Writing Feedback / IETLS GT writing task 2: Should children follow strict rules of behaviour? [5]

Hi All,

This is my 3rd essay. I finish this piece of work within a given amount of time and hope it is still in a good standard. Please feel free to comment and correct. Thank you!!

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want.

To what extent should children have to follow rules?

In recent years teenagers are considered to have significantly much more freedom. This is very controversial as, in certain cities around the world, parents hold a definitely opposing view that there should be tighter control on these children. Personally, I do otherwise strongly prefer them to be less obedient to instructions and be as free as they want.

A major convincing argument for children to have their own freedom relates to their individual potential. Creativity is utmost important in this new era, and children should use their own thoughts to try different things without fear. Steve Jobs, the world-famous founder of Apple. Was very rebellious in his adolescence, and he surprisingly built up his own huge empire at the later age.

Another strong argument is that in psychological terms, when the father and mothers exert a lot of pressure on their offspring, hoping to shape them into an ideal person in their perspective, the result would certainly be in opposite. Teenagers usually react vigorously if this kind of pressure crosses their line due to a sense of revenge.

It is undeniable that strict rules to children return promising outcome in some countries like Singapore. Despite its success in certain extent, establishment of an all-round personal development is not guaranteed because they must follow a definite path instructed by the parents or even the society, while they might never be able to fulfill their interests.

Both side of the debate has its own merits and demerits. In my opinion, kids should follow their own will on doing things and the government should provide more funding to provide a freer and diversified environment to make their dreams come true.

Writing Feedback / IETLS GT writing task 1: bad meal experience in a restaurant [3]

Hi All,

This is my 2nd letter writing. I try to finish it in a given amount of time and hope the standard is not lowered. Please help comment on it. Thanks!

You are a member of an organization which meets regularly at a particular restaurant. The most recent meal you had there was not satisfactory.
Write a letter to the manager of the restaurant. In your letter
- Introduce yourself and explain why you are writing,
- Explain what was wrong with the food and the service,
- Suggest what he/she should do to ensure that you and your group return to the restaurant.

Dear Sir,

I am a group leader of a kids organization, who reserve a table for dinner every Saturday at your restaurant. I am writing to complain about the quality of foods and attitude of your staff during the dinner on last Saturday, and are both unacceptable.

I arrived at 7 o'clock with ten kids and I ordered the main course, roasted pig knuckle, for each of them. In the middle of the meal most of them felt extremely uncomfortable and some vomited on the ground. One of the staff member noticed that and quickly came but, unfortunately, he kept collecting the dishes away and did not both to apologise. When being asked whether a refund a possible, he firmly refused and further ignored my request to seek for the manager.

I am utmost disappointed by this kind of attitude and food quality. Would there be a formal letter of apology from the staff, it is very welcomed. I would also request to receive a refund to compensate the medication of the children after the dinner.

Yours faithfully,

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Problem with tutoring job/ issue with part-time job [4]

I would appreciate very much for any help to comment on or correct my letter. Thank you in the first place!!

You recently took a part-time job working for a local company. After a few weeks you realised there were some problems with the job.

Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter
- explain why you took the job
- describe the problems that you experienced
- suggest what could be done about them.

Dear Sir,
I am currently working as an afternoon primary school tutor at your company, started working five weeks ago. I am writing to you about the issue I encountered during the work.

I decided to take the position of a tutoring specialist as it could significantly assist my career development in child teaching and also improve my communication skill with kids. Unfortunately, my plan did not go smoothly as there were some obstacles in the way.

There was another tutor in my group to handle the homework of forty pupils together. He was regularly an hour late to work, claiming that there was always traffic congestion problems, and took frequent personal leaves without noticing in advance. These kinds of behavior seriously increased my burden to teach the children and manage the classroom discipline properly at the same time.

I hope you consider the situation as it is getting worse. It would be nice if a senior manager of your rank could rectify his attitude to avoid making negative impact on the others.

Yours sincerely,

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Amount of control on media information [10]

Some people believe that the media, such as the press, TV and internet should be more strictly controlled. Others feel that controls should be loosened to give people freer access to information. Which opinion do you agree with?

Nowadays, one of the most controversial issues related to mass media is the correct amount of control posed on newspapers, televisions and websites. It is argued that the government should exercise less restriction on sharing of media information to public. However, I strongly believe that it should increase the level of control to protect the public against inappropriate contents and unsuitable foreign cultures. 63

One of the strong arguments in favour of tighter media control is to limit the violent and sexual content. They have a serious impact on people in their puberty. For example, an internet cartoon comedy called happy tree is extremely brutal, where the characters usually have their heads or limbs tear off. Another supporting reason is that television companies import foreign programmes from time to time and audiences might accept their ideas which maybe otherwise not welcomed to local culture. A few years ago there was a Japanese game show which involved throwing cream cakes to the loser. This is actually very environmentally unfriendly. 104

The major opposing argument is to protect the safety of citizens. In other words, the government should disclose the information to the media in a timely manner, especially for disasters and outbreak of new diseases. Taking the SARS in 2003 as an example, the Chinese government limited the amount of information for public access which therefore causes numerous deaths. Even so, another perspective on this is to prevent the citizen from unnecessary fear and unrest. 75

Both sides of the arguments have its merits. My personal view is that despite the emphasis of citizen safety, the government should regulate the correct amount of violent and sexual content and censor the culturally unsuitable information. Setting up a council to monitor the media information to the public could be a practical idea. 54

P.S. I am new to this forum and I am an Asian with English as my second language. I appreciate much for any advice on the essay in advance. Thank you!!