Graduate / Statement of purpose for PhD in science Education [3]

Well, what you need to do is what you started to do here: Say why you want to go into science education and what your experience and background it. Definitely do include the optional statement, into which you can put anything that doesn't fit within "career goals and research interests, as well as your publications, work experience, and academic honors and organizations."

First step: List everything you want to say.
Next step: Organize these things into an outline.
Next step: Choose one story or fact to lead with, and use that to craft an introduction that will draw the reader in (rather than make him/her sigh with boredom at having to read one more application that sounds like all the others.

Next step: Draft the rest of the statement.

At any point, you can post things here for feedback. But, please do honor our ethos and, now that you've gotten some advice, be sure to visit other threads to give advice or feedback to others!

Undergraduate / Spinning my life events into academic potential - Letter of academic intent [12]

The experiences you describe will make you a very attractive candidate to liberal arts colleges and to universities in general. You may need to tailor your letter to each school, highlighting the ways that what you have and want matches up with what they offer and want from students. Some schools have peace studies programs or cultural studies programs that especially look for students with your kind of curiosity and experience. Any school with a non-traditional program will also find your initiative and courage attractive.

Indeed, these qualities -- curiosity, courage, initiative, real-world experience -- are strengths that you should highlight even when applying to traditional programs. Many students take time off between high school and college. Most drift. Some do career-oriented work that serves only their own self interest. Very few take themselves to war-torn regions or go on humanitarian missions.

I'm particularly struck by your decision to go to Egypt, to get the other side of the story, after living for some time in Israel. This speaks to not only to your intellectual curiosity but also suggests a sincere wish to understand all sides of one of the most vexing disputes of our time. It also shows what kind of person you are. You didn't just take yourself to the library or go online to read about it: You took yourself to Egypt to see for yourself.

See how I've been singing your praises? This is how you want to present yourself. Start your letter with your strong points, and cover any weakness in your high school grades later, giving some reason, however obliquely stated, if they are really much lower than your abilities. By that point, the combination of your writing and your remarkable experiences will make the reader believe that those grades do not reflect your potential.

Good luck, feel free to ask further questions or post drafts for feedback, and don't forget to do your part on the forum by offering your advice to others!

Undergraduate / 'Economics in Chengdu' - Letter of motivation to University of Amsterdam [13]

In English-speaking countries where there is a high level of hostility to immigrants, "foreigner" is often used pejoratively.

I'm glad you sent your essay off and wish you the best of luck with that and future applications!

Undergraduate / Spinning my life events into academic potential - Letter of academic intent [12]

Very good! You're leading with your strength and also drawing the reader in with dialogue.

Just a couple comments:

it's = it is

"At nineteen years old it was scary" would mean that "it" (the experience) was 19 years old. Instead say, "At nineteen years old, I felt scared, but..."

Undergraduate / Applying to Rutgers Fall 09; 'vibrant and vivacious community' [11]

Lead with your experience running your own green business -- you'll get points both for initiative and for having practical experience in green technology. It's one thing to proclaim dedication to the environment (almost everybody does these days), but quite another to know how to design and install photovoltaic systems.

One caution, though: I think you mean cultural diversity, not ambiguity.

Writing Feedback / War -- victor or no victor? [45]

Mustafa, You seem so very upset. Please do let us know what happened.

Writing Feedback / Socials Essay: Robespierre and Cromwell Which is a more effective leader? [7]

I like your lively writing style. What is your teacher like? I ask because you start with a series of sentence fragments. Usage of fragments for effect is allowed, but sometimes teachers who are not themselves creative will downgrade essays that use such techniques. So, you may want to rephrase your introduction into full sentences, just to be sure.

"And now, onto how they lost their power." -- This transition is weak after so much strong writing.

I see why you are dissatisfied with the conclusion. I'm not sure you've presented such a strong case that the reader "has to agree" that Cromwell was a better and more effective leader. Also, I don't like the sudden shift to second person (addressing the reader as "you").

Writing Feedback / Socials Essay: Robespierre and Cromwell Which is a more effective leader? [7]

You've got a lot of good ideas. Now that you've come up with several new paragraphs, I'm having a hard time envisioning how it all fits together. Make sure that the essay as a whole is coherent and well organized.

