I had only just arrived at the base of Mount Meru, a peak near Mount Kilimanjaro, but I was already feeling dangerously lightheaded. A look ahead revealed a steep terrain alternating between dense forest and jutting, scraggly rock. The trek was a three-day excursion during a two-week group service-learning trip in Tanzania. You've trained for this, I told myself, It's only for three days; it'll be over before you know it. But as I inspected the colossal mountain, part of me knew that my meager biweekly strength training sessions weren't exactly going to make this a breeze. As someone who usually chose books over sports, I had never faced a challenge quite like this.

The first day was the hardest. My pack seemed to get progressively heavier, the trek progressively steeper, and the sun progressively hotter. By the time we took a break for lunch three hours later, I felt like I was on the brink of collapsing. I inhaled a surprisingly satisfying ham and cheese sandwich, and then reclined against a nearby tree, desperately searching for the energy that would be needed to haul myself the rest of the distance to our camp. Seeing my exhaustion, one of the tour guides approached me and offered to carry my pack the remaining distance of that day's hike-an offer I gratefully accepted.

"Hakuna matata," he grinned, "not a problem." I couldn't believe I was having a complete stranger carry my belongings for me, and I felt a little guilty-until he also grabbed the pack of the hiker beside me. Then he scampered up the path and out of sight, returning, unfazed, a mere half hour later. The same distance would take my group about four more hours to cover-at a pace I could barely maintain.

My memory of the remaining climb gets somewhat hazy from that point onwards. I stopped counting down the hours and steps to the nearest checkpoint and put all my effort into focusing on the only thing I could handle: putting one foot in front of the other. Ascending Mount Meru essentially boiled down to taking it one step at a time. Regardless, by the time we finally reached the peak at dusk on day two, I could hardly believe I had made it. The exhilaration and elation of reaching the top and realizing how much I had accomplished was worth it. The feeling was entirely incomparable to my other experiences of success. Unlike acing another biology test, simply reaching the peak felt like an incredible accomplishment.

The time I spent trekking Mount Meru allowed me to discover an entirely new kind of perseverance. Pursuing my studies had always come somewhat naturally, but endeavoring to climb a mountain, something I'm not particularly apt at, was a whole new ballgame. The experience was arduous and painstaking. I was far from the best and eventually had to rely on the support of others in order to succeed. But when I did succeed, the sense of accomplishment (and admittedly, relief) was like no other. On that third day when we finally returned to the base of the mountain, I felt unstoppable (just as soon as I got a good night's sleep). What I overcame then has helped me to persevere through almost anything. After all, if I could survive those three days, surely I can pass Statistics, right? Hiking up Mount Meru has made me confident that I will be able to approach any challenge or obstacle in the same way-keeping the summit in sight and focusing on putting one foot in front of the other.
Lydmeister   
Oct 20, 2013
Undergraduate / arts and sciences - Northwestern application essay (250 words) [6]

I know the prompt asks about why you have chosen Northwestern, but colleges like this really want to hear what you will contribute to the school. Definitely leave what you have, but if you can, I would try to weasel in how you will use the benefits of this specific school both to your advantage and to the schools. How will attending Northwestern help you be a better student?
Lydmeister   
Oct 20, 2013
Undergraduate / Step, kick, step, step. ; COLLEGE APP /Central to identity [7]

Great essay topic!

I would take a close look at grammar and little mistakes. (ie. Belgian, not Belgium), and I think you meant "integral part of who I am" as opposed to "intricate part of who I am". Double check meanings you are unsure of as they will stand out to an admissions officer.
Lydmeister   
Oct 20, 2013
Undergraduate / Soft-spoken (Stanford Roommate Essay) [7]

This is a really rough start to my roommate essay for Stanford. I'm not really sure where to go from here, what else to include, etc. Any suggestions/improvements would be much appreciated!

Sometimes I can be so quiet it's obnoxious. Introversion is one of my most apparent characteristics. I know this often makes me seem standoffish and even rude. One of my greatest fears is that I will come off as apathetic, but while I may seem to be uninterested in reality I am simply focused on taking in as much as I can and processing this information. It is a struggle, even for me, to accept my quiet nature, when it can make both myself and others so uncomfortable. However, I believe that because I spend more time thinking than sharing I am able to observe more effectively and make better decisions. Though I speak less, what I do say is taken more seriously because I take more time to form my thoughts. The fewer close relationships I develop are more carefully cultivated and thus treasured.
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