Writing Feedback / [IELTS] A question which remains controversial; Strict rules of behaviour for children or not? [3]

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want.

To what extent should children have to follow rules?

Please also score my essay. With thanks,

While educating young generation plays a pivotal role in the development of society, methodologies may vary from country to country. In certain nations, children retain the right to do almost everything of their interest. In others, meanwhile, they have restricted independence and are obliged to follow behavior rules. Both educational methods have its own advantages, yet I believe that children should be permitted to obtain a particular level of freedom in order to express their distinctive personalities.

In countries where strict attitude obligations exist, children are usually brought up to be more obedient and respectful citizens. As they have a set of rules to follow since they were in kindergarten, they are more capable of distinguishing the decent occurrence from the adverse counterpart. As a consequence, burden can be partly relieved from families and schools since they might not need to supervise each child and student individually. Moreover, this fact will likely form a stable society where the majority of residents tend to stay refrained from negative phenomenon.

In contrast, our offspring may also benefit from being permitted to do things of their interest. The fact that they possess more freedom to express their personalities will create a diverse society. Furthermore, these children tend to grow up being more independent and decisive. USA is a particular example where children are not restricted by strict behavior rules. Despite all the negative effects it might have, USA remains the most developed country in the world, renowned for its freedom and liberty. Numerous citizens develop into successful symbols regarding economics, science, medicine, and cinema industry.

In a nutshell, whether young generation should be required to comply with behavior obligations has remained controversial. Each methodology proves to be beneficial to society in different manners. However, I still believe that less behavior rules will allow our offspring to grow up more distinctively.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Causes and solutions for increasing average weight in some countries [2]

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing.

What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Increase in citizens' average weight is currently witnessed in different countries. This has raised a concern among society about the level of people's health and fitness. By that, busy pace of life as well as technology development can be addressed as the root causes of this issue, and it also requires several resolutions to tackle it.

First, higher average weight is plausibly originated from modern busy lifestyle. People tend to spend more time in the workplace, hence less time on recreation. As a consequence, this has affected their eating and exercising habits in an adverse manner. For instance, increasing number of American residents choose fast food in lieu of cooked meals for their dinners. They also have less time spent on doing exercises or physical activities. In some industrialized cities like Ho Chi Minh, there even exists almost no outdoor areas appropriate for exercising and entertainment.

Second, the advancement of technology partly contributes to the deteriorating level of habitants' health as well. Online diversion has become enormously popular with a wide range of options. Urban citizens retain the preference to play online games, use social networks, or stick to their mobile phones or laptops rather than getting out for real life interactions. According to an article in 2013, each person spends one and a half hours on average per day on Facebook and similar social networks. This amount of time literately could have been used for doing exercises to improve fitness level.

There have been numerous attempts worldwide to address this issue. First, Government should help residents to afford a work life balance. To be specific, in some European countries, proposals have been raised to reduce working hours from eight to seven per day. Furthermore, there should be restrictions on fast food advertisements. Instead, restaurants with nutritious cuisine, those from Japan for example, should be welcomed. Meanwhile, it still remains the most challenging task to tackle the problems caused by advance technology as it is the matter of personal decision. However, as long as the number of working hours declines as aforementioned and there are more outdoor playgrounds to be built, the probability of residents switching to physical entertainment may increase.

In conclusion, busy pace of modern life and technology advancement are to blame for increasing weight pattern of citizens from certain nations. Although it has raised serious concerns among society, appropriate resolutions can be implemented to tackle the issue.

Writing Feedback / It has become a common pattern that successful sports professionals are paid a fortune [3]

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It has become a common pattern that successful sports professionals are paid a fortune compared to other professions. Public opinions have polarized on this fact. Adherents believe high income is justified for unique sports talents while opponents contend other important careers have also contributed well to society, hence deserving similar range of income. Both sides prove their arguments reasonable, but supportive opinions to this pattern appear to be more convincing.

Those who argue against this fact state that other significant professions such as scientists and doctors are more plausibly justified for high income. They believe that to be qualified as a scientist or a doctor, each individual has made great attempt and themselves possess valuable talent. In addition, their jobs seem to contribute more to the wellbeing of society. The opponents claim that the globe could hardly evolve to nowadays level of modernity without the devotion of scientists and doctors. Hence, there exists any profession that deserves high income, doctors and scientists should be considered first.

In sharp contrast, adherents for the fact argue that talent among sports profession appears to be more unique and the number of successful ones in this career is limited. They state that not all sports athletes are well paid but only those who have attained such impressive achievements. These limited sports talents have greater social media influence than scientists and doctors. Many companies are willing to hire them to become their product representative. This helps the companies to earn enormous profit and the sports talents also receive a fortune payment in return. Moreover, sports professionals can only perform well in a short period of time rather than a whole life length as other careers. Therefore, they deserve higher income during this period to compensate for when they cease their career path.

In conclusion, both supporters and opponents assert strongly convincing arguments on the high payment to successful sports athletes. However, to a certain extent it appears that supportive opinions are more persuasive and sports talents are justified for they fortune they are earning.