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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 3)

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Colors - Subject of Personal Importance -- Scholarship essay

3 - @Holt I was thinking since the prompt says to choose ANY subject of importance to me, so what I...

Undergraduatetuturu - Mar 4, 2024 / tuturu - Mar 8, 2024

NTU Personal Statement Essay - Skills or experiences that are relevant to the programmes applied for

2 - I think there is not enough passion displayed in this essay because of the mix and match approach you...

Undergraduatekneesbees - Feb 28, 2024 / Holt - Mar 1, 2024

Personal statement as a medical scholar undergraduate gks

3 - @Holt Thanks so much sir I will amend my mistakes...

UndergraduateBangtan girl - Feb 26, 2024 / Bangtan girl - Feb 28, 2024

ut austin transfer for mechanical engineer

3 - @Holt Sorry, there was supposed to be a quotation at the start, I forgot to add it. "Here comes...

Undergraduateymahdy - Feb 19, 2024 / ymahdy - Feb 27, 2024

GKS essay - biology/bioengineering

2 - Which type of GKS application did you write this for? Undergraduate? Masters? Doctoral? It will be difficult for me...

UndergraduateFredd1k - Feb 25, 2024 / Holt - Feb 27, 2024

Sonography program essay for application

2 - The story about your grandma and how she inspired you to become a sonographer is the worst story you...

UndergraduateMallorykight - Feb 12, 2024 / Holt - Feb 18, 2024

YSEALI essay application: The Future of Mental Health In Southeast Asia (2024 theme)

2 - You need to set up an actual scenario in the response to the prompt. The situation has to be...

Undergraduatehmaily - Feb 12, 2024 / Holt - Feb 18, 2024

transfer statement essay on econ/math passion USC - improvements

2 - A college transfer is usually based upon the student's intent to learn above the scale that is currently offered...

Undergraduatepengster - Feb 5, 2024 / Holt - Feb 9, 2024

UF statement of intent - physical therapist

2 - You are spending too much time on introducing your background when you should be focused on the core intent...

Undergraduateldiaz069 - Feb 1, 2024 / Holt - Feb 7, 2024

Waterloo AIF, computational and financial management

2 - Focus on the coop program. Show that you are familiar with the opportunities the program provides the students, which...

Undergraduatekaashifnaseer - Feb 1, 2024 / Holt - Feb 7, 2024

NTU Scholarship Essay- Everything happens for a reason

4 - @molly1303 @Holt Always be open to change Must be in a new thread. Useless comments = BAN....

Undergraduateuniver12 - Nov 26, 2023 / univer12 - Jan 31, 2024

"Fashion is who I am" - Fashion Institute of Technology Admissions Essay

3 - Hi, you did good but for me, it seems like you are not answering the questions properly the...

Undergraduatenadiacheray - Jan 19, 2024 / sankook - Jan 23, 2024

Common App Personal Essay - Life's Journey and Lessons

2 - There seems to be a disconnection between the death of your grandmother and the silence that you suddenly decided...

Undergraduatesamaahshameer - Jan 18, 2024 / Holt - Jan 20, 2024

Application Supplemental Essay (Why Barnard)- First-Year Transfer to Barnard College

2 - I am not very convinced about the effects of traditional Chinese dance with regards to finding your most powerful...

Undergraduatenafizux - Jan 16, 2024 / Holt - Jan 20, 2024

Nanyang Technological University Scholarship Essay - Value and beliefs

2 - When you speak of values and beliefs, this should relate to the way that you participate in your community....

Undergraduatelemon_macarons - Jan 15, 2024 / Holt - Jan 20, 2024

Family and friends - ideas UBC personal profile

2 - You are spending too much time talking about how you influenced your friend. That is the longest aspect of...

UndergraduateIssacLee16543663 - Jan 14, 2024 / Holt - Jan 14, 2024

International Applicant applying for West Point seeking feedbac, Explain Why you want to attend USMA

2 - The essay response does not indicate if you will go back to your home country and serve as an...

Undergraduatesapper5446 - Jan 13, 2024 / Holt - Jan 14, 2024

Cancer research is important to me - UBC PERSONAL PROFILE APPLICATION

2 - Wel... Yes and no. Yes, you answer the question with a hyper focus on cancer, but I do not...

Undergraduatesuzan11 - Jan 11, 2024 / Holt - Jan 13, 2024

My quiet balcony - why you chose the academic program- NCSU Prompt

2 - You are taking too long to get to the point. This creative writing exercise will lose the interest of...

Undergraduatemonogatari - Jan 11, 2024 / Holt - Jan 13, 2024

GTE to Australia study abroad

2 - I am not confident about your financial status in relation to your application. You are automatically assuming that you...

UndergraduateAnn_Bui_29 - Jan 10, 2024 / Holt - Jan 13, 2024

The miniEnterprize Youth Business Conference - UBC Sauder School of Business - Personal Profile

2 - I like the way you approached the discussion. I did not like that you avoided discussing what you learned...

