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Posts by beula
Name: beula alex
Joined: Oct 27, 2013
Last Post: Nov 11, 2013
Threads: 3
Posts: 10  
Likes: 1
From: United Kingdom (Great Britain)

Displayed posts: 13
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beula   
Nov 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1; Proportion of Men and Women teachers - UK 2010 [4]

hi raufh,
your way of writing is also correct'
a few suggestions though:
'in the year 2010 ' is perfect but writing 'in 2010' sounds great, I think.
grammar: since the chart in 2010, past tense-- teachers were placed
( were placed is a passive voice)
I am not sure whether we can write 'how many' if the chart gives you in percentage,
usually it is said that many, less can be used if we are given in numbers.
hope somebody, especially dumi ,will answer this.
thanks.
beula   
Nov 10, 2013
Writing Feedback / why do we need music? Traditional Vs Contemporary Music [9]

[quote=ashalatha]every person like to listen the music every day

every person likes to listen to music ( every person , every day, each and every person is singular.
for example: each and every student has to bring his or her own laptop
every person writes well; always, listen to music, not listen music)

[quote=ashalatha]many countries prefer music because it is also one of the part of their life that'sway all countries are like to prefer that. every person like to listen the music every day.there are many different types of music in the world today.traditional music is more important than the international music. traditional music is listen to everywhere by using our technology.

in your introduction, though you tried to start with a general point about the topic,you have just copied the question afterwards. but in ielts it is important to paraphrase the question, it means you should write the question in a different way with the same meaning . for example, Many people prefer music because it plays a vital role in day to day activities of our life. every person likes to listen to music for one or other reasons. in this modern age, it is true that one could hear a rich variety of music in different occasions. although, international music is becoming very popular nowadays, due to the advancement of technology and globalization , in my opinion, I think that the traditional music of one's country is more important than the former one.

it is an example though
think it would help you. however, you have good ideas, the only thing is to understand the question, follow a good structure then grammar.
try to use linking words, collocations like that
thanks
beula   
Nov 10, 2013
Writing Feedback / why do we need music? Traditional Vs Contemporary Music [9]

[quote=ashalatha]many countries prefer music because it is also one of the part of their life that'sway all countries are like to prefer that.

Many people prefer music because it is also one of the parts of their life.
I think, the remaining sentence is not necessary because it repeats the same thing, why people prefer music
beula   
Nov 8, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1; Proportion of Men and Women teachers - UK 2010 [4]

The bar chart provides information about how much proportion of men and women teachers placed in six various
institutions that dedicated to education in the Uk in 2010.

Overall, it is very clear that significantly higher proportion of females occupied in educational establishments
that teach children and adolescence. whereas, males preferred teaching in adult educational settings like college and university.

Women predominated in schools for children. while less than 10% of men occupied in nursery, preschool and primary school, there
were more than 90% of women as teaching staff in those educational settings. likewise, slightly more women than men, with only 5% difference, were
teaching in secondary schools.

on the other hand, male positioned in higher level of educational establishments. For example, there were almost twice as many men as women
worked in university. However, this pattern was notably different in private institutions where almost similar proportion of both males and females occupied.
it is also very obvious that the gender distribution was equal in college setting, with exactly 50% from each category.
beula   
Nov 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / global warming essay: causes and what solutions for people and for governments [3]

Global warming has been a major concern nowadays, because the average global temperature is climbing significantly
for the past few decades than it used to be some hundreds of thousands of years ago. There are many reasons for this problem.
In this essay, I will outline the major causes of the so-called global warming and how it can be prevented both by individually and
on government level.

