Graduate / 'Successful Aging' - Personal Statement for Law School Admission [4]

I have always wanted to be in a position to defend the defenseless. Unfortunately, I cannot do that physically because of my size. Therefore, I have chosen to pursue the study of law as an endeavor that is both intellectual and spiritual.

Use quotes to refer to words:

But I constantly remind myself that "delay" does not mean "denial."

I am optimistic that, when you see me and get to understand where am coming from and where I am today, you will believe that law school is the next necessary step for me in my journey -- which is already decorated with accomplishments and propelled by ardent desire. I will continue to promote successful aging experience and reduce the burdens borne by family caregivers, a cause for which I will continue to fight till death and for which I want to be remembered.

This is awesome!! You write very, very well.

Writing Feedback / "The Right To Have an Abortion" - my argumentative paper [20]

Arriving at this thread, I have read the essay, and I can only imagine what all these posts say in response to it. Lan Pham, I applaud you for being bold enough to tackle such a controversial subject. I have not read other people's responses yet, but I bet they are harsh. Before I look at the other posts in this thread, I want to remember to tell you to get rid of the first sentence because it is unnecessary and weak. Also

Critics of abortion say stopping a fetus's life is wrong. But If the baby's health is at question during the pregnancy a woman should have the right to choose for herself.

Advocates Opponents of abortion believe that death is harmful for the fetus and the fetus has the right to have a life just like ours. One opponent of abortion is Stone. For Stone, "Death seriously harms the fetus and so the fetus has a right to life because death deprives the fetus of conscious goods which it is the fetus's biological natural to make itself have."

(Did stone really write that death is "harmful to the fetus?" It seems absurd to say "death is harmful." Of course it is harmful; it is death!)

However when a woman's health is at risk or they will give birth to a child with defects then abortion would be better for the mother and for the baby.

(This sentence above is weak, because you are saying the baby is better off dead. Would you tell a person with a birth defect that she is better off dead?)

If we know the child will be born with defects then there is no point in having have the mother keep the baby if she chooses not to.

(Again, pretty weak. However, you could write: If we know the child will be born with defects then there is no point in having have whether or not the mother should be forced to give birth to the baby is called into question.)

Now, I'll look at what the other people said...

HEY, those are some great points made here. Try not to take any of the criticism personally, because this forum would be useless without criticism. This topic is grave enough to deserve such scrutiny.

Yes, like Mustafa said, "advocate" means someone who supports something. Also, like Mustafa said, the word "rape" deserves its own paragraph instead of being thrown in like an afterthought. Most importantly, like Mustafa said, "practice makes perfect."

Rich sounds like a passionate pro-life advocate. It's too bad his advice lacks credibility, because at the end he reveals that he has bad feelings toward you. You can't influence someone very well if you reveal that you have bad feelings toward them, because they know you don't have their best interests in mind. This essay is GREAT for getting one's personal philosophy to start taking form... it's great for opening the lines of communication.

To tell you the truth, I am a good, experienced writer with strong opinions, and I can't even bring myself to write about abortion. For some questions, there really is no right answer. Keep abortion illegal, and people will do it themselves, or with the help of immoral, secret abortion clinics. Throughout human history, abortion has been going on; it is one of the most common horrifying things.

Arguments about whether or not it should be legal are different from arguments directed at parents considering having abortions. Know what I mean? In this case, it helps to decide who you are arguing with. Your essay seems to be about what should be legal. If I wrote an essay like this, I would write is as an argument made to an actual person considering having an abortion.

Even though there are a lot of good arguments in this thread, I think it is impossible to come up with a "right" answer from a policy perspective. The truth is that you cannot prevent people fro having abortions if they really want to. The policy question is what laws to create and how to enforce them. For that, you need to go all the way back to the foundation of moral philosophy -- so people will never agree!

I hope this thread helps you as you revise your essay!

Writing Feedback / Catcher in the Rye: reality vs. fantasy [20]

Simplify the thesis to make it sharp:

Holden can appear crazy as he pretends to be wounded or older, and he sometimes imagines running off to a ranch or a cabin in the middle of nowhere, but this does not mean he is not realistic. This paper shows that Holden knows how messed up the world is and that he simply cannot be happy when he is so aware of everything. Holden is a pragmatist.

That makes it clear to the reader exactly what you are arguing.

Body 1: As he blunders through New York Holden eventually comes to regard life as a game, a battle of the phonies vs. the non phonies, which he does not want to take part in -- for fear of losing his sense of self.

