Speeches / Informative Speech About A Film (chapter 27) [7]

Good evening.

An informative speech (unless otherwise specified by your instructor) is a speech that assumes an audience knows little or nothing about a topic, and your job is to educate them about a specific thing.

I suggest you find one specific premis of this film and begin with it. For instance, what is the most important point of the film to you? Why is it important? Why do you feel others should know about this film?

Using a point another person brings up is fine; make sure that if you use it word-for-word that you properly cite it. Otherwise, it is OK to analyze the idea and synthesize it into your own words. You can mention that it came from someone else when you do this, but make sure that you don't plagiarize.

How about researching these other preexisting corruptions and shedding some light on them to illustrate Zappa's point?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Essay: "the Father of Medical Healthcare" - Tommy Douglas [4]

Good evening.

What kind of assistance are you seeking? Usually essays posted to this forum are rough drafts looking for proofreading and editing. As you have not posted an essay, please be specific in what you need so that I may help you better.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / Is this sentence (about the favorite thing) correct? [6]

Good evening!

You are so very close. "She should get on the same bus the next day, look for the boy, return the money to him, and say sorry to him." You could also write, "She should get on the bus the next day, look for the boy, return the money to him, and apologize."

Hope this helps!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Argument for Global Warming, need some ideas [33]

Do you need help finding authors that have written about the impact of the computer on society? If so, try scholar.google.com and type in the sentence "the impact of the computer on society."

The first two bits brought up are:

J Weizenbaum - Science, 1972 - sciencemag.org

PN Edwards - Ann Arbor - www-personal.si.umich.edu

and there is much more.

If you need assistance with the Harvard style of referencing, type in "Harvard reference style examples" on the regular Google webpage. There are many universitites and websites that provide guidance and examples of this style; it is very popular, so there is a lot of information.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Are real events, real people, and established facts the best for studying? [2]

You're welcome.

... real people, and established facts.
...books will provide me the ability to imagine, the motivation to study, and more fun .

First of all, reading books related to unreal events and people such as science fiction may help us to imagine. Imagination is important because it is the root of many inventions in the world. Without our imagination , we hardly would have such a great world like we do today. There are lots of things mentioned in fiction of the past such as airplanes or traveling in space, once considered unreal now come true. I think that some of science fiction books will help us foretell the future.

Also, books like novels make people feel interested when learning something new. For example, when one wants to know about America , he or she would prefer novels about America even though the story can be unreal, rather than a history textbook about America . Moreover, when studying literature, a student may like to read fiction rather than a true story, thus books about unreal events may help a student study better.

Last but not least, books related to unreal events and people make us have fun and relax . Daily real events are usually tedious to read about. We need more interesting books to read, and fiction or novels can help us. It is the unreal features that make those books greater than the books about real events. It is the unreal features that make us have more fun.

In conclusion, what I have mentioned above prove that it is reasonable to read something different from books about real things."

You're getting better!

Undergraduate / Divorce, man, woman, family - University of Central Florida statement. [3]

As this is the same essay posted previously, make sure you keep it attached to its appropriate post. Please refer to the previous posts regarding it, as it seems that many of the previous suggestions have not been corrected. Once they have been made, feel free to post the new essay for further suggestions.

Undergraduate / 'different from my peers' - An essay - Why MIT should admit me? [6]

You're welcome.

That is exactly what I mean. You came across as a very knowledgable and wise individual; your essay presents your experiences in a strong and concerted manner. Otherwise, it looks good.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / UF Essay - exited about the maturing experience [3]

Excellent work! Your content is great; you tell your story very well and make really good points. Your comparison between kids and adults is a wonderful picture. The only thing that concerns me is the use of contractions. If this is not to be a formal essay but more of an informal one, you should be fine. If it is formal, you should replace the contractions with their full-fledged counterparts.

Undergraduate / 'the guiding philosophy' - FSU application essay [8]

Unfortunately, you are the only one that can provide your own personal story to connect it to.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'different from my peers' - An essay - Why MIT should admit me? [6]

[...] to work hand-in-hand for a better tomorrow; a dream of creating sustainable technologies, a dream of solving the energy crisis, a dream of creating an economic balance between the countries of the world. A dream of making this world a place where companionship thrives and no social divisions prevail; a dream of living life to its fullest. MIT is a place where I am sure I can continue working towards making my dream a reality everyday.

