Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by db723
Name: Isabelle Chen
Joined: Sep 25, 2015
Last Post: Nov 4, 2015
Threads: 5
Posts: 7  
Likes: 1
From: Australia
School: Monash University

Displayed posts: 12
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
db723   
Nov 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: technology has affected communication, positive or negative? [2]

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?


We are living in the era of technology, resulting in fundamental shifts in people's ways of communication. Relationships between people has been influenced in many aspects. There are negative effects of this development, while I believe positive effects outweigh negative ones.

Technology has revolutionized business and personal relationships. Both companies and individuals now highly depend on the Internet connection to communicate with each other. New methods like phone calls, messages and emails have replaced face-to-face conversation, thus, people can hold meetings and conversations without meeting in reality.

Changes in ways of communication caused by technology advancement are beneficial to companies and individuals. Novel approaches are so convenient that making instant long distance conversation possible. For example, international corporations are able to hold video conferences, connecting branches worldwide with the headquarter. In terms of individuals, overseas students now have access to frequently interact with their families online, instead posting a letter and waiting for three months in the past. Besides, communications development is effective and efficient. It saves time that has been wasted owing to traffic condition.

However, technological improvement on communication can be harmful to individuals, resulting in isolation issues. People, especially the young generation who are digital natives, tend to tackle all types of relationships online. The lack of face-to-face meetings would make them isolated in reality. For example, teenagers who keep typing online find themselves hard to communicate with peers in reality.

In conclusion, technology has been developing rapidly, thereby influencing our relationships and ways of communication with each other. Though it will lead to isolation problems, I consider there are more positive effects than negative.

Word count: 270

THANKS!
db723   
Nov 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / [IELTS Task 1] Analysing Map of School from 1950 until 2010 [4]

Hi there, you did not attach the MAP, so I just imagine what is on the map.

Maybe you can describe with NORTH, SOUTH, WEST, EAST, instead of RIGHT/LEFT

We can see that changes occurred a lot in sixty years but the school remained the same.
TO
There have been lots of changes in sixty years but leave the school untouched.

Thus, the playground was behind the school and on the right side of the farmland.

The FORMER school building in 1950 became the main building of school ONE in 1980.

The houses WAS changed to science block and car park.

the farmland WAS turned into sport field
db723   
Oct 25, 2015
Writing Feedback / Discuss both of perspectives about do talents come from parents or not? [4]

Almost every PERSON around the world interests IN .... it is AN enjoyable activity to

One of parents or both of them will DERIVE

who has INHERITED talent in music from his father

Furthermore, it is also occur on sport.

make them to become HABITS

In CONSEQUENCE
db723   
Oct 16, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: imported food trend.  Why is this?  Is it positive or negative? [2]

Today's food travels thousands of miles before it reaches customers. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative trend?

Imported food is becoming more and more common in daily life. There are various reasons for this trend, which will be introduced in this essay. While the process of importing food can be harmful to some extent, I take the view that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

The main reasons of imported food are demands, globalisation and technology advancement. It is evident that supplies are fuelled by demands. Different types of food overseas are required by consumers. Globalisation and technology improvements facilitate this process. There are less trade barriers under global businesses and air shipping accelerates the logistics.

It is undeniable that imported food is detrimental to the environment. The increasing fossil fuel used for shipping is a significant cause of global warming. It is crucial to minimise the unnecessary pollution generated by transporting food for thousands of miles.

There are, however, more advantages of imported food. The diversity of food is proliferated. People have more choices to buy international products rather than to consume only the local one. It is considerably convenient for people to enjoy off-season fruits and vegetables. For example, by importing, tropical fruits and vegetables are available to consumers who are in winter. Apart from that, materials which are only produced in certain area become assessable around the world. For example, consumers now are able to purchase Thai curry paste in supermarket and cook Thai cuisine. Lastly, the trend of importing food promotes national economy of countries who export. Exported food can be a major industry in some nations. Employments are promising due to the need of labour as well. Take Columbia as an example, profits generated from coffee accounts for a great proportion of GDP.

In conclusion, imported food becomes prevalent for reasons. Though there is a negative effect of transporting food over a long distance, I believe the benefits exceed the drawbacks.

Word count: 307

Thanks!
db723   
Oct 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The vehicles are favored by workers in Houston, Texas [3]

Private car produces the highest amount of carbon dioxide, roughly 0.32 kilograms per person while anotherother car results approximately 0.08 kilograms.

the least percentage showed by car driven many workers
This does not make sense, are you willing to say driven by many workers ?
db723   
Oct 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / Countries are becoming similar. What is an effect of this situation? IELTS TASK 2 [2]

Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this?

We are living in a global village, where there is a shift in people's lifestyle ranging from fashions to eating habits. It is true that countries are becoming similar under globalisation. I take the view that drawbacks of this trend outweigh benefits.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that the cultural globalisation brings benefits. The most significant merit is big brands are available to consumers worldwide. Individuals living in every corner of the world are able to purchase products from elsewhere. For example, Asian residents can buy the latest style of fast fashion clothes produced by H&M, a Swedish company. It is possible for citizens to follow the fashion trend. Similarly, people have access to taste overseas cuisine. The evident example is McDonald's is prevalent around the world, which can be seen in most cities.