Body 2: Whenever the pain becomes too much, Holden fakes life-threatening physical ailments so that he can be treated and possibly cured.
Body 3: Holden has trouble relating to the people around him, so he fantasizes about the possibility of escaping the phoniness of the city and going somewhere peaceful with someone to whom he can relate.

Body 4: Holden's views on maturity change as the story unfolds , and he slowly begins to recognize that fantasy cannot last forever; he has to either grow up or be left behind.

Essays / From Kyrgyzstan to Oxford [23]

Here's the link: ox.ac.uk/admissions/postgraduate_courses/index.html

Scholarship / "Education is an admirable thing" - Scholarship Essay [3]

The pain of discipline was tough, at times, but it was more welcoming than the pain of regret I knew I would feel if I had not given it my all.

All the work I put into my high school career was well worth it, and I will work that much more and push my limits even further in college.

This (above) doesn't seem to make sense.

I love how these tiny details can make a huge difference in how a message is conveyed and how successful a movie is. From screen writing to lighting to editing, I love all the parts that constitute the making of a movie.

Not so sure "love" is the word you're looking for here..

Assuming you will take Seans great advice, here are a few other things to look out for. ( I may be just a little too irritatated with how people overuse and squash the meaning out of the word "love",..."oh, I LOVE that nail trimmer"! )

:)

Undergraduate / 'a pinch, blend of that'; EDUCATION AT THE ART INSTITUTE vs ATTAINING MY GOAL [3]

I'm so sorry that happened to you! Unfortunately, this newer attempt is a disorganized jumble of sentences, and it it not good as an opening paragraph. It is not your fault, though! When you write something that is inspired, you expend your creative energy on it, and then you have to wait until it is restored.

Rest assured, though, that when inspiration strikes next, the draft you create will be even better than the original. That is how it always happens.

Essays / Need help on choosing a topic for my Informative Essay [8]

Hi, this sounds great! Amber, your advice is awesome... in the fuure, you can tell if an essay is for admissions or not by looking at the category. This is in "Essays and Term Papers" so you know it is probably not for admissions. Amber, please check out the EF Contributor page (link at te bottom of the screen)!!!

:)

Yesenia, it is great to hear that you are interested in medicine. This paper will be easiest if you choose a topic you already know about... but it will be most rewarding if you choose a topic you are interested in but have to research a little. If you are a student interested in medicine, I suggest you do this informative essay about "The World Full of Healing Sciences" or something like that. You can inform the reader with overviews of Chinese medicine, Swedish massage, Psychotherapy, Feldenkrais, Polarity Therapy, Shiatsu, Japanese Sotai, Indian Ayurvedic medicine, hypnosis and NLP... and the list goes on.

Make this essay an experience that might determine your course of study! :)

Book Reports / 'Hamlet' and 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead' [4]

Good idea, Sean.

I also recommend taking the easy route, and writing 2 essays. Write two paragraphs about this theme in the first story, and then write a 2 paragraph essay about this theme in the second essay!

That would be the "opposing type" of compare contrast essay. The opposing type is when you describe the 1st thing in detail and then describe the 2nd thing in detail. (The alternative would be to use the "alternating type" of compare/contrast which involves a point by point comprison.) After writing about what each story said about life and death, write a paragraph that shows the similarities and differences among them.

Finally, at the end, look at the main theme that has emerged from YOUR writing, and go write an intro para, with thesis, to put at the beginning. After that, write a reflective conclusion paragraph, and you will be done!!

Writing Feedback / "Malcolm X and Dr King" esssay, fighting inequality [5]

The first sentence shouts out the thesis statement without saying anything to support it... and then you go into a typical biography type thing that does not support the thesis. I think you should extend the first sentence to become a whole intro paragraph, and then start the 2nd para with his personal history.

In fact, the thing to do is add 3 sentences before the beginning of this, so that the assertion that he was more effective comes at the end of the first para. THEN, go to para #2:

Malcolm X was born on May 19, 1925 in Omaha, Nebraska. He's upbringing had a big impact on his feelings of inequality and how it should be handled.

Okay, now that I read the rest of the essay, I see that it does not talk about King enough to justify mentioning King in the title. Is this supposed to be an expository essay about Malcolm X, a compare/contrast about im vs. King, or a persuasive essay to argue your point? That is the question I need you to answer before I can give good advice!

You are going to have a hard time arguing that violence was more effective than King's eloquence and idealism. Perhaps you should argue that Malcolm X is a truer example of human nature.