As to sentence fragments, it's okay to use them sparingly for effect, as you do with the one-word sentence, "Ironic" and your introductory sentences. But then you must be very careful not to have any accidental fragments or other grammatical errors, as this will make it look like the deliberate fragments are also errors.

So, for example, you need to say "two revolutionary heroes" instead of "two revolution heroes" and "Robespierre walked that road after he started the Great Reign of Terror" instead of "ever since he started..."

As for substance, I'm not at all sure that the people of Ireland would agree with you about Cromwell, but you have made your case coherently.

Essays / How can i decrible the graph [6]

Be careful to place your punctuation marks correctly and to space between your words and after every punctuation mark:

Instead of
summer ;then
you should have
summer; then

Instead of
winter.Afterthat
you should have
winter. After that

Your writing is good and, other than the spacing problem, your punctuation is correct.

Just a couple of corrections:

Instead of
Among of towns ,town C...
you should write
Among all of the towns, town C...

Instead of
the same as other towns ,the town D`s water comsumption is qiuite high
you should have
T he same as the other towns,the town D consumes a lot of water.

Undergraduate / Spinning my life events into academic potential - Letter of academic intent [12]

This is very strong. To add credibility, be sure -- in the real version, not here -- to name the organization with which you worked in Africa.

When I was reading the second paragraph, I was thinking, "Journalism? That's perfect!" Journalists do what you did when going to Egypt -- go out to find out. So, to personalize that paragraph, I'd tie it to the first and maybe talk a bit about how your personal characteristics and desires suit you well for the endeavor of journalism.

In the third paragraph, I'm thinking that not only "sound mind and body" but basic stability are necessary for academic success. I like how you take responsibility for your past difficulties, saying that you let your academics slip, but I think it would also be okay to state that the kind of chaos associated with three homes in two years is not conducive to academic success, no matter how dedicated the student. Or, even if you don't say it, know it: It's remarkable that you got through school at all under such circumstances. To then go on to do good works for others was indeed an achievement, perhaps more substantial than any academic success might have been. I feel certain that admissions officers will feel the same way.

Writing Feedback / Help with a paragraph about marketing claims [7]

I agree with Kevin. Your English is very strong. I'll just add one more to his list of excellent suggestions:

Claims that are not capable of substantiation may be mislead readers.

Writing Feedback / Traveling in a group led by a tour guide give us a safe, useful and exciting excursion & save time [7]

This is your first essay? I can hardly believe that. It's very good. You follow the instructions very well, providing specific reasons and examples within a well organized essay with a clear introduction and conclusion.

I have just a few corrections.

traveling in a group led by a tour guide makes our trip more enjoyable

Tours have lots of interesting group activities.

when we are on the way to place that we decided to visit ,

tour guides know where is not dangerous to go.
--or--
the tour guide knows where is not dangerous to go.

arranging the schedule

If we travel but do not have tour guides,

Faq, Help / Is there a website like this for essays in espańol? [8]

I don't know of any, myself. I wish I could be more helpful, since you are always so helpful to other users. Maybe someone else will know of a good resource.

Faq, Help / Is there a website like this for essays in espańol? [8]

Did you try Googling?

Essays / Louis Riel hero or villan question; He is a HERO! [4]

Well, first you have to decide what you want to say. What is your thesis? Why do you think he was a hero? Once you know that, you can decide what supporting evidence you will cite in your essay. At five paragraphs, you should have one paragraph of introduction, including a thesis that lists three reasons you think he was a hero. Each of those three arguments should be supported in a separate paragraph, leaving you one more paragraph for your conclusion.

Essays / How can i decrible the graph [6]

I think most spell checkers will also catch the problem of attaching punctuation marks to the word they precede rather than the word they follow. So, yes, please do get in the habit of always using spell check!

Writing Feedback / descriptive essay-The heart of the Matter. [6]

You are, indeed, lucky to have such a sister. This is a lovely character sketch, but I worry that it may fall short in some areas if what your instructor wants is a descriptive essay. You have used many strong adjectives to describe your sister's personality, and that's excellent. But I notice that I have no idea what your sister looks like. For me, there's a blank at the center of this essay because I cannot visualize its subject.

It's hard for readers to identify with people they cannot visualize. And, in descriptive essays, teachers like to see sensory imagery -- details that refer to sight, sound, touch, taste, or smell; such details make descriptions much more vivid and individual.

