Essays / Eng101 essay (personal essay); natural disater? [11]

Greetings!

Because this is a topic which is personal to you, I can't tell you specifically what you should write about, but I can suggest some things that might give you some ideas. Here are some personal experiences which people can have, which might alter their lives: death of a loved one; winning a contest or prize at school; being accepted into college; having your best friend move away; being in an accident (whether or not you were injured, if it changed your thinking about safety); hearing a stirring piece of music or watching a movie that inspired you; giving up a bad habit; acquiring or losing a pet; discovering you have a talent you never knew you had; meeting someone who helped you in an important way, or encouraged you to do things with your life you had not previously considered.

I hope this helps gets you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Position Paper: Does it need to have only two sides? [2]

Greetings!

Normally, in a position paper, you would take a position regarding the issue, and give your opinion about it, supporting your position with persuasive argument and facts gleaned from various sources. In doing this, you might want to present arguments others have made which contradict your position, and explain why your view is the correct one. Unless your instructor specifically told you to make it two-sided, I'd suggest doing it that way: take a position, support it, and counter the arguments against it.

I hope this is helpful to you!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Stereotypes on the music side - Division And Classification [4]

Greetings!

There are probably thousands of topics you could choose, so focusing on one which is of interest to you and which you also know something about is a very good idea. It sounds to me as though you've come up with something which is both, and which also will be an interesting subject to read about for someone who never knew Metal had so many different types! It appears you plan to focus on the listeners themselves, rather than the specific characteristics of the music. Presenting the different classes of Metal listeners in chronological order will allow you to discuss the evolution of the music, too. Just make sure that, if the essay is really about the listeners themselves, you don't wander so far off into the music that you lose the focus on the listeners.

I'd be interested to read it once you have a rough draft!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Need help on topic novel "Im not scared" by Niccolo Ammaniti [2]

Greetings!

While I haven't read the novel, I can try to get you pointed in the right direction. From a review of the novel, I see that it is about a boy who uncovers some sort of terrible secret. This is no doubt related to the "monsters" comment. First, try to list for yourself what you think the main points of the novel are. Are there some themes you can see? Loss of innocence? Social class? If the quotation is one character saying that to another, why was it said? What happened in the book that would make men seem worse than monsters? What does the main character learn by the end of the book? Does he ever learn the truth behind the dark secret? If so, does it change him? If not, why not?

I hope this gives you some ideas to get started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Memory is an attachment to our physical selves; Reincarnation / Process of memory [3]

Greetings!

This is a very good analysis (if you don't mind my calling it that). The part that most resonated with me was the idea that memory "ages with time"--I had never thought of it quite that way before, but that is a very good description. No matter how much of an impact an event has on us, the memory of it never stays as keenly sharp as it was at first. It is interesting to think of it as a physical part of the body, because, in that case, it would have to "age" along with the rest of our physical existence.

Thanks!

Sarah

Essays / End of Suffering -- Essay [22]

You're welcome, Rajiv! (and I think "efforts" is the appropriate word for it in my case ;-))

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / End of Suffering -- Essay [22]

Greetings!

Ah, there is a lot contained in that deceptively simple-looking question! First, how does one know whether a thing has contradicted reason? For example, to my French teacher, nothing in her view contradicted reason; to a Jew or atheist, her stance might be very much against reason. Secondly, with regards to prejudice, I think I need you to give me an example, because I am not quite sure how you meant that. :-) And when you say "superstitions," what sort were you referring to? Again, one person's "superstition" might be another's "spirituality" or even "religion." Many people in the U.S., for instance, think of voodoo as "superstition," but for the millions who practice it, it is a religion. (That, however, brings in additional issues regarding definitions, as the sort of voodoo most Americans are familiar with is quite different from that practiced in West Africa.)

When I said, "if believing makes one happier," I simply meant that, when something must be taken on faith, if believing in it makes one miserable, then one can always exercise the option of choosing not to believe in it. In that case, it ceases to be "fact" for that person.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / organisation competition and environment [2]

Greetings!