Have you ever read King's letter from Birmingham Jail? It is available online. Also, check out The Fire Next Time by Baldwin. Both of those are the length of smal books, and they are brilliant!!!

Writing Feedback / The Ultimate Controversy: Argument Essay [19]

I plead the fifth!

Seriously, though, as a teen I was mentally challenged in the sense that I lacked worldly wisdom, and that's got to count for something in court! No, wait, that is not even the point I am trying to make. What I mean is... punishment is a necessary evil, and the lowest among the three main methods for operant conditioning (beneath positive and negative reinforcement), and judgment itself is a necessary evil. It's all compensatory evil. Bad stuff. So, when kids get involved, well, if there is ever a time for using mercy and rehabilitation, it's when the offenders are teenagers.

The brain does not even finish developing until about age 20!!

Research Papers / Outline for death penalty research paper? [11]

Yes, that is what the research would include, and even that can trip the student up a little... Even when writing about the death penalty, I simply start reading current articles, and type a paragraph for each. That way, I have no preconceived ideas (i.e. the paper is not limited by what I knew when starting the work, and I am able to proceed with an open mind).

More importantly, I don't set about looking for, say, empirical data to support the idea that capital punishment ultimately saves lives by deterring crime (or something) and then miss important points in whatever I happen to find during the search. I simply write a para or two for each source, and then I move those paragraphs (with their citations)into a logical order when I finish the first draft. They don't even have to all support my theses; I can use some of them as my punchig bags as I trounce the other side of the argument.

So, the question, really, is: Do I begin with the end in mind, or do I allow my research to be exploratory and amount to what it will? Depends on the purpose. Beginning with the end in mind is important for almost everything -- but writing a research paper is WAY easier if I just collect a lot of relevant info and loosely arrange it around my thesis statement, which I often make during the last few minutes of writing the first draft (rather than in an outline, ahead of time).

That is why, when trying to get a research paper written quickly and easily, I never set myself up for frustration by trying to follow an outline. It's like Babe Ruth pointing to where he will hit the home run: impressive, but unnecessarily difficult! :)

Writing Feedback / Working in a cubicle - Division\Classification essay with emphasis on Division. [6]

Hi, I see that your first para ends with an assertion that the common idea about cubicle life is attributable to the people who inhabit them... and then I look at the conclusion to see if you reflect on that same assertion -- that is, if the conclusion is consistent with the thesis!

When I looked at the conclusion, I saw that it had a group of observations. In fact, the whole essay is a group of observations. I think you should revise the whole thing so that everything you say supports the thesis: the people who work in cubicles are responsible for making the environment what they will. It will be easy to reword the sentences so that they all support that argument!

While the complainer brings down morale, the prankster can rouse a few laughs, and hence at first can seem entertaining.

Graduate / Admission essay - What will you contribute to X school's community? [5]

The more holistic answer is that, collectively, they fulfill what I believe to be one of my life's purposes .

The first sentence is confusing, and that is why it doesn't start out interesting!

A retired accountant,also a school teacher, Ms. Thomas, introduced me to accounting.

Since the conception of Financial Boot Camp, I have aligned myself with programs and organizations that support and advocate financial literacy, particularly for the African American community.

Through NABA I met my first mentor who helped me transition from a paraprofessional to professional. My mentor not only gave me his time and wisdom, he also put me in contact with other NABA members who live the NABA motto daily "Lifting as we climb."

I strongly believe because NABA is such a solid organization with a wealth of philanthropic professionals, it has so much more to offer students no matter what stage they are at in their academic and professional career.

:)

Writing Feedback / Catcher in the Rye: reality vs. fantasy [20]

He knows he could win the game if he tried, but he would lose all semblance of self and his uniqueness, he and therefore he prefers to just watch.

He wants the pain to be physical so that he has some chance of healing it, because otherwise he won't be able to fix his mental illness, thus leaving him crazy forever.

As the "Catcher in the Rye," Holden attempts to catch Sally and stop her from being sucked into societies game and losing her innocence, by taking her away from the city.

Holden himself is like a little kid in many regards, always making things up, making rash decisions, and not planning for the future.

He has not matured at a normal rate, so now he is stuck trying not to "fall off the cliff," meaning to lose your innocence, or let any of the others off the cliff.

Here are a few more fixes to add to the great advice from Tyler and Sean.

