Writing Feedback /
Modern lifestyle has made it harder for people to live a healthy, active lifestyle. Causes&Solutions [2]
1st Para:
- This lifestyle significantly
effects affects their health (affect is a verb, and effect is Noun)
makes them idle
- some effective measures can be taken by government and
corporations to tackle this issues.
- I think you need to rewrite your thesis statement that is needed to connect closely with topic "harder for people to live a healthy, active lifestyle".
2nd Para:
- just pressing by a button or touch the machine complete a task within a minute
where human needed more physical efforts to complete it (Why do you use relative pronoun "Where" here)
-
it is help to burn excess calories and stronger their muscles but now using the motor vehicles without any efforts => it helps to burn excess calories and strengthen their muscles. However, people now tend to use the motor vehicles.
- Second factor is consuming more junk food than before => you need to add article "THE" in front of "Second" (Missing word)
- today's people working more time to manage the living cost, no time for cooking and eating the unhealthy foods from the restaurant, these foods are rich in oil, salt and sugar which causes varies health issues and diseases. => (You should rewrite this sentence, more simple with correct grammar)
3rd Para
- government and big companies should focus on people healthiest activities: => It's too general. you need to write it more concretely
- The government should encourage people to use bicycle by
introduceintroducing higher safety public tracks, restricting license and impose heavy tax for unhealthy foods
- their employee => It should be plural
- These activities would eliminate negative
effective i
mpact of modern lifestyle health issues.
*** You need to be careful in using marks.
Hope this help!!!
Ron