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Writing college admission, application, and scholarship essays (page 2)

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PERSONAL STATEMENT - GKS-U TOUR MANAGEMENT

3 - @Holt Thank you so much for your feedback on my personal statement. It means a lot. I will...

Undergraduateweeathers - Aug 14, 2025 / weeathers - Aug 15, 2025
GKS-U PERSONAL STATEMENT (astronomy and space science)

2 - It is too early in the discussion for you to introduce this topic. You may state this later...

UndergraduateAndyNJ - Aug 10, 2025 / Holt - Aug 10, 2025
interspecies - university of chicago extended essay

2 - The first part relating to your grandfather and how he influenced your love of history is irrelevant to the...

Undergraduatearrralle - Aug 4, 2025 / Holt - Aug 10, 2025
Out-of-the-red - University of Chicago extended essay

2 - The essay seems to be taking several directions and focusing on the wrong person and events. If you want...

Undergraduatearrralle - Aug 4, 2025 / Holt - Aug 10, 2025
GKS-U Personal Statement for AI Major

2 - Develop this statement further. Include some of the activities that you led and participated in. What was that...

Undergraduatedivine_9 - Jul 19, 2025 / Holt - Jul 20, 2025
"The French Toast" - common app 7- Share an essay on any topic of your choice

2 - The essay needs more balance. You spent too much time discussing French Toast and the negative body image that...

Undergraduaterocky123c - Jul 14, 2025 / Holt - Jul 16, 2025
"Pathological liars" - application essay

2 - The reviewer will be confused by these 2 statements. A liar is different from a jerk. You...

UndergraduateKatiec123 - Jul 8, 2025 / Holt - Jul 9, 2025
My foundation - Language study plan before and after Gkd

5 - It is for a teacher's activity...

UndergraduateFaith y - Jun 12, 2025 / Valentina25 - Jun 14, 2025
Finding Balance: The Real Impact of Studying and Working at the Same Time

2 - This is a very concise presentation of a very popular topic. The insight is real and based on medical...

UndergraduateValentina25 - Jun 12, 2025 / Holt - Jun 13, 2025
'Treatable' - My struggles with OCD and growth - COMMON APP ESSAY

3 - I love your essay! It have that raw emotion and a 'you' element. It tells us about the person...

Undergraduateaalberton - Jun 8, 2025 / Anvita1910 - Jun 10, 2025
Computer engineering - SOP Statement of Purpose essay help

2 - A statement of purpose is the written interview that the university admissions committee members use to determine your fit...

UndergraduateKaizennk - May 27, 2025 / Holt - May 28, 2025
ECE or CE University of Washington Transfer Personal Statement

3 - @Holt This is my essay for ECE college admissions hopefully it addresses some of the weaknesses. Please start...

UndergraduateMissYam - Apr 1, 2025 / MissYam - Apr 4, 2025
personal statement- smart security UIC track

3 - Your composed text is decent, which inspired me to embark in some academic writing! ^^...

UndergraduateAnnabel - Mar 16, 2025 / Nguyendangquang - Mar 29, 2025
Personal Statement for Education and Technology MA University College London (UCL)

2 - Well, you certainly have the academic, professional, and volunteer requirements to be considered for this scholarship. However, these do...

UndergraduateHalidashb - Mar 5, 2025 / Holt - Mar 6, 2025
STATEMENT OF MOTIVATION AND EXPECTED ADMISSIONS METHOD ESSAY(WITHIN 300 WORDS) FOR USTH

3 - @asyozu Your statement needs more personal motivation and specific reasons for choosing USTH's Mechatronics Engineering Technology program (relevant experiences...

Undergraduateasyozu - Feb 23, 2025 / annhien66677 - Mar 1, 2025
Friendship: Is It Really THAT IMPORTANT? - UBC Personal Profile

2 - The essay does not come off as explaining why friendship is important to you. Instead, it reflects that communication...

UndergraduateEleana - Feb 15, 2025 / Holt - Feb 15, 2025
From Acting to Action: How Theater Shaped My Path to Management - UBC Personal Profile

3 - Hi Eleana, your essay seems a little off topic from the prompt. You begin your first paragraph with...

UndergraduateEleana - Feb 1, 2025 / clauana - Feb 11, 2025
My cultural identity - Temple University Personal Statement/ College essay

3 - That was a great essay from my point of view. You got the reviewer to smoothly understand your personal...

Undergraduaterintezar - Feb 8, 2025 / clauana - Feb 9, 2025
I am a 17-year-old girl trying to figure the world out as she goes - common app essay

2 - Are you by any chance writing about a topic of your own creation? That is the only reason I...

Undergraduatethelatecomer - Jan 31, 2025 / Holt - Jan 31, 2025
Epidemiology and politics - Summer science program application Highschool

2 - The response is very technical and professional. You have developed a good summary of the information required within a...