Graduate / Admission essay - What will you contribute to X school's community? [5]

Aside from Seans advice, here are a few minor fixes;

The more holistic answer is, collectively they fulfill what I believe to be one of my life's purposes .

A retired accountantalso a school teacher, Ms. Thomas, introduced me to accounting.

Since the conception of Financial Boot Camp, I have aligned myself with programs and organizations that support and advocate financial literacy, particularly for the African American community.

I strongly believe because NABA is such a solid organization with a wealth of philanthropic professionals it has so much more to offer students no matter what stage they are at in their academic and professional career.

Writing Feedback / Chronic Illness and Family-Analysis paper [2]


This quote above... should you name the illness, or keep it unspecified in the intro? Oh, nevermind! I see that this is not about any particular illness... okay, in the intro it would be good to make one specific assertion about how the families are affected...

This essay tells the reader that there are consequences for the families, but can you say anything more specific or more meaningful? In the intro para, and then again at the end, try saying something more specific. That will make the essay come to life.

You asked for help with grammar, but the grammar is alright...

Graduate / MS in Computer Science -- Passion for Computer Research [8]

Here are a few more fixes, but your essay is looking great.

...was able to do whatever I told it to do.

...decision to pursue graduate study. (after this, add a "thesis sentence" that captures the main idea, the central truth of your essay.

As a curious follower of games and they it work , this madness lead to a creation of a game called "BINGO", a game involving two people connected on two computers with 25 squares each.

In the second year of my study, I was introduced to data structures and during this time time I got to know how data could be stored in an efficient manner.

The day I heard this, I started my research on it and worked on a project to help my dad store his files.

I learned Visual Basic with MS Access as the backend using the e-books available.

This tool changed my life completely as it was given to many of dad's business friends and their encouragement made me to pursue a course in ASP.NET.

I began the next venture in my college.

This made me to work on it and create a tool called "Query-IT" which created a lot of interest among the staffs and was recognized in college for its design and the creative features it provided.

As I was thinking of doing something different, I ended up in Ad Hoc.

This launch pad gave me a platform to many presentations in a number of tech fests and was ad judged "the best in programming" in a number of colleges.

This prolonged interest made me to continue and write a research paper, "Checking and bounding of packets in transport application", which I presented in a National Conference and was appreciated by researchers for its R& D content.

When I entered a supermarket and found how RFID works with computers, I decided to do a paper on it and this was presented in a National Conference.

Good luck in school!

:)

Writing Feedback / Description about a friend of mine [4]

Very nice! I think she'll like it. You can make it even better if you write it as if you are talking to someone about her. Can you write the first sentence as if you are addressing someone, and describing her to him? You write very well.

Essays / From Kyrgyzstan to Oxford [23]

Yes, let's see some effort first, and we will help! I want to be a grad student at Oxford, too, but a ten-second effort won't suffice!

I hope we can help! Let's see what kind of essay you need to write...

:)

Essays / How to start an essay on The Merchant Of Venice...? [4]

You don't necesarily have to writew the intro paragraph first. Write a body paragraph to explain how he is a victim (or villain, whatever you choose). Then write another body paragraph explaining your truth from a different angle. Perhaps quote the book. Then write another body paragraph explaining your truth from yet another angle. Finally, go back and look at the main points you made. Following Tyler's advice, write the intro para with thesis statement.

At the end, wrap it up with a reflective conclusion paragraph.

Note: Many villains are also victims, and vise versa.

Undergraduate / Nanyang: My proudest achievement essay. [9]

Nobody expected anything spectacular from me, as I was an amateur compared to my opponent.

(comma above)

Looking great!! Now add a few sentences to make a connection, at the end, with the determination to succeed at this school, etc. Even though they only ask you to talk about this achievement, perhaps you are so focused on your academic aspirations that you cannot help but transition into a discussion of them at the end. How is your intended major going to be like that victory?? :)

Good luck!!

Essays / Short outline suggestions, from an introduction. [2]

Mustafa, I don't know how much good it does to write "property of Mustafa" if you don't include a last name in your member profile... I suppose it is better than nothing, but why not get a new username as a contributor? However, it's no big deal!!!

Here's my thought for tightening up the focus:

But to someone interested in studying family as it is portrayed in such shows , is unaware of what a family is, the obvious question then becomes, the question becomes this: What are the similarities between and among the people and differences among the families in the two shows, and what insights can come from comparing and contrasting them? that gives us an indication that they both share this familial structure, and what are the differences that underscore some of the flexibility inherent, nevertheless? This paper shows that (write the thesis at the end, ust before writing the conclusion)

Now, there are 2 types of compare and contrast: You can do a point by point comparison, where each para tackles one point of comparison or contrast and discusses both shows in relation to each point. OR you can do the type that describes thing #1 in the first body para, thing #2 in the 2nd body para, and discusses them...