So, please cut some of the vague statements such as your first sentence in order to make room for such details. At minimum, tell us what your sister looks like. You might, for example, say whether she is tall or short, thin or plump, or what kind of clothes she likes to wear. Is there anything about how she looks that makes her stand out from the crowd? Moving on to other senses, is her voice harsh or soothing, loud or soft? Does she always wear a certain scent?

Staying with the subject of details, your instructor might also want to see some examples that illustrate the adjectives you use in describing your sister. You say that she is an "uptight, strict sister" and also that she has a "friendly personality." Is there any little incident that shows why you say these things? Again, to make room, you could omit some of the sentences that aren't really about your sister, such as "Everyone should surround themselves to this kind of person because they show positive attitude towards others as well as success in school or at work."

Good luck!

Writing Feedback / Essay on the Types of Germs - bacteria [22]

When quoting, be sure to cite the source of the quotation, either by naming the author in the sentence or by placing citation information in parentheses after the quote. Always, you will give the author's last name and the page number on which the quote appears. Some citation styles also require you to provide the year of publication. At the end of the essay, you provide more complete citation information, as required by the citation style that your instructor prefers.

So:
The first type of germ is bacteria, which are defined as "they are organisms, microscopes in nature; they are unicellular and reproduce asexually" (citation information).

Also, be very careful to reproduce the quotation accurately. I suspect that the quote uses the word "microscopic" rather than "microscopes."

Also, double-check your facts. 80% of all bacteria live in human bodies? That doesn't sound right to me.

In general, I'd like to see you take more care. Over and over I see errors such as "an ancient from life" when you mean "an ancient form of life" and "takes his sin to the doctor" when you mean "takes his son to the doctor." There are so many errors like this that I can't tell which are due to lack of knowledge -- in which case I want to help -- and which are due to sloppy proofreading, in which case all you need to do to correct the problem is to be more mindful. So, what I would like you to do is to proofread your piece very carefully and then post a cleaned-up version for us to critique.

Research Papers / Research paper on Mormons! [20]

Notoman, your close reading and careful comments leave me very little to add!

I would say that I like the comparison with other religions insofar as they have all faced persecution. This makes the paper more than a rote recitation of the history of the religion, which is a relatively well known story. I'd like to see you keep that part, but omit your personal opinion and strengthen the transition from the history to the comparison. You might also want to make reference to the comparison to come in your introduction so that it will not feel so jarring to the reader when it arrives.

Research Papers / Research paper on Mormons! [20]


If the data support that conclusion, it is not biased to state it. Sometimes people feel like it is never acceptable to refer to race or ethnicity. But, actually, it is perfectly acceptable to reference race accurately. I believe that the Mormon church has specifically targeted prisoners in its conversion efforts. If it has had particular success among African American prisoners, it is perfectly acceptable to state that fact, provided you back up the assertion with a citation.

Undergraduate / If you were refrained one year from going to college, what would you do? [3]

I like your distinction between stubborn tenacity and determined tenacity!

But I worry that this narrative is not quite what the school would like to read. The focus on obtaining residency in order to lower your tuition is practical for you but will not make you look like an especially desirable student to the school. I'm guessing that what they would like to see is whether you would do something of substance in that year. While your answer does demonstrate tenacity -- all that it seems you would do is focus on getting into that school -- I'm suspecting that they would like to see some spark of individuality, some sign of a wide range of interests, some sense that you truly would improve yourself over that year.

So, think about it: What could you do other than continuing to try out for football and obtaining residency? After moving, could you involve yourself in the community, perhaps by volunteering? Could you take a community college course to improve your academic skills? Is there some particular subject that you could study on your own in order to be better prepared when you do enter college?

Research Papers / Research paper on Mormons! [20]

Well, if that was what Notoman was talking about, the fact is well known and there is no need for a citation. As documented in Malcolm X's best-selling autobiography and a host of books and movies, the Nation of Islam has very successfully and deliberately encouraged conversion to Islam among imprisoned African Americans for decades.

Writing Feedback / Essay on the Types of Germs - bacteria [22]

Again, "an ancient from life" should be "an ancient form of life.

I see that, while your information is comprehensive and your organization is fine, you are struggling with verbs and plurals. So, in your study, focus on those areas. For this essay, here are a few correction you can make.

TheB acteria are the most common way of getting diseases.

When a person is exposed to an infected animal, he/she gets this type of disease . In addition, there are many ways to become infected

There are several ways people can keep themselves away from viral diseases.

