Writing Feedback / Ielts graph_the illiteracy rate in 2000 [2]

I think that the graph was drawn in at least more than 10 years, but I still use the tense for prediction. According to the question, here's the estimated rate:

The chart below shows estimated world literacy rates by region and by gender for the year 2000.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.

The chart reveals predictions about the rate of illiteracy based on region and gender in the 2000.
It can be seen that South Asia is forecast to have the greatest proportion of illiterate men and women, at 44% and 56% respectively. Two other regions predicted to have the substantial illiteracy rate are Arab states (52% 0f women and 29% of men) and Sub-Sahara(48% of men and around 31% of women). East Asia/Oceania and Latin America/Caribbean are expected to have a lower rate of the illiterate, at 20% females and 9% of males in the former region as opposed to 11% of females and 10% of males in the latter. However, the smallest percentage of illiterate people will belong to developed countries, at virtually 0%.

Another striking trend is the illiteracy rate of women seems always higher than that men. In South Africa, Arab states, Sub-Saharan Africa and East Asia/Oceania, it is predicted that figures shown for women will almost double those for men. Yet, the percentage of illiterate women is expected to outstrip that of men by a narrow margin in the remaining regions.

To recapitulate, the illiteracy rate in developing countries tend to be much higher than in developed countries. In addition, fewer women than men are expected to be able to read and write in the year 2000.

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Writing Feedback / Toefl: Beethoven - The influential person I would choose to meet in one hour [NEW]

Imagine that you can talk for 1 hour with any person who has lived at any time in the history. Which person would you choose to meet? Use specific details and examples to explain your choice.

My essay: I'm practicing to write quickly in only 20 minutes so this composition may be rather boring. Yet, I hope feedback from someone for more interesting ideas or grammar and vocabulary corrections. :D

It cannot be denied that Beethoven is one of the greatest musicians in the history. If I could have a chance to meet a person who had substantial contributions to the society, I would choose to spend that moment with Beethoven.

There are many reasons for me to consider Beethoven to be the person I would like to have a small conversation with. First, I have admired his rare talents and been a lover of classical music since I was small. I sometimes wonder how he could compose all those amazing and gorgeous songs. Therefore, I would make use of that one hour asking him some questions about the period when he composed those songs, namely what he drew inspirations from and his feelings when he completed them.

Second, although there were many other genius at music, Beethoven is the only one I would like to meet because I appreciate his strength, which helped him to overcome his terrible disability to continue composing masterpieces. For a musician, his greatest agony must be that he could not enjoy music works himself. However, despite being hearing-impaired, Beethoven was courageous to encounter his obstacle and did not give up his talent. He used something like a chopstick to feel the frequency of the sound instead of hearing by ear. It was nothing short of miracle that he could still compose more beautiful songs.

Third, I hope to have a meeting with Beethoven because I would like him to play some of his compositions. I have collected all the Beethoven music albums since childhood but I think it would be an interesting experience to hear the musician play his own songs. Maybe the musician is the only one who would be able to enjoy the pure beauty of the message from the songs and the heavenly melodies they bring to listeners. Therefore, it would be my most wonderful and unforgettable moment to enjoy Beethoven play his own compositions.

In conclusion, Beethoven is well-respected by people all over the world, on account of not only his gifted talent but also his courage to overcome the most difficult times. The audience, especially classical music lovers will probably regard him as one of the most influential musicians at all times.

Writing Feedback / IELTS graph_crime in the UK in 2002. [4]

The charts below shows information on crime in the UK in 2002.
Write a report for the university lecturer describing the information below.

The charts provides an overview of crime situation in the UK in the year 2002.

The first graph presents the changes to the crime rate with regard to age of criminals. It could be clearly seen that people mainly committed crime between the ages of 12 and 28. There were no cases recorded in children from 0 to 8 years of age. Children aged 8 to 12 contributed to only 2% of the crime rate. By contrast, the rate for teenagers aged 16 surged steeply to 70%. It reached a peak at 80% when people were 20 years old. From 20 years old onwards, there was a sharp decrease in the percentage of criminals by 4 times to 20% for 28-year-old people, followed by a steady drop to 10% for the 60-year-old.

