Undergraduate /
A Conversation with Myself: Our Life. Common Application Main Essay. [18]
This is my latest copy, can someone please read it. Any grammar or construction or punctuation help is appreciated. And please tell me what you think about the essay(any thing I should add or delete? Does the essay flow? Anything need rewording?). Thank You.
My Scattered Thoughts: Our Life.
"I fight, I drink, I smoke, I went to first grade for three years but still didn't know how to write my name." What future can this man have? Or is there even a future for him? What can a man like him possibly contribute to his family? But this man gave his family more than anything a family could ever ask for. He was not only a great son, but also a great brother, a great husband and a great dad. He gave me everything, including a great life-that's my dad.
At age one through seven, I lived in a house no larger than the size of an ordinary classroom. But we were still happy; there was my mom, my brother, and there was my dad. My dad was always busy with his business, so we rarely saw him. But he would always be there for us when we needed him. If my brother and I did something wrong, he would always be there to protect us from my mother's wooden whip.
At age seven, my father succeeded. He became one of the most successful businessman in our little island. He paid all the debt my grandparents owed, even though he knew he might never get this money back; he loaned money at no interest to all relatives asking for help. But my mother was not there to share the success for long, she died soon after. My father didn't start a new family when he could have, but kept working hard to support my mother's family and us.
Age eight we were sent to a school with great reputation, but the school didn't live up to its reputation. Sex, smoking, drinking, and fighting(even teachers got injured) were weekly occurrences.
Age thirteen, we emigrated to America to pursue an education. The first stop was Pennsylvania, then New York, then we finally settled down in Virginia, a place with less than one percent Chinese, so we would be forced to learn English. My dad rented an house, registered for the school, then he had to go back to China for business. An empty house, some money, and us, that was it for our first three years in U.S. We went to school, sat in the classes, waited until the day ended. After school, we would walk to Farm Fresh and buy some food. Then I would spend an hour attempting to make dinner; my brother would do the dishes afterwards. After that we would study on our own, learn English from T.V. That was the first year, no homework, nothing since we didn't know any English. Somehow after a year, we learned some English and made a few friends. Things slowly got better.
Age sixteen, we were on the move again, this time the destination was New Jersey. Again, a new house, but he had to go.
Age seventeen, I went to (school name). With two more years until college, I was desperate to improve my English. I was stupid enough to download vocabularies to my cell phone and listen to them like music. I even thought I might subconsciously learn some vocabulary while asleep. Of course, it didn't work that well, but at least I tried, I thought. Then I came up with another crazy idea. It was to study in the car to avoid distractions, no T.V, no computer, nothing. But that didn't work well either.
Now, I'm a senior. I will graduate from (school name). Another rigorous self-improvement plan was constructed. This time the place is Barnes and Noble. I thought even if I got distracted; I would be distracted by books. No matter what books I ended up reading, I would improve.
Some might not see a great future for the children who were constantly on the move and lived on their own. They might have thought the kids would stray from the right path. But I see a great future lay ahead of me if I'm willing to work hard for it. There were times I got tired and gave up pursuing the knowledge we longed for; but in spite of the difficulties, I have met the challenges. Even though my dad was rarely with us, he would always be an important part of our lives. A famous Chinese proverb says "Poor is the student who does not exceed his teacher." My ambitious goal is to exceed even the greatness of my teacher-my father.
Next year, I hope to have the honor of studying at a top tier university.
