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|I want to be at a school that makes me happy - FIT Admissions Essay
3 - Pili, your essay will be better served if you remove the unrelated first paragraph. That is nothing more than...
Undergraduatepili - Nov 29, 2017 / Holt - Nov 30, 2017
|How are you a leader and how will this show on campus?
2 - Jay, there is no true leadership role included in this essay. You are only implying that you have played...
Undergraduatejrd519 - Nov 29, 2017 / Holt - Nov 30, 2017
|USC Undergad Supplemental Essay - Why USC? Major: Communications 2nd choice: International Studies
4 - Hello, You will need to dive a little deeper here. There are a few Annenberg school of communications...
Undergraduateryanjtran - Nov 28, 2017 / admission2012 - Nov 29, 2017
|I am applying to UBC and in the application form, it requires me to write an essay about myself
6 - This essay is not too coherent. In any event, all they are asking you is "What are you passionate...
Undergraduatebenamilada - Nov 27, 2017 / admission2012 - Nov 29, 2017
|UBC - Tell us more about one or two activities
4 - Hi Michell! I also agree with Holt and @Lyipheoryia, and I want to add maybe you should connect those...
UndergraduateMichell20 - Nov 28, 2017 / benamilada - Nov 29, 2017
|My deep desire to help others. UBC Personal Profile
UndergraduateLyipheoryia - Nov 29, 2017 / Lyipheoryia - Nov 29, 2017
|Alone at home. This is the Intro to a very personal UC admissions essay.
6 - @Holisuna You still have a lot to develop on your essay. I think your paragraph is just fine as...
UndergraduateHolisuna - Nov 25, 2017 / Michell20 - Nov 27, 2017
|Being an outcast in my community. What do I value about Columbia?
2 - Daryl, don't just focus on the social inclusiveness as the value that you hope to pursue and achieve when...
Undergraduatekainakoa808 - Nov 27, 2017 / Holt - Nov 27, 2017
|My academic record is a mirror of myself
2 - Jay, you should be saying that the grades reflected in your academic record are NOT an accurate representation of...
Undergraduatejrd519 - Nov 27, 2017 / Holt - Nov 27, 2017
|STUDY PLAN. I would like to ask if the Canada embassy will help me to achieve my goals
Undergraduatefahme - Nov 22, 2017 / jrd519 - Nov 27, 2017
|If You could have any career, what would it be? (technology)
2 - Jay, this is a pretty good response. It lays the foundation for your interest in code. However, it doesn't...
Undergraduatejrd519 - Nov 26, 2017 / Holt - Nov 27, 2017
|My Struggle Through Teen Bullying/Suicide -Common App Prompt
4 - @jiholee5217 Hello! I totally agree with Holt. I believe that you should you Hannah only as a catalyst to...
Undergraduatejiholee5217 - Nov 16, 2017 / madiefarts123 - Nov 25, 2017
|What's the probability of existing? Make something out of it!
4 - hello isabella, I didn't really get carried along in your essay, I got lost at some point, I don't...
UndergraduateIsabellaalmeida - Nov 25, 2017 / Codex1717 - Nov 25, 2017
|What are the things most crucial to you and why?
7 - hello warisha, i agree strongly with isabella, recounting an experience that reflects your desire for personal growth will help...
UndergraduateWarisha - Nov 24, 2017 / Codex1717 - Nov 25, 2017
|Being Indifferent - Tell us about who you are. UBC
UndergraduateMichell20 - Nov 24, 2017 / Michell20 - Nov 24, 2017
|'The Art of Paper-Folding' - writing CommonApp Prompt #1
Undergraduateasemdi00 - Nov 24, 2017 / asemdi00 - Nov 24, 2017
|"The limit does not exist!" - Personal essay - Canadian destination
3 - @Holt im applying to a highschool. I believe they only asked me to write a personal statement without any...
Undergraduatequanphm - Nov 24, 2017 / quanphm - Nov 24, 2017
|What factors have shaped me - influenced by surrounding people, especially by one boy; my first love
4 - Hello polina, I think you should focus more on the influence the boy had on you.. What you've stated...
UndergraduatePolinaProto - Nov 17, 2017 / Codex1717 - Nov 22, 2017
|Will it be beneficial to teach students of distinct abilities collectively?
5 - Chinky, your concluding paragraph is what destroyed the ability of this paper to get a high score. Your concluding...
Undergraduatechinkybehl22 - Nov 21, 2017 / Holt - Nov 22, 2017
|UT Dallas College Essay for Admission and AES Scholarship
3 - Thank you Holt for the amazing feedback! Do you think that this essay could also be used for this...
Undergraduatephnguyen0912 - Nov 18, 2017 / phnguyen0912 - Nov 22, 2017
|How I'm the next Macgyver (UC prompt 3) opener
2 - Madison, since this essay is supposed to be a type of interview, you may want to consider opening the...
