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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 5)

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UBC 'what is important to you?' essay "taking that next step"

2 - Which is the actual "important" part to you? Is it taking the next step or completing a goal? The...

UndergraduatehopefullyUBC - Nov 28, 2022 / Holt - Nov 28, 2022

Event that catalyzed change in belief/action - Queen's SE

2 - The main problem that I see with this essay is that it embodies the dream of someone else for...

Undergraduateyyqlin - Nov 27, 2022 / Holt - Nov 27, 2022

A child of an immigrant family - UBC: Tell us about who you are

2 - There is too much of "I" in this essay and not enough "they". The idea is to look at...

Undergraduatetofu9 - Nov 27, 2022 / Holt - Nov 27, 2022

Personal statement on student's foreign language acquisition before graduation.

2 - Where a general idea is presented, there is no need to exaggerate the basis. That means, the restatement should...

UndergraduateBun cha - Nov 25, 2022 / Holt - Nov 26, 2022

I keep a copy of every writing assignment - ubc personal profile WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU? WHY?

3 - @Holt yo thanks man ive been struggling to write these ubc questions but its nice to get some outside...

Undergraduatejonthanw713 - Nov 23, 2022 / jonthanw713 - Nov 23, 2022

A capable leader - Tell us about who you are - leadership and growth

2 - Do not lose sight of whose point of view is important here. While the second point of view response...

UndergraduateCW27 - Nov 23, 2022 / Holt - Nov 23, 2022

Tell us about who you are - My growth as a person

3 - @Holt I don't really understand what you mean by disengaging from my writing and to use the third person...

Undergraduatekevinxu - Nov 14, 2022 / kevinxu - Nov 14, 2022

Robotics club and mentorship - Tell us about who you are. UBC

3 - So I am a little confused by this response. What exactly would I need to change to improve this?...

UndergraduateKrTh - Nov 13, 2022 / KrTh - Nov 14, 2022

Essay about the influence a dance competition had on me (CA Personal Statement Prompt #2) - critique

2 - The essay does not open with the correct focus point. Rather than a performance mishap that could have influenced...

Undergraduatevardaan2708 - Nov 13, 2022 / Holt - Nov 13, 2022

My essay on height - "A Tall Package"

2 - The essay introduces what is a unique character description of this person based on his home country. Since Nepalese...

Undergraduatemightytallperson - Nov 12, 2022 / Holt - Nov 13, 2022

HKUST Undergraduate Personal Statement for Engineering Courses

2 - A personal statement does not need a title because the content should be responsive to the prompt provided by...

Undergraduateputrikhansa - Nov 11, 2022 / Holt - Nov 11, 2022

Government oppression - why you decided to apply to the department/area of Sejong University.

2 - The information provided does not reflect that of a person who is truly decided on a career in Digital...

Undergraduatebunikjun - Nov 11, 2022 / Holt - Nov 11, 2022

Essay about my ambition to become an Astronaut - Common app prompt Some students have a background,

6 - @bunikjun and @Alao0702 Thanks for the feedback I think I have to rewrite the whole essay once again...

UndergraduateDestiny - Nov 9, 2022 / Destiny - Nov 11, 2022

Mini essay-UBC application's personal profile. Problem and/or an unfamiliar situation.

2 - We need a more relatable backstory for this. As a customer service agent, it was not really your task...

Undergraduatedeafleaf - Nov 3, 2022 / Holt - Nov 4, 2022

Towards accomplishment - UBC - 1. Tell us about who you are. Personal Profile essay

2 - This prompt actually asks the applicant to write about himself from the third person perspective in 3 settings: as...

Undergraduatesh103150 - Nov 2, 2022 / Holt - Nov 3, 2022

Dream and the efforts made in order to achieve it. KAIST Entrance Essay

3 - @Holt Thank you for your detailed feedback!...

UndergraduateBelayed - Nov 2, 2022 / Belayed - Nov 2, 2022

How I discovered public relations

3 - This essay was straight to the point just how it should be, it described how this shaped the writer....

Undergraduatebreezybunny135 - Oct 29, 2022 / almightytbo - Oct 31, 2022

Stacked against me - COMMON APP ESSAY - CRITIQUE

3 - I really enjoyed this essay, but I was a little confused on all these points and how they are...

Undergraduatejiyam - Oct 30, 2022 / almightytbo - Oct 31, 2022

The Physics Department - Why Davidson supplement essay?

2 - The main question is in relation to what you can contribute to the unique learning experience at Davidson. All...

UndergraduateAryan1234 - Oct 30, 2022 / Holt - Oct 31, 2022

"Hey fool, pass the ball" - common app - Recount a time when you faced...

NEW - I think life isn't a destination, like everyone says it is. "Keep working hard and you'll reach your destination"...

Undergraduatespeedram - Oct 30, 2022 / — -

At Fordham, we expect students to care for and engage with their communities.

2 - The topic chosen for the discussion was promising but the writing approach Missed out on the potential to greatly...

