Undergraduate / a diverse individual with my own "vibrant" background - Rutgers Admissions Essay [4]

Topic:
Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment?

This is a VERY RAW version of what I was thinking to write. Should I just scrap this all together or does it have potential? Is it good or do I need more, tell me what it needs. All feedback is greatly appreciated!

Every person I've ever encountered in my life has been different from the last, their lives unrelated and their stories unique. And every place I've ever seen has been an eruption of new sensations, each a picture of the world I've experienced. One by one I've stored these chronicles inside of me, the memories becoming somewhat of a library. And as I picture the inside of my mind, a myriad of different experiences and people I've met, I think about how each one has shaped who I've become. Was the night I walked through New York City, staring into the vastness of a sky I could never reach, the one that shaped how I saw the world? I suppose, for all I see now is a wondrous playground filled with so many opportunities it's staggering. Was the day I went to a cat adoption, looking into the hopeful faces of such vulnerable beings, the day that built this obligation to society inside of me? Probably, for I now possess a need to do something bigger with my existence, to affect the lives of others in a positive way. And was the day I attended my uncle's funeral the day I truly learned how devastating time can be? Surely, for now I realize that life can stop for anyone, but the world will keep on spinning as if you had never existed at all.

For every friend I've ever made, every quote I've ever liked, and for every feeling I've ever experienced a part of me has developed, turning me into a diverse individual with my own "vibrant" background. It was once said by famous writer, Antoine de Saint-Exupery "A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born." Well I believe that every incident that has occurred in my life has allowed me to fully live, shaping the person inside of me. Rutgers is a vibrant and diverse community, one where I anticipate meeting new people and adding more shades and hues to my coat of (already) many colors. But I hope to contribute my own experiences, life,and identity as I try to connect the worlds together.

Undergraduate / "Never Really Considered Myself...." --Common App Short Answer [3]

I never really considered myself to be quite the athlete, after years of dropped basketballs and tripping up in soccer I probably should've called it quits. Probably, but I didn't. Last year I joined our school's girl volleyball team, still searching for my niche and ready to try new things I came to tryouts. Making the team was just hurtle number one in a season filled with hard practices and game bench warming. New teammates were judgmental, and I had to learn to cope. But that challenge was one that helped strengthen my character. I didn't instantly become a volleyball star but I can definitely say all the work and initiative I put into it paid off. It's now my second year on the team with familiar (and now friendly) faces, and instead of warming the bench I heat up the court, starting every game as middle blocker.

What do you guys think, please leave any feedback good or bad!

Undergraduate / UC Prompt 1- Living with one foot in two worlds [4]

Ok I tried a different take on the topic but I don't know if it works. Should I just do a normal essay like... I do volleyball it makes me determined blah blah blah or keep going with this? Feedback helps, tell me if I should trash this. Anyways this is JUST THE BEGINNING it's not finished, I repeat it's not finished!

Many people live thinking there is one universe, but in fact I know that there are two. I've gone my whole life living with one foot in two worlds, the figurative and the literal and it seems I'm getting the best of both. When asked to depict myself, I doubt I can be comprehended by merely describing the people I've met, and places I've lived. I'm much more than a resume and I'm no product of my environment. What I do know is that all these factors of the literal world have impacted my figurative world which in turn shaped who I am. I know this concept may sound a bit tricky but just let me explain some things.

On my checklist of people who were most influential in my life, I think it's safe to say my mother is at the top of this list, second only to my God. In the literal world she's been my life, my rock, and my biggest supporter. In the figurative world I saw her holding an open door with a world of possibilities on the other side. In the literal world, she was an advocate of doing things right the first time around. She pushed me to achieve because she wanted me to be happy and succeed. But she raised me in a house full of love and compassion so in my figurative world it was only natural I became an advocate of second chances. And now I strive to do my best at everything, but I know it's not the end of the world if I don't get it right the first time. Both worlds together have made me who I am, like two opposite puzzle pieces, equally important and when you put them together I'm the end result.