Undergraduateaneetsandhu - Jan 21, 2025 / Holt - Jan 22, 2025
Common App Essay about Life Challenges&Backpacking

2 - Backpacking does not have anything to do with the life challenges you faced. Neither does it provide the actual...

Undergraduatewcherau25 - Jan 9, 2025 / Holt - Jan 10, 2025
Determination and effort - Personal Statement Essay/ GKS-U scholarship

2 - The instructions for writing this essay indicate that you must use either full Hangul or full English for...

UndergraduateGadhalag - Jan 9, 2025 / Holt - Jan 10, 2025
My Family - What is important to you? And why? UBC Application

2 - Your response is unique in the sense that the importance of family to you is based upon a tragedy,...

UndergraduateHunchie - Jan 7, 2025 / Holt - Jan 7, 2025
A model of a city - Waterloo Computer Science Application - Question #3

2 - I guess one of the major questions that the reviewer will ask himself after reading this is, "Why did...

Undergraduatedanyal_asghar21 - Jan 7, 2025 / Holt - Jan 7, 2025
Computer Science - applying for ODYLP: Vietnam

6 - Computer science is not an acedemic subject. It is comprised of several difference acedemic subjects, mainly math and programming....

Undergraduatejohnydong - Jan 1, 2025 / danyal_asghar21 - Jan 7, 2025
volunteering at a summer school - Waterloo AIF - Question #2

3 - You have written a lot of background information, however if anything, this information is being against you, especially that...

Undergraduatexers - Jan 5, 2025 / danyal_asghar21 - Jan 7, 2025
Whole Foods Macaron (topic) for "group and its unofficial member" (UChicago Creative Prompt)

2 - I think that the essay can be further improved by looking into what created the batter? Representative of your...

Undergraduatety101807 - Jan 5, 2025 / Holt - Jan 6, 2025
The Head of Technology - Waterloo Computer Science Application - Question #2

3 - @danyal_asghar21 This is a very strong paragraph which highlights how u managed a leadership role effectively. however...

Undergraduatedanyal_asghar21 - Jan 4, 2025 / xers - Jan 5, 2025
A passion for computers - Waterloo Engineer Application - Question #1

2 - I am not sure about how a passion for computers will translate to your possible achievements as an Electrical...

Undergraduatexers - Jan 4, 2025 / Holt - Jan 5, 2025
"independent-minded" - UBC Personal Profile help

2 - The essay deviated from the actual focus. The reviewer does not need to know about your family traits in...

Undergraduatesab07 - Jan 4, 2025 / Holt - Jan 5, 2025
PlayTouchless Project - UBC Admission - Important Activity

2 - The requirement is for an activity that you have listed in the previous section of the requirements. I am...

Undergraduateayred_99 - Jan 3, 2025 / Holt - Jan 3, 2025
short fuse guy - ubc personal profile. who i am what/im proud of/how would people describe me

3 - It would be better if you could extend and clarify the character development to make a better profile...

Undergraduateghosthunter81734 - Dec 31, 2024 / Edukid2309 - Jan 2, 2025
Searching Beyond the Surface- Common App Essay

2 - Grace is not really relevant to the rest of the story so her inclusion at the beginning is...

Undergraduatealexmorales - Dec 31, 2024 / Holt - Jan 1, 2025
Academic and Giving back to the community activities - KAIST undergraduate

3 - @Holt Thankyou so much for the feedback. Seems like I got a lot to work on. Do you mind...

UndergraduateNoTeCh - Dec 30, 2024 / NoTeCh - Dec 31, 2024
Imagination and Design - Supplementary Application Essay - UOFT

2 - There is too much emphasis on the past in your essay. You have solidly established your background in design...

Undergraduatej2easy - Dec 29, 2024 / Holt - Dec 30, 2024
My final match - College Application Question

2 - The response that you have provided is good, but not aligned with the requirements of the prompt. A more...

Undergraduatedoomar321 - Dec 29, 2024 / Holt - Dec 29, 2024
"Impact of sports on my life as an asthmatic" - CMU Prompt

2 - The opening scenario is quite dramatic but is not followed through on by the rest of the essay. A...

Undergraduateazheng2006 - Dec 28, 2024 / Holt - Dec 29, 2024
A driven and dedicated person - UBC Personal Profile

2 - Try to present a well rounded personality in the essay. You can do that by separating the descriptions that...

Undergraduatewdeng592 - Dec 27, 2024 / Holt - Dec 27, 2024
Tufts Engineering - community essay

2 - It is important that you focus on the value of teamwork in this case. I assume that the team...

Undergraduatefranksredhoteats - Dec 25, 2024 / Holt - Dec 26, 2024
Engineering and robotics club - KAIST undergrad

3 - Thank you! But shouldn't I show motivation for my dream? Or is it unnecessary here?...