Undergraduatenataliely - Oct 30, 2022 / Holt - Oct 30, 2022

math and physics - University of Wisconsin-Madison supplementary essay review

2 - The essay is well written. It creatively uses an imaginative and engaging presentation that captures the reader's attention. Until...

Undergraduatejamie foxx - Oct 30, 2022 / Holt - Oct 30, 2022

"Journey of Understanding" - Common app Personal essay

2 - Which of several common app essay prompts is this essay supposed to respond to? Since you did not provide...

UndergraduateCoolduckz - Oct 29, 2022 / Holt - Oct 29, 2022

Common App essay 2022. Single mother,CS

2 - Let me put it bluntly, the reviewer will not be interested in the life travails of your mother, grandmother,...

UndergraduatePikachu - Oct 28, 2022 / Holt - Oct 29, 2022

A bucky badger - why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison

2 - Here is the thing, the essay is devoid of true passion in the sense that there is no evidence...

Undergraduatenataliely - Oct 28, 2022 / Holt - Oct 29, 2022

Personal statement for a Joint Master regarding Eastern Europe, Russia, Eurasia

2 - First of all, remove the political references in the essay. As a student, the focus should be less on...

Undergraduatelancerlot99 - Oct 27, 2022 / Holt - Oct 28, 2022

"Tell a story from your life that developed or help you develop your character" essay

2 - There are too many events going on in this essay. Since the focus of the essay is on the...

Undergraduatemnivar - Oct 27, 2022 / Holt - Oct 28, 2022

Women empowerment - Common app essay on event that sparked period of personal growth

3 - @randombrowngirl I'd say this can turn into a more powerful essay if you talk a little more about your...

Undergraduaterandombrowngirl - Oct 22, 2022 / Jasminbajwa - Oct 26, 2022

The choir teacher - UBC: Explain How You Responded To A Problem

3 - @Wigic I think you need to structure the essay with more context. I would suggest you use the STAR...

UndergraduateWigic - Oct 16, 2022 / Jasminbajwa - Oct 26, 2022

External validation - What is important to you? Why?

3 - @Holt Thanks for the advice. I'll make the required changes accordingly....

UndergraduateJasminbajwa - Oct 26, 2022 / Jasminbajwa - Oct 26, 2022

Computer Science and Engineering - Personal Statement for a Korean University ( GIST , UNIST , PNU )

3 - @Holt Thank you for your feedback. I thought writing 80% academics and 20% extra stuffs would do okay. I...

Undergraduatebrian7 - Oct 18, 2022 / brian7 - Oct 19, 2022

Sport enthusiast, reader, dancer and computer lover. Common App Essay - background and identity

2 - The written presentation fails to satisfy the information requirements as indicated. These activities are quite common among the youth...

Undergraduatejellyybom - Oct 18, 2022 / Holt - Oct 19, 2022

Brave and enterprising women - The "Why Barnard College?" essay

2 - The applicant animatedly speaks of the reasons why her keen interest in the university was developed. It is clear...

Undergraduatevalerialb - Oct 16, 2022 / Holt - Oct 16, 2022

CommonApp Essay PS - the effect of Chess on my life

3 - @Holt So if I was to set it to the open prompt, you think it should be good?...

Undergraduatefrizter - Oct 13, 2022 / frizter - Oct 14, 2022

Outgoing, passionate and holistic - Tell us about who you are

2 - The prompt will be used to assess how well you will merge into the student community of the university...

UndergraduateShitty05 - Oct 13, 2022 / Holt - Oct 14, 2022

Constant battle - umich supplement - community essay (294 words)

2 - The idea behind this essay is to show the way that the applicant positively views herself through her membership...

Undergraduaterimjhim - Oct 3, 2022 / Holt - Oct 4, 2022

UIUC Supplementary Essay_Explain your experience related to your first-choice major.

2 - Never opt to apply for a course that you are not experienced in. If you do not have even...

Undergraduateminiwinsle - Oct 3, 2022 / Holt - Oct 3, 2022

Managing and planing - Quest Bridge College Application - Short Answers Section

2 - While being a fantastic time and schedule manager is admirable, that is not exactly the kind of proudest achievement...

Undergraduatemin_soe - Sep 20, 2022 / Holt - Sep 20, 2022

A world full of global warming, war and depleting resources - GLOBAL KOREAN SCHOLARSHIP

3 - Hi, I'm no expert. But since as a reader i really like the content, you've put into this essay....

Undergraduateessybear - Sep 15, 2022 / famma12345 - Sep 17, 2022

Quest Bridge National College Match Personal Statement- Essay on my ability to focus

2 - There is no need to state the obvious at the end of the essay. Allow your paragraphs to speak...

Undergraduatevivi12345 - Sep 14, 2022 / Holt - Sep 17, 2022

What sparked a period of your personal growth? Running competition; "should I just give up?"

2 - The sentiment presented in this essay will certainly be seen as thoughtful and personal by the reviewer. However, he...