It does not matter which you choose... but I think the way I changed your thesis will make it a lot more manageable. I ran into trouble with these essays... they can be complicated.

Writing Feedback / The Ultimate Controversy: Argument Essay [19]

Right on! The point is, in retrospect I realize that I was "exceptionally special" when I was a teenager, so I really have trouble stomaching the sight of prosecutors pushing for trials of minors as adults...

Undergraduate / SMU essay (took part in the victory) [19]

To improve it, attend to specificity:
Instead of
It would be the...
and
It would be also the...
you could name "it" each time. That makes the essay stronger. What is "it"? Can you put it in a word or two?

also:
I consider it as my achievement.
how about:
I consider it to be my (add an adjective) achievement.

You can improve your writing with specific words, especially in the important "topic" sentences that start paragraphs. They are like the nails that hold the stuff together.

Writing Feedback / Working in a cubicle - Division\Classification essay with emphasis on Division. [6]

Well, wiki is not really a good reference. I SO highly recommend questia.com. You can find all kings of good resources, and then you just have to read a few of them, paste in some quotes, maybe reword the quotes and add citations...

The thing to do is, if the wiki article is well-documented, look at who wiki cites! Where did the author of the wiki article get that info? Cite the same source. It is not good to cite wiki, because wiki is not a good, peer-reviewed scholarly source.

Neither are a lot of sites.

BUT, Google Scholar has good journal articles for free, and questia is cheap.

In order to revise this material and make it your own: Does your word prgm let you click a word and see a list of thesaurus entries for it? Microsoft office 2003 has a built in thesaurus, so I can quickly change the nouns, verbs, and adjectives in a piece of writing to make ti completely different! It only takes a few minutes.

Good luck!

Undergraduate / My Passion for Fitness and Wellness -- Career Goals [5]

Cool! You have one of the most fascinating subjects. Muscle testing is especially fascinating. Look at this video:

video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1459605973170217870

Book Reports / Thesis for the Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas? [9]

Great idea. You can also look at three aspects of his personality.

Undergraduate / Rice Transfer Essay- What will you be able to contribute to Rice? [3]

Hey, I like the essay a lot, but like Sean says, it is important to thead it all together. It is also important to attend to th prompt; you write very well, so now you can make it perfect by doing this: 1.) integrate it in the way Sean mentions, and 2.) re-word some of these paragraphs so that, although they basically stay the same, they are referring to your "perspectives," like you are asked to do.

Good luck! You are lucky to be so smart!

Essays / Writing a definition paper -- hard to explain well [7]

Wow, that is a heck of a list, Mustafa!

Research Papers / Outline for death penalty research paper? [11]

Wow, you guys, I just pasted a link to this thread into my collection of links to important threads.

Great insights here.

Tyler asked a question that was directed to me, but others sort of answered it already. He asked, "would you have no use for outlines if the prof did not ask for them?" The answer that came to mind for me was, "No, not if it is a research paper. Research means "exploration," so don't be drawing a map of unexplored territory unti AFTER you explore it.

BUT, for all other writing projects an outline is key. Even if I am planning to trounce someone in argument, I make an outline. Hell yes. But not for research papers!

Essays / Essay on 'Power of Organizations'. [6]

Hah, not likely. The little ones go extinct.

Writing Feedback / On the Inland of Hispanolia [9]

No D in Colledge! There, that'll save you some embarrassment. I made the same mistake through my whole freshmen year!! I thought there was a D in "college"!! :) Great minds think alike.

No, none of us are professor's, not that I know of. You don't need to be a student or a professor to appreciate good writing. Composition is what we are good at, so we make this our contribution.

Hey, did you mean you replaced "Indians" with Native Americans," because that is better.

As for that software... rather than relying on software, just read Stephen King's On Writing and Strunk and White's Elements of Style. Surely, there are other good sources, but those are the ones I know. They are brilliant.

If you want to write well, think of rhythm.
If you want to write well, play the drums. The thing about the reader is, the reader is a person, and us people need some soothing, rhythmic prose.

Also, eliminate all unnecessary words. Write like a rapper, or a rhetor, or a song, and the reader thinks you're powerful -- says, hey, you're a good writer! All your papers can have rhythm, like a song.