Good job. The main thing I notice is that you use casual contractions quite a bit; this is inappropriate in academic writing, so try not to use them. Other than that, you've got a good essay here. Good luck!

Essays / I need help on an argumentative essay, on reality television [5]

Good evening.

Well, to start off with, you need to have an opinion on this issue. How do you feel about reality shows and how they make individuals your age look? Are there stereotypes that you feel are exaggerated or depended upon to make the shows work? Do you feel they accurately reflect your generation? Are they really "reality"?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'the guiding philosophy' - FSU application essay [8]

Good morning.

As I am not familiar with your personal life, I cannot give a specific example to you. What I can give are broad suggestions. You have done a good job connecting Artes to your life, but what about the other two? How have strength and moral character impacted your life?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Graduate / University's Master of Science in Bioscience Regulatory Affairs (SoP) [6]

Good afternoon.

...with a B.S. degree in b iology several years ago, I chose to enter the biotechnology-pharmaceutical industry...
I have also participated in the submission of an IND (i nvestigational n ew d rug) application for FDA approval.
... there is an urgent demand for "getting it right." I want to focus on improving ...
... the appropriate licensing, marketing, and legal compliance of...
If accepted to the u niversity's Master of Science in b ioscience r egulatory a ffairs, I am confident that with my level ...

Excellent work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'the guiding philosophy' - FSU application essay [8]

Good afternoon.

"Throughout my school life I have done many things I wanted to do besides learning the mandatory subjects. There are things I love to do besides school work such as sing (Remove comma) and dance. "Vires, Artes, and Mortes" play a huge role in singing (Remove comma) and dancing.

By dancing (Remove comma) and singing I learned that even though I have the talent, it is not going to be enough because to compete with the others I needed more practice and I had to put all of my effort in to it. It was not easy, but to get to the fairy worldWhat is this? I knew I had to go through a hard path.

Dancing and s inging also helped me to gain physical strength. They also helped me to get over my fears of facing a crowd, which will help me with my major in t elevision b roadcasting."

Much better.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Plato "The Republic" essay topic " what does Plato mena by "do better then" [3]

You really need to make sure that you are citing any and all statements in your work that are not 100% your original words. There are some mechanical and punctuation errors, and your conclusion is weak. I'm not really sure if that is the end of your essay or not, but if it is, it should be a paraphrase of the entire text, not just your last main idea.

Writing Feedback / Playing game is not only fun if I win - there are many other factors I prefer in playing a game [2]

"Some people think that a game cannot be fun without winning.

Whenever I play soccer, it brings me the experience of playing as a team.

Moreover, playing game will give me a chance to gain experience . Although I will be happy if I win, failure has its own values. After failing, I learn how to play efficiently to defeat the factors that lead to failure. The next time I play the same type of game, if I win, the win will be more meaningful than the win of the first try because I know that my efforts are compensated.

In many cases, I play game just for fun. It is not important whether or not I win. What I need is comfort . For example, computer games make me relax after hard days studying . While playing those entertaining games I really have fun. In a world with lots of stress in working and studying, it is irrefutable that fun in life is more or less important as winning .

In conclusion, although winning is important, there are many other factors I prefer in playing a game. When I play game, I cannot always win, but I will have fun because of those other things."

Writing Feedback / 'Sound of a man and a woman' - Freshman Composition 1 essay [2]

I think your diction and your use of active verbs is pretty good; you use varied sentence beginnings; your structure needs a little work, as does the organization and punctuation. Is this to be an expository paper?

Writing Feedback / Lewis Carroll - biography and style/literary devices. [2]

Good afternoon.

What are the requirements for the assignment?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / What Morrow has to say about writing history; Essay for Time Magzine article [3]

Good evening.

It seems like you have started out the essay by identifying the key points of this author's article, which is what the prompt asks you to do. I think you're on the right track with the beginning of the second paragraph. Using examples to support your assertions will help you in this essay; just make sure that you are citing them properly (which it seems you are). Make sure that you keep the first part of the essay as fact backed up by the article and other research sources, but the second part can be your opinion. To make sure your opinion remains credible, try to find as many other sources as you can to help you make your point.

