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'More than mere pronouns' Writing my statement of purpose for MFA in design [6]
please be kind, but not really... the only way for me to learn is to hear the harsh criticism.
Haha, you better make up your mind :P
Only until recently, with deeper exploration have I come to visualize and appreciate my design audience is.
creative career.
You repeated the word creative.. and to avoid implying arrogance, it's better to show how you're creative rather than stating it..
You, has always been my primary audience in my career.
You, have always been
It's vast, it's the most influential and the most painful.
You're referring to "you" as it?
The you audience has been my family, friends, teachers, bosses, and clients.
Seriously?..
I think you should say it in an indirect way.. like: "Whether you are a relative, friend, teacher, boss, or client, I design for your needs and approval
, doing this while honing my craft..I learned by making mistakes and have grown fromby your criticism.
but the rejections, heartache and pain have kept me going.
That isn't usually what keeps you going.. hope, support, having a goal, motives are things that keep you going.. what you mentioned is what you have to put up with..
Through you I have uncovered how to design for me,
>> Confusing.. rephrase..
finding my voice is difficult in the sea of many designers, but I have created my niche and found ways to expand on my talents.
>> don't tell, show..
I helped create an inspirational t-shirt line that showcased a clean, classics and urban aesthetic, using the graphic tee as a mobile canvas to bring our design to the public. Then when faced with the challenge of doing self-initialed design, I help found The VS project: A collective of artists and designers whose purpose is to motivate each other through visual stimulation. It has helped me to find my style.
>>> ok.. that is showing.. better than unsupported statements..
Them, is the audience i can effect personally and indirectly.
This is the most significant and most rewarding;
it's my student and members of the design community. As a mentor with the AIGA/NY mentoring program I have a seen first hand the benefits of giving back to the future design community.
>> grammar..
I no longer design, create or write for myself, I
also provide knowledge and passion to the field
instead .
I have always been intrigued with the way
we as creative people>> creative... you say it a lot about yourself.. although I don't really see it..
I like your idea about making your thesis statement about 3 types of audiences.. but you have to make it well-organized and easy-to-"get".. you didn't really talk much about how "me" is an audience.. and isn't "you" kinda like "them" as an audience?
Try to revise it.. and edit grammatical errors.. you can use other three audience is "you" and "them" are too similar.. like "him, her, and me".. or "the adult, the teenager, and the child." You can make it even more creative by using symbols for each category, but then you'd have to make sure that it's not confusing.. you can describe the kind of design, the colors and details that you create for each category..