UndergraduateMadisonDozier - Nov 21, 2017 / Holt - Nov 22, 2017
|Perfect Candidate for FIT? Admissions Essay - Advertising and Marketing Communications
3 - @Holt Thank you so much for the valuable input. I have submitted my essay after making the suggested edits....
Undergraduatekjaxk17 - Nov 21, 2017 / kjaxk17 - Nov 21, 2017
|Colgate Supplement - 3 word description - "bold, humble and happy" (250 W or less)
3 - Holt, I've rewritten the essay entirely and asked again for new descriptions and this is what I got so...
Undergraduaterowliejohnflores - Nov 17, 2017 / rowliejohnflores - Nov 20, 2017
|What is important to you? My freedom.
4 - Hi Michell, This is my contribution towards your essay.I think your third and fourth paragraph is too small.As far...
UndergraduateMichell20 - Nov 19, 2017 / Ashkan123 - Nov 19, 2017
|From Napoleon to Genes - diversity in thought
UndergraduateIsabellaalmeida - Nov 17, 2017 / Isabellaalmeida - Nov 18, 2017
|Syracuse University - Person dreaming of becoming - 250 W or less
2 - Hello rowlie, Nice essay. I think this sentence should have been "The college democrats organization will fuel my interest...
Undergraduaterowliejohnflores - Nov 17, 2017 / Codex1717 - Nov 18, 2017
|Fashion Institute Of Technology/FIT Fashion Business Management essay "evolution of fashion"
5 - Lisa, you are right about not saying "I am a good candidate because". In fact, all applicants to any...
Undergraduatesugarcanexox - Nov 16, 2017 / Holt - Nov 18, 2017
|Ethics and Integrity - when it affects your family
UndergraduateIsabellaalmeida - Nov 16, 2017 / Isabellaalmeida - Nov 17, 2017
|Syracuse University (SU) - Why Syracuse? Who-What? STUDENTS OF SUSTAINABILTY ORG. (250 W or less)
2 - Rowlie, the reference point for this essay should use the future tense of "will" since you have yet to...
Undergraduaterowliejohnflores - Nov 17, 2017 / Holt - Nov 17, 2017
|The study plan to convince Canadian visa officer my application of study permit
2 - Tilly, a study plan needs to show more than just the interest that you have in studying in Canada....
Undergraduateq910044 - Nov 16, 2017 / Holt - Nov 17, 2017
|Describe any of your previous experiences in Film Production
6 - I'm lost on your word count.... But I'll still correct what I can.. In junior high school period......
Undergraduates890217 - Nov 16, 2017 / rowliejohnflores - Nov 17, 2017
|My interest in engineering started at an early age; Texas A&M Engineering Admission Essay
3 - tobiadio, this response is highly curt and barely responds to the prompt questions. You must work on lengthening your...
Undergraduatetadio - Nov 16, 2017 / Holt - Nov 16, 2017
|Coffee and its universal laws. Caltech students have fun.
UndergraduateIsabellaalmeida - Nov 15, 2017 / Isabellaalmeida - Nov 16, 2017
|Additional info that may not be easily discernible from your academic record or list of activities
8 - Thank you very much for the response! I will revise my essay according to the feedback given....
Undergraduatemadiefarts123 - Nov 13, 2017 / madiefarts123 - Nov 16, 2017
|"We are about to be homeless" - Common app personal essay
4 - Aime, Your story is pretty impressive. I totally agree with @Holt. You should tell more about yourself, your...
UndergraduateAmatis250 - Nov 15, 2017 / Isabellaalmeida - Nov 15, 2017
|Three experiences which helped to explore your desire to study and possibly pursue a career in STEM
UndergraduateIsabellaalmeida - Nov 15, 2017 / Isabellaalmeida - Nov 15, 2017
|"My experience as a basketball captain. " - General CommonApp Prompt
7 - you did a good job to describe your extracurricular activities very well, but if you pay more attention to...
Undergraduateroomonfire - Nov 7, 2017 / al50332 - Nov 15, 2017
|"my first job interview" - GT short answer - being outside of the comfort zone
3 - Guangze , your response is totally inappropriate for the prompt provided. This s not something that happened to you...
Undergraduategzu2018 - Nov 15, 2017 / Holt - Nov 15, 2017
|Additional intellectual activities that you have not mentioned or detailed elsewhere in your form
4 - Thank you @Holt and @roomonfire for your analyses. As a general view, the words mentioned are in Portuguese, not...
UndergraduateIsabellaalmeida - Nov 11, 2017 / Isabellaalmeida - Nov 15, 2017
|Pitzer Supplement Essay: a topic on Menstruation!
