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Posts by Ron Weasley
Name: Phuc Nguyen
Joined: Jul 31, 2015
Last Post: Aug 12, 2015
Threads: 5
Posts: 15  
Likes: 4
From: Vietnam
School: HUFLIT

Displayed posts: 20
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Ron Weasley   
Aug 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / Students prefer living in campus housing rather than living in off campus. Toefl essay [4]

I don't give suggestions about content and grammar, but There are 2 notes that I want to let you know:
- If you are writing an essay, the Introduction should be written from 2 to 3 sentences. Don't write too much, 'cause you can lose from your topic and it can also make examiners confused

- You need to balance the length of each paragraph.

Hope this help. Good luck ^.^
Ron Weasley   
Aug 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / Modern lifestyle has made it harder for people to live a healthy, active lifestyle. Causes&Solutions [2]

1st Para:
- This lifestyle significantly effects affects their health (affect is a verb, and effect is Noun) makes them idle
- some effective measures can be taken by government and corporations to tackle this issues.
- I think you need to rewrite your thesis statement that is needed to connect closely with topic "harder for people to live a healthy, active lifestyle".

2nd Para:
- just pressing by a button or touch the machine complete a task within a minute where human needed more physical efforts to complete it (Why do you use relative pronoun "Where" here)

- it is help to burn excess calories and stronger their muscles but now using the motor vehicles without any efforts => it helps to burn excess calories and strengthen their muscles. However, people now tend to use the motor vehicles.

- Second factor is consuming more junk food than before => you need to add article "THE" in front of "Second" (Missing word)

- today's people working more time to manage the living cost, no time for cooking and eating the unhealthy foods from the restaurant, these foods are rich in oil, salt and sugar which causes varies health issues and diseases. => (You should rewrite this sentence, more simple with correct grammar)

3rd Para
- government and big companies should focus on people healthiest activities: => It's too general. you need to write it more concretely
- The government should encourage people to use bicycle by introduceintroducing higher safety public tracks, restricting license and impose heavy tax for unhealthy foods
- their employee => It should be plural
- These activities would eliminate negative effective impact of modern lifestyle health issues.
*** You need to be careful in using marks.

Hope this help!!!
Ron
Ron Weasley   
Aug 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / It is unfair for local people to pay the same amount of money on tourist attraction with foreigners. [3]

- To begin with , it is unfair ( you should change another phrase, because "To be gin with" is applied for speaking. How about: the first reason, first of all,...

- local people already payhave paid taxes (You need to use Perfect Present Tense here)
- "tourist attraction" is repeated much times, so you can change it to "Destination" (If you use it, your essay will abundant, and your vocabulary point is higher

- Another reason is thatit is helpful to the local economy => I think you need to change this sentence: Another major reason is the local economy will be improved.)

- so the overall local economy became better ( I think you could use another word in stead of became such as: the overall local economy would be much better.

- In conclusion part, you need to illustrate your opinion about the topic. and the conclusion should contain from 2 to 3 sentences.

Hope this help. ^.^ Bye.
Ron.
Ron Weasley   
Aug 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Differences of Life between in the city and in the countryside [6]

Please help me with this essay. I am very thankful for all your help!! Now is 10:53 a.m, so Good night!! (I hope someone will help me tomorrow) ^.^

People now have many options of their living destination. While some people would prefer a quiet and peaceful place such as rural areas, others love to live in the cities with noise and more facilities. In fact, the life between two areas differs from two major aspects.

The first salient difference is that lifestyle. In the countryside, the pace of life is very slow. People tend to be more relaxed because their work is simple. Every member can often enjoy the family life after a hard working day on the fields. Moreover, they are also less practical than people living in the city. In contrast, the city-lived in residents always seem to be faster. They spend most of their time working outside in order to make a living. As a result, they seldom have time with their family members.

Another important distinction is the job opportunities and living condition. There are poor job opportunities in countryside. They annually work on their farmlands and live in poor condition since the infrastructure is not as good as that in the city. For instance, the roads are degraded and the means of transport are restricted. In addition, children have fewer chances to present at school than those in the city. On the contrary, people settling in the city can land many new jobs in the city because many companies are operating there. Therefore, they can have different options to apply for different jobs. Furthermore, the standard of living is higher, and the building and transport system are improved.

