Undergraduate / 'I have three very close friends'; an ethical dilemma that challenged you. [6]

Hello!

Could you please help me with my essay! It's the first draft, so any comment or critique will be very helpful!
Thank you

Members of the Caltech community live, learn, and work within an Honor System with one simple guideline, 'No member shall take unfair advantage of any other member of the Caltech community.' While seemingly simple, questions of ethics, honesty, and integrity are sometimes challenging. Share an ethical dilemma that challenged you. What did you do?

I have three very close friends. I have known them since we were in kindergarten. They are my classmates, my confidants, my support, and the co-conspirators who have shared my crazy ideas.

The last year at school, we had a problem. Two of them acquired the habit of cheating: they did not study and they would ask me to help them during the tests. I was in such an awkward position because they were my friends, and when seeing them desperate in the exams, I felt I could not say no. It is really difficult to do the right thing in that situation, when feelings are involved. However I was aware it was wrong; consequently I talked to them to make them understand their error: they were fooling the teachers, their parents, and also they were being unfair with those who did study. I said I could explain everything to them if they had doubts or problems understanding the class, but they did not listen to me and continued doing the same. Then I tried changing my position during the exams, I sat in a place far from them, but it did not work either; they got mad at me and they kept cheating off other classmates. I had to do something to fix the situation, I gave them another opportunity. I said, "If it continues, I will be bound to tell the teacher what happens". Finally, they became aware of the error and stopped (or at least, that's what I could perceive). After some days we were friends again. I think with the time they understood I was doing a good thing for them, because I love them.

Undergraduate / Math. I have been part of the Talented Youth Program of El Salvador [14]

Editing of grammar, spelling, punctuation, or any critique would be really appreciated.

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We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (100 words or fewer)

When I read this part of the application, I inmediatly knew which activity I would write about. One that has captivated me until now: Math. I have been part of the Talented Youth Program of El Salvador since 2001. This is a program for students who enjoy Math and Sciences just by the pleasure their study brings. It takes place in the National University, so I traveled two hours every saturday to go to classes, and "to sacrifice my day of rest" -as some of my friends describe it. Instead, I see it as one of the most delightful activities in my life.

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103 words.
I am afraid of adding something else because of the number of words.

Do you think it answer the question accurately?

Thank you so much for your time! :)

Undergraduate / designing innovative aircrafts -which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? [9]

Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer)

Dreams about designing innovative aircrafts and developing new technologies to improve them have always been at the forefront of my mind. Every time I do a personal navigation through aeronautics, either by internet, documentaries or magazines, my interest grows and my enthusiasm confirms that Aeronautics is my destined path. It is a passion! I am sure MIT AeroAstro department is the right place for me; its world's leading aerospace teachers and its many research opportunities create a learning atmosphere that matches perfectly with my eagerness for investigation and for making significant contributions to this discipline and to the entire world.

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100 words!

Do you think it answer the question clearly?

Every suggestion is welcome.
Thanks in advance! :)

Undergraduate / 'love for my country' - Stanford essay: intellectually engaging idea. [4]

I would really appreciate editing of grammar, spelling, punctuation, or any critique.

Do you think it is boring?
Do you really feel I am engaged with the idea presented?

Thank you in advance. :)

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Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

Looking at the blue and white of my flag waving in my hands and in the hands of three of my friends, in front of many other delegates from different countries, my mind was invaded with many images which made me remember El Salvador, my people, our situation. Images of our daily life: children selling candies or cleaning cars in traffic lights, complete families sleeping under a bridge, murders, crimes and extortions which affirm once again that El Salvador is the country with highest level of violence in the region. In that moment I thought: what do other countries have? What do they do that make them flourish and that we donït do? I was there, standing on the stage, happy to represent my country in a Math competition where we had the honor to get seventh place among Iberoamerica, and I thought why our country canït compete in other aspects as lowest level of poverty, or violence, good level of economy or tourism or other things that make other countries better than ours. Maybe I am not able yet to answer these questions fully, but after long meditation, I reached some conclusions: It is us, the new generation, who have the big challenge to transform our country, to make it a better place to live. In order to do that, one word came to my mind: LOVE. Whatever we want to do, we must to do it with love. After all, is love for my country what made me think in all those images that day, is love what make people to live in peace, to care about others, to pursue a safer world, where everybody has opportunity of development and where human rights are respected. Love is the key word. Now that I am asked about an engaging idea, I can say nothing engages me more than that: the improvement of my country and the usage of love as a weapon to change my country and thus the world.

