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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 5)

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Personal statement for USA universities

2 - You are overwhelming the reviewer with information and yet, still not providing information that would help him get to...

UndergraduateJakii - Dec 24, 2023 / Holt - Dec 25, 2023
"The Biscuit Heist" - Common Application Personal Statement

3 - Any edits, you think it needs? I am just hesitant to submit it to schools, because in early decision...

Undergraduateerfansamay - Dec 7, 2023 / erfansamay - Dec 23, 2023
"the next Ahmed Amine" - Personal Statement advices from a moroccan

2 - You are trying to over impress the reviewer with this presentation. All you will succeed in doing, by overcomplicating...

UndergraduateCris7Junior - Dec 18, 2023 / Holt - Dec 23, 2023
Common App about films and connection with them

2 - The essay is confusing. You said you began to spend less time with your father and in the process,...

UndergraduateSathiraK - Dec 18, 2023 / Holt - Dec 23, 2023
Business Administration - accomplishment, or realisation that sparked a period of personal growth.

2 - You need to bring the focus to your passion for debate sooner in the presentation. Do not bore the...

Undergraduateverytired - Dec 17, 2023 / Holt - Dec 23, 2023
[COMMON APP] HAPINESS LIES IN THE PROCESS, NOT THE DESTINATION

3 - Hello @Holt, I am so grateful for your feedback. I have just written a new introduction, can you provide...

Undergraduatehannah suitor - Dec 16, 2023 / hannah suitor - Dec 18, 2023
plan to do in next six months

2 - The sentence structure of your paragraph is very choppy. The idea presentation is incomplete. The thoughts are not provided...

Undergraduatesinaburn - Dec 16, 2023 / Holt - Dec 17, 2023
Path to Studying Business in Korea - Personal statement GKS

2 - I cannot help you with a proper review of your personal statement. The first of which is that you...

Undergraduateacha14 - Dec 8, 2023 / Holt - Dec 8, 2023
UCLA Theater, Film and Television Supplemental Essays - Life Challenge Essay

2 - Your essay is right on the mark as far as I am concerned. You have depicted a lifelong struggle...

UndergraduateConfusingSphinx - Dec 3, 2023 / Holt - Dec 8, 2023
Looking for critiques on USC Cinematic Arts (Animation) Personal Statement!

2 - The essay is good. I can tell that you are trying to discuss your family background and how difficult...

UndergraduateSamkzarts - Dec 1, 2023 / Holt - Dec 8, 2023
SECCLO programme, career aspirations, relevant experience and achievements

2 - The program is asking you to describe your professional experience in relation to the program requirements. I do not...

Undergraduatechol - Nov 30, 2023 / Holt - Dec 8, 2023
Balancing my life priorities - UBC Application: Tell us about who you are.

NEW - Please comment on my application essay for UBC Engineering, the question is "TELL US ABOUT WHO YOU ARE. HOW...

Undergraduateakmaster101 - Dec 3, 2023 / — -
UBC SAUDER PERSONAL PROFILE QUESTION

2 - This sounds like a very concise presentation of the problem that you faced as a co-CEO of the school...

Undergraduateseniorstudent - Nov 29, 2023 / Holt - Dec 3, 2023
Common App-The contagious influence of smiles

2 - You have too many references for the Smile reference. Bring it down to 2 examples. Keep the perspective of...

Undergraduatepawan_pai02 - Nov 28, 2023 / Holt - Dec 3, 2023
UBC Personal Profile - What is important to you? And why? "Photography"

3 - @Holt Hi, is there a way to private message you on here? Not here, but you may email: essayforum.com+holt@gmail.com...

Undergraduateyooogiis - Nov 6, 2023 / Mav47 - Dec 3, 2023
Quitting Basketball - Common App Essay

3 - I've met many new amazing, interesting, and beautiful people who I will remember for the rest of my life,...

Undergraduatemaxn - Nov 28, 2023 / ductam06 - Nov 29, 2023
My experience editing for the school news broadcast - UBC Important Activities Prompt

2 - You can insert a final paragraph that would touch on how you won an award for your hard work....

Undergraduatethe john award - Nov 26, 2023 / Holt - Nov 28, 2023
Common app essay "My mother's Hardships and how it helped me grow as a person"

2 - The essay is too focused on your mom and how it affected or pushed other relatives to help you....

UndergraduateAbdullahKhan114 - Nov 23, 2023 / Holt - Nov 27, 2023
Essay about why I want to transfer to Spelman College

2 - Well, this is most certainly a very personal essay. Thank you for sharing it with us. It is emotional...

Undergraduatelivvv12 - Nov 20, 2023 / Holt - Nov 27, 2023
"Leadership at Prosper's case comp" - UBC SAUDER (UNFAMILIAR SITUATION PROMPT)

2 - You do not really need to enumerate the names of the team members in this case. Group pronouns will...