Good luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'Mathematics and the Physics program' - to major in, which department - short essay [7]

I think that would be fine.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / Participating and working for a pharmacy place - essay help [2]

Good afternoon.

First, might I suggest you not shout? Thank you; everyone appreciates it.

Secondly, I suggest you begin with an outline or a list that includes each of the reasons you would like to participate in the program. You can talk about why you got into the field, what your goals for yourself in regards to the field are, or what it is specifically about this program you like so much and want to be a part of.

I hope this helps you get started.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / how to synthesize different authors work [4]

I think you're off to a great start. You can take these different approaches and apply their basic ideas to the text and see which ones fit the best and which ones do not. Kind of an exercise in applying their principles to these texts.

When you have your outline, go ahead and post it and we can go from there.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Argument for Global Warming, need some ideas [33]

This is why it is sssooooo important to properly cite the sources where you got your information in your paper. If all of your statements were properly cited she would have been able to locate the information easily and see that you did not plagiarize, only cited research. I hope next time goes better.

Essays / How to write an exciting monologue [21]

OK, so what do you want to expand upon? Do you want to use both, or just one?
Use the text to pull specific word for word examples of your thoughts about these characters. This will support your assertions and help clarify your opinions.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / "Women of Their Time"; Mrs. Mallard and Calixta - Thesis (essay) The Storm and The story of an hour [13]

"She did not stop to ask if it were not a monstrous joy that held her. A clear and exalted perception enabled her to dismiss the suggestion as trivial" (11).

"The contact of her warm, palpitating body when he had unthinkingly drawn her into his arms, had aroused all the old-time infatuation and desire for her flesh" (21).

Nice work!

Speeches / Demonstration Speech: How To Write A Song [3]

Nice work!
You are very organized, you give good examples, and enough detail to walk someone through the process step by step. I wouldn't change anything!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Morgan State University - how my job influence my life [6]

OK, so let's start at the beginning.

How has the job influenced your life? What skills did it teach you that you use in your daily life? How has it changed your points of view in regards to daily situations?

Writing Feedback / "Women of Their Time"; Mrs. Mallard and Calixta - Thesis (essay) The Storm and The story of an hour [13]

Mrs. Mallard is overly dramatized at the news of her deceased husband and Calixta , to contrast, is an immoral housewife waiting out a storm.

In line 7, "She was young, with a fair, calm face, whose lines bespoke repression and even a certain strength. " This shows her character as one ...

... disease - of joy that kills" (22).

... heated moment with Alcee, an old boyfriend. Was the storm used momentarily to attain freedom for sparks that were never put out? Can the storm be seen as a metaphor for Calixta's passions?

Mrs. Mallard is thrilled at having lost her husband and now faces a freedom that she cannot handle and dies. Calixta manages to sneak a cheap thrill why her family is out in a vigorous storm and will apparently continue to do so since Alcee will be free from his wife for sometime. Both of these stories appear to be about a freedom which women in the Victorian era did not possess."Nice conclusion.

Writing Feedback / Children should learn household tasks to survive [2]

You're welcome.

When it comes to the issue of whether or not children should be required to help with household tasks as soon as they are able to do so or not, different people have different ideas.

The children will think that it is their parents' work and they should have nothing to do with it .

After a long working day outside , parents will be happy very much if they see their children share the works with them, see their children grow up having sympathy for their parents's hard work.

Once children get acquainted with the obligations they have in household tasks, they will do better in the other works they are required to do.

Nice work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'Have values and individuality' - Florida State (Vires, Artes, Mores) [2]

Nice work! Only a few mechanical corrections, and your content is very well thought out and organized. Your essay shows maturity and consideration, well-roundedness and insight. Keep up the good work.

Undergraduate / Florida State's motto - completed FSU essay... [4]

You posted this essay and I edited that one for you as well. This is why multiple postings of the same essays are disruptive; it wastes a lot of time searching for them and organizing them. Next time, please only post your questions one time in one forum.

Research Papers / Argument for Global Warming, need some ideas [33]

It depends. You could put "She walks down the street" if you are writing in the present tense, or "I walk to the bus" when talking about yourself.

