Writing Feedback / "People just keep changing"; What motivates people to change? For SAT [5]

I'm gonna have my SAT this Saturday and I really need your help. I took one in October but only got 7 for my essay!My godness!!! Please can somebody help me handle this?

Assignment: What motivates people to change?

Time neve stops elapsing, the earth forever continues moving around and people just keep changing. The third evolution of technology has pushed mankind to an epoch which develops so rapidly that humans have possessed powers they could never imagine before.; With the use of solar energy and nuclear power, even Issac Newton would be shocked if he were still alive today. At the sametime, people's ethos and nomes of morality have changed, too.

Psychologists believe that society is the foundation of our exsistence, so when talking about what motivates us to change, the situation we are in should be considered, for a great part. When Robinson comes to the isolated island, his living styles change at first. No any Gentlemen's activities, what occupies his mind now is soley drudgery. Harvesting fruit, planting corns, making ceramics, he is doing everything that he could never do in Britain in order to survive. Next, when he discovers the footprint, the exigent circumstances force him to push away the fear to carnival savages and calm him down to react to it. So in the end, the cruel conditions on the island convert a gentleman from Britain to a composed and bold soldier.

Inner spirit, however, is a counterpart to the outter environment and should be included in the factors. In the past, the flame of Bruno's sacrifice for Helio-centric theory, a token of a craving for truth and innovation, lit up the darkness in Eruope at that time. People started to see the world in a scientific way and knowledge began to take the place of religion. For now, Einstein's theory of relativity has broken the fetters of Newton's classical mechanics and our cognizance to the world has then leaped so much. In the future, people's sprit for ascertainment will still guide humans to evolve and change.

When I'm writing this, I fist feel that it's a bit hard for me to write a good beginning and a satisfying denouement. Vocabulary is not a problem, but when I read my sentences I sometimes feel they are too discrete not as a whole. Moreover, I think the link between different paragraphs are still a bit rough; I feel like a pause when I finishes my first paragraph and starts to read the second. Thanks a million for your help!

By the way, I will write 1 essay per day until the test day, so I can really appreciate it if you guys can help me improve my writing skills day after day. Thanks a lot!! HarmonSa

Writing Feedback / Should people let their feelings guid them? [4]

Hellow everyone, this is my second essay of my practice for this month's SAT and I could really use your help here.Thanks a lot for you time!

Prompt:Should people let their feelings guid them when they make important decisions?

The dispute between the advantages and disadvantages of subjective and objective mind was posed long ago and is still far from over. Indeed, rational way of thinking in general enbles us to avert potential unwilling results but sometimes in specific circumstances or in an urgent time of life people's instinctive feelings in turn lead to coup.

To begin with, Galilei can be described as one of the founders of mechanics but when such aan erudite scientist made up his mind and decided to support the Helio-centric theory, I belived at that moment the yarning for truth, an inner feeling, replaces the 'rational' part in his mind. It is true that he was chastised drastically when he was alive but when he expired this 'impulsive' decision made him a hero of millions of people. So it is clear that when numerous scientisits forgo their youth, their bliss, and even their life, on the road acsertaining the truth for common wealfare and development of mankind, what demonstrates is not ration but emotion.

Meanwhile, the Nomandy-Landing, crux of World War II and sign of victory, was least to be called a sensible action when it was broached. As a matter of fact, the allies have a perfect landing area near by, which is much better than Nomandy on account of nearly all aspects, but the general Arthur chose Nomandy by his hunch. On that day, the other region was surrounded by strom but sun still shined in Nomandy, so as a result, half a million allies safely boarded from Nomandy and became a decisive force to end the war.

In most part of life it is greatly necessary and encouraged for people to do loads of work before they make decisions but in particular cases like the persuit of common welfare, sticking to the voice of their heart will sometimes achieve unpredictable accomplishment.

Writing Feedback / SAT; Competition let people to be successful? [4]

This is my third essay and although I still feel hard on it I feel it's better than my first essay now. Please see if I make any progress. Thank you very much for your helop!!