Undergraduatestudent_88 - Jan 8, 2024 / Holt - Jan 13, 2024

Waterloo AIF (Admissions Information Form) Response

2 - You have given a list far too long of the things you wish to accomplish at Waterloo. While you...

Undergraduateshusaku - Jan 6, 2024 / Holt - Jan 13, 2024

Supply chain disruption - UBC Sauder commence personal profile: How you responded to a problem.

2 - This is a strong narrative explanation for the prompt. The fact that you based it in your personal experience...

Undergraduaterachelxu1106 - Jan 6, 2024 / Holt - Jan 12, 2024

Developing a YouTube automation bot - UBC Personal profile - How would people describe you?

2 - Your personal statement does not work for the prompt provided. This is not a first person opinion of you...

UndergraduateAlfie12 - Jan 6, 2024 / Holt - Jan 10, 2024

Studying Public Policy - Cornell Essay

2 - The first thing you have to understand is that there are no right or wrong answers to these essays....

UndergraduateMoonlight1689 - Jan 3, 2024 / Holt - Jan 9, 2024

PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR HONG KONG UNIVERSITIES APPLICATION

2 - I am afraid that your approach to the personal statement is not in a proper manner. You have focused...

UndergraduateHoang314 - Dec 31, 2023 / Holt - Jan 9, 2024

[CommonApp Personal Statement] Uniforms and Unity (title tentative)

2 - Your essay is interesting to read but does not really fall under the prompt that you decided to use....

UndergraduateKings1504 - Dec 30, 2023 / Holt - Jan 6, 2024

"Yes" - UAH Honors application essay -- What is your favorite word and why

2 - Reading the full essay showed me that there as no reason to include your parents saying that your favorite...

UndergraduateHsperry - Dec 30, 2023 / Holt - Jan 6, 2024

Reasons for choosing your program and waterloo - Waterloo AIF Comp Sci and Engineering

2 - Your response is concise, informative, and well developed. It shows that you have an actual career path that you...

Undergraduatesiwaranos - Dec 29, 2023 / Holt - Jan 6, 2024

[COMMON APP] COUNTDOWN TO A NEW CHAPTER

2 - I like the topic you have chosen to write about. I do not think you should be using the...

Undergraduatehannah suitor - Dec 26, 2023 / Holt - Dec 27, 2023

[COMMON APP] A CASUAL CONSULTING SECTION

2 - This essay shows the reviewer that you have a high level of maturity when it comes to understanding your...

Undergraduatehannah suitor - Dec 24, 2023 / Holt - Dec 25, 2023

Personal statement for USA universities

2 - You are overwhelming the reviewer with information and yet, still not providing information that would help him get to...

UndergraduateJakii - Dec 24, 2023 / Holt - Dec 25, 2023

"The Biscuit Heist" - Common Application Personal Statement

3 - Any edits, you think it needs? I am just hesitant to submit it to schools, because in early decision...

Undergraduateerfansamay - Dec 7, 2023 / erfansamay - Dec 23, 2023

"the next Ahmed Amine" - Personal Statement advices from a moroccan

2 - You are trying to over impress the reviewer with this presentation. All you will succeed in doing, by overcomplicating...

UndergraduateCris7Junior - Dec 18, 2023 / Holt - Dec 23, 2023

Common App about films and connection with them

2 - The essay is confusing. You said you began to spend less time with your father and in the process,...

UndergraduateSathiraK - Dec 18, 2023 / Holt - Dec 23, 2023

Business Administration - accomplishment, or realisation that sparked a period of personal growth.

2 - You need to bring the focus to your passion for debate sooner in the presentation. Do not bore the...

Undergraduateverytired - Dec 17, 2023 / Holt - Dec 23, 2023

[COMMON APP] HAPINESS LIES IN THE PROCESS, NOT THE DESTINATION

3 - Hello @Holt, I am so grateful for your feedback. I have just written a new introduction, can you provide...

Undergraduatehannah suitor - Dec 16, 2023 / hannah suitor - Dec 18, 2023

plan to do in next six months

2 - The sentence structure of your paragraph is very choppy. The idea presentation is incomplete. The thoughts are not provided...

Undergraduatesinaburn - Dec 16, 2023 / Holt - Dec 17, 2023

Path to Studying Business in Korea - Personal statement GKS

2 - I cannot help you with a proper review of your personal statement. The first of which is that you...

Undergraduateacha14 - Dec 8, 2023 / Holt - Dec 8, 2023

UCLA Theater, Film and Television Supplemental Essays - Life Challenge Essay

2 - Your essay is right on the mark as far as I am concerned. You have depicted a lifelong struggle...

UndergraduateConfusingSphinx - Dec 3, 2023 / Holt - Dec 8, 2023

Looking for critiques on USC Cinematic Arts (Animation) Personal Statement!