I suggest getting a Prentice Hall College Writer textbook. There are many out there in the series, and any of them would help you immensely. My personal favorite is the Prentice Hall Guide for College Writers Second Edition by Stephen Reid, but any of them will do. They are readily available, perhaps even at your local or campus library. There is detailed information in these books that would definitely help you with these types of questions.

Undergraduate / Give an advice on my application essay: education, science [3]

Even they did not had steady incomes, they never hesitated in investing their ...
I used to condemn my parents for their absences during periods as a teenager. However recently I realized that it is not something that I should hold against them (Remove comma) because they had invested in me; I could be more preeminent ...

... some people might think I am a solitary person. I n reality, I am a very sociable and lively person. I had a steady relationship with people, whoever I had related with. I am a very curious person.

... interested in biological research projects .
My o bjective is developing my aptitude in biology; I decided to apply to the biological science school at theU niversity of S tony B rook.

... I want to have an occupation that is related to the medical field or agriculture. Further more I want to give positive influence to ...

I have a steady desire in researching genetic science ...
I believe destiny is a real, because whenever I have ...
It could be nothing depending on one's perspective , but in my point of view, I believe ...
However I want to study biology.
Especially i n my academic career, I had decided to study ...
With my great interest in biology and desire to help disabled people, it has led me to apply University ...

This is a pretty good first draft. It is a bit disorganized, because you begin by talking about your parents, then you talk about your personality, then your high school career, then destiny, then about what made you want to be in this field. This is very chaotic and tiring to your reader. Choose one or two of these topics and discuss them further in depth, rather than briefly touching on ten shallow things.

Essays / East of Eden or Pride and Prejudice Interpretive Essay [5]

OK, so what would you like to write about? You can search for common themes (comparing the two), symbolism, mood, plot, characterization; what strikes you out of these works?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'Mathematics and the Physics program' - to major in, which department - short essay [7]

Thank you jessmel; your assistance is appreciated.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / "children park" - Places of my interest - essay [2]

"Among the various places the place of my interest is the children's park that is 15 minutes away from my residence. It is full of the playing material that children desire and the surroundingsthemselves outweigh its beauty and attraction.

Many people go there to get refreshment for their heart and mind. I often pay visits . One does not need to go through any sort of informal deed to enter within the park,so many people visit it.Furthermore , the park is away from the vivid scene of crowded city. Anyone who is in need of a perfect place to freshen can choose this park."

As you did not include the specific requirements for the essay, I went ahead and edited for grammar only, not content. It seems though, that you have a good first draft here.

Poetry / Thesis ideas for Comparing and Contrasting two poems [14]

Good evening.

Well, why do you think they both take place at night? What is so special about the cover of darkness in these two works? What about nature? Because the night sky is a natural phenomenon, could you compare the two portrayals of the same phenomenon?

As for the contrasts, you could use, as you say, the different meanings instilled by both authors as well as their different results.
A list could help you get more organized with your thoughts. Write down a quick note about the commonalities and differences between the two; that should help you get started.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'Mathematics and the Physics program' - to major in, which department - short essay [7]

Good evening.

"I am attracted to both the mathematics and the physics programsat your institution . Most importantly, both of them interest me because? and I think I have future in both, because this semester I was in the top of my class in both mathematics and physics (although I shared the rank with two other peers in math). If I had to choose one, right now I have a slight preference to the physics major. Why? I want to better our society, something harder to do with pure mathematics. The way I see it, pure mathematics will make me a profit while pure physics will make me and the others profit."

I really like our closing. Perhaps you can add in earlier in the essay why it is you are drawn to those two programs? What is it you would like to accomplish?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / East of Eden or Pride and Prejudice Interpretive Essay [5]

What is the prompt/expectations for the essay?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'senior year was supposed to be easy' - ucf essay - bump in the raod [3]

Good evening.

I would really have to say that the "bump in the road" that e ffected my academics (Remove comma) would have to be health-related . I have had my share of health issues from freshman through my junior years of high school.

I missed having fun with friends when I was not feeling well and had to stay home many Friday nights; when all my friends were at football games, I was home in bed. So many Saturday mornings (Remove comma) my friends called and wanted me to go to the beach (Remove comma) or shopping but I just could not get out of bed.

I was heartbroken .

I never had any surgery and did not know what to expect.

This year, my senior year, is supposed to be easy.

Not for me, because of an illness. I have to work extra hard to prove myself.