Living through double perspectives has made me realize that it's not what life hands you that matters most, rather how you look at it. That's why I want to major in film. I tend to see the world in a different light, savoring the reality as I sculpt my own alternate. Every time I pick up a camera I know that what I see in front of the lens now will become a scene out of my imagination later. I use what I know and what I imagine to create a masterpiece, and I hope to do that for the rest of my life. Many people live thinking there is only one universe, but I know that there are two. It may not have started out that way, but I've learned to live in one while creating the other as I go along.

Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2- "Be the change you wish to see..." [2]

Prompt #2

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are

I never really considered myself as an athlete, after years of dropped basketballs and unsteady pitches on the field, I probably should have called it quits. Probably... but I didn't.

Last year, I joined my school's girl volleyball team. Still searching for my niche, and eager to try something new, I attended tryouts. Stepping on the court for the first time it seemed like I was no good at the sport, only making the team because of my height. But I was no stranger to this feeling of being the bench warmer; I'd seen it all before. I was always that player who was just happy to be included. But as I attended practice after practice I had a hard time adjusting to the team, learning to play was just hurtle number one I had to face that season.

New teammates were judgmental, and snide remarks from the "veterans" were all a part of the negativity I had to learn to cope with. One girl even went as far as to say "Why are you on the team, you can't even play!" Hearing that made me incredibly angry at myself because I was trying my best and still not cutting it. They only cared about the results on the court; and I guess I can't blame them (after all, trying doesn't get you to playoffs). In fact I might just thank them for the motivation. Their harsh criticism was the fuel to my fire, and that challenge was one that helped strengthen my character. I wasn't going to take their criticism anymore, and I wasn't going to do anything if my whole heart wasn't into it.

After that I suddenly found it necessary to go to the gym more often, necessary to work on my skills even when I wasn't playing. And just as suddenly Volleyball no longer felt like an extracurricular, it became something that required dedication. Playing the sport was my new passion and trying to get better was my commitment. I had finally found that drive that I had lacked in every other sport I had ever tried. I wanted to excel, I wanted to be a good player, and more importantly I wanted my parents to have a reason to show up to my games.

I didn't instantly become a volleyball star after having this revelation, but all the initiative and work I put into the sport after that paid off. I stopped limiting myself and my abilities and just worked on bettering myself. It's now my second year on the team with familiar (and now friendly) faces and instead of warming up the bench I start every game as middle blocker. Last year the journey from novice to expert helped me grow not only as a player but as a person too. It was once said by Mahatma Gandhi "You must be the change you wish to see..." I've taken this saying to heart, and now I have the confidence to pursue my dreams because I know my success is only equivalent to the amount of work I put towards it.

I never really considered myself as an athlete before, but now I finally do. And I'm glad I didn't call it quits, even when everyone else thought I should have.

The application is due tomorrow so I need help ASAP! Is this good?! What can I change? Feedback is greatly appreciated!

Undergraduate / Dear Diary-- Describe yourself in a letter [5]

Prompt: Describe yourself.

Ok, so I wanted to take a different approach and I have no clue if this even works! Should I keep writing or should I scrap and do a more formal essay? Btw, I tried to make it sound like I was really talking to my diary which is why it sounds kinda personal.

Dear Diary,

I know it's been a while since we last talked, but I know that I need you now more than ever. I've been tasked with the assignment of describing myself in an essay of limited words that will be under review for a big (and by big I mean BIG!) scholarship. I have one page to show a school who I am and what I can do, but where do I even begin?! How do you explain to a committee holding the future of your education in the palm of your hands, just how much you want this opportunity? How do you prove to a total stranger that you're determined to succeed in life and dedicated to your education? Especially when you've got a limited amount of time to capture their attention!!

I guess that's why I'm writing to you, just trying to sort out my thoughts.