The fungi kingdom includemany kinds such as the yeasts, molds, smuts and mushrooms.

The little child had his own dog, who was named Dopy.

The father went with his son to the doctor to diagnose his situation.

Also, I notice that you like to count when making your points. That's fine to do in moderation, but you should work on learning other ways of moving through lists of facts.

Essays / Comment on a Henry David Thoreau quote [8]

I like this but am confused by the last sentence. What is the "it" that we can only see in hindsight? (In general, when using a pronoun such as "it," the noun or noun phrase for which the pronoun stands ought to be in a preceding sentence.)

Writing Feedback / descriptive essay-The heart of the Matter. [6]


Your sentence and paragraph structures are generally sound, but you make minor word errors that, in accumulation, diminish the effectiveness of your prose. You sometimes omit words or commas, as follows:

She is currently attending Heald college, and because of all her hard work in school she will be graduating with her medical assistant degree this coming October.

Despite of her challenges in life, she continues to aim for the best.

It is a blessing to have her as my sister because then I can brag to everyone how lucky I am to have a sister like her.

One way to catch missing words and commas is to read your essay out loud to yourself. You will notice any extra or missing words more easily than by reading silently. Similarly, commas signal pauses, so you will know that you need to add a comma if you feel like pausing but there is no comma to tell you to do so. If a comma tells you to pause when it feels odd to pause, maybe that comma is unnecessary or misplaced.

Graduate / Conflict resolution and peace study - Statement of Purpose for PhD in IR [4]

Given that you have such a strong background and are such a good match for the program to which you are applying, I assume that what you want from us are style editing tips.

I'm ambivalent about your first sentence. I understand why you wrote it as you did, but I feel that it weakens rather than paves the way for what follows. Perhaps that's because "am" is not an action verb. I'd encourage you to either come up with a more vivid first sentence or just start with "For the past 21 years..."

One statement I think needs clarification: "I began my study of peace by joining the profession of arms in the United States Military Academy." Few people set out to study peace by joining the army. Why not tell the reader by what reasoning you determined that path of action?

In so doing, you would begin to address my one overriding critique of this statement, which is that, while it describes your experience very thoroughly, it gives the reader no sense of you as a person who did and lived through all of these things. I'm not suggesting you bleed on the page, just that you allow the reader a glimpse of the unique, breathing, thinking person who made all of these choices and now wants to take the step of getting a PhD. Remember, admissions committees for graduate programs generally include the scholars who will be working with the students. They like to have a sense of the person behind the CV, if you know what I mean.

Essays / Comment on a Henry David Thoreau quote [8]

Yes, that is much stronger! In general, we tend to say "it" when we are being vague. Taking the time to specify what "it" is often leads to much more effective prose.

Research Papers / Research paper on Mormons! [20]

That's what's nice about forums -- so much can be resolved by dialogue. Islam in prison has often been responsible for profound transformations of irresponsible young men into thoughtful adults. As I mentioned above, The Autobiography of Malcolm X details his transformation from a careless hoodlum, then known as Detroit Red, into an introspective and politically aware man. He continued that process after prison, eventually breaking from the Nation of Islam (also known as the Black Moslems) after his own sojourn to Mecca and around Africa led him to embrace a more multi-racial vision of social justice.

And so it can go either way. Regardless of the religion in question, conversion in prison can lead to genuine self-reflective change but can also lead to extremism. For example, there is an explicitly racist version of Christianity, known as the Christian Identity movement, that is popular among some white inmates.

I would question the assumption that everyone in prison is there because he or she has done wrong. As the Innocence Project has demonstrated via DNA, many people have been unjustly convicted of even the most extreme crimes (where one might think that especial care would be taken to convict the correct person, since failing to do so leaves the real criminal free to commit further mayhem). Given the demonstrated instability of eye-witness testimony, one has to assume that the rate of false convictions for minor crimes is at least as high. In cases of unjust conviction, religion serves not to turn a criminal's life around but, rather, to help the unjustly imprisoned survive and make sense of such a traumatic experience.

Undergraduate / "To Understand and Be Understood" - Why do you want to pursue a career in the medical field? [14]

Verb tense: Beautiful. Very skillful.

