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Posts by sholihin84
Name: Mhd. Sholihin
Joined: Jan 22, 2016
Last Post: Feb 8, 2016
Threads: 6
Posts: 9  

From: Indonesia
School: English Studio Indonesia

Displayed posts: 15
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sholihin84   
Feb 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Perceived and actual likelihood of being a victim of crime, indicated in varied-variables [3]

The bar chart gives a set of information about the perceived and actual likelihood of being a victim of crime indicated in varied-variables, quantified in percentages.

Overall, the perceived 2009/10 dominated in car crime. While, three others namely actual 2009/10; perceived 2010/11; and actual 2010/11, are rangked as the followers of the perceived 2009/10, it was a noticeable account in which the actual 2010/11 was the lowest one in numeral crimes.

As per data, car crime shown a dramatic increase in perceived 2009/10 around 6%. Indeed, it was clear information of the issue leveled out at 21% in car crime. Following that trend, the perceived 2010/11 is also relatively high in car crime. Correlated with that, other crimes such as violent crime tended to exactly be change in which the perceived 2009/2010 continued as the highest pattern in violent action. The perceived 2010/11 ready positioned as the second level after. The reverse of that condition, the actual of both 2010/11 and 2009/10 was the lowest trend in various crimes such as burglary, car crime, and violent crime.




sholihin84   
Feb 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Females status actually transformed in various aspect of human being for 5 past decades. [2]

The position of woman has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies can not claim to have achieved gender quality.

To what extend do you agree or disagree?


Females status actually transformed in various aspect of human being for 5 past decades. Overall, two notions had been a debatable issue inviting the attention of academician in different field of science. First, a group views positively that today women accepted an equal confenssion in social structure as a main part of society. Second, a school believes that feminine was still positioned as a marginal group of people because of their genders. I come to both terms with its all of feature arguments.

Nowadays, named as the women renaisancce era. It was based on Theorde Adorno's view in which women tends to have equal right. They were imposed as same as males in all of life aspect such as in politics, economics, and such. As a main solution,people must have law consciousness. The reverse of the notion, for some sociologists, the factor why females tend to be a secondary class in the society is that they routinely are exploited as hard-worker like man in industrial. The analyst named it as capital attraction. In fact, it is intentionally proved as empirical fact because some capitalistic reasons such reducing of rent rate and such. To maintain and anticipated the exploitation, government must be brave to regulate based on the law of women protection. As an ultimate goal, females will get their right despite they are a hard-labour such as laisure time, pregnance holiday and others.

To sum up, there are two opinions explorated the gender issues. A group think positively that women became an equal social class like males. Others, a network introduces critical view. They analyze the complicated-problem of women status based on the marxism tradition in which they investigates that it is because of capitalism tradition tending to exploit women as hard-workers. These is possible to formulate a set of main solutions. For example, the authority roles through regulation to strict to employ woman as labour in industries; public awareness on females right without discrimination.
sholihin84   
Feb 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The pie charts inform about the most common advantages and disadvatages of Fairmont Island. [NEW]

The pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvatages of Fairmont Island, according to a survey of visitors. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant!

The two pie charts compared the visitors of most common advantages and disadvantagess of Fairmont Island measured in percentages. Overall, it experienced the significant fluctuation of both pie charts. While it ecountered a group which incresed drmatically in the number of visitor, other clusters witnessed a slight jump in the visitators quantity.

According to the data, it can be compared in two cluster of informations: an indicator indicated that high cost of living is the highest factor for visitor to unvisit the Fairmon Island at 45% respondents. The entertainment followed the position at 30%, then the wheater was at the third level in 20% as a factor causing the common disadvantages of Fairmont Island. The low factor was food quality in 5%. Constrast with that condition, the people of Fairmont Island was main factor of common advantages in 40%. In the second factor was the scenary around 37%. Then, it is followed by culture attraction in 12%. The last motivation was good accomodation in 11% of respondent aswers.




sholihin84   
Feb 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : NON ART-SKILLED STUDENTS LEARN HOW TO PAINT AND DRAW [2]

Teaching such students about painting and drawing requires much more time and patience.
1. It was confuse sentence.