This is a topic which has stirred quite a lot of debate in the UK. Your paper seems to revolve around the competitiveness of organizations, so one important point will be that UK businesses spend over a billion pounds a year buying and selling currency just so they can do business with other EU firms. Both businesses and consumers must try to calculate costs in "foreign" currency, i.e., UK residents must figure how many pounds "x" number of euros is, and people from other EU countries who come to the UK for business or pleasure must convert their euros to pounds. All this calculating discourages, rather than encourages, trade.

There's a bit to get you started. I'd suggest doing an internet search with the salient terms: "advantages disadvantages UK euro" and see what comes up; I think you'll find there's plenty!

Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Help with Question about Economic History (Australian) [4]

Greetings!

I would suggest researching what types of economic development there have been, and looking for any impact this development may have had on the environment. Have large amounts of areas been deforested? Have rivers been "tamed" because of dams needed for the creation of a stable water supply? You'll need to know what types of development have happened, probably, before you can see the effect on the geography. Look for trends in industry; try search terms like "development," "economy," "new business" and so forth to see if you can find out what types of economic development there have been.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Preparing for TOEFL IBT test - need advice on how to write better [2]

Greetings!

It's always a challenge to write a good essay, but particularly so when you have to write it in a foreign language! I would suggest that you look over our "Free Essays and Articles" section, which provides good advice on a variety of topics such as writing creative essays, pro-con essays, how to write a good paper when you don't have a lot of time, and one of my favorites, "How to Prepare for the Dreaded Essay Exam."

If you write any practice essays, you are welcome to post them here for editing advice so you can see where you need improvement.

Best of luck with your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / The organizational behavior in the Army - help with thesis statement [2]

Greetings!

I think you've crafted a very good thesis statement! I have just a few small editing suggestions:

Unlike other organizations, the Army relies on values to guide their thinking, and the professional ethics of each soldier to support and sustain them. With this, the Army Ethic relies on a "bedrock" of seven values: Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage. It is this unique collection of ethics that makes the organizational behavior of the Army unlike any other. The priorities they set, the efficiencies they gain and their goal of continuous improvement enable them to maintain high standards regardless of their mission area.

The "goal of" part is optional, but it seemed proper to me. I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / End of Suffering -- Essay [22]

Greetings!

I once had a French teacher who said that the divinity of Jesus Christ was a "fact." It was a fact, she said, because she believed it to be a fact. When a classmate questioned her on the difference between belief and fact, she said, "Well, I believe it, therefore it is a fact for me."

One has to admire the conviction behind that point of view, even if one disagrees with the logic. I suppose this demonstrates that the answer to your question as to whether believing something makes it "real" is that, if the person believes strongly enough, it is real for that person. To my teacher, it mattered not at all whether the reality existed beyond her belief; the belief was real enough for her. So, yes, as you say, why not just believe? (if believing makes one happier than not believing). In that way, we live our own truth.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / MLA Style - Quoting Quotes in Documents / Comparative Essays? [12]

Greetings!

When you can't find the answer, sometimes the best thing to do is just do what seems logical. Here's what I would suggest: Assuming that you've already established what work you are discussing, and the author and year it was written (e.g., "In Ernest Hemingway's 1927 short story, "Hills Like White Elephants," ...), make clear which characters are having the conversation, and which one speaks first, then simply lay it out as you did above, with each line as its own paragraph. After the last line you are quoting, put the page number in parentheses next to it, like this: "No, it isn't." (245).

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / World of writings; NYU - creative work that has influenced me [4]

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When you sign up for the forum, providing your name establishes you as the author of the work you post.

Thanks,

EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Teenage violence in schools [2]

Greetings!

You give some good reasons for teen violence. Be careful, though, about making statements which are inaccurate because they are too broad. For instance, "Nowadays , most people choose the alternative education progrmas such as home-schooling to prevent their children from violence in schools." - That's not true; most parents, statistically speaking, send their children to public schools. You could say "some parents" and be more accurate.

Similarly, here: "Today most students don't want to go school because of their fears. " - Be sure if you say "most" that it applies to well over 50% of people; I seriously doubt if more than half of students don't want to go to school because they are afraid. Only a small percentage of students, mostly in inner city schools, have those fears.

You have a lot of typos and misspellings; be sure to use a spell-checker before you turn it in. Also, make sure you put a space after each comma; some of yours run together.