2 - The essay is good. I can tell that you are trying to discuss your family background and how difficult...

UndergraduateSamkzarts - Dec 1, 2023 / Holt - Dec 8, 2023

SECCLO programme, career aspirations, relevant experience and achievements

2 - The program is asking you to describe your professional experience in relation to the program requirements. I do not...

Undergraduatechol - Nov 30, 2023 / Holt - Dec 8, 2023

Balancing my life priorities - UBC Application: Tell us about who you are.

NEW - Please comment on my application essay for UBC Engineering, the question is "TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE. HOW...

Undergraduateakmaster101 - Dec 3, 2023 / — -

UBC SAUDER PERSONAL PROFILE QUESTION

2 - This sounds like a very concise presentation of the problem that you faced as a co-CEO of the school...

Undergraduateseniorstudent - Nov 29, 2023 / Holt - Dec 3, 2023

Common App-The contagious influence of smiles

2 - You have too many references for the Smile reference. Bring it down to 2 examples. Keep the perspective of...

Undergraduatepawan_pai02 - Nov 28, 2023 / Holt - Dec 3, 2023

UBC Personal Profile - What is important to you? And why? "Photography"

3 - @Holt Hi, is there a way to private message you on here? Not here, but you may email: essayforum.com+holt@gmail.com...

Undergraduateyooogiis - Nov 6, 2023 / Mav47 - Dec 3, 2023

Quitting Basketball - Common App Essay

3 - I've met many new amazing, interesting, and beautiful people who I will remember for the rest of my life,...

Undergraduatemaxn - Nov 28, 2023 / ductam06 - Nov 29, 2023

My experience editing for the school news broadcast - UBC Important Activities Prompt

2 - You can insert a final paragraph that would touch on how you won an award for your hard work....

Undergraduatethe john award - Nov 26, 2023 / Holt - Nov 28, 2023

Common app essay "My mother's Hardships and how it helped me grow as a person"

2 - The essay is too focused on your mom and how it affected or pushed other relatives to help you....

UndergraduateAbdullahKhan114 - Nov 23, 2023 / Holt - Nov 27, 2023

Essay about why I want to transfer to Spelman College

2 - Well, this is most certainly a very personal essay. Thank you for sharing it with us. It is emotional...

Undergraduatelivvv12 - Nov 20, 2023 / Holt - Nov 27, 2023

"Leadership at Prosper's case comp" - UBC SAUDER (UNFAMILIAR SITUATION PROMPT)

2 - You do not really need to enumerate the names of the team members in this case. Group pronouns will...

Undergraduateramenlegend - Nov 18, 2023 / Holt - Nov 27, 2023

UBC - Explain how you responded to a problem and/or an unfamiliar situation. (MAX 1500 Characters)

2 - This is an excellent reference point for the prompt you have chosen. It is light, heartwarming, but indicative of...

Undergraduateapplepie132 - Nov 17, 2023 / Holt - Nov 27, 2023

What is your motivation to apply for UWC?

2 - I do not believe that you are responding to the question. You have delivered your community participation background. However,...

UndergraduateAfag Mamedova - Nov 12, 2023 / Holt - Nov 27, 2023

FIT Admissions Essay - Undergraduate - Fashion Design

2 - You cannot focus on your qualifications that will make you an excellent candidate for FIT alone. You also need...

Undergraduatechloieroupe - Nov 9, 2023 / Holt - Nov 19, 2023

Talk about your career in future

3 - I think it would be better if you could elaborate what kind of aspects that you want to learn...

Undergraduatenganhoang - Nov 2, 2023 / kokor0 - Nov 18, 2023

This is the place where I want to be - Fashion Institute of Technology Admittance Essay

5 - Coming from an aspiring designer myself, I don't think you would enjoy attending FIT. You don't sound very passionate...

Undergraduatekrenkewitz - Oct 30, 2023 / chloieroupe - Nov 9, 2023

PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR BIOLOGICAL SCIENCE BACHELOR DEGREE

2 - Since this is a personal statement, you should make an effort to balance out the information you provide about...

Undergraduatealexdo - Nov 4, 2023 / Holt - Nov 5, 2023

WHO ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF? AND HOW WOULD YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND PEERS DESCRIBE YOU.

2 - You misunderstood the prompt. You are supposed to highlight several aspects of your personality, from the point of view...

Undergraduatemauu - Oct 30, 2023 / Holt - Oct 30, 2023

Common App Essay - Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging

2 - Try to avoid using movie references as inspirations for a future career. Specially when you clearly claim that you...

UndergraduateMHJN - Oct 14, 2023 / Holt - Oct 15, 2023

"My reflection through the car window" - common app essay

2 - The essay is not complete so I cannot truly review it and give you advice on how to improve...

Undergraduatesohaiblol - Oct 14, 2023 / Holt - Oct 14, 2023

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