Undergraduatemadigrace8975 - Sep 14, 2022 / Holt - Sep 15, 2022

GKS STUDY PLAN ON MAJOR, FUTURE PLAN- MICROBIOLOGY

2 - Do not confuse the goal of study and study plan with how you plan to spend the academic year...

Undergraduatejulia_stn7 - Sep 12, 2022 / Holt - Sep 14, 2022

I quickly grasp the learning concepts; GKS UNDERGRADUATE STUDY PLAN - PUSAN NATIONAL UNIVERSITY

3 - actually, i think you really messed up this study plan. they will not care how you followed the strict...

Undergraduatejulia_stn7 - Sep 11, 2022 / mylife1234 - Sep 12, 2022

Question about your dreams and efforts you've made so far and future plans on it

3 - Thank you so much for your feedback, I will consider all the mistakes and rewrite it as you...

UndergraduateAlexander Park - Sep 11, 2022 / Alexander Park - Sep 11, 2022

Essay about an experience or accomplishment which has shaped you as a person

2 - The text is too compressed on the page. It lacks proper formatting based on paragraph focus and content. Please...

Undergraduateshefickle - Sep 11, 2022 / Holt - Sep 11, 2022

My first sketch - Architecture University

2 - Is this a GKS-U personal statement essay? If so then the writer is not on the right track in...

Undergraduatecruellapoisonz - Sep 11, 2022 / Holt - Sep 11, 2022

Common App PS - The effect that color guard had on my ability to plan and prioritize

2 - Provide an explanation of what a color guard is. A clarification is needed since not everyone will be familiar...

Undergraduateweewoo - Sep 10, 2022 / Holt - Sep 11, 2022

Essay about my choice for Econ major from my common app personal statement.

3 - @Holt Thank you very much for your response! I understood my mistakes. I will rewrite the essay...

Undergraduateakhmadaliyev_n - Sep 9, 2022 / akhmadaliyev_n - Sep 10, 2022

"Striving is the only reasonable answer" Global Korea Scholarship Essay

3 - @Holt thank you so much for your feedback. I will post the updated one in a different thread is...

Undergraduateapollogeist - Sep 8, 2022 / apollogeist - Sep 9, 2022

Finding Insight, Purpose and Potential in Chaos_QuestBridge Biographical Essay

2 - The camper van lifestyle should be held together by a beginning. How did the family end up that way?...

Undergraduatecmakenna - Sep 4, 2022 / Holt - Sep 4, 2022

Admission Essay - Essay about my interests on blockchain and how I got into it

3 - @Holt Thanks for reply, i will try and edit my essay...

Undergraduatedark_sword77 - Aug 24, 2022 / dark_sword77 - Aug 25, 2022

Give us an example of how the pandemic has changed your involvement in the community or group- UBC

2 - The essay is not well thought out by the applicant. As an overall presentation, it is disconnected and uses...

UndergraduateArshit0303 - Aug 21, 2022 / Holt - Aug 22, 2022

How I became a curious person - personal statement for GKS-U 2023

3 - @Holt thank you so much for your review, I will try to improve those aspects....

Undergraduateana03 - Aug 10, 2022 / ana03 - Aug 17, 2022

UBC - Explain how you responded to a problem and/or an unfamiliar situation. What did I do?

2 - Why is a large part of this essay written with the first word capitalized? Does the applicant not know...

UndergraduateArshit0303 - Aug 13, 2022 / Holt - Aug 14, 2022

Undergraduate Admission Essay - "Happy in a Surprising Way" - First Draft

2 - The discussion presented is more of overcoming an accidental challenge posed by you and encouraged by someone else. It...

Undergraduatelithomascarene - Aug 9, 2022 / Holt - Aug 9, 2022

Undergraduate Admission Essay - "Tell us your story" - Revision

2 - The essay clearly indicates that the story has to apply to you, the applicant, in singular form. So why...

UndergraduateGeorge Sander - Aug 8, 2022 / Holt - Aug 9, 2022

UIC Admission Personal Statement - Diversity and why my personal traits would stand out

3 - Thank you so much for the comment! I will add some more social activities, and maybe I will try...

Undergraduatebkhnhch - Aug 7, 2022 / bkhnhch - Aug 8, 2022

"What you seek is seeking you" FIT Fashion Design program admission essay

2 - The writer has the essay presented in reverse. If the presentation started with the personal belief, it would show...

Undergraduateaesthetic111 - Jul 24, 2022 / Holt - Jul 25, 2022

What are you want to do in the future? What is your dreams? Why can you do it?

3 - Maybe this is not an Ielts writing task 2 but there are stills a lot of mistakes. Firstly, you...

Undergraduatehuynhdinhphu - Jul 19, 2022 / Iloveielts - Jul 25, 2022

IB STUDENT SMU REJECTION APPEAL (DRAFT 1) for Bachelor of Business Management and BSc Economics

2 - Please do not blatantly ask for a reassessment of your application. It is not going to sit well with...

Undergraduateavocado1509 - Jul 14, 2022 / Holt - Jul 14, 2022

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