Watch out for places where you have a tendency to drop the article "a" or "the."

Teenage violence in schools has become a tremendous concern to many people.
Firstly, education starts in the family.
Rehabilition programs are a very good idea for these children.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / "Computer or book"? Computer [2]

Greetings!

I agree, I think this one is better than the other. You make some good points! One thing you want to watch out for is plurals. You have a tendency to leave off the "s". For example:

Most people use computersinstead of books.

Be sure to proofread carefully, too. You have a few typos:

schools should purchasecomputers ratherthan compiling a library - I made two other corrections in that sentence, as well.

Be sure to check your paper with a spell-checker to catch misspellings like these:

Secondly,today bussiness [should be "business"] life want employees who are aable [able]

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / DESTRUCTION OF GREENHOUSE; Earth has loosen his source. [6]

Greetings!

That's a difficult question for me to answer, because I don't have enough information. For example, I don't know what class this is for. Grammar, spelling and punctuation might count for more in an English class, for example, than in a science one; however, that might not be true, depending upon your instructor. Some instructors are very fussy about it and others less so. It also depends what the assignment was. Was the emphasis on research? On how to write an essay properly? It's hard for me to know how to grade it without knowing more. But, having said that, I think if you made the changes I suggested, I would give it at least a 60, but there's no way for me to know what your instructor will do.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / End of Suffering -- Essay [22]

Greetings!

Well, as usual, I find myself needing to analyze something I've never really thought about before; you're good at that ;-) I suppose the answer lies in what one "believes" to be true. Some would say that it is only electrical energy, the sort that causes neurons to fire. Some would say it is the "soul" or some variant thereof. Does it have sentience? I have no idea. We will all find out some day; in the meantime, some people are quite sure they know the answer, while others feel it is pointless to speculate. This is not to say that there is not one "true" answer; merely that the answer is incapable of scientific proof (there's that phrase again). But as we were discussing the concept of reincarnation, perhaps the answer [energy] is, "that which is reincarnated." [I feel like putting a giant question mark at the end of that sentence.]

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Eng101 starting essay (personal narrative) [8]

Greetings!

I assume your teacher is talking about Prewriting, Drafting, Revising and Editing. I wouldn't think there would be a lot of prewriting involved in a story that actually happened to you and which does not require a lot of (or any) research. Outlining would be about the only prewriting activity that would be applicable in this case, I'd think (except for "thinking," which is a little difficult to prove). As for the others, if you're using a computer, rather than writing it longhand, I'd suggest keeping your initial rough drafts and saving them with different names, so that you will have them as evidence of your last three stages.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Eng101 starting essay (personal narrative) [8]

Greetings!

That sounds like an interesting story to base your narrative on! For something like this, often the best way to start is in the middle of the action. For example, you might start with something like this: "If I'd known it was going to be this bad, I thought, "I'd have brought ear plugs." As I listened to the group struggling to read our first song, with half of them on A minor when the rest were still playing a C chord, and two or three already banging out the next measure before the downbeat, I knew I had my work cut out for me." Then, you'd go on to explain how all this came about. You might want to mention one student in particular who had a hard time and ended up really making you proud, or perhaps they expressed their appreciation to you in some moving way? That will personalize it and make it "moving and powerful."

If you'd like some editing help when you have a rough draft, I'd be happy to help!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Examining the poem "To An Athlete Dying Young" By A.E Housman [36]

Greetings!

Try not to let these suggestions overwhelm you. Let's look at them one at a time:

- Introduction: Go to your original conclusion and paste in the quotes from the other authors. They provide a great opening for the essay. Then begin with a statement to the effect that Houseman in the poem examines the themes of youth and premature death in the poem, XYZ. Then provide a summary of the essay parts. (See bolded statements)

First, I'm not sure what "original conclusion" your instructor is referring to, as I don't see one with "quotes from the other authors." It looks to me as if you did begin your essay with them; then, as instructed, say, "A.E. Houseman, in the poem, 'To an Athlete Dying Young,' examines the themes of youth and premature death."