On the other hand, there are many disadvantages of this global trend. Firstly, cultural identity might be missing during the process of globalisation. The disappearance of traditional products is a severe consequence of globalisation. People pay more attention to international goods and neglect domestic ones. To illustrate, Chinese traditional dressing styles have been displaced by Western styles. Thus, cultural identity is dropping in this process. With the influence of cultural identity loss, more and more countries are losing attraction to tourists. Countries which are increasingly similar provide ubiquitous products but unique ones. Tourists are not willing to pay for products available worldwide, instead, they prefer identical national stuffs, such as appealing local food and interesting souvenirs.

In conclusion, globalisation has benefited people from fashions to eating habits. However, I believe drawbacks of this trend are more significant. It is expected that countries could make national traditions and international products well-balanced.

Word count: 286

Thanks!
db723   
Oct 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / University should make an easier access for poor students (IELTS Writing task 2) [4]

Hi

We live in the time where education is an access to have a better future

the higher the education level is, it will be more difficult as well to be reached
the higher the education level is, the more difficult to be reached

students who come from countryside are unlimitedlimited in connection to information

It is also important to prepare the student that competition in university is hard academically and socially
This sentence does not make sense to me. Maybe that to because ?
db723   
Oct 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / Describe benefits of owning a home and renting. ielts task2 [3]

However, for overseas students living in a house off campus, owning a home is better than renting because of cost and relationship.
In conclusion, living in a rented apartment is suitable like cheap cost and good relationship for students studying abroad than buying a home.


Your introduction and conclusion is a paradox.
By reading the body paragraphs, I think you agree with renting, but the ideas are not clear. It is better to show it at first.

Thanks
db723   
Oct 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Reason for fathers stay at home while mothers go out to work. Is it positive or negative? [2]

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, stay-at-home fathers and working mothers are becoming common. The shift of gender roles within families could be generated by various reasons, which is a positive progress from my perspective.

There are reasons about this phenomenon. Firstly, it depends on personal preference. Women are eligible for gaining academic qualifications and pursuing a career because equal rights movements have promoted gender equality. Gone are the days when women belong only in the kitchen. They have options to work rather than to be housewives without choice. Secondly, the rising cost of living has put pressure on married families. The breadwinners of families should depend on which partner earns the most money rather than fixed gender roles. Lastly, special considerations should not be ignored. To be househusbands is the best option for some fathers who are disabled or suffering unemployment.

The emergence of househusbands and women breadwinners is a progress. The shift of gender roles shows that the society is open and generous. It eliminates the fixed and conservative gender roles, hence there are less gender bias. With this development, women are entitled to share equal opportunities. Besides the reduction in gender bias, this phenomenon works wonders for families. Both men and women could make the best contribution to the family. They are able to apply themselves in their skilled domains, to earn money or to assume childcare responsibilities. Children who are brought up by stay-at-home fathers could learn more masculinity from fathers. Therefore, the shift of gender roles is considered as a progress for both the society and families.

In conclusion, the rising amount of househusbands are caused by many reasons. I take the view that it is a positive development for both the society and families.
db723   
Oct 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / International exchange program - is it advantageous for the secondary level students? [2]

Hello, I'll try to help.

That is to say that students could become moreinnovative and creative, when they interact with overseas student, and THEY COULD gain something new while travelling in these countries.

Many countries also provides student exchange schemes for young students in order to expand their horizon, such as NSE by the UK government.

receive opportunity to do work there.

now IS EMPLOYED in Canada.

Thanks.
db723   
Oct 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / The programs as a charity or helping neighbourhood have a lot of advantages for students [5]

Hello, I'll just have a try.

I suggest you agree with this idea, but the second paragraph is talking about the disadvantages of unpaid community service, which is not reasonable.
It's better to refute these disadvantages to prove that you agree with the view.

Moreover,W hen some students teach sports they can learn[by doing t#FF0000] IN new situation or condition and then they realize numerous relationships with new people while he or she IS involveD IN a charity affair.

Moreover, it has a wide range of benefits such as self-confident and independently.
Secondly, being a part of that event BRINGS more and more new experiences can be touched.

it becomeS a HIGH LEVEL personal life in society because of become an active person.
I am not quiet sure about the meaning this sentence.

Thanks.
db723   
Sep 25, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: The best way to solve the environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. [2]

Question:
The best way to solve the world's environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Issues of the environment have become severe. While it is said that to drive up petrol price is the best solution, I take the view that the increasing fuel cost would not be workable.

It is plausible that carbon emissions would be reduced with the rising in petrol price. The prohibitive fuel cost would let individuals consider to drive less. Thus, the greenhouse gas would be emitted less accordingly. However, the increase in cost of fuel could not shift the usage of vehicles efficiently. Because the inconvenience generated by this strategy is superior to the reduction in fumes. A demonstration to be given is, driving is essential in most of countryside due to public transport is not serviced all round. The rising fuel cost is only burdening the cost of living.

On the contrary, there are some viable alternatives that the government and corporations could implement to reduce greenhouse emissions rather than rising up the cost of fuel. In terms of the government, it is more effective and efficient to promote public transport service. The well-grounded public transport service should be built by the government. Hence, people in rural areas could have the option to travel by buses or trains. The government should also drive down the fares of public transport. Individuals would consider give thought to public transport rather than driving if public transport is much cheaper. Apart from the government, corporations could contribute to the reduction of carbon dioxide emissions as well. New technology and clean energy could be used by automobile companies. To illustrate, hybrid cars, which use electricity at low speed and petrol at high speed, lower the greenhouse gas emissions.

In conclusion, I believe that the rising fuel price is not the solution to the environmental problems nowadays. In contrast, the government and corporations could tackle it by viable alternative ways.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