Undergraduateramenlegend - Nov 18, 2023 / Holt - Nov 27, 2023
UBC - Explain how you responded to a problem and/or an unfamiliar situation. (MAX 1500 Characters)

2 - This is an excellent reference point for the prompt you have chosen. It is light, heartwarming, but indicative of...

Undergraduateapplepie132 - Nov 17, 2023 / Holt - Nov 27, 2023
What is your motivation to apply for UWC?

2 - I do not believe that you are responding to the question. You have delivered your community participation background. However,...

UndergraduateAfag Mamedova - Nov 12, 2023 / Holt - Nov 27, 2023
FIT Admissions Essay - Undergraduate - Fashion Design

2 - You cannot focus on your qualifications that will make you an excellent candidate for FIT alone. You also need...

Undergraduatechloieroupe - Nov 9, 2023 / Holt - Nov 19, 2023
Talk about your career in future

3 - I think it would be better if you could elaborate what kind of aspects that you want to learn...

Undergraduatenganhoang - Nov 2, 2023 / kokor0 - Nov 18, 2023
This is the place where I want to be - Fashion Institute of Technology Admittance Essay

5 - Coming from an aspiring designer myself, I don't think you would enjoy attending FIT. You don't sound very passionate...

Undergraduatekrenkewitz - Oct 30, 2023 / chloieroupe - Nov 9, 2023
PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR BIOLOGICAL SCIENCE BACHELOR DEGREE

2 - Since this is a personal statement, you should make an effort to balance out the information you provide about...

Undergraduatealexdo - Nov 4, 2023 / Holt - Nov 5, 2023
WHO ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF? AND HOW WOULD YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND PEERS DESCRIBE YOU.

2 - You misunderstood the prompt. You are supposed to highlight several aspects of your personality, from the point of view...

Undergraduatemauu - Oct 30, 2023 / Holt - Oct 30, 2023
Common App Essay - Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging

2 - Try to avoid using movie references as inspirations for a future career. Specially when you clearly claim that you...

UndergraduateMHJN - Oct 14, 2023 / Holt - Oct 15, 2023
"My reflection through the car window" - common app essay

2 - The essay is not complete so I cannot truly review it and give you advice on how to improve...

Undergraduatesohaiblol - Oct 14, 2023 / Holt - Oct 14, 2023
Educated - tara westover; UGA supplemental essay

2 - Would you be comfortable sharing the aspects of your identity that you were having trouble with at the time...

Undergraduatetuxedocat444 - Oct 11, 2023 / Holt - Oct 14, 2023
Gks Undergraduate Essay; I have been deeply intrigued by the world of business

3 - Hello, i am aware of the GKS-UG guidlenes. I read your essay and let me give you my honest...

Undergraduatequenshaa - Oct 8, 2023 / sushiii - Oct 14, 2023
"The challenges I had to go through to finally learn a language" - Common app personal statement

2 - Well, this is certainly a very impressive take on the struggle of a foreign student to learn the English...

UndergraduateKuvyl - Oct 7, 2023 / Holt - Oct 8, 2023
Why I want to become an anesthesiologist assistant

2 - Do you have an underlying condition that requires you to have regular check ups? Is this one of...

Undergraduatemicrowavedchild - Oct 6, 2023 / Holt - Oct 8, 2023
'How does this affect Lebron's legacy' - National Merit Essay: Influential Person

2 - It is obvious that you have written this essay from the heart. It shows in the way that you...

Undergraduateomh66206 - Oct 6, 2023 / Holt - Oct 8, 2023
Artist Statement - SAIC (School of the Art Institute of chicago)

2 - Since this is an artist statement, try to develop more insight into how you got your start in photography....

UndergraduateRuan_sds - Oct 3, 2023 / Holt - Oct 8, 2023
Martial arts - supplemental essay on Jiu Jitsu - UNC

2 - This story of your even temperament is actually something unique in this type of application. I thoroughly enjoyed reading...

Undergraduateaviatorspings - Sep 27, 2023 / Holt - Oct 8, 2023
My Father and the Gym - undergraduate admissions

2 - There is no connection between the gym and your presentation. That was a forced connection that came in at...

UndergraduateAryking - Sep 27, 2023 / Holt - Oct 8, 2023
Week-long bursts of passion - my Questbridge personal essay

2 - The essay is scattered. The story telling is choppy. There are aspects that seem to hit the reader out...

UndergraduateHonda_civic - Sep 26, 2023 / Holt - Oct 8, 2023
Common App main essay: Mother's Battle Changed my life

2 - I agree that you need to shorten the reference to your mother's cancer battle. You have too much of...

UndergraduateVgreene1659 - Sep 22, 2023 / Holt - Oct 7, 2023
Chameleon of Roleplay - Questbridge personal statement

2 - Okay, the reviewer would rather get to know you without the constant reference to other characters. I understand that...