All roads lead to Roam; once when I performed poorly in a crucial test and then fidgeted for a couple of days, my father wrote this adage on the cover of my text book. Indeed, it didn't have profound impact on me at that time but it did impluse me to bood over the question whether success only relates to competitive scores. And now I have a more comprehensive answer that people do not have to be highly competitive for the sake of suceess.

For one thing, success doesn't equal to wealth or fame; the realization of one's dream can also be called success. In O Henry's novel, The Last Leaf, such success is well reflected. Old Behrman was a poorly skilled painter, "a failure in art", who was always about to paint a masterpiece but had never begun. One day, he coincidentally knew a patient living in the same place as he did who maintained her life by counting the remaining leaves of an ivy tree. At a stormy night, this old man painted a leaf on the tree the night its last leaf fell. In the end, the patient survived while old man died, but who will deny that the old Behrman, not strong in painting, was successful when he finished that last leaf? He has realized his dream so he is successful.

Besides, even when talking about cases where success means wealth or fame, one doesn't need to be competitive in order to succeed. For example, in people's eyes politicians ought to be tall and eloquent like president Hoover, but Franklin Roosevelt, who deeply suffered paralysis from polio and could only live on wheelchair, was no doubt one of the most famous and honoured presidents in the United States. He was disabled but it is now no matter because he has already succeeded.

Anyway, success doesn't directly relate to one's competence. It can be a sense of hapiness, or a feeling of satisfaction after achieving one's goal; in these cases competence is less dominant. While in situation where success is fame or wealth, people who are highly competitive do not always succeed, sometimes the seemingly weaker one gains the victory.

Undergraduate / Describe the world you come from and how it shapes your dreams? For UC Berkeley [4]

Hi,guys. This is my essay for Berkeley...I've already spent 10 days on this and this is my 3rd draft...But I still feel that this essay is still far from qualified%>_<%...I could really use your help with grammers and structures...Thanks a million for your time and concern！！

Since childhood, my world was surrounded by maths; the myriad mix of 10 digits was like a magic hand which tightly held a child's heart. Later in middle school, however, I found out that I gained advantage in physics and chemistry with my ascendency in maths. This experience allowed me to brood over the old saying that maths is the foundation of our world and thus formed my simple but thorny goal: I would have an excellent study of mathematics in university and with this foundation I would learn to use it as a tool to help myself succeed in other fields.

My father is a former accountant and my mother is a husbandly housewife so you can see what role maths plays in my family. Since childhood, my parents took great heed cultivating my capability of calculating like daily counting exercises. And I seem to have inherited both dad's persuit in accuracy and mom's sensitivity to numbers. Besides, I also see my mother's tendency to put everything in a perfect order as my inpiration for the persuit of logical mind. So not surprisingly, when I entered primary school my parents immediately found that their son showed great interest in mathematics and soon became dominant in it. And their encouragement and my potential even allowed me to have finished the maths curriculum for junior school students by the end of Junior 1. It was at this time that I began to touch Mathematical Olympiad, and it was also at this time that it compeled me to retrospect my journey in maths and think about where it would lead me.

The study was harsh and demanding, but pressure was better than any other impulse for me. Learning fast and well, I soon realized that thanks to the effective training of Mathematical Olympiad I could easily handle subjects like physics and chemistry which were tighly related to maths. Maths, however, was no longer just a subject to me; it had already become a 'need' which played a significant role in my daily life. Thus, I wanted to continue this passion in university and ultimately see what my pain can do to my future success.

Undergraduate / Education and what don't you know-For Brown [NEW]

Hi, everyone, this is my essay for Brown and although it is second draft(I've already overthrown one) I could use your help!!If there is any problem please just tell me! I wanna go to Brown so bad!!Thank you so much!!

The prompt is: French novelist Anatole France wrote: "An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't." What don't you know?

Twenty-six letters, a to z, are simple and clear but the vocabulary they could form are infinite and myriad, the language they build has been evolving centery after centery, and they just convey us one concept, possibility. The learning of English is similar to hiking in mountainous regions: every time you climb a mountain another one is always behind. I have started learning English since primary school and yet I may only understand a small part of it after so long a time. Nevertheless, those that I don't know are sources to my persuit to know more.

