Writing Feedback /
"The Right To Have an Abortion" - my argumentative paper [20]
You have chosen an issue that evokes very strong emotional reactions on both sides (as evidenced by Mustafa's comment, which was longer than your own essay). This doesn't mean that you should abandon the topic -- on the contrary, this is probably a sign that the topic is really worth writing about. Nor does it mean that you cannot advance a strong pro-choice case. But, it does mean that you have a greater obligation than usual to deal with your opponent's arguments, and this is something your essay doesn't do at the moment.
Most importantly, you completely ignore the main issue in the abortion debate. Your arguments are based upon a premise (that the fetus is not a human life) that your opponents don't accept. If you want your essay to be convincing to people who don't already agree with you, you are going to need to come up with an argument in defense of that premise.
To understand my above point better, consider your first main argument: "It is women's right to make decisions about their own bodies." This is perfectly true, but it misses the point of the pro-life movement, which argues that a woman who gets an abortion isn't making a decision about her body, but about that of the fetus. Abortion is only about a woman's right to choose if you first view the fetus as nothing more than an extension of a woman's body, which is precisely what pro-life advocates do not accept.
And the law is in fact a reflection of a compromise between the two camps. Women are legally allowed to have an abortion only up until a certain point in their pregnancies. In the U.S., I believe the period is 24 weeks, in most of Europe, only 12. This reflects the fact that, at some point, the fetus presumably becomes a human being in its own right. There is no reason why the moment of being born, of leaving the body, should be viewed as inherently investing the baby with a more human nature than it had five minutes prior to being born, for instance.
So, if you want to improve your essay, you are going to have explain why the fetus should not be considered as a separate human life OR why, even if the fetus is considered as a separate human life, a woman should still have the right to terminate it.
Likewise, you argue that "Another reason that women should be able to have abortions is in case the mothers are too young and unable to take care their babies." But of course bringing the baby to term doesn't mean that the woman has to keep it if she cannot provide it a good life. She could always put it up for adoption, for instance. You need to counter this objection.
There are also other issues you should consider. For instance, many pro-life advocates also view abortion as an abdication of personal responsibility. Pregnancy isn't like a common cold, something that a woman catches for no reason. It has a very specific cause, and can be easily prevented. And, of course, the feminist arguments in favor of legalized abortion sometimes bring with them a certain amount of irony, as when they are used to defend the right a woman to get an abortion because she finds out she is carrying a daughter instead of a son, a practice that has led to a noticeable demographic gender imbalance in China and India.
Hmmmm . . . my own comment seems to be getting a bit long, too, so I'll end here. But don't be discouraged -- this is a very complex topic, and you are off to a good start. You just need to add more to counter the obvious objections of those who disagree with you to complete your case.