Undergraduatehayebal - Sep 20, 2023 / Holt - Oct 7, 2023
ISO ideas writing "WHO AM I?" for NFL Pitch Brochure

2 - It's good but needs to better focus on your drafting skills. The how is just as important as the...

UndergraduatePMG_SportsBiz - Sep 30, 2023 / Holt - Oct 3, 2023
Business Administration GKS personal statement undergraduate

NEW - Hello, I wish to apply GKS. It will be a huge help to me for you to check my...

Undergraduatebath444 - Oct 2, 2023 / — -
COMMON APP ESSAY REVIEW (essay on personal growth)

2 - The essay tends to be a bit confusing as you move from the plant experience to your personal experience....

Undergraduateyurii06xx - Sep 16, 2023 / Holt - Sep 26, 2023
New country arrival - QuestBridge-Personal Essay

3 - @Holt Hi, thank you for your feedback!...

UndergraduateNguyebui - Sep 25, 2023 / Nguyebui - Sep 26, 2023
Common App / "Why did I take a gap year" essay / international student / early decision in november

2 - You spent too much time explaining the concept of the gap year. The focus should be on why you...

Undergraduategigibsz - Sep 12, 2023 / Holt - Sep 26, 2023
Statement Of Intent for School of Visual Arts BFA Fine Arts

NEW - Summary: Hello! I am trying to transfer to the School of Visual arts in New York and we are...

UndergraduateGracefulRoseThor - Sep 25, 2023 / — -
GAP YEAR ESSAY FOR COMMONAPP

2 - It is definitely an explanation of why you had to take a gap year. However, it is not the...

UndergraduateNaveed123 - Sep 8, 2023 / Holt - Sep 24, 2023
My journey of independence and family bonds Essay (Personal statement)

2 - The essay does not really show how you overcame an obstacle. It comes across more as you just complaining...

Undergraduateccbubblegirl - Sep 7, 2023 / Holt - Sep 24, 2023
Rubber Bands College Essay INTRO paragraph

2 - I find the paragraph to be highly redundant and lacking in focus. There is too much emphasis on the...

Undergraduatertm7272 - Sep 6, 2023 / Holt - Sep 18, 2023
Essay about telling the story that shaped my characters

3 - @Roandan I feel like you did not understand the topic you had to write about. This seems like a...

UndergraduateRoandan - Sep 4, 2023 / HITZYBITZYTYTY - Sep 16, 2023
Journey in programming - Motivation for applying to UNIST (Entrance Essay)

3 - @Holt Oh I see. Thank you so much. I will work on that...

Undergraduatekanghyun3130 - Sep 4, 2023 / kanghyun3130 - Sep 16, 2023
Stepping into the gates - UGRAD statement of purpose

2 - Focus on developing paragraph 3. That is where you purpose seems to lie, but seems unexplored for the most...

UndergraduateMominat - Aug 30, 2023 / Holt - Sep 16, 2023
"I can do it" app eassy for Computer Science major GKS_U

2 - The GKS-U application essays follow a highly specific question and answer format. You must respond to a series of...

UndergraduateMinahil - Aug 26, 2023 / Holt - Sep 12, 2023
Growing Up In The Family Restaurant

NEW - Growing Up In The Family Restaurant The experience of working in my family restaurant taught me the importance...

Undergraduatesebastian323 - Aug 28, 2023 / — -
Technology - Statement of Purpose for UGRAD undergrad exchange program 2024

3 - @basit123 I think you should discuss some more ideas that you are going to perform in the future...

Undergraduatebasit123 - Aug 23, 2023 / Minahil - Aug 26, 2023
BEING A QUEER MUSLIM - COMMON APP ESSAY FOR UMICH!

2 - Somehow the presentation seems incomplete to me. I am looking for some reference as to how the Muslim community...

Undergraduateraindrops - Aug 1, 2023 / Holt - Aug 8, 2023
"That's it, I quit Reading Bowl!" - college app essay

2 - Without knowing what prompt you are responding to from the common app list, I would have to say that...

Undergraduatenikhiltadepalli - Jul 28, 2023 / Holt - Aug 6, 2023
Personal Statement to apply for Internal Medicine Residency USMLE

2 - Please revise your personal statement. A personal statement should not focus on your academic achievements or medical accomplishments. Rather,...

UndergraduateRushel - Jul 27, 2023 / Holt - Aug 4, 2023
Windows on Williams Fly-in Essay "Describe your neighborhood and how it impacts you" 500 word limit

3 - @Holt Okay, thank you for the tips, I will definitely take those into consideration!...

Undergraduatewax338 - Jun 28, 2023 / wax338 - Jul 16, 2023
The New School for AAS in Fashion Design

2 - The overall presentation is strong and well informed. You have a clear idea of how you see your future...

Undergraduatesweets9 - Jul 11, 2023 / Holt - Jul 12, 2023

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