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Posts by marned
Name: neda
Joined: Jun 13, 2015
Last Post: Jul 9, 2015
Threads: 4
Posts: 10  
Likes: 4
From: Islamic Republic of Iran

Displayed posts: 14
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Jul 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide. [3]

I am struggling to write essay and prepare myself for toefl exam, please correct my essay.

For traveling, we have two choices either traveling individually or in a group by a tour guide. Each of them has many pros and cons. From my experience, I disagree to travel in a group and my preference is traveling by myself. Traveling alone has many advantages in comparison with in a group and I will mentioned in following.

First, I can allude to setting up. While you are planning for your trip, scheduling is the most important issue. Therefore, when you go to travel alone, you can personally planning your time better. For example, two years ago, I went to Spain in a group and we had a tour guide. After we were departured, we understood that it is his first trip to Spain. Also, he did not know anything about interesting places in Barcelona. Although, the agency told us he is so professional. So, we lost our time because of his lack of information.

Also, when you travel personally, you can go to the different places that you are interested in. For instance, I went to Malaysia last year. I surfed the Internet to find interesting places. It was easy and I found many exciting historical places and religious monuments. I actually chose some of them based on my time for every day visiting. But I had an awful experience when I have been in Amsterdam. I went there by a tour guide. She was not familiar with sightseeing of Amsterdam in spite of living there for 5 years. She could not show me all the famous places and I was spending my money in the worst way.

For those aforementioned reasons, I strongly disagree with traveling in a group by a tour guide. Based on my experience, I prefer travelling individually. Due I can be the best tour guide for myself. I can planning my trip personally and do not waste my time. On the other hand, I can find the best places to visit.
Jul 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / Natural resource from outer space [3]

It is better to have 3 paragraph in body.
Starting paragraphs with the words like: First, Next and Also.
Make sure that when you write, you think about your essays plot, draft it, proof read it and when you do proof read, you set yourself as a reader, now when your done, ask yourself, does the essay make sense, did it send the message you want to send, if the answers are no, then enhance your essay. Also, mind the use of your punctuation marks and turn on your spell check all the time.
Jun 30, 2015
Writing Feedback / Parents are responsible to shape their children habits and attitudes, also in regard to the money. [4]

In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money.

Parents are responsible to shape their children habits and attitudes. One of the important subjects is financial responsibilities. Children must know how cope with finite money resources and how deal with financial problems. I strongly agree with the statement. All children should be learnt about managing their money in order to be financially responsible adults.

First, I want to start by this sentence "Money does not grows on trees". Children should perceived that money is valuable. Also, money comes from hard working. How? By showing them practically. For instance, we had a general rule of thumb at home. I had to take a responsibility, and my parents paid me instead. It was a fair play! The result was that I understood depending on my income not my parent financial resources. By doing this, I learnt that to obtain anything I should struggle and work hard.

Next, saving money is another way of managing money. When children learn saving money, it become their habit as an adult. For example, my sister always says to her kids to save their money in a piggy bank. They have a definite amount of money every month and squirreled a little away. At the end of year, the piggy bank are broken in a special ceremony. So, they have permitted to buy everything they want. It is an enjoyable experience for them.

Also, we can participate our children in family shopping. At first, they found it difficult how to take the plunge. They are bounded to make mistakes. But, it is educational experience for them. My family is a good example. My brother and I routinely went to super market and bought all ingredients my mother needs for lunch one day in a week. It was very hard to spend limited money. Although, after many weeks we learnt how to deal with this problem.

In conclusion, I strongly agree to learn children managing their money at young age. It has many benefits and advantages that appears in their adult hoods. They are able to value money, save definite part of their monetary assets and spend their income appropriately.
Jun 25, 2015
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Books and Internet, which one is better to use to research? [9]

I look at your essay generally. And it is essential to tell you about how to write a toefl essay.
First, you must prepare your essay in the standard form. I recommend you to read a book. It's name is "Speaking and Writing Strategies for the TOEFL iBT".

It is really described everything about writing.
Jun 21, 2015
Writing Feedback / People benefits more from travelling in their own country than from travelling to foreign countries. [6]

The statements asks about benefits of travelling abroad and in own country and which of them is more beneficial. From my experience, travelling in their own country has more benefits. Why? Because of many reasons including help to increase our country's economy, touch history of our country and be familiar with culture of different cities.

First, travelling in our country helps flourishing of economy. For example, one of my friends went to Turkey for vacation. So, he had to take much money with himself. Accordingly, he went to an exchange and bought around 3000 Dolor. After he came back, he had no money and spent all in Turkey. But, I used to travel in my country. I spend money in my country. Although traveling to abroad is so tempting.

Additionally, I think our children firstly need to know about their country. It can be so exciting and fascinating for them. My brother is a good example. He studied about our country in geography and history class. But he was interested in seeing them from near. My parents took us to various part of our country full of ancient monument and statues. Therefore, he was able to touch them and investigate all details by his eyes. It was an educational experience for all of us.

Finally, when we travel inside our country, we can be familiar with different cultures and languages. In Iran, my country, there are miscellaneous social and religious ceremonies. For instance, when I was kid, we went to south part of Iran. I was shocked due to their cloths, languages that they communicate and also their wedding ceremony. On the other hand, their food was amazing and the taste was near to Indian food. I can say it was an amazing experience for me and never forget.

For those aforementioned reasons, I personally believes that travelling inside our country is better than to foreign country. Due, it has many benefits for us and also our country. The benefits are include burgeoning our country's economic, helping families to know and touch the history from near and being friends with ceremonies and cultures of different parts of our country.
Jun 21, 2015
Writing Feedback / University education helps get a better job or give more benefits for both individuals and society [4]

Dear cookie234
I read your manuscript, and there are many flaw. First, you write too long in one paragraph and short in another. please be careful about how many words you type. the other things I can tell you is that introduction and conclusion are short. You should write more.

The last fault is avoiding of using example in your body. It helps to increase your score. This example can be either your experience or illustration.

regards, marned
Jun 13, 2015
Writing Feedback / Distance between family members is extremely increasing nowadays. [3]

The extend family is less important now than it was in the past. Do you agree or disagree!

The pressure of modern life is making family smaller. Because, technology growing refines method of life. As little as 50 years ago, people lived in the extended family gratifyingly. From my perspective, I believe that the extended family is somewhat less vital now than it was before. There are many compelling reasons that I mentioned in following.

First of all, people tend to be free and independent, far from other inferences. All individuals like to be responsible about their life. Also, people tend to have emancipated living. My mother's family life method is a good example. They used to living in a big mansion with lots of rooms. All members of family including grandparents, uncles, cousins and aunts lived together. So, they could not make decision independently. Mostly, the oldest person was responsible of making decision and others had to obey and respect to his idea. Although, other individuals of family felt that they are less valuable especially women.

Second of all, cities are developed and then distance of family members is increased. It is the result of a state-of-the-art life. For example, I am far from my grandparents and other family. Consequently, we cannot be in touch with other closely. Technology is a great help and we have a widespread means for communication. Mostly, we are contacting each other by phone, email and social networks. We usually visit each other once in a year. Because, there is no enough time and financial resources is limited. Accordingly, there are many striking contrast between today living style and what was in the past. Life style in modern world is altered.

As the aforementioned examples show, the extended families is less important in compare with what they was in the past. Because, distance between family members are extremely increased, and also, people tend to be more free and independent.