Not sure about spending so much time with Jane Marie... so many sentences devoted to someone who does not reappear in the narrative feels like a distracting detour to me. If you want to note that you paused to chat with her, find a way to do it in a single sentence. I'm assuming you've included her in order to set up what you say later about the attentiveness of doctors. That's great. Just do it in a sentence.

My concern about the last paragraph is that it is so weak following such strong writing. Why say that medicine is a highly-regarded field? Surely your readers know that. Are you saying that you want to be a doctor because the field is highly-regarded? I don't think so. So, find some stronger phrase to start that last paragraph: "Doctors [action verb] ..."

Similarly, your last sentence is a weak way to close such a strong essay, "I have learned to value that statement very much." Really? You value the statement? And you want the last thing your reader learns about you to be that you value a particular sentence? I think not. Keep the quote but go on to say something substantial, such as that this is something you'll always remember as you pursue your medical career.

Writing Feedback / Essay on the Types of Germs - bacteria [22]

Keep your pronouns consistent with your nouns. For example, "bacteria" is plural. So, "Finally, they can help in cleaning up oil spills."

This is a run on sentence:
"The second type of germ is viruses this type cannot survive and grow."
You need some form of punctuation, either a period or a semi-colon, between "viruses" and "this." Since the two phrases are not part of the same thought, I would choose a period and then capitalize "This."

"According to the scientists, one to three people die each year due to fungi."

And, again, don't forget to cite your sources. Every time you quote, you must say where the quote comes from. The only exception to this is if all of your quotes and facts come from the same source. Then you can explicitly state that you will be sharing information gleaned from that source, and that citation will carry through the essay.

Speeches / Need pointers for a persuasive speech in getting a patron for life [6]

What an interesting premise for a speech!

First, I think, you will need to engage the audience's sympathy, perhaps by means of the story of a child similar to those you would like to help. Next, you will need to demonstrate, by means of some credibly sourced facts, that this is not an uncommon condition and that there are ways that a therapist can be useful. Only after doing those things should you put yourself forward as someone who is apt for that job, explaining why.

Undergraduate / "To Understand and Be Understood" - Why do you want to pursue a career in the medical field? [14]

Lisa -- Don't forget to return the favor by helping other forum users with their essays!

Notoman -- Your critiques are always so thorough and useful! Have you thought about becoming an EF contributor?

Writing Feedback / Making life better [5]

In general, your English is good, although sometimes awkward, as is to be expected at this stage of your learning process. There is only one sentence that I do not understand at all: "Someboby is pull folow material so they work hard to buy things."

As I understand your essay, you are arguing that materialism makes people neglect important cultural values and practices. People focus on earning money to buy more and more things. While these things do make life easier in some ways, materialism itself impoverishes people and their communities culturally.

Editing your first sentence with that thesis in mind:
Nowadays, people demand of people more material goods with every passing day.

Editing your second paragraph with that thesis in mind:
In modern lifestyles,what the people think is that material goods are so important. However they forget to balance spiritual values. If everybody just works hard to earn money day by day and nobody cares about traditional values or customs,it is synonymous with their lives become nonsensical.

(I'm glad that you know what "is synonymous with" means, but that phrase was awkward in that sentence.)

I'll let others jump in with suggestions or corrections for subsequent paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing - "clean learning environment" [3]

This essay is weaker than the other that you posted. I have to work hard to understand what you are saying. I understand your overall thesis -- that a clean learning environment is helpful, but that other factors such as sense of self are more important -- but the structure of your sentences is such that individual sentences are sometimes confusing.

I'd like to see you go back through this essay and, for each individual sentence, ask yourself: What am I trying to say? Then, express the thought as simply as possible, perhaps using two sentences. I think that the problem sometimes is that you are saying two things in one sentence.

For example, you write:
In fact, good learn condition is not enough due to many factors effect.
Here, I think you are meaning to say two things:
In fact, good learning conditions are not enough. Many other factors also affect the educational experience.

Writing Feedback / Essay about: what would you change of your former high school? [14]

I agree with Sean about language. Sometimes, in reaching for a complex word, you distort your meaning.

For example, when you say "they disregard social and sport activities not cogitating that this type of pursuits are vital for life," you are not making sense, because cogitate means to think hard or meditate on something. If you had used the simpler "thinking" or "considering," then the sentence would have made sense.