- Part 1: Theme of youth is evident in literary devices. Include metaphors, imagery, use of rhyming couplets, diction, point of view as done already. Cut and paste into here. - Your instructor wants you to find examples of how the theme of youth is evident in those types of literary devices (metaphors, imagery, use of rhyming couplets, etc.) and add them to your essay. You'll need to know what metaphors, etc. are; I would imagine your instructor discussed them in class? If not, you can find definitions online.

Do the same thing with Part 2, theme of death.

- Part 3: Reflections: Write a topic sentence to this effect. Paste in paragraphs 2 and 3on page 2, making certain adjustments ( see laurel) and then paragraphs 1 and 2 on page 3. - I admit, I have no idea what this means. S/he seems to want a topic sentence about reflections, though it isn't entirely clear. You'll just have to ask him or her what was meant. In fact, that's a good idea, anyway, because it's a little unclear what your instructor wants done with the conclusion, too. I think the idea is that, once you've made the changes suggested, you will need to rewrite the conclusion, because your main points will be different.

Sometimes teachers get in a hurry and don't give as clear instructions as they should. I hope your teacher is approachable enough that you can sit down with him or her to discuss these changes.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / A Soft Complaint (A Formal Argumentative/Persuasive Essay, Incomplete) [2]

Greetings!

What an excellent essay! I think you've done a very good job of striking the balance; I do not detect a lack of focus at all. I have just a couple of corrections to suggest:

... would have caused a less-restrained individual's blood to boil but to do so [or "it"] with an effective influence ...

"What Do You Do With The Mad That You Feel?," - While you are correct that commas normally go inside the quotation mark in American English, you don't need one after a question mark, and definitely not inside the quote with one. I'd just leave it off.

As for the MLA citations, I think the way you have done it is best. It does not make sense to me to interject (Rogers) every time Mr. Rogers is quoted as saying something. It is quite clear from the story you're telling that he said it, and it seems to me that the reference at the end should be enough. It's possible your instructor could feel differently about it, but if I were grading it (and I have taught college classes), I'd leave it just as it is.

Very good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / DESTRUCTION OF GREENHOUSE; Earth has loosen his source. [6]

Greetings!

Merhaba! I'd be happy to help you with some editing. It can be a challenge to write about complex topics in a foreign language. You have expressed some good ideas and just need a little help with grammar. The quickest way for me to help you is to show you the best way to express it in English and you can compare it to what you wrote and see where you need to make changes. In a few places, I indicated I wasn't sure what thought you were expressing.

Earth has loosen his source. - Unfortunately, this does not make sense and I am not sure what you were trying to say. Could it be that "Earth is losing its natural resources"?

Every year, people are injured by natural disasters such as floods, erosion, etc. However, scientific research indicates that the reason for natural disasters is human activity because humans break down the natural balance. People destroy natural resources without thinking of their future, especially forests which are ruined more than other resources. People get rid of forests completely for two reasons: to find new accommodation and earn money. [Better would be to say "to build houses and make money."] Therefore, if governments want to protect forests, they should improve their techniques and law. [This is a little unclear; what techniques are you referring to? which laws?]

Mother Nature never hurts herself. [I'm not entirely sure I agree; natural disasters can harm one part of nature, even if the result may help another; for instance forest fires started by lightning harm the trees, but often new kinds of wildlife benefit afterward.] Although people need fresh air to live, they can cut these trees to build new apartments, because overpopulation creates a different problem, which is the need for accommodation.

People start to fire forests lack of bare place.- [This does not make sense; not sure what you meant.] Today, the cause of 97% of forest fires is human activity. In addition, people need money to survive. When they can't find an appropriate place for agriculture or earning money, they cut trees to earn money initially, after that , they use these places for agriculture. However, those people forget that they are not only selling their product such as tomatoes, strawberries or wheat, but also their future.

All of these reasons show that governments should make the decision to protect Earth's greenhouse. [I think you must mean, "to protect the Earth from greenhouse gases"?]

Firstly, they should improve their equipment. For example, they should adjust their budgets and save money to purchase fire-planes. Secondly, governments should educate their staff who work in forestry so these people will know what to do when forest fires start. Thirdly, governments should enact strict rules and they should monitor forests. In this way they can arrest the criminals who ruin forests.

To sum up, people influence the world's future because they disobey the laws of nature. Most people consume natural resources without producing new ones. Therefore they will lose their forests and the fresh air made by them. If nobody stops this situation, the new generation will pay money for air.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / End of Suffering -- Essay [22]

Greetings!