Undergraduate / Statement: Studying People my Whole Adult Life [6]

Wow, Mustafa makes such a poignant and meaningful contribution to this forum. People are getting a good, strong perspective that is wholly unlike what others of us would provide.

Undergraduate / SMU essay (took part in the victory) [19]

Well, he should tell you WHY he thinks it is bad? Did he say too long and ribald? I don't think he used the word ribald correctly, because the intro is not ribald. It is not really very long, either.

Maybe I am confused... are you still starting with that saying? What does it look like right now, the most recent draft? Anyway, the photo album thing is great, and it catches the reader's attention.

Essays / The Outsiders essay, how to start it? [3]

Ah, I have not read the book, so can you tell me, in your own words, what this meant?

Really, it is your job to come up with a few ideas, and then we will help. Otherwise, we will be doing the work for you. Take a whack at it, and then I will try to help. BTW "a lot" is 2 words.

So, what are the "wrong things"?

Look at verse 53 from the Tao Te Ching:
Keeping to the main road is easy,
But people love to be sidetracked.

http-server.carleton.ca/~rgray/TaoTeChing

Writing Feedback / "Successful Lie" - 4-5 pages essay for homework. [5]

Well, part of my job is to make sure the essays go in the right places. In this case, it seems more like a course work essay than an admissions essay, so I will keep it here for the sake of others who might learn from it. Good luck!!!!

Essays / Essay on 'Power of Organizations'. [6]

...is that the bigger the organisations are, the harder they (along with many other people) will fall.

Yes, it's like putting all our eggs in a couple of big baskets! What kinds of organizations are you talking about? It makes me think of Wal-Mart; in capitalism, it's like a jungle where the fittest survive. Wal-Mart is like a giant dinosaur that eats up all the little animals. That should be feared! Capitalism is survival of the fittest, so big, powerful organizations should be feared for their sheer power.

Furthermore, organizations that influence national policy should be feared for their greater influence. Organizations that approach monopolistic control of a market should be feared for their ability to exploit it.

I hope these give you ideas about how to proceed with research. It will all become clear as you continue to read one article after another.

Research Papers / What to include in an intro and critical reflection, women inequality @work [10]

This is good information! Sorry I didn't get to this in time... I think you can find many answers to your question about citation by looking at other scholarly articles in journals related to your chosen field. However, I can tell you that you should cite over and over, rigorously, rather than assuming the reader knows that you intend credit to be given to the source. Having said that, it is also true that you should write in a way that makes it all clear, anyway as you talk about the sources... if you say the same facts more than once, it can be redundant; if you are talking about them in different ways, it is important to clearly cite the source again and again for each time you mention a fact... but really, it depends on how clearly you explain it in the paper.

Sorry, I feel like I was not much help with this answer!! :)

Research Papers / Outline for death penalty research paper? [11]

To tell you the truth, I always make outlines last. Even when professors have required an outline first, I simply wrote the paper and then made an outline based on the completed paper.

The reason for this is because a paper is ALCHEMY involving several articles (i.e. the sources you cite) combined with your own thoughtful, educated reflection. That means you cannot plan the paper until after you have done the research.

Try this:

Read an article about capital punishment, and write 2 paragraphs about it. Then, repeat that process for 5 or 10 more articles. You will end up with several pages. Reread the pages, and compare the to one another, scrutinizing them, and coming up with conclusions. When you have worked with all this material, decide what is the most important insight you got from the whole experience; make that your thesis statement, and the beginning! Then, reflect on that same statement at the end, in the conclusion!

Suddenly, you have a whole paper. Make an outline based on the paper.

It is tough, because you have to write the whole paper (or at least a draft) before writing the outline, but it is a heck of a lot easier than trying to make an outline for a paper that does not yet exist.

The idea is to have your research change your thinking, so why plan the end result before doing the research?

As for citations, place them after every piece of info that you take from the sources. What citation style are you using? (MLA, APA, Chicago, Harvard, etc)

Undergraduate / Unique Factors That Have Most Shaped Who You Are [6]

Use this as an opportunity to affirm your convictions related to this academic program you are going into. Have you chosen a major? If not, tentatively choose a field that you want to get into, and write about issues related to it. Just like Martin Luther King may have answered this question with references to experiences of injustice or concerns about equality, use this as a chance to show that you are hell-bent on achieving something specific, something that your life will stand for. Life is happening now! You are choosing your path.