To conclude, the way for living is differed from the rural areas to the city in many aspects. Although people who stay in the city have a better living condition, they often suffer from stressful situations.
Ron Weasley   
Aug 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / The rate of using internet between urban/suburban regions tended to increase rapidly over time. [3]

Could anyone help me with this writing. This is an IELTS task I have just finished. I am very glad if you can help me. Thank you all ^.^

The graph below shows percentage of urban/suburban and rural households in a European country that had Internet access between 1999 and 2004.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features an make some comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart compares the number of urban/suburban and rural household Internet Access in a European country from 1999 to 2004. In general, the rate of using internet between two regions tended to increase rapidly over time.

The percentage of Internet access in urban and suburban was the highest throughout the period. There was a dramatic increase from 15% in 1999 to just under 50% in 2002. After that, the rate has more slightly risen, with 53% and 55% households had their own Internet approach respectively in 2003 and 2004.

Similarly, the degree of using Internet of each family in rural grew steadily during 1999 to 2002. However, that is a slight growth. From 2003 to 2004, it is easy to see that there were a larger number of people using internet network at home, increased from 27% to 35% in turn.

To conclude, although the percentage of internet access in rural is lower than in urban and suburban, people there have more chance to own the household internet.

(167 words)




Ron Weasley   
Aug 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / Sometimes you should disregard many important things like physical exercises to achieve career goals [2]

- ....giving damage to your health. ( You should put a stop here, and then begin a result question). Thus you will spend time to go there....

- To give an example , while I was going to work out.. => Why don't you use " For example" or "For instance". It would be better, I think.

- very much time in a day as you guess, so I sometimes could not sleep.. (You need to put a comma here).
- allocate enough time to study. Hence this affected me very negatively... ( You need to put a stop or semi-colon after word "study"
- As mentioned above , though many benefits of doing exercise... Better use "In conclusion", "To sum up" or "To conclude"

Hope it help. ^.^

Ron Weasley
Ron Weasley   
Aug 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / Parents should give school-age children money as a reward for getting a high mark - TOEFL WRITING [2]

Allow me to give you some suggestions ^.^

- but others, in contrast , believe that paying mone y making allowance to children would be harmful (You should writing only word or phrase to portray the contrasting point)

- I think that after your controlling ideas, you should write some support sentences. And then, you can put an example for each case.
- There is no denyingIt is undeniable that parents should encourage children (But I think you shouldn't write such trite and hollow sentence, because sometimes, it can make examiner confused. Therefore, Focusing on your idea is the best way).

- "Who do not believed that children should be encouraged? But in an appropriate way" => I think that you shouldn't make a question in the end of conclusion. In conclusion, you should focus on 2 main parts: Restate your opinion and give your recommendation .

- Another thing I want you to note: In essay, you shouldn't use "I" even though the request of topic is asking your opinion. It is because your essay would be subjective. I think you should write your opinion in the other ways without using "I".

Good luck. And If this helps you, give me a thumb. Goodbye! ^.^
Ron Weasley   
Aug 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / Bar Chart which provide an usage of railway among different countries [3]

This is my new writing about a chart. Could you please give me your opinions? Thank you for your contribution ^.^

The table shows details in 2007 for four countries concerning the percentage of population who used railway, how many kilometres each person traveled on average, and the number of tons of cargo was carried. In general, although USA travels least, they transport the largest amount of cargo.

It is worth noting that a few American used rail with only 0.3%, and they did not travel far (about 80 kilometres). However, USA strongly focused on carrying cargo, nearly 2,900 billion tons. This contrasts with Japan where 27% of people used rail, and they traveled far further than other countries (1,980 kilometres). On the other hand, about 23 billion tons of freight was carried.

