Writing Feedback / [Task 2] What makes a good teacher? Training or personal qualities? [4]

Sorry to post both tasks in the previous thread. Thanks, admin helping me to delete the inappropriate writing in the previous thread.

I welcome everyone's comments and please help to estimate my score for writing in General Training. :)

Topic:
Some people believe that anybody can be a teacher, if he is trained properly. Others think that there are some personal qualities a good teacher should have. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

My writing:
A health education system is a fundamental element of a successful city. The discussion on what makes a good teacher has always sparked hot debate. Some said training is sufficient while other argue that some personal qualities such as patience and passionated about education are far more important. I firmly agree that some particular personal characters are the keys of being a good teacher.

To begin with, patience is a natural born character which is hard to be altered. With patience, teachers are eager to deal with difficult students who may express themselves through violence and breaking the school rules. In such extreme cases, teachers' patience plays an important role to identify and tackle the root cases which may be family issues or even mental illnesses. In my perspective, teaching is not only a knowledge transfer process but a cruicial personality polishing step. Obviously, only patient teachers are willing to educate and guide students at various levels and backgrounds.

Secondly, some only work as teacher for a well-paid job only. This kind of teachers is not passionated about education, nevertheless, they only want to deliver the book information to students only. In general, students' problem is never a matter to them and in turn, students will not open their minds for any discussion with such heartless teachers. For instance, one of my secondary teachers is my life-long guiding person who does not only teach me the knowledge but also guides me to differentiate right and wrong. Passionated teachers can impress students with their true hearts and bring students towards a right track in lives.

To conclude, teacher training can provide soft skills for teaching only but cannot ensure the teacher-to-be is willing to nurture our next generation. Commonly, teacher is considered as a role model of students whom may lead to permanent influences to our young people. Personal qualities of teacher do not only shape the teachers themselves but also our students.

Letters / A letter to friend with information, that one of your relatives is traveling to his/her country [3]

Hi, everyone, I tried to do both tasks in 1 hour and so if you dont mind, please help to review both in this thread. If possible, please estimate the score for me.

Task 1:
Write a letter to your friend to inform him/her that one of your relatives is traveling to his/her country and say
- Describe the relative
- Why is he/she traveling there?
- Why do you think they should meet?

Dear Jimmy,

It has been a long time we met since my graduation trip in 2009. I am really appreciated for your accommodation offer to my cousin, Jerry who is recently graduated from Bachelor of Music in the University of ABC. This is his long-waiting trip to Europe. You can imagine how excited he is now. He is so surprised that you offer him to live in your house in Vienna during 3rd March to 30th March. I hope he will not cause any trouble to you. If he does, please tell me and I will punch him after he arrives home.

I believe you are the most suitable person to show him around Vienna where has numerous of theatre and shows as you are such a world-class opera singer today. With your experience and network, I truly believe you will give him the valuable advice about this field.

Besides, are you sure you do not want him to pay you the rent? My auntie said you have to come to visit us once you are able to do so. She promised to serve you the world best dinner for your kindness and help. I have to go now. Thanks for taking care of my cousin.

See you soon.

Cheers,
Tom

Writing Feedback / [ielts Task 2] Increasing global demand of oil and gas, should continue explore? [2]

With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered area of the world should be opened up to access more resources.

To what extent do you agree?

Over the past decades, the petroleum industry has gone through a boom period. Scientists argue that our natural resources would be dried up in the next fifty years, while some intended to explore those unextracted resources. Nevertheless, this activity will cause tremendous impact on environment and human nature. I totally do not agree to access the undiscovered areas and this essay shall list the reasons to support my idea.

Initially, the process of extracting natural resources has lead to unrecoverable damages to the surrounding environment. For instance, China government has planned to access the shale gas in her western region. However, the process involves the breakdown of a large amount of deep rocks under a highly pressurized water. It dries the under-water and causes desertification. It should, therefore, be clear that the environment is suffered by human unlimited wants towards to the natural resources.

Secondly, the use of oil and gas deteriorates the global warming. This is because the combustion of natural resources mainly generates huge amount of green-house gases in particular carbon dioxide. The more serious the global warming increases the global temperature. In addition, the water level has reached its highest record ever since before. If we do not aware of the seriousness of the global warming due to the over exploration of natural resources, the human nature would be extinct and the ecosystem would be irreversibly collapsed in the near future.