I think yours is the most comprehensible explanation I have seen of reincarnation: "This body, kind of then, does not belong to us and we are more readily willing to accept the next garb." It helps to explain the question, "if energy cannot be destroyed, where does our energy go when we die?" This is a question which can bother even those who have no belief in an afterlife.

While we do not all believe the same thing, I think it is always helpful to at least understand what others believe.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / how can I analyze articles better? [2]

Greetings!

It's a real challenge to understand the underlying meaning of something written in a foreign language. I've noticed that with my French friends. We don't "get" each others' jokes sometimes, because although we understand the foreign words, the significance of their meaning does not translate well.

First of all, make sure that you understand what the article is saying before you try to start writing. Ask yourself, what is the topic of this article? Why is it important? (why did the author write it?) What event does it describe, or opinion does it express? You might even try "explaining" the article out loud to yourself or someone else. Make sure you understand it well enough to answer those questions for yourself before you even try to write. Then, see if you can find one important point in each paragraph and put it in your own words in once sentence, if possible. These sentences, each summarizing a point from one paragraph (or more than one, depending on how long the article is) will form your one short paragraph.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Reading response to "Talking Up Close" [3]

Greetings!

I do, indeed, have "a few editing suggestions" for your interesting essay! :-))

Reading Response to "Talking up Close"

The article "Talking Up Close" was written by Deborah Tannen, and is an excerpt from Tannen's book called "Talking From 9 to 5,"published in 1994. The article is classified in two sections. The heading of the first section is called "Fighting to Be Friends" where Tannen gives examples that demonstrate how males are more likely to establish a strong status and connection to others through both verbal and active fighting than females. Tannen shows that this aggressive behavior results rather for the sake of fun than from [delete mutually]animosity motives. In addition, Tannen used real-life examples of different cultures to illustrate that there are a variety of ways and styles of fighting by having arguments in order to show friendliness and to create connectionsto others. In the second section, called "Is It You or Me?" Tannen is pointing out that no one style of speaking is superior. The real meaning or motive of any conversation cannot befound out, by simply looking at the linguistic strategies that are used. The effect of what people say may differ from the real intention of a conversation. All interactions people have causes double meaning of status and connection by making their own rules about the meaning of words. [this sentence does nto really make sense; try rewriting it]Therefore, the same linguistic terms can mean one or many things, sometimes even both at the same time.

In my culture, Germany, it is generally more acceptable to argue in conversations. German people like to say what they think and therefore would never agree to something in order to avoid confrontations with others. In fact, German people like to debate about a lot of issues such as religion, education and politics, without being shy to express themselves in a direct and straight forward way. German people argue in conversations more likely to represent their own point of view and interest on a topic rather than trying to be contentious and impolite to others. This conversational style among Germans helps not only to get to know a person better but also to precipitatea connection to people who are involved in the discussion.

Indeed, I had and still have to change my conversational style when talking with Americans. I quickly realized that the conversational style in the United States differs a lotfrom the way Europeans talk to each other. Among German companions, I usually express my feelings and opinions in a direct and straightforward way. The reason why I cannot converse like this with Americans is because they easily get irritated, upset and offended [delete by]. In addition, when having a conversation with Americans I always have to choose my words and terms wisely in order not to make a wrong impression. Another reason why I have to change my conversational style is because Americans have certain expectations about how to responds to certain questions and phrases. For example, when Americans ask me a question such as "How are you?" I would responds exactly how Americans expect me to answer, with such empty phrases as "I am doing fine" instead of clearly expressing myself about how I really feel, like I do at home, among Germans.

That's very interesting, about how Germans converse differently from Americans! Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Help with Question about Economic History (Australian) [4]

Greetings!

I'd be glad to help! This reminds me of the old joke, "how do you eat an elephant? ... one bite at a time!" Let's take it one bite at a time to make it more manageable.

"In the period of exclusively Indigenous settlement of Australia, economic development involved humans adapting to Australia's geography." - I've never visited Australia, but my understanding is that it is, over much of the continent, a very wild place, full of inhospitable weather and hazardous wildlife. This means that it was necessary for the natives to learn to deal with what nature presented them, and try to turn it to their advantage -- or at least, keep it from killing them! You'll have to do some research to learn how the indigenous people managed this.

