Writing Feedback / Writing: Influence of professional athletes on young people - they learn a lot from their own idol. [3]

Hello everyone,
Please help me improve my writing skill. I appreciate every your valuable comment.

Topic:Do you believe that professional athletes make good role models for young people? Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Sport is an indiscernible part of the life. It helps people improve their health and it is an useful tool for people to relax. Everyone loves sports. The top professional athletes of each sport are admired throughout their country even around the world. These athletes are a good role model for young people.

Actually, the top professional athletes get a lot of attention, especially from young people. They become an idol and have a huge influences on development as well as behavior of young people. Young people learn a lot from their own idol.

The first benefit which can be seen clearly is that they encourage young people to play sports. That would help young people enhance their health. The second one is to set of the important of passion. The lesson learnt here is that if you desire to be successful, you have to find your own passion. After that, all that you need is to work really hard, sacrifice anything that disrupt you from your goal, just pay attention. Finally, the best lesson learnt from top professional athletes is that "Don't stop after achieving the feat, keep going". They always keep toward even when they are at the top. They continuously pursuit the perfect.

One of the interesting example for this perspective is Cristiano Ronaldo. He is a football player. He is also an idol for all young people to follow. Even though, currently, he is one of the best football player, he usually works very hard. He always starts his training two hours earlier than his other teammate and finish later. He keeps toward and break all record.

With all the reasons above, again, I would like to emphasize that "Top professional athletes make good role models for young people".

Writing Feedback / In the winter of Woodchuck, birds move to the warmer region [2]

Hello everyone, I appreciate any comments of you to improve my writing skill. Thank you in advance.
Here is my writing:

This chart shows a partial list of some of the species of birds can be seen in Woodchuck County during two different seasons: summer and winter.

In this list, there are eight kinds of birds reported. Three of the species listed-cardinals, crows and woodpeckers are observed in both winter and summer. It can be explained that they are the original birds in Woodchuck County, not be the migratory birds. Four of the species listed-blue birds, mockingbirds, orioles and vireos are discovered in only summer. This means that they are the migratory birds. In the summer, they migrate to Woodchuck for breeding seasons or avoiding the cold of winter. In the winter of Woodchuck, they move to the warmer region. That may be the reason why they can not be observed here in the winter. There is only juncos living here in the winter. Perhaps they adapted with the cold conditions during their evolution and the winter is the best season for them to inhabit.

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Writing Feedback / Deforestation is a synonym of extinction. IELTS academic task 2: solution for deforestation [3]

Hello everyone,
Below is my essay for Ielts academic task 2. If it is possible, please give me a score
Task 2:

Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem?

Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Forest seems to be a lung of the earth. It helps absorb carbon dioxide from the atmosphere and emits oxygen which is an essential substance for human being. Besides, forest also takes the role as a filter which purifies our atmosphere. However, it is a very pity that forest is being destroyed seriously by human activities.

In the world, many nations enacts many laws to inhibit the deforestation issue. Even, in some nations, deforestation is equivalent to the death penalty. Why is the guilty deforestation so serious like that? Let look closer to understand the extent of danger of deforestation.

The more deforestation, the more polluted environment. Loss of forest leads to an increase of carbon dioxide and a decrease of oxygen in the atmosphere. It causes the global warning.. This phenomenon has a series of impact to our habitat such as flood, melted-ice, drought. Then the environment becomes more severe. The creatures in the earth can not adapt to these changes and they die. Besides, deforestation means that the creatures lose their habitat. Finally, it leads to the death. In conclusion, deforestation synonyms to the extinction.

With the negative impact of deforestation on our life, we need to act to intercept this issue. First, we need to enhance each people awareness, help them understand how important forest is. Besides, the government gives the forest protector the best conditions to protect forest and plant the forest. Secondly, we can reuse the products made from wood such as: writing paper, paper bags and paper products.

As you can see, to decrease deforestation is very easy, just by some simple way as aforementioned. Let make the world better together.

Writing Feedback / Do you agree with the saying: "Traveling broadens your minds" ? [4]

Hi everyone. I am a newcomer on EssayForum. I am intend to take IELT exam in the next year. Thus, I want to improve my writing skill. I hope to receive some feedback from all of you here.

Thank you very much in advance.

Do you agree with the saying: "Traveling broadens your minds"?

In the past, I thought that travel wasted a lot of money and it was not worth to spend my time. However, I had to change my perspective after my trip on Brazil for 5 years. I realize that travel give me many benefits. And the most valuable thing I think travel bring to me is that "Travel broadens your minds".

Curiosity is a nature of human. It spurs people to discover things surrounding us and travel helps us be content with curiosity of culture. With travel, we can see by our eyes, experience by ourself others traditions, customs around the world. Moreover, it enriches our real-life experience. In the globalization world, we communicate with a lot of people from different countries who have different beliefs. Travel helps us understand deeply belief of each country we went and hence, we are easier to integrate into the international environment.

Besides, travel improves our language skill. The scientists prove that learning new language strengthens our intelligence. From that, our competences are enhanced.
With all above points, the benefits of travel are very clearly. Hence, let take your backpack, travel and broaden your mind.