To conclude, although few would tend to access as much as natural resources as they can, there are certainly reasons why we need to search for alternatives such as unlimited energy from sun, wind and water. In the future, as the global warming becomes irreversible, these reasons will no doubt appear more conspicuous.

Writing Feedback / Pros and cons of taking year off and traveling as a backpacker or working in a small company; IELTS2 [6]

Thanks everyone for editing my writing. I hope I can achieve a better result after all of your helps.

Writing Question:

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

My writing:

Travel or work in a gap year between college and university is a new trend in the society. Some said this idea was good for teenagers to have a relaxing year while others argued the financial burden caused. This essay covers both pros, cons and will give personal point of view at the end.

The gap year is the last chance for teenagers to think about their future. Studying in a university is a step before being an adult. Through traveling or working, they will be mature. As they are experiencing lives away from home, they take the responsibility of themselves and manage the whole year journey alone. Hereafter, they will understand the society by the solid experience. With such mature mind, they will eventually realize the importance of studying and be more responsible to their own lives.

Despite the advantages associated with the gap year, there is not many families can financially support their children for it. If the teenagers insist to have year free, a financial burden and damage to the family relationship would be caused. Nevertheless, some teenagers tend to be abandon during the gap year by watching television and staying at home all days long. This is a meaningless holiday. In some extreme cases, the university may not agree to take the year gap. The teenagers may put themselves at risk to lose the university offer.

In short, a meaningful gap year is governed by the choice of teenagers. How they plan and execute the long holiday will certainly affect the result of it. Personally, I strongly advise teenagers to take a meaningful gap year by traveling as backpacker or working in a small company to gain experience.

Writing Feedback / [ielts Task 2 ] International Travel and Mass Media ease people learning other countries [2]

I aim at score 7. Please let me know if I could score "7" in the general module.

Topic:

The ease of international travel and the spread of various kinds of mass media all over the world have made it more possible than ever for people to know how other people live in other countries.

Do the advantage of the development outweigh the disadvantages?

My writing:

The explosive development of budget airlines and the continuous improvement of media allow more people know more the cultures of other countries. Inevitably, the phenomenon is positively impact for the several considerations given below.

On the positive side, the development provides chances to people to understand the cultures, laws, beliefs, and even mindsets in other countries. This reduces the misunderstanding and conflicts between different countries. For example, people from Egypt will node their heads for negative answer while people from other countries will do it for positive answer. A more peaceful world would be resulted when understanding the discrepancies among people. By travelling to different countries by international travel, people will have an in depth learning and acknowledgment of the countries. This kind of culture sharing will bring a more harmony world.

On the other hand, tourism will be developed in some tourists favourable places. Although it brings profits and boost employment rate in some rural areas, it also causes the traditional things such as foods to be modified so as to fit the tourists' favours. As a result, the traditional foods is no longer the same as the original taste. The increase of visitors may also damage the heritages and natural environments. These are not recoverable and priceless. As a consequence, the government should be actively protect the culture and environment of the countries. The damage is not reversible but could be prevented and minimized.

To sum up, the advantages of understanding cultures and people in other countries are overwhelming the disadvantage of preventable damage to the surrounding. The stakeholder of the international travel and mass media development should take the responsibility to protect the affected areas.

Writing Feedback / Learning foreign language as early as possible for children future - ielts Task 2 Writing [3]

Task 2 Topic

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.

Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

My Writing

Language is a way to communicate with others. Mother language is what we use since we born while foreign language is the mean to interact with people from other places. Learning language is important in the modern globalization era but I strongly oppose the idea of children learning second language too early. This idea will cause dramatic negative impact to the children.

First of all, children is supposed to absorb as much as surrounding information as their first priority. They should learn the world colour and the beauty of playing with classmates. Their times should be consumed on playing and creating new ideas. Learning foreign language is an extra task and may restrict them from understanding the world.

Secondly, some scientists have already supported that children should learn other languages after they could manage their mother language. The reason is that they will be confused on which language should be used when they meet people. They will not be confident and fear to speak to others. This causes social barrier.

Finally, most of the parents are not bilingual speakers. Learning the poor accents and incorrect grammar from the parent, children may have an incorrect concept on the foreign language and eventually, they could not manage neither the foreign language nor the mother language.

To summarize, learning foreign language is the modern trends in this society. However, children learn it too early will not benefit much but will cause other side effects. The drawbacks could not compensate the advantages associated with. Parents and government should focus on children learning mother language before start any other foreign languages.