Now, let's look at the second half, "in the period of European settlement, Australia's geography has been forced to adapt to economic development." - As technology advanced, so did humans' ability to control the environment. I know that in America, for instance, great rivers were tamed by dams to control flooding and provide a water resource for growing cities. I would imagine it's similar in Australia. Where there's development, forests are cleared, mountains are blasted, lakes are formed by dams, roads cut through previously unoccupied (except for wildlife) areas, which, as we now know, has a big impact on the environment; it changes the geography of the land.

I hope this helps give you some ideas for where to start! Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'FFA and FLA Leadership Adventures' - U of Florida admissions [2]

Greetings!

I'd be happy to give you some editing suggestions for your excellent essay! :-)

I discovered that I have a knack for land and soil judging when I placed first at a regional contest and participated on our region's state team.

While my FFA experience will end when I graduate, the lessons it has taught me will stay with me forever.

I think opening with a scene like that is a great idea ... it brings the essay to life. Best of luck in your admissions process!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / End of Suffering -- Essay [22]

Greetings!

I will admit that my Western perspective can make my interpretations a bit too literal. Thank you for the explanation; it makes more sense to me now. I do think that we would all be better off if we listened more to the 'feedback' we get from our bodies. Sometimes we forget that we are not invincible.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / In Response To "Why Don't We Complain?" [4]

Greetings!

Yes, you definitely cleared up the confusion! Making the distinction clear not only makes it read better, but makes it funnier as well, because the reader is not distracted by trying to figure out what you meant. (While it's not meant to be laugh-out-loud funny, there is a humorous "flavor" to the circumstances. ;-)) I have just one more suggestion, which is entirely optional, but I think it improves the humorous tone:

"just the way I wanted it: medium-rare, sans turkey burger." - In this one instance, I think you should say "sans turkey" and leave out "burger." By now, we know what you mean, and it's just humorous enough to make one smile.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / End of Suffering -- Essay [22]

Greetings, Rajiv!

As with so many things in life, context is important. If I say, "I am going to change the unchangeable," it may be absolute folly; if, for instance I say I am going to change the laws of physics and jump off a cliff, defying gravity. On the other hand, there was once a time when it seemed inconceivable that women could run corporations or hold high political office, and only with hard work by the people who wanted to "change the unchangeable" could that be brought about.

In such ways may 'fate' be changed, in previously unimaginable ways.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / In Response To "Why Don't We Complain?" [4]

Greetings!

I think you've written an excellent essay! You express yourself well and do a good job setting the scene and creating the atmosphere of the restaurant. My only question concerns your referencing the turkey sandwich as a "burger." More than once, you refer to it as a burger, which confused me, because it also seemed to have been described as a turkey sandwich. Was it? Or was it a turkey burger? Because it is a detail which is central to the story, you need to clarify this.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / What education fails to teach us - analysis essay [4]

Greetings!

I think this is a very well-reasoned argument! I'm not entirely sure I understand the first sentence:
Even though it is true that the human community is above all other mundane traits - mundane traits of whom? This doesn't make a lot of sense to me, but the second half of the sentence does.

You just have a few typos; other than that I think it is well-written. I would give it a 4 out of 5.

The differnces would best describe - differences
reflect how the current trends emergerd in a place. - emerged

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Essay on how well reasoned was an argument - scale of 0-5 [2]

Greetings!

While some of the points you made are true, for example, that it would be helpful to know how much relief the patients got from their prescriptions, I feel that you are missing the point of the question. You question how they arrived at the 76 million figure, and whether it is reliable; but the more important question is, even if there were millions more written for one brand than the other, is that really relevant to determining which drug is better? WHY were more written? Was it because one drug company paid incentives to doctors to prescribe their product? Perhaps Acid-Ease has been on the market twice as long as Pepticaid; we are not told. There is no way to determine whether doctors prescribing more of one drug means that doctors have more faith in that drug or patients find it more effective. The failure of the conclusion which is drawn is that it assumes facts which are not given, specifically, that the fact that doctors wrote more prescriptions means the medicine is better.