Undergraduatemelindahey - Dec 23, 2024 / Aimanomania - Dec 24, 2024
Empowering others and helping - UGRAD sop

3 - I like the way you have written your essay. Bear in mind, I am not an expert. What I...

Undergraduateferfl - Dec 12, 2024 / habibraza22 - Dec 22, 2024
My Karate dojo - my response to a problem and/or an unfamiliar situation (UBC)

2 - What is the relevance of this parenthesis covered phrase? The reader may not be familiar with...

UndergraduateLUX0930 - Dec 22, 2024 / Holt - Dec 22, 2024
Volunteer experience in the highlands - PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR COLLEGE

2 - I am not sure which of the common app topics you are writing this essay for so I cannot...

Undergraduatechauchau1901 - Dec 21, 2024 / Holt - Dec 22, 2024
NUS - MEDICINE UNDERGRADUATE APPLICATION

2 - ONE QUESTION PER THREAD Your response to the first question is not convincing. Perhaps it is because of...

Undergraduatebminh - Dec 19, 2024 / Holt - Dec 21, 2024
stipendium hungaricum undergraduate essay for applying to BsC in biology

3 - I would recommend to specifically mention why you want to study biology in hungary. Rsearch about the market trends...

Undergraduateunitzetazeta - Dec 17, 2024 / habibraza22 - Dec 20, 2024
Physics and Basketball -KAIST entrance - what you learned from extracurricular/curricular activities

2 - You have to edit this essay in relation to the 200 maximum word count. Unfortunately, I cannot edit the...

Undergraduatehunggamo - Dec 17, 2024 / Holt - Dec 18, 2024
Dream and efforts you have made to achieve it and your future plan / KAIST

2 - You can delete the introductory paragraph and revise the 2nd paragraph to serve that purpose instead. The 2nd paragraph...

Undergraduateuser23440778 - Dec 14, 2024 / Holt - Dec 16, 2024
Fostering Connections Through Communication and Leadership (GLOBAL UGRAD program)

2 - The focus of this essay is more team building related than community building. The reviewers are looking for active...

Undergraduatelimpio - Dec 14, 2024 / Holt - Dec 16, 2024
Common App personal statement about getting over uncertainty

2 - Well, this is certainly a very personal essay. You have shown not only the development of your interest in...

Undergraduatetltle - Dec 14, 2024 / Holt - Dec 14, 2024
An efficient Data Analyst - UF Statement Intent

3 - @Holt Thank you for the advice, I'll rewrite my answer to emphasize the specific skills I would like...

Undergraduatejoaquint561 - Dec 9, 2024 / joaquint561 - Dec 11, 2024
Global UGRAD - Eternally Loving Hearts - Young leaders committed to serving home communities

2 - This reference is good in terms of experience, but limited in exposure. Since you are being considered a leader...

Undergraduatettquyen301 - Dec 10, 2024 / Holt - Dec 11, 2024
UBC Activity Essay - Debate

2 - Do your best to discuss 2 activities in this essay because the reviewer is looking for the ways by...

Undergraduatepystudent - Dec 9, 2024 / Holt - Dec 11, 2024
Statement of Purpose- Bachelor of Fine Arts Graphic Design Track

3 - @Holt Thanks for the advice. I understand that a Statement of Purpose is simply just to talk about your...

Undergraduatedragonflypie - Dec 8, 2024 / dragonflypie - Dec 11, 2024
Shy and awkward - UBC: Tell us about yourself

3 - @Holt Thank you so much for your help! I really appreciate it!...

Undergraduates_enav - Dec 8, 2024 / s_enav - Dec 11, 2024
Father's Birkenstocks - Common App Essay

3 - Thank you, I have thought all of which you said. Do you have any suggestions?...

Undergraduatemaaxx - Dec 9, 2024 / maaxx - Dec 9, 2024
"You write, so you exist" - KUAS Admission Essay

4 - The opening quote feels doesn't relevant to the major that you will pursue....

Undergraduateblissuueticktack - Dec 2, 2024 / Nugraha - Dec 6, 2024
Open-minded and empathic - UBC: Tell us about who you are.

3 - I think you should focus on one or two achievements or skills you have that are widely known by...

Undergraduatetsuikirsten - Nov 30, 2024 / jakartainrain - Dec 1, 2024
"Detail Oriented and Dependable" - UBC application essay: Tell Us About Who You

3 - Thank you so much for the feedback!...

Undergraduatepurinverse - Nov 30, 2024 / purinverse - Dec 1, 2024
VEX robot - University of Toronto Computer Science Supplemental Question

3 - I believe that you should structure your response with a heavier emphasis on what you actually learned from the...

Undergraduatergdg - Nov 12, 2024 / highschlstudent - Nov 30, 2024
A resilient person - UBC Personal Profile

3 - Thank you Holt, I appreciate your help very much and I will be sure to emphasize the viewpoint of...

Undergraduatehighschlstudent - Nov 29, 2024 / highschlstudent - Nov 30, 2024

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