it have been found grammar-errors like --> artistic is a skill that not any students have. It's adjective requiring the noun as modifier.
sholihin84   
Jan 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / There is no excuse for authorities to restrict the unpaid public rights-education and healthcare. [2]

All education and healthcare should be founded by the government and free everyone.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


It is common truth that state tends to have a set of crucial obligation to the citizens who live in a state under control of formal leader-president. One of that condition is that government must gurantee the education and health care as free facilities which can be exactly used by all of everyone. The argument why must be implemented is that government takes a taxation as inhabitan's obligation. According to that asumption, I argue that authorities of national education and health department should widely make the tuition and healtcare as a self-governing for the national subjects.

Based on the welfare state indicators published by OECD, it can be noticed that a country can be evaluated as well-being nations of which is able to warranty the life aspect of all of people. Particularly in educational and health right. Indeed, in Indonesia context, UUD or the basic law of Indonesia introduces clearly that a regime as important figure was obligated to preserve the unemployments, paupers and waifs. They have a common right as same as with other social class such as education and healthcare. In this context the reason is able to accept a cohesive altercation. The notion obviously declared the state commitment to education and healthcare as unpaid faciltities, eventually, based on the two main foundation-legal such the basic law of Indonesia and normative argument as main function of state.

In conclusion, it is certainly not excuse for authority to restrict the unpaid public rights-education and healthcare. Not only as obligation, but also as social and success indicators a regime of developed-country.
sholihin84   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK WRITING] The Comparison of Economic and Social Indicators of Four States [3]

[From specific tabel 1.1] It can be exactly understood that in Canada, Japan, Peru, and Zaire the circumstance of annual income per peson; life expectancy at birth; daily calorie supply per person; and andult literacy rate inform a dynamic information. Therefore, it is important to be shortly described.

The data acquaints axiomatically that annual income per person of Japan is highest than canada's annual income in which the annual income of Japan is 15760 $ while the Canada annual is only 11100. It is certainly constrast with the annual income of two other countries-Peru and Zaire in which 160$ for Peru and 130$ for Zaire. Meanwhile, in the life expectancy at birth context, Japan is still dominance as country having a good life expectancy at birth. It is around 78 point. Its mean is that Japan diverge from Canada in one point. Then, both Peru and Zaire is bound in 51 and 47 point. In the aspect of daily calorie supply per person, it is relatively different with the recent data in which Canada is a little farther of Japan in 3326 point. In the interim, Japan only stays in 2846 level; Peru in 1927 point and Zaire in 1749 point. The final indicator is the adult literacy rate in percentage. It can be interpretated that between both Canada and Japan is as same as in their percetange-99%. Thus, the lowest percentage of adult literacy rate can be discovered in Zaire-34%. For the moment, Peru is comparatively higher than Zaire in 68%.

It can be summarized that Canada, Japan, Peru and Zaire's comparison each indicators-annual income; life expectation at birth; daily calorie supply; and adult literacy rate, shows the varied-information possibly indicating the level of growth having occurred in each states.[]
sholihin84   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: The advantages and disadvantages of taking a job between school and university [6]

These days and ages , graduated students are expected to take a part in working world for several years before they continue their formal education in university.

... who have various characteristics. itteaches them building an attractive communication, ...

There are various notices on your essay:
1. The uneffective word used-->These days and ages.
2. I found quiet improvidence sentence-->for several years before..[It makes the meaning of the sentences succinct.
sholihin84   
Jan 28, 2016
Undergraduate / "Showing Leadership Capabilities" Essay for Transfer App [7]

Based on the essay you published, honestly, it is difficul to find minor mistake. Absolutely, used-grammars are correct.
But, if I must evaluate the essay, I should suggest you to distinct clear your own-thesis.

for example: the sentence of your--> [.....I believe music is a just as important]. Absolutely, I cannot find the reason why the view can be.
sholihin84   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 having a job prior entering to university has many benefits [5]

... demerits are more crucial due to the fact that this will lead students less ...---This can be subsitituted by It as common using.