The two other countries which are most similar are UK and Italy. Both of them had between 5 and 6% population using rail. They traveled from 770 to 780 kilometres, and the amount of cargo UK and Italy carried was approximately the same (22.2% and 21.9% respectively).
Ron Weasley   
Aug 3, 2015
Writing Feedback / University education is the only way to success. Agree or disagree. [5]

Could you please give me a advice? Should I put a number in body paragraph, like this sentence: In addition, the unemployment rate of Vietnam is more and more increasingly with 72.000 bachelors each year.

I am grateful if you can help me ^.^
Ron Weasley   
Aug 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Homework to write an essay about newspaper and teenager [4]

- by the fast development of technology and appearingappearance
- They are many teenagers was read the newspaper in the past
- fromto long time
- but moreove r also , it is easily accessible
I hope this helps you ^.^
Ron Weasley   
Aug 2, 2015
Letters / I've asked myself countlessly: "Is this a good decision?" - My family and educational ambitions [3]

- Opening "Dear Sir or Madam, " Ending "Yours faithfully" ( because Yours sincerely refers to relationship that recipient and you know each other)

- My parents are business peoplebusinessmen
- They have built a strong and stable connections betweenamong partners
- where despite though I don't have any friends (Despite + N, Though/even though + Clause)
- I want to tryattempt my best (Attempt is more formal than try, more acedamic)
- had beenpu into the jail
- I want to contribute to bringmake a contribution
- butbesides a brave heart and a strong commitment
I hope this can help you ^.^
Ron Weasley   
Aug 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / University education is the only way to success. Agree or disagree. [5]

Hi everyone. Please help me with this essay. I am very thankful for your contribution.
In a few decades ago, a graduate from university could gain a high rate to get a good job. However, many students now consider universities enrollment might no longer the best choice for their career. Therefore, students should start working after a course and accrue the work experience.

On one hand, their career promotion would be earlier than the ones studying at universities. In fact, many people have been very successful without passing university period. Such people early seem to realize the importance of soft skills. Therefore, they tend to experience the real workplace in order to gain the valuable lessons needing for their future job. For example, Bill Gates, chairman of Microsoft Corporation, leaved Harvard University to start his own business while the curriculum is still incomplete. For his fearless decision, he now becomes the richest businessmen in the world.

On the other hand, studying at university is now not a prevalent tendency. First, the study period is too long. When students finish their syllabus, the employment demand might be changed. Hence, many students decide to start at intermediate school where they can both learn and work in real workplace. Also, students from the universities do usually not meet the job requirements because they do not acquire any work skills except the specialist knowledge. In addition, the unemployment rate of Vietnam is more and more increasingly with 72.000 bachelors each year.

In conclusion, although studying at university is a good opportunities to get knowledge, students are now more likely to join in the real work environment. It seems to be a good way for students to ensure their future.
Ron Weasley   
Jul 31, 2015
Writing Feedback / All students need relaxation after hours of stressful study [8]

Hi, guys. I'm new here and was hoping your feedback regarding my opinion about students with their study. I am very appreciate if you can help me. Thanks for your all attention. Have a nice day! ^.^

Some students say that rarely spend time on leisure due to their studies and this always leads them under pressure. This situation was caused by two major factors.

Parental expectation is the first cause building pressure. Parents all want to see their children to do well at school and have a good career. This means they are willing to exert pressure on children to spend hours each day studying at home or centers. In my countries, young people usually spend at least three hours at private center after the school. As a result, they are always stressful and cannot get a good achievement on their studies.

The second cause is related to higher education system. More students desire to enroll into famous university that they want. Because of this, they themselves put a lot of pressure. They even study twice times so that they can have a chance of success. For example, In Vietnam, a large number of students attend the university examination each year. Many of them has passed the exam, some others has failed and felt depressed.

There are some solutions that can help students falling into in this situation. One solution to this problem is parents need to be aware of bad effects of pressure they put on their children. School and children should inform parents too much pressure can lead to anxiety, stress and depression. Parents had better make a suitable schedule with a justifiable amount of leisure time. Another effective way would be for the government to invest in creation of more university places. This could be done by expanding existing university or by building the new ones. Therefore, student can have more opportunities for university enrolment.

To sum up, students now forget the time for relaxation after hours of stressful study. It would be worse for their physical and mental health if students continue this situation.
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