This is a common error when using a thesaurus. The thesaurus lists several words, each of which has its own associations and precise meaning. What you must do when choosing a word from a thesaurus is look up that word in a dictionary to make sure that its precise meaning is consistent with what you want to say. Otherwise, in trying to sound especially well educated, you may sound the opposite.

Sometimes you use so many thesaurus words that your meaning is lost altogether, as when you say "sometimes they befall expunged consequently of not becoming notorious." I'm not even sure what you mean to say, so I cannot suggest an alternative.

Some of the words you are using -- such as "ludic" -- are so obscure that even most native English speakers do not know them.

Fancy words sound especially odd when they are used in sentences with grammatical errors. So, in addition to stretching your vocabulary, keep on working on basic grammar, such as verb tense.

For example:
At my School, a public institution with superior academic background, the emphasis on our testsis fairly ceaseless.
This is tricky, because there are so many words between the subject and the verb. But the subject is "emphasis," which is singular, so the verb must be singular.

Also, you write:
this type of pursuits are vital for life
"This" is singular, "type" is singular, "pursuits" is plural, and "are" is plural. So, to keep your tense consistent, you would need to say either:

these types of pursuits are vital for life
or:
this type of pursuit is vital for life

Undergraduate / Personal Essay/Personal Statement, "connection between me and science" [10]

I think you mean "next" semester. But I would not claim that you are going to make the Dean's list right away. That sounds unrealistic, if you have been doing poorly up until now. Instead, state a reasonable goal and, most importantly, say what specific changes you have made or will make to achieve that goal.

Book Reports / Macbeth Thesis - help with choosing the right quote [8]

Only you know how familiar the play is to you and which scenes make the most sense to you. Of the quotes, choose the one that you understand best.

Then -- and this is most important: Follow your teacher's instructions. Do exactly as s/he says in the order you were directed to do those things:

a. underline all important words (evidence)
b. brainstorm ideas/impressions derived from those words
c. locate speakers, purpose, occasion, and tone
d. write a short interpretation of the quote
The teacher has a method that s/he believes will work best for you to do this assignment. And it is a good method. Most importantly, if you fall short in any way and did not complete the assignment by the method directed, your teacher will be much less forgiving.

So, choose the quote. Underline all of the important words. Brainstorm on the basis of those words -- what images or ideas come to mind when you think of them? Identify the speakers, purpose, occasion, and tone. Then organize all of the data from those steps into an outline and then an essay.

Undergraduate / "To Understand and Be Understood" - Why do you want to pursue a career in the medical field? [14]

Sean makes a thought-provoking suggestion. So often, people write what are essentially empty conclusions, just because they feel they should. In so doing, they end up weakening rather than strengthening their work. What I like about this conclusion is that it does make explicit one point that was implicit in the story: The importance of health care providers being compassionate and empathic in addition to being competent. So, if you can find a way to say that more strongly, do so. If not, Sean's suggestion to cut the conclusion may be the way to go.

Writing Feedback / Essay about: what would you change of your former high school? [14]

Oh -- I meant to say that. You were right about "Colombia." The user who corrected you was perhaps thinking about the U.S. university or U.S. cities called Columbus.

And, you are right about writing in a manner that feels familiar to you until you feel more comfortable thinking in English.

Also, strong verbs just means active and precise verbs -- they don't have to be elaborate or obscure. Some of the strongest verbs are the most simple. "Ran" is stronger than "went quickly." "Shouted" is stronger than "said loudly."

Writing Feedback / Essay on the Types of Germs - bacteria [22]

There is an error in almost every sentence. This is why I asked you to go back and proofread, so that I could tell which errors were due to lack of knowledge and which due to carelessness.

First paragraph:

The first type of germ is bacteria, which are defined as "organisms, microscopic in nature; they are unicellular and reproduce asexually." They also are an ancient form of life, and most of them have spores that are resistant to dryness. Bacteria consist of s ingle celled organisms that what bacteria consist of . However, theS cientists found a lot of facts after discovering the bacteria. First, different kinds of bacteria can live in high temperatures , icy places and trashes . Second, from 500 to 1000 kinds of bacteria live in human bodies; some make disease and others give the benefits. Third, there are countries that use bacteria in making cheese, yoghurt and sour dough bread. Fourth, 50% of bacteria produce oxygen. Finally, bacteria can help in cleaning up oil spills.

Refresh your memory on articles and plurals. Then go back through your other paragraphs and see what errors you can find.