When I was 14 years old, a long poem called Paradise Lost thourougly captivated me. At that time I only recognised few words like 'angel' and 'heaven' but to grasp a child's curiosity they were indeed sufficient. I supposed it might be a splendid and bravura fiction and thus in order to comprehend this poem I started to clumsily read it word by word with a dictionary aside and touch literal works in preparation, which sounds quite insane to a 14-year-old, though. After all, it was not surprise that time proved my effort mostly in vain and even now, after the ordeal of SAT I am still unable to understand this 'ancient' epic completely by myself. However, the result no longer matters, for I've known more than I intended to. I've become the first one in my peers to finish Shakespear's masterpieces and in turn because of a profound understanding of nuance of different words, in Senior 2 I've joined a chinesization team of a famous BBS, NETSHOW. We are in fact amateurs in English but dreamers who have passion for what we are doing and we volunteer to introduce great English games to domestic game players. I've worked on several tasks like Fall Out 3 and I really enjoy our hot discussion on MSN: sometimes a few minutes are spent only to perfect one sentence. It is said that education is to differentiate what you do know and what you don't and I've felt exactly the same during those days when I translated English into Chinese. They helped me clarify similar words, deal with the mess in my head and compel me to learn more. In short, this job is like a box of chocolete and one will never know what he is going to get. As for me, I enjoy its unprediction and I'll always prepare myself for it.

All in all, I've realized that academics retain endless enigma and they play a role as the impulse of every step forward. I've learnt so much and yet so little, so I will stick to my pace and enjoy those those unkown mysteries side with pleasant surprises along my way.

I don't know whether my content suits the prompt...I feel like it's hard to write something beyond abstract platitude....What do you think?

Undergraduate / Cornell(College of Arts and Science)-Your intellectual interest. [4]

Hellow everybody, I've been driven made by this essay and I could really use your help!!!!! It will be very kind of you to give me any criticism and advice and I am looking forward to watching the born of a great essay only because of all your help!Thank you!!!

This is the prompt:Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study

I am a math zealot. Addition, subtraction, multiplication and division are my daily sports and solving people's mathematical problems on "answers.yahoo.com" is also my hobby. I touched maths in nursery school, but I didn't take it seriously, though; at that time I was too naive to understand the its pan-use and I thought what mathist could do was bury themselves in pile of theory books. It was not until I learnt Olympic Mathematics did I realize my narrow-mindedness and therefore catch a glimpse to a brand new way to see the world.

Attending middle school I showed stable and outstanding ascendencey in math so my teacher recommended me to study Olympic Mathematics, a category of math which requires deep and inclusive mind. Every sophisticated problem is the complicated reflection of a simple model, so studying such math wich such problems was refreshing and inspiring. Thanks to the effective training to the mind, I could easily handle subjects like physics and chemistry. Thanks to the ordeal of solving thorny problems, I could say that many pains-taking ways lied in front of everyone but shortcut rarely existed. And thanks to several experiences of attending competitions of Mathematical Olympiad, I could become and retain composed and resolved whether what I faced. These treasures are what mathematics has brought me and I find out that math is not only an academic interest but also a pratical tool that indeed facilitates many aspects of my life. In the end, I am intrigued and determined.

I am determined on my craving for mathematics and I have decided to achieve it in Cornell University. "The Department of Mathematics" can systemize my knowledge and craft my passion into real production. And I am looking forward to the math club-The Undergraduate Math Club. It provides a window to current events in math fields and can keep myself informed. And since I have already tasted the benefit of such cooperation in my studying Olympic Mathematics, the club can offer precious oppertunity to significantly enhance my skills. At a time like this when the virtual world is online, the presence of math has never been so prevalent before. A chance to study in such college only passes once in my life so I shall take my chance to the College of Arts and Science of Cornell University and consummate my knowledge and usage of math in preparation for my success in a digital future.