2 - Keely , I am confused by the essay discussion. You need to clarify whether you are in Vietnam or...
Undergraduatelittlebig1 - Nov 14, 2017 / Holt - Nov 14, 2017
|"Growing up across the world" - UW second essay
5 - Maya, I adore this essay! Especially considering it's so close to my heart (Indian born and raised in Japan)....
Undergraduatemojomaya - Nov 5, 2017 / roomonfire - Nov 14, 2017
|University of Washington essay - When my dad lived away from my family and what I learned from it
2 - Christian, the reason your essay is over the word count is because you are treating this essay as a...
Undergraduatecreepnchristian - Nov 13, 2017 / Holt - Nov 14, 2017
|Qualified for English major class. Admission essay to the Tran Hung Dao High School
7 - @Holt thanks...
Undergraduatekhang1310 - Nov 12, 2017 / khang1310 - Nov 13, 2017
|At Georgia Tech, I aspire to engage in Hack GT and captivate my passion for computer science.
4 - @Holt Is this response better? I have removed the descriptive parts about my personality and instead focused more...
Undergraduategzu2018 - Nov 12, 2017 / gzu2018 - Nov 12, 2017
|College Application Essay to the University Of Buffalo Prompt 6
2 - Vashan, what is the specific prompt you are trying to respond to? Your response is not aligned with the...
UndergraduateChannelBlonde - Nov 11, 2017 / Holt - Nov 12, 2017
|My essay on why I chose pharmacy and what about it interests me?
UndergraduateMrVictor - Nov 11, 2017 / MrVictor - Nov 11, 2017
|When a Stargazing Is Your Extracurricular Activity - Harvard essay
2 - Isabella, this is a highly descriptive and engaging essay. The problem with it, is that you did not signify...
UndergraduateIsabellaalmeida - Nov 10, 2017 / Holt - Nov 11, 2017
|How can you contribute to the Honors College community? What benefits do you expect in return?
UndergraduateMrVictor - Nov 10, 2017 / MrVictor - Nov 11, 2017
|Autobiography used in exchange program
Undergraduateashstarry - Nov 9, 2017 / Holt - Nov 9, 2017
|A NARRATIVE ESSAY BASING ON A PIECE OF MUSIC
3 - I would like to point out some grammatical mistakes. 1. finally perceived his honesty 2. Everything have gone on...
UndergraduateDAILOIUTE - Oct 28, 2017 / snpcosmic - Nov 8, 2017
|"I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world" UGRAD response
3 - @Holt I guess you are right, I'm rewriting the thing from scratch Thanks a lot for your help....
Undergraduateraafat_abualazm - Nov 7, 2017 / raafat_abualazm - Nov 7, 2017
|Academic and personal experience, preparation for and commitment to further study at SCAD
2 - Anna, this is a good start. your opening paragraph is believable as most kids do get their start in...
Undergraduateratcrux - Nov 7, 2017 / Holt - Nov 7, 2017
|A woman interested in pursuing a career in biomedical engineering
4 - Annabel , remove the reference to being intimidated to enter into a male dominated field. Don't forget that one...
Undergraduateannabelleboo1 - Nov 6, 2017 / Holt - Nov 7, 2017
|The neighborhood where I grew up and which had a significal impact on me
3 - Matthew, there is too much focus on the negative side of your father in this essay. Please remember that...
UndergraduateMattMag - Nov 6, 2017 / Holt - Nov 6, 2017
|My gap year has been crucial to a deeper understanding of my country and its culture
3 - Muskan, this is a highly enlightening essay. You have shown the proper development of your interest in the Newari...
Undergraduatemuskanshrestha - Nov 5, 2017 / Holt - Nov 6, 2017
|A personal experience, about when my dad was deployed to various places with the British Army
3 - Callum, I have to ask, is this for a college application or for a creative writing class? If you...
UndergraduateCallumW - Nov 5, 2017 / Holt - Nov 5, 2017
|Moving from one country to another is a CHALLENGE
Undergraduatepaola_alba2 - Nov 4, 2017 / muskanshrestha - Nov 5, 2017
|U-dub supplement: Being an Ambassador since age 2
Undergraduatealexis112 - Nov 5, 2017 / Holt - Nov 5, 2017
|Common App essay on swearing (Prompt #1) A Funking Piece of Ship
4 - I'd suggest switching around the order of the first paragraph. I think starting with the first sentence being something...
Undergraduatedwalone - Oct 30, 2017 / reserve - Nov 3, 2017
|Supplemental UK perspective you bring or experiences you bring you've had to help us understand you
3 - Lisa, you bring a unique perspective to the essay by simply telling the reviewer about your family background. The...
Undergraduatelmmwill1 - Nov 1, 2017 / Holt - Nov 2, 2017
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