Your paragraph which begins "Third" is irrelevant to the issue at hand and should be removed. This is not a discussion about whether prescription drugs are better than over-the-counter drugs. Keep in mind that the purpose of the question is to determine whether you can spot the weaknesses in the underlying assumptions; it is a logic question, not a debate about drug efficacy.

I think for reasoning points, I would have to give it a 2.5. As always, this is just my personal rating, as I don't know what standards GMAT uses.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Employers should observe employees - Analysis essay [2]

Greetings!

I think you make some excellent points in your essay! Your reasons why interviews are a good idea really cut to the heart of the matter. The only thing I might suggest changing is in the last couple of paragraphs with reference to letting the candidate work in the organization. I think you may have misunderstood that option. The idea is not to let the candidate really "work" there, but simply to observe him performing some of the skills necessary for the job. This might be a better option in a blue-collar/manufacturing type job, or perhaps computer technology, whereas in some types of white collar companies it might not tell the evaluator enough in a short amount of time.

Overall, I think it's a good essay and I'd give it a 4 out of 5.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / My essay on analysis of Commercialism. Scale of 0-5. [2]

Greetings!

My first response on reading this was that you had not really addressed the question asked; upon a second reading, I decided that my first impression was correct. The prompt is not really asking you to give the reasons for commercialism, which is essentially what you did. Let's look closely at the prompt:

"Commercialism. Hidden text has become too widespread. - What is meant by "hidden text"? I don't think they are asking about advertising itself, where "Schools now advertise the quality of thier education" [should be "their]. I believe they are talking about where big corporations insinuate themselves into what were formerly non-commercial areas, such as Pizza Hut providing school lunches or Coca-Cola advertising at football games.

"Every nation should place limits on what kinds of products, if any, can be sold at
certain events or places." - the issue here reaches into freedom of speech and contract. Should there be laws limiting this type of commercialization, or should the free market prevail?

My advice would be to rewrite this essay, focusing more directly on the questions asked.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / World of writings; NYU - creative work that has influenced me [4]

Greetings!

Wow! I would have to say that you have chosen the right path in life--you are a gifted writer! Let us know when your first novel is published!

I have just a couple of small editing suggestions:

It is at once, a novel of excruciatingly beauty and genius. - excruciating [omit "ly"]

Reading the book for the first time in the summer of my sophomore year I found it to be magnificent, the very peaks and valleys of human sentiment stood out radiantly and resplendently to my hungry eyes. - It's something of a judgment call, but because you have, in actuality, two complete sentences here, a semicolon would be better than a comma.

Truly excellent work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay on not regretting things - how to start? [8]

Very good advice!

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay review on an article called "Pleasantville" [4]

Greetings!

Overall, yes, I think you made some good points. It's a little difficult for me to know how well you analyzed an article I've never read. I'm also somewhat limited as to how much in-depth analysis I can give you on this free site. The main problems I see with it have to do with grammar and sentence construction. It is often helpful to read essays aloud to a friend, a native English speaker, who can advise you on grammatical mistakes.

I have found some more places where the grammar needs attention:

1.Was the attitudes of individuals influenced by the media or politics, in regards to equal rights amongst women and men? - "attitudes" is plural, so say "Were the attitudes..."

2.Even though individuals' attitudes towards women rights have substantially changed throughout the years. Has the change in Canada's social policy made it easier for women to live balanced lifestyles? Or has it made it more difficult? - the first part is a sentence fragment. I'd change it to "With the change in individual attitudes towards women's rights over the years, has the change in Canada's social policy made it easier or more difficult for women to live a balanced life style?"

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay review on an article called "Pleasantville" [4]

Greetings!

Here are some editing tips for you:

"Pleasantville" is demonstrated for being "perfect," which explains why when the basketball player chose to have sex, he missed the shot. - This sentence does not make sense to me; "demonstrated for" is particularly confusing.

Arguably, the image and perception of the female sex remains unjustly and biased. -- unjustly what? Take out "and" and this will make sense.

sex is something sacred between [not "amongst"] a husband and his wife.

which is resulting in their [not them] inventing more machinery,

Lastly, certain conditions that led to women receiving equal rights with men, were change in ideas

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com