Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]

Posts by giangnt248
Name: nguyenthugiang
Joined: Jul 18, 2016
Last Post: Jul 27, 2016
Threads: 2
Posts: 8  
Likes: 2
From: Viet Nam
School: Nguyen Hue High school for the gifted

Displayed posts: 10
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Jul 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment.Why is this happening ,and what [8]

woa! i have to admit that your essay is so well structured using a wide range of vocabulary. perhaps you can get band 6.5-7.
however, i think that you will be pleased if i point out some of errors in your essay.

judicaljudicial sanctions
possible ------>attainable/conceivable/feasible/viable/achievableYou need to replace this word with above series of corresponding words
For instance,if a first time offender is released and applies for work,----> you need to check this grammer error, it's not correct.

In conclusion,when it comes to prevent perpetrators of a crime from conducting athe second one, we, as a society , should make all possible effortscoordinate concerted efforts in order to support and reintegrate these people

Hope you find my suggestions useful :)

Oh, if you would like to achieve band 7, you have to work much harder and harder, because in real IELTS exam, you have to consider both time and your essay. So, i think that you need to gradually get to your upper band by assessing your contemporary band through mock test rather than trying to use many academic words although you do not understand their meaning so well and you don't study adequately grammer.

But do not worry because PRACTICES MAKE YOU PERFECT :) i believe you can do it, just try hard :)
Jul 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The protection for endangered animal species and your opinions. [7]

thank you justivy03! I will be much more aware of my word spelling the next time :) i hope that you and other EF members will help me more and more in my IELTS writing and vice versa :3. Hope to see you soon :)
Jul 26, 2016

Hello Daniel! it's so nice to have chances to exchange every minute in writing essay with you! I see that you essay is so good with the possible qualification of being a good English learner. You used quite a large range of vocalbulary to some extent, together with the sentence flexibility! I am not an IELTS viewer so i am not sure if i could give you a corresponding band score for your essay. However, if possible, you can reach the band 6 without some of certain mistaken word spells (You can check again, but i think that it is due to your carelessness in typing words on the internet, so don't worry :)) and some of the normal words. You can improve more for reaching band 7 and above by learning harder and harder about academic/ formal words to replace normal words with them.

to some degree : why don't you use: to a certain degree , it will sound more professional :)

as long as it is not something to be done on a regular basis : you should try avoid using too much the verb to be/is/are/were.... if it's not passive tense or fixed phrase and the word something

They might find it difficult : You can say it again in a more formal way like: They might find it unattainable (or a challenge)

Try not use too much the same word like:children . You can replace: Pupils, students... or teacher replaced by tutor/ educator , help replaced by support, assist, coordinate.. , changed --->altered , solve -->address ....

Last but not least, i suggest that you shoulg give the balance for your paragraphs effectively. For ex: You should develop more ideas in your third paragraph or reduce sentences in your second paragraph in a succinct way. As a result, your writing will be considerably improved.

Hope you better!
Jul 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Everyone should receive education on a field which is totally interested, without any gender barrier [3]

Hello View! I see that your essay is quite good in terms of right grammer. However, there remains still some of unexpected errors you can check again and the usage of certain words. In addition, you should practice more and more with all of your concerted efforts, especially your vocalbulary to improve your ability to replace normal words with academic or formal ones, which leads to higher score , about >band 6 if you want to achieve.

Here are some of your grammer errors i will be pleased to point out for you. Nevertheless, you had better learn as many academic words as possible in a large range of topics before starting your writing. It is gonna very hard within the first instants, but don't worry because: PRACTICES MAKE YOU PERFECT! :)

NowadaysIn present times will be more formal , male and female can reach education ...
... everyone who has right qualification and be willing to study in university should be accepted by universityWhy don't you replace this word into another one to avoid repeated errors? For instance: college no matter what are they their gender.

University ought to accept the students who qualified the subject. You need to check this word for its right formula again. My modification: possess adequate qualification in ...

... men are received education more than women,for. For .... instance, some countries in (...) to encourage women to enroll to attendin university.

... students who enroll in school rather than their sex, what is more,. What is more, everybody in every part of the world ...

You need to also be aware of your marks used in writing like the punctuation without which you will be given a very low mark!

Hope you better!
Jul 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Immigrants from rural to urban areas: Effects and Solutions. [3]

Hello everyone! It's so nice to meet and exchange IELTS ideas with you all. I am just a new EF member and i will so appreciate with your help to indicate all errors in my following IELTS essay. Furthermore, i will be so grateful if you can assess my essay and give me a corresponding band score for my IELTS essay. Thanks anyway :)

Topic: These days, it seems that an increasing number of people are leaving rural areas to live in the city.
Discuss some of the effects of rural depopulation(migration from the country to the city ) and suggest some ways on which this trend could be reserved.

While lives in the rural areas were once considered to be vibrant positions in terms of a vast majority of traditionally cultural activities, in contemporary time is the increasingly massive influx of citizens relocating from those remote corners of the country to the municipal places. In my essay, I would analyse certain impacts of this trend with regards to social problems and environmental degradation, following corresponding solutions to such urgent matter.

