Undergraduate / REWRITE of Short (250 word) MIT Admissions Essay on the "world I come from" [5]

Prompt: Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

Essay: "Arnav, this is our last warning. If you don't finish your homework by tonight, we're taking your Nintendo DS away, again," my parents say to me as they find out I've been procrastinating on my third grade homework assignment. As a child, I saw their strictness as harsh and almost cruel. But I later came to know that both of my parents grew up in India in relatively poor conditions and had polio. Despite this, they persevered by working hard in their studies, taking every opportunity they could to pursue their careers as engineers. I grew up seeing this perseverance, as they dropped me and my sister to school, maintained their jobs, and fulfilled other family responsibilities, all without ever complaining about physical limitations. I soon began to not only understand my parents better, but to also appreciate and admire them. My parents indirectly taught me how fortunate I am to have so many educational opportunities that they never had. And I realized how stupid I was to simply disregard and throw away what is given to me by procrastinating. Through my own world and my parents' worlds, the worlds we share, I have learned the power of perseverance.

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I wanted to focus primarily on my parents' influence on me. Have I effectively answered the question in the prompt?

Also, I'd like to thank users Holt, cb8156 and dils for helping me with other essays.

Undergraduate / My parents are immigrants from India who grew up in relatively poor conditions - "world I come from" [2]

Prompt: Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

Essay: Both of my parents are immigrants from India who grew up in relatively poor conditions. Additionally, both had polio, which resulted in challenging childhoods with physical challenges that continue into adulthood. Despite this, they both pursued engineering careers through perseverance and hard work. I grew up seeing their perseverance both in parenting and maintaining challenging engineering careers. As a result, they influenced me to become perseverant and hard-working myself. Additionally, my parents motivated me academically at a young age through discipline, resulting in me working diligently and productively in schools, performing well. My high school happened to offer many challenging and diverse courses, many of which were in the STEM fields. Furthermore, my parents encouraged me to take university level courses in physics. I took advantage of these opportunities, and quickly became fascinated by the power of the human intellect in areas such as physics. Due to this exposure, I've been self-motivated to delve deeper into learning about the great achievements of the scientific community, and keeping up to date with its ongoing "cutting-edge" progress. The combination of my parents' motivation and my high school and university academic rigor shaped my aspirations that center on pushing the frontiers of scientific knowledge through research.

Rewrite: https://essayforum.com/undergraduate/rewrite-short-word-mit-admissions-world-come-72843/

Undergraduate / "I'm a good friend" without saying it. MIT Admissions Essay on my contribution to my community [3]

Prompt: At MIT, we bring people together to better the lives of others.

Essay: I'm in my AP Physics C class, and as the teacher is explaining the solution to a problem, my friend sitting beside me says he does not understand anything. I can see why the teacher's solution is a bit counter-intuitive, so in an effort to provide the most detailed, comprehensive solution, I go home and write this solution, with diagrams and all statements numbered so my friend can tell me which statements or sentences are confusing. After I spend some time discussing the problem, he finally says, "I get it." Not only that - he is able to solve a very similar problem to the one I just explained.

I am willing to invest time in explaining a problem because I hope to ensure that others understand concepts just as well as I do. That way, more people can be as successful as I am in the class. When my friends tell me they are bad at a subject, I simply push them to perform at the best of their ability. I tell those who have fixed mindsets that they can improve if they stick with a problem until they are able to solve it on their own. I also encourage them to continually ask questions until all those questions have been answered so that no concept is unclear or confusing.

Ultimately, my belief that others can be successful if they persist drives me to motivate other members of my community to persist until they are successful.

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In this essay, I basically wanted to explain how I'm a good friend without actually stating "I'm a good friend"; I wanted to imply that. Any help would be gladly appreciated.

Undergraduate / I disappointed myself and my coach; MIT Admissions Essay on Overcoming a Challenge [2]

Prompt: Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

I'm at a track meet, about to clear a height of 4 ' 6" for the high jump event. This should be easy; I was able to do this in practice just the previous day. I hear my coach say, "You got this, [insert my name]." I then run towards the bar in a curved path, jump, twist my body, and arch my back. I feel a sharp pain in the back, and I quickly realize I hit the bar. Two more attempts remain. I'm a bit worried now. I let the stress get to my head, and I mess up my run, and I hit the bar again. One more attempt. I'm getting frustrated now. What was so difficult this time? I run and jump a third time, and I don't feel my legs or back hitting the bar. Unfortunately, the bar wobbles a bit and falls to the floor. I almost made it, but not quite. I disappointed myself and my coach; I humiliated myself.

From this, I realized that learning a skill does not always just end after one performing that skill successfully. Sometimes, it requires repetition, and persistence. I initially was discouraged by such an unexpected failure, and I almost stopped going to practice. Eventually, however, I continued going to practice, and I was able to clear 4' 6" in the next meet. Through this experience, I will be able to handle such unexpected in the future, whether it be in my academic career or elsewhere.

Thank you to anyone who helps.