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Posts by kurniarahmi
Name: Rahmi Kurnia Putri
Joined: Jun 15, 2016
Last Post: Jun 19, 2016
Threads: 6
Posts: 5  
From: Indonesia
School: Gadjah Mada University

Displayed posts: 11
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kurniarahmi   
Jun 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / The amount of hardness on television can be a worrying concern of people who care about children [2]

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behavior. Do you agree or disagree?

Television has a negative impact on children growth. The amount of hardness on television can be a worrying concern of peole. While the media provides beneficial information for the public, I agree that TV also gives a worse effect to the audiences.

Everyone watches TV such as children and adults will be influenced by its watching. Some television channels show violent behaviors on their TV program so that many people tend to commit violence in the real life. For example, in Indonesia recently children offence have increased dramatically, children who do not have the limitations of mind copy the behavior they see on the screen. As a result, they conduct on crimes accorded to what they see. Therefore, some TV programs have a negative impact on the children future.

However, there are some reasons against previous notion. Firstly, in the television, we can get useful information. We may update our knowledge of global events. Secondly, almost all TV stations have a comedy programs. So channels of TV will entertain and refresh the minds of children. Lastly, by watching TV, children can often inside the house and did not play out. This will make the child often at home because the effective conduct activities under the supervision of parents.

In conclusion, while the people get information bt watching TV, I believe that negative impact on TV will influence the children for the future. Where possible, to reduce the negative effect on children, parents and society should give more attention to children and select TV programs watched by children.
kurniarahmi   
Jun 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Cement manufacturing process and produce concrete from cement [2]

The diagrams illustrate the cement making process and the type of equipment and materials used to produce the cement and the way of using cement to produce concrete. Overall, the steps of making cement are more complicated and require advanced machinery while concrete production needs right proportion in simpler machine.

Starting with the first diagram, cement is produced by combine raw materials such as limestone, clay, and processed on an instrument called a crusher. Then, they are all mixed together and entered into a rotating heater. As in the heating tube rotates, heat is introduced from the end of tube before the mixture is really down to the grinder. Futhermore, after all the systematic process finished, the mixture turned into some cement which is then packed into bags.

Meanwhile, for the second diagram, the production of concrete needs four main elements with 15 percent cement, 10 percent water, proportion of sand and gravel by 25% and 50% respectively. These materials are mixed together in a large concrete mixer which aims to produce concrete used in buildings.
kurniarahmi   
Jun 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Elderly people in the British society - bar chart info. [5]

... population in the UK will grow rapidly. Wales still going the highest population in 2035 (about 26%)After 50 years later, wales still going the highest population over 26% and Northern Ireland is still the lowest too (about 26%) but Northern Ireland get huge changes, the population in Northern Ireland grow about 12 percentand Nothern Ireland is predicted approaching 25% and it is a significant increase from the previous year. Furthermore, England in the future will ...
kurniarahmi   
Jun 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'To make concrete. First, we make an amalgam of materials' - IELTS Task 1 Process [3]

Hi Faisal. I will try help you.

Overall, cement process is more ...Overall, the steps of making cement are more complicated and require advanced machinery while concrete production needs right proportion and simple machine.

Next, it is grinded into powder again and packed it.Futhermore, after all the process finished, the mixture turned into some cement which is then packed into bags.

Meanwhile, to make concrete.
kurniarahmi   
Jun 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / The historic (1985) and projected data (2035) of the population age in the United Kingdom [2]

The chart shows the percentage of population aged 65 and over in 1985, and creates prediction for 2035. It compares figure for the UK's ageing during a half century.

Overall, the proportion of population for age 65 years and over which higher was Wales between 1985 and 2035. Beside that, the number of population with same age the lower was Nothern Ireland.

The figure for in 1985, England and UK has the same percentage around 15%. Futhermore, the aging people in Scotland still below England. Next, the proportion of Wales and Nothern Ireland were the highest and lowest almost 20 percent and 15 percent respectively. After 50 years later, the percentage of population aged 65 and over for England, UK, and Nothern Ireland is predicted approaching 25% and it is a significant increase from the previous year. In meantime, the proportion of population for Scotland will be in a quarter. Therefore, the figure for Wales the is forecast to be highest from 1985 to 2035.



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kurniarahmi   
Jun 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Comparison of children born by women in age from 40 to 44 in Australia [3]

Hi Puja :) it seems you forgot to add 1996 in last sentence. I think you should be carefull in write.

... four different years (1981, 1986, 1996 and 2006) in Australia.

However, the proportion who have had one child and two childrenchild or not at all was reverse.
kurniarahmi   
Jun 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Total percentage of children ever born to older women aged from 40 until 44 years in Australia [2]

The data provides details about the percentage of children born to 40-44 years old women in Australian fo 4 different years in 1981, 1986, 1996, 2006. The table gives information about the proportion of none, one, two, three, and four or more children respectively.

Overall, the figure for women having given birth to two children had the highest number during four years. In meantime, calculated children who were born of women were the lowest at 7.6 percent in 1981.

In 1981, the number of women having no children was 8.5% and in 1986 this percentage rose slightly and reached at 9.7 percent. Furthermore, the women with one child were 7,6% in 1981 and 8.7 percent for 5 years later. Then, the proportion of women of the same age group as 2-4 or more children were much higher (averagely over a quarter). In 1996 and 2006 the percentage for child birth were same or not really changed over one decade. Therefore, the proportion of women who has no children illustrated a significant increase, achived almost 16 percent, beside that for 1 until 2 children 13% and 38% respectively and the figure for women with 3-4 more children decreased over time.



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kurniarahmi   
Jun 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Village versus large city. The Benefit and Drawback of Living in Small Community [2]

In the past most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were advantages and disadvantages of living in small community?

Most people live in enermous town where they rarely know people around their houses. In contrast to earlier times, most people occupied in small community where everybody knew everbody else. This informs that, there is benefit and drawback of living in the minor village.

Starting with the benefit, people in the village have a high sense of kinship. Living in the village canses our feeling become comfortable because the residents are very friendly. For example, they care and help each other even though they have less money. As a result, the people and families do any activities together. Therefore, person who lived in small community tends to rely on each other and cannot be independent in one place.

Depsite that, there is also disadvantage of living in the village, sometimes citizens look like someone who have not evolved. They do not understand other cultures and technology advances. Taking an example, if there are new comer, the community usually assumes they are foreigners. As a result, they view that new comer should be suspected. Therefore, the villagers still have fanatic belief and less developed.

Living in small community has advantage like they can do what they want and cultivate the relationship that together we are family. On the other hand, there is also disadvantage such as they were difficult to accept novelty that came from outside their community even it was a good one for them. Where possible, to raise the quality of life people who living in the village, so then are needed developing of education.
kurniarahmi   
Jun 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Comparison of Visitors per Month in Three London Museum [2]

The line graph illustrates the number of visitors in British, Science and Natural History Museum form June to September in 2013. Overall, the proportion of visitors of British and Science Museum showed an increase but reduce at a certain period, while the number of visitors per month in Natural History Museum described a downward trend.

On June, the proportion of visitors in British and Science Museum were nearly 600 thousand and 400 thousand respectively. The visitors of British Museum increased relatively grew up to 700 thousand on September and highest among these three London Museums. The visitors of Science Museum rose around 450 thousand and it lowest in the end of the period. However on August, both museums declined significantly.

On early June, the number of visitors for Natural History Museum exceed 500 thousand. Furthermore, it decreased dramatically less than 400 thousand on July. Then, there was a fallen about 50 thousand visitors on September, but finally it got almost 500 thousand in the last month.



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