Overall, the writing of your is good enough. But there is problem with the content and its rationalization--example and other facts.
sholihin84   
Jan 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Greed and Unsafe of Global Economic [3]

Michael Douglas stated that greed is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed will save the U.S.A. That slogan was said again by Gordon Gekko in a movie, Wall Street. It became a belief adopted by people in the world. In particular case, greed is main energy actuating human activities like bussiness ardor.

For economists, who believe that greed is important, that greed is argued have ability to motivate economic growth. Although over the last three hundred years, our cultural spokesman have expressed increased confidence in the pursuit of economic self interest even when it might lapse into greed. That trend make the greed accepted as good character in pursuit of happiness. But it is not durable as morality of economy. Economic crisis in various countries have indicated that greed is bad for economy imunity.

Economic crises which happen in the world often were caused by human greed. A good book telling on greed history is Davis E.Y. Sarna's book, History of Greed: Financial Froud from Tulip Mania to Bernie Madoff. From that book known that greed is worst character . In this context Sarna stated that greed is an excessive desire to acquire or process more than what one needs or deserves, especially with respect to material wealth. In fact, greed leads us to froud and dihonesty.

Those characters essentially are nasty for human life, and also for economic activities. In moderation if the greed in christian theology is one of the seven mortan sins, unpardonable sins entailing a total loss of grace. In morality of Islam, greed is one of bad habbit which must be avoided by Muslim.

There are some evidences showing that greed lead a countries to economic crises. From classical Athens, greed or pleonexia had emerged as an instrument to distribute the power and resources. On other hand, greed suggested an economic chaos. In modern era, how greed make economy crisis can be understood from recent crises which happen in countries. The last history telling about thesis is the meltdown of 2008.

David E.Y. Sarna doubtlessly blamed greed, hubris, and lack of supervision for the crash of 2008. Even David E.Y. Sarna named that crash as a neer miss for plunging the world into deep depression. It disrupted the lives of many millions of people, and caused enormous pain and suffering to many.

In specific analysis-historical approach-E.Y. Sarna detected that cataclysmic events of 2008, when markets seized up, the government stepped in with a bailout of $85 trillion and ended up owning huge chunks of private sector, and the stock markets collapsed, did not come about overnight, event though their effects became apparent in just a short period of time.

Other case which must be understood is Allied Irish Bank (AIB). The dramatic story on AIB is that a trader at its Allfirst Baltimore-based subsidiary had lost $691 million in unauthorised trading. The factor why unauthorised trading happened at AIB is the poor risk assessment and management control; a lack of management supervision; an inefective internal audit process; and short-signted desire to reduce overheads without regard to the potential long-term consequencess.

The causal factor why the crash of 2008 in USA is desire to take over advantage from depositor. In fact, the creditors-bank in U.S.A-give loans without learning the depositor's ability to re-pay their loans. As a consequence that indiscretion suggest economic crash in USA. Its domino effects also were falling on the other countries at Europe like Spain, and Greece.

Right now, the effect-daunted of greed still threaten the global economic. It implicates the depositor's prefence on bank. The bank clients realised that financial capitalism had moved too far towards transaction banking at expense of "relationship banking". Finally, Politicians and regulators won the argument. Bankers understood that in a world of lower leverage-using money borrowed on the wholesale markets to invest-the old turbo-charged transaction model no longer worked. The libor rate-fixing scandal was the final straw (the Economist/21-11-2012). In addition, the global economic stiil is threatened by global greed.

Global Ethics

Today, greed makes the global economic unsafe. The causal factor why greed can make the global economic crash is that bad character sugests unfair competition among economic actors-corporate, and traders. Its effects are economic crime. These effects had made people in the world conscious to build global movement againts global greed. That movement which strongly opposes the greed is the religious moval designed by clergymen of religious-christian, jewish, budhism, hinduism, and Islam.

Hans Küng is one of the guidances in movement of global ethics. Hans Küng's view in designing the global movement againts global greed is inspirated by religious ethics. Because religious have power or efective energy to control the followers in order to avoid the greed. Global ethics teach us that people in the world must be conscious to a fundamental view-all people in the world is main part of global life, and have responsibiliti to change and abolish the badness which forbids the world transformation to be better life.[]
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