I want to write an essay that just breathes creativity, so they can know that my outside-of-the-box thinking might just be the type of innovation they're looking for. I want them to know how motivated and disciplined I am as a student and how honest and trustworthy I am as an individual. I know that I have all this passion for life, but how can I get that across to them as well? I don't want to just give them words, I want to share my personality and identity that defines me in a way words cannot.

....To Be Continued (maybe lol)

Scholarship / When I Was A Child--Personal Statement [3]

Okay this is for a small scholarship and there was no prompt. It just says submit a personal statement and I had no clue what to even put down. So I don't know if this is what they'll want but... I want your feedback! Its greatly appreciated!!

When I was a child I knew from the start that when I became an adult I wanted to do something big, or something out of the ordinary. I thought that a life lead with success was the only one worth living. At the age of seven I was set on becoming an astronaut and discovering a planet. At ten my interests stemmed to animals, so I figured I just HAD to be a veterinarian. Doctors make all the money right? At twelve I wanted to find the cure for cancer because I knew I would be nothing short of legendary if I accomplished this task. I craved for too many things and had interests in so many areas that I found it hard to answer the question: what exactly do I want to do when I grow up? That is, until I picked up a video camera for the first time.

Now, most people from here will tell you an epic tale about how they saw things from a different perspective and how everything suddenly fell into place. Well, that's not exactly how it happened.

Back in my last year of middle school I took a full year of TV Production, and though my work was full of jump cuts and continuity errors I loved it all. I gained a passion for film before I had the skill, though it soon followed suit. I didn't love video production because I thought it would bring me fame, or because it would make me sufficiently "successful", I did it because it was fun. Late nights into the early morning of editing footage was just as thrilling as standing behind the lens and obtaining the perfect shot after taking forever to set up the tripod. All the ups and downs, ins and outs of the craft all contributed to my respect and love for video.

I once heard my teacher say "If you've found something you can do for the rest of your life regardless of whether you were paid or rewarded for it, you've found your calling." I believe this statement because I've happened to find mine. Now I'm a senior in high school ready to hit the ground running, so the best way I can move forward is by following my dreams and getting my education. In ten years I know exactly what I want to be doing. Knowing that my future is just on the other side of college is the motivation for me to go to school. With my love of knowledge, and strong determination I hope to go far. I won't let anything stand between me and my education.

Undergraduate / Celebrating Life oftheMind-- "Why Swarthmore Essay" [2]

I knew I wanted to attend Swarthmore the first moment I popped the DVD into my player. I sat in my living room, my back stiff with anticipation and my eyes hungry for what I was about to see. The video played; student after student appeared on my TV screen, enthusiastic about the confessional spilling from their lips. I tore my eyes from the screen and flipped the DVD cover over in my hands, "Swarthmore Unscripted" it read. I brought my eyes level with the screen again and saw the same words on my screen and after a few minutes into the show, I saw something else. In the classrooms that were pictured, I saw myself, sitting in the front of the class my attention gripped by the professor so much that the notes I began taking were put on pause. I saw myself in the wayward student wandering campus grounds, just passing by the camera for a brief moment. I saw myself in four years sitting in front of the camera, sharing my own testimony to a student like myself. It was the DVD that peaked my interest and captured my attention but it was seeing the students working together in a close-knit community that made me think twice. The intimate feel of a classroom portrayed perfectly through ten seconds of film that helped me make a decision. It was the quirky aspects of Swarthmore such as "Screw Your Roommate" that convinced me that I could make a home there. I choose Swarthmore because of its strong liberal academics, but I love Swarthmore for the components beyond that.

One thing that stood out to me when doing my research on Swarthmore was the statement "Swarthmore celebrates the life of the mind" written on their website. Books are not the only source of knowledge we have access to, any activity can made into food for the mind. I want my college education to be full of experiences, I want to see and feel the sensations of life beyond words in a textbook and I know that Swarthmore would quench that hunger. For all these reasons I accept Swarthmore, and hope that I am one step closer to becoming a fellow "Swattie".

Ok I really need editing for this one. All help is appreciated!!