The second graph compares the proportion of 4 major types of property crime at the same period. Violent crime accounted for the biggest percentage at 46%, which was greater than the proportion of property (23%) and drug crime (22%) all together. Public crime was the least popular with the percentage of just under 10%.

Overall, young adults were most likely to commit crime and violent crime was the most popular type in the UK at that time.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL_whether athletes and singers are overpaid? [NEW]

Professional athletes (such as football stars) and entertainers (such as singers and actors) are paid too much money for the work they do.

Use specific details and examples to support your answer.

My essay:Some people believe that professional athletes and entertainers are paid reasonable salaries, which can be up to millions of dollars each year. However, that is not equal to their actual contributions to the society. I believe that their salary at a lower level would be more appropriate compared with other peoples in scientific or social, economic fields.

First of all, some people claim that athletes and singers deserve their current salary because they have an exceptional ability that other people do not own. For example, hardly anyone could play basketball as skillfully as Michael Jordan - a legendary former American player who won several times in the NBA championship. They also point out that these people have to undergo painstaking and industrious training, let alone participate in a great number of contests to be recognized and prove themselves. In addition, although there are many singers and athletes, few of whom could rise to fame and victory ultimately. Overcoming all these obstacles, they should be paid a great deal of money for their extraordinary efforts.

However, their talents should not be overrated. Other people say that singers and athletes , in fact, contribute insignificantly to the development of the society. It is assumed the amazing performances they give to the audiences are only valuable in aesthetic and entertaining terms. While scientists invent machines serving daily lives, doctors take care of patients and cure their diseases and policemen help to ensure the safety and stability of the nation, singers and athletes do not play a helpful part in improving the material life. They commit themselves to promoting relaxation and enjoyment for the audience. Indeed, their contribution is less important than those from doctors or scientists, albeit necessary. Hence, their privilege of salary seems groundless, while the main work forces receive modest salaries which only enable them to afford bare necessities.

From all analysis suggested above, professional athletes and singers are overpaid in terms of their contributions. I think that there should be a modification in the salary of professional singers and athletes to balance with those of people in other fields, namely science and society, who are the driving forces for the prosperity of the nation.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay_Should students live in campus or off-campus housing? [4]

One of the problems that affect university students' studying performance is their choice of place to live. At the present time, students are often confused about whether campus or off-campus housing is more suitable for them, which sparks controversy among people.

First of all, some people believe that students should live off-campus because off-campus housing is more beneficial for students than campus one, not only in terms of freedom but also comfort. These people point out the fact that students are not restricted in time when living off-campus, therefore they can learn how to organize and follow their schedule self-reliantly. These people also believe that students could spend more time doing other interesting and exciting things instead of just learning day by day, such as going to the cinema, shopping, or visiting museums. However, in fact, students are likely to be distracted from studying, which is their most important aim if they live off-campus. Another significant disadvantage is that students living far from universities have to pay the high transportation cost and sometimes are late for lectures.

On the contrary, other people advocate that students should live in campus dwellings since they provide benefits for studying. They point out that students surrounded by an academic backdrop find it easy to concentrate on studying. Additionally, it is claimed that university housing always ensures safety and punctuality for students, which make their parents and students themselves feel more secure. Living near universities, students may as well be accessible to universities' facilities. For example, after classes, students are able to read references in the university's library. Moreover, students who live in campus housing can study in group to boost their performance. Conversely, students in off-campus housing often study alone, which may make them become uninspiring and exhausted after a short time.

In conclusion, I agree with those people who support campus housing and want students to live there. Campus housing, as shown, brings many advantages to students. Perhaps, there should be an increase in investment on campus dwellings to serve students more effectively. I believe that students need an ideal place for studying, and I think that living in campus housing is their most reasonable decision.

Writing Feedback / Ielts graph_how the UK spent their time in the year 1982 [3]

This is the writing task 1 in practice test 2, Ielts Help now.
The full question is in the link that follows

rdc.longre.com/file/january2010/Academic%20Practice%20Test%202.pdf

Here is my essay:

The chart provides a few sets of data about a range of activities of the unemployed in the UK in 1982.