scientists, all over the world, have concluded that greenhouse gases (GHGs) : carbon dioxide, methane, nitrous oxide, and
chloro fluoro carbons , are the principle culprits for this global warming. These gases are emitted into the atmosphere mainly by human activities
such as increased use of vehicles and mushrooming industries worldwide. These are the major sources where fossil fuels are used for combustion,
which in turn emit more co2 in the atmosphere; thus causing increased warmth on the Earth. Besides, methane is released from landfills, nitrous oxide from

fertilizers, and CFCs from using refrigerators. Finally, deforestation is also a significant factor for the increasing average global temperature, since trees play a vital
role in storing co2.
Looking for the solutions, both governments and individuals have their own responsibilities to save our planet. Firstly, governments can conduct
awareness campaigns regarding the importance of planting trees and using fewer car journeys. And also, they can enact new laws and impose fine on factories which emit gases beyond the limit. one good example of this is, banning of CFCs in industrialized countries by 1996 in order to prevent further ozone depletion. likewise, for people, they can plant more trees around their neighborhood, they can decide to either walk or cycle for local trips. Furthermore, it is their responsibility to comply with rules and regulations of governments.

in conclusion, it is very clear that the ongoing global warming and its effects are mainly the results of human activities. As such, it is our duty to prevent further rise of temperature. the earlier the measures we take, the better it is for the mankind.
beula   
Nov 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / People benefit more from traveling in their own country or traveling to foreign countries? [4]

it is true that communicating to a foreign person is not as easy as one speaks in his or her own language. Because, it might allow room for more misunderstanding, which may embarrass the tourist consequently. another drawback is the different food habit in a foreign nation. for example, it might be difficult to have one's traditional food in certain countries.
beula   
Nov 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / People benefit more from traveling in their own country or traveling to foreign countries? [4]

hi,
I would like to give some advices
you can write language or communication problems, culture shock, food habits or diet pattern instead of dietary structure
in the first sentence, use even though there are some problems
avoid informal words like but, not easy, instead use however and difficult or hard
you have good ideas but the thing is using proper vocabulary and collocation.
beula   
Oct 29, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Which should be the ones to teach children into good citizens? Parents or Schools? [7]

hi ya,
I am also preparing for ielts. I would like to give some advice and suggestions.
this essay asks you to discuss both the views and give your opinion.
so, in the introduction you can write a general statement about the topic, may be two sentences, followed by while some argue this....
and others say.... and give your opinion.
para 1: topic sentence about why some people think parents are a good teacher.
then support your topic sentence, that means elaborate and tell in detail with examples .
for example: there are some good reasons for why majority of people believe parents are a good teacher.( this is topic sentence, here the reader will understand you are going to discuss about parents responsibilities)

then elaborate why they are good. children learn by observing, mother teaches disciplines even before a child experiencing school atmosphere.
para 2: similarly to support school supporters.
conclusion: summarize para 1 and para 2 in a simple way and again here write your opinion.
in conclusion, although there are different views about whether the parents or the teachers have the responsibility to teach our children to become a good citizen, I would say that it is the responsibility of both of them, indeed. The earlier we teach children, the better it is for society.

it is not advisable using informal words like kids.
thanks.
beula   
Oct 27, 2013
Writing Feedback / ielts essay : water should be always free. governments should ban bottled water. [4]

question :water is a natural resource which should be always free. governments should ban the sale of bottled water. at what extent do you agree or disagree

ans:
People, all over the world, hunger for a clean safe water since our ecosystem including lakes and rivers is polluted and damaged in a diverse ways.

As such, water, which is a natural resource that should be free in fact, has nowadays become a popular means of commodity. Although it is a basic right for human beings to have free access of water, In my opinion, I do not think it is necessary for governments should ban this practice for the following reasons.

There are people who prefer bottled water over tap water. They may believe that bottled water tastes better than the ordinary one. And also, they might feel healthier when drinking germ-free bottled water, despite the fact that there is hardly any difference between bottled and tap water in terms of quality. Therefore, governments cannot ban this production as long as people, both in developing and developed nations could afford and have a particular choice over this bottled water.

likewise, governments themselves benefitted through this system. Numerous private water companies have been mushrooming than ever before, since many governments do not have enough fund to provide clean and safe water to its civilians. However, it is possible for governments to utilize the money, which has come through taxation on these industries, in a positive way. For example, it can be used for public services like road, health and education system. Therefore, it might be a huge loss for them if they decide to ban this business.

In summary, I would like to argue that governments might not be able to ban bottled water sale, since it is people's choice whether to drink tap water or bottled water. Moreover, there is no need for a government to ban this practice when it itself benefitting through this business.
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