As for the principal influences stemming from uncontrolled migration, I would contend that both society and environment of the two most obvious subsequences have constituted disturbances among the public. Due to inevitably rural depopulation, similar to urban population explosion, series of municipal dwellers are prone to the state of unemployment resulting from the shortage of job vacancies. Another point of social problems set an example by Chinese inhabitants is the fact that contrary to the affluent living standard of cities, those who determine to settle in their hometown are frequently suffering from the huge inequality concerning wages and old-age pensions compared to townspeople, which contributes to the class disparity. What is more, as a result of the urbanisation and industry revolution, the tide of immigrants is leading to the repeated depletion of pure breathing air and water, giving a rise to environmental degradation.

With a view to addressing this matter, I recommend that attainable modifications must be taken mainly by the local government and authorities. The priority of all solutions is to provide financial incentives for domestic and international companies or businesses to invest by far more into the rural areas. Thus, a considerable variety of citizens will be appealed by the sustainable occupations resulting in affording their lives. Meanwhile, what following step should be enforced is imposing further taxes on urban services and space occupation, combined with the promotion and salary increase in the rural workplace. In addition, employees need to be offered health insurance or pension scheme for free charges as Vietnamese authority did for the sake of countryside settlement. I am convinced that with the available supply of essential services and investigation, many inhabitants will definitely take preference for settling in their hometown.

To conclude, I restate that such uncontrolled flood of immigrants leading to the municipal overpopulation has to be stemmed for the sake of class disparity and our ecosystem. Regardless of such insurmountable matter, I affirm that to certain extent through the government's concerted efforts and responsibilities is the most sufficient solution to the problem.
Jul 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / The protection for endangered animal species and your opinions. [7]

Hello everyone! I am a new EF member and I will be so grateful if you can share a little your time to correct and comment for my following essay :) I also would like to receive as many as assessments as possible from all of you and give my essay a similar score or band for my IELTS essay. Thanks anyway :)

Topic: Trying to save endangered animal species from extinction is a waste of valuable resources. Do you agree or disagree?

Whether attempting to preserve rare animal species should be taken or not still remains a contentious debate. Despite the fact that some arguments contain considerable agreements for allowing such endangerd wild animals to die out for the sake of certain resources, i strongly emphasise that given the natural balance and their intrinsic value as the jewellery from our Mother Nature, protecting those invaluable assets of the ecosystem should be of the most importance.

First of all, it is inevitable that all concerted effots made to prohibit the increasing disappearances of any wild animals contributes to human's achievements in maintaining the balance of nature. As a matter of fact, existing is the natural circulation determining the sustainable habitats of all animal species throughout the world expressed as the food chain. Had it not been for such continous circle, to excess vast majority of plagues resulting from the gradual extinction of specific predators, which creats the favorable conditions for the reproduction of their preys, would have undeniably posed a disturbing threat to our ecological order considered unbreakable for a long time. Thus, the priority to save our natura habitat also corresponds to the practical wildlife conservation.

In terms of endangered animal species's intrisic values, i would contend that no exception of predators or preys constitue exclusive animal group existing in our ecosystem. Given that those endangered animal species are also regarded as valuable resources essential for not only human beings but also surrounding inhabitats, if we still remain arguments for ignoring the increasing ectinction of rare animals, definitely this biased tendency would progress as an excuse for human's irresponsibilities concerning topical exploitation for our own profits and welfare. Ensuring the impartial status in the wildlife remains the crucial root for preventing natural imbalance from deteriorating into another insurmountable problem.

By the way of conclusion, i once again reaffirm that what the government and each citizen should take preferenc over is to strive to protectany wild animal species from dying out for the sake of both ecological balance and their right to being appreciated for their natural values. Further practial actions towards endangered animal preservation ought to be taken much more seriously against our contemporary environmental degradation.
Jul 24, 2016
Essays / What is the greatest love story of all? The speech. [5]

Personally, i do suppose that you need to specify what you are going to write about as your theme's speech, requiring the need of the fact that it is The Greatest Love story of All. So if you choose it as Mother's Love, i think that it is not appropriate. You should write about a love story from a book/movie, not in real life. Thus, you need to have watched it before being prepared for your speech. Then you can list and analyse reasons in your speech for your ideas easily. It is based on yours
Jul 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic Writing task 2 - The Person Who Should Teach Children [6]

In my view, your essay is quite good. However, i suppose that there are still some repeated words needing to be replaced.
For example: in your introduction: responsibility can be replaced with obligation
i think that place should be replaced with another corresponding word
children is repeated too much, you can remedy it as pupils or students
You should try to avoid using too much the wordbe , are ............. to be if it is not considered to be the passive tense or good idiom (remember it has to be formal or academic). You can improve this by using synonims or express it into corresponding sentence with similar meaning.

some grammar errors are:
1.For example, teachers are, as the second parents in school , educate children by providing information ...
2.Furthermore, parents could show example for children how to act and be useful to their environment
3. For those reasons . You need to be aware that those + N(plural)

above are just my suggestions :3