As can be seen, housework, shopping, job hunting, visiting friends and reading were most popular activities of unemployed British people. As illustrated, unemployed men tended to spend most of their morning time on job hunting (22%), shopping (20%), housework (19%) and reading (9%), which remained popular in the afternoon. Similarly, the most frequent activity of unemployed women was housework, which constituted nearly half the total proportion(49%). Shopping, job hunting and visiting friends were also their popular activities in the morning, which stood at 26%, 16% and 10% respectively. No more than 5% of men walked, sat around, visited town or drank in the morning. Likewise, a minority of women spent time on the remaining activities.

Interestingly, the largest percentage of men preferred watching TV(14%) in the afternoon. Women were outnumbered by men in gardening, with the ratio of 14% to 2% in the morning, and 13% to 3% in the afternoon. Housework was still women's most common activity, albeit dropping by more than half to 21%. In addition, a greater percentage of women watched TV (14%) and read (10%) in the afternoon.

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY_should children be taught to be co-operative or competitive? [3]

Some people think that a sense of competition should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My essay:

Children need appropriate education to gain necessary qualifications for their future career. Some people advocate that they ought to be taught to become competitive, while others claim that they should learn how to unite with other people. This essay will reflect upon these two arguments.

Indeed, a sense of competitiveness is essential, especially for children to better personal performance. If children are soon taught to be competitive, they might as well be familiar with stiff rivalries and have a rational perspective. More importantly, competitiveness proves to be a motive to encourage children's efforts in order to be recognized, in other words, be noticeable. Thus, schools often stick examination results on the bulletin afterwards. Some students achieving top marks may feel proud of themselves, meanwhile, students who gained satisfactory grades will make greater attempts to keep up with their more brilliant classmates. In short, one of the effective ways to stimulate children's initiative is training their competitiveness.

However, co-operation is an indispensible facilitator for group work, which is demanding concurrently. Children often have to participate in a number of group activities and when they grow up, they will accomplish many tasks with their colleagues. Inherently, a large amount of work divided into sections to suit specialized knowledge of each person will make it much simpler to complete. Therefore, if they lack a co-operative spirit, children will become unhelpful and counter-productive in the long run. Unquestionably, schools are supposed to nurture the co-operation among children to meet the demands from employers.

My view is that both competitiveness and union are required from children. Contrary to popular belief in their conflict, they supplement each other with a view to generating a highly efficient workforce.

Writing Feedback / Listening greater kinds, forms of music than ever; Traditional vs International [6]

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic:
there are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

My essay: There is little room for doubt that we are enjoying a greater variety of kinds of music than ever. However, most listeners do not have a clear concept of the importance of music to our life and whether traditional music outweighs International music. This essay will elaborate on these above-mentioned issues.

First of all, we draw a number of benefits from music. People who are under constant pressure from work and lessons choose music as a way of relaxation. Therefore, pleasant types of music such as ballad, pop or classical are preferred. To many students, their favourite songs can be a stimulus to encourage their concentration and passion for some difficult academic aspects. Above all, the enjoyment of music means the appreciation of values of life. Meaningful songs always carry messages about peace, humanity and patriotism. By transferring human belief in virtue distinctively, music spurs its listeners on to keep optimism, despite any obstacle they encounter.

From territorial point of view, music is divided into 2 types-traditional and International songs. I am convinced that although traditional music should be preserved as natural belongings, International songs also play a vital role in bettering our contemporary life. Traditional songs symbolize a country's identity because they have been handed down from our ancestors, undergone momentous changes to bear unique characteristics of where they were born. Unquestionably, they are part of the world's spiritual treasure. We are supposed to protect these cultural values from fading away. However, this does not imply that International songs are less important than traditional songs. International songs are familiar with youngsters as a result of globalisation. Popular music enables us to express ourselves as owners-to-be of the world. It explicitly states our perspective, which can be rebellious or passionate.Therefore, both traditional and International music needs respect from the audience.

As indicated above, The major puposes of music are recreation and profound enjoyment. Regardless of where they come from, beautiful songs are highly appreciated by people all over the world.