Undergraduate / My family, The world I come from. MIT essay. [17]

Help please! Tell me what do you think? Any suggestion is welcome.
Btw, some ideas are the same as in essays for other colleges, just in case you have read them.

Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs,school,community,city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

Knock knock...
She ran in direction to the unknown man. As the postman left the envelope, he returned walking... it was a small city. The girl had lived there her whole life.

It was one where people can go walking almost everywhere, as she did to school. Predictably, her school was not very large; one of those where the teachers get very familiar with each person sitting in front of them when giving a class. This is how one of her teachers noticed her delight in Mathematics and led her to participate in the national Olympiad; then she was selected to participate in a Math program, which became an important part of her world. It gave her a lot of opportunities and shaped many of her aspirations; among those opportunities, the most exciting experience in her life: represent her country in international competitions. She became part of the history, a woman in Math competitions; besides that, they also brought her many remarkable moments. They were much more than the mere competitions: true friendship and cultural and scientific interchange define them as well. Diversity was a profit.

There she could compare her small country with many other high developed places. She understood the importance of sciences in the development of a society. She became aware of the necessities of her country, but also what it certainly has: people with capacity. She knew then what they have to do: believe in it, work for it.

Her dreams took a clear shape; she promised herself somehow she would contribute to make her country a better place.

I hope one day that girl who ran to receive the confirmation of acceptance from MIT will be me. That day, my dream will start to come true.

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About 291 words.
Is the word count a big deal? :S

Any comment or suggestion will be appreciated! :)
Thank you in advance! :)

Undergraduate / 'aeronautical engineer' - Common app. main essay: character in fiction! [7]

Please help me with this! The deadline is soon!!
Thank you very much!

Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

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Why are we here? Are we accomplishing our mission in this world?
Sometimes we approach any of these questions in an unproductive way; unable to answer it immediately, we throw it away in a second.
That happened to me until I met him. His name was Santiago.
I was given the book "The alchemist" as a birthday present, so I decided to read it. Actually I was not expecting much, but through my reading I was slowly captivated.

The novel tells the tale of Santiago. His parents had wanted him to become a priest. One afternoon, on a visit to his family, he had summoned up the courage to tell his father that he didn't want to become a priest. That he wanted to travel, it was his dream in life. "The people who come here have a lot of money to spend, so they can afford to travel", his father said, "among us, the only ones who travel are the shepherds."

"Well, then I will be a shepherd!"
That was the first approach that caused my admiration for him. Besides our common appeal to travel, there was something that caught more my attention: our difference in that he had the braveness to express what he really wished in life.

I had been very reserved in that aspect; until that day nobody had had even a clue about my secret fascination to airplanes. Maybe it was the fear to confess a goal that seemed hardly to conquer in this country due to the fact that there was not a university offering that major, aeronautical engineering, and to the widely spread fame of the difficulty of engineering by itself; of course I wasn't able to face the people's awareness of my defeat...

Captivated, I continued reading.
Dusk was falling as Santiago arrived with his herd at an abandoned and ruined church in the Andalusian fields, he decided to spend the night there; that night he had a dream, he dreamt about a treasure in the Pyramids in Egypt. What I admired the most of him was to have the courage to follow his dream.

In his journey, he sees the greatness of the world, and meets all kinds of exciting people like a king, a crystal merchant, an alchemist (from whom Santiago gets much of his knowledge) and her, Fatima, the love of his life.

At one point in the story, he hesitates to follow the dream because he didn't want to leave her, but in that moment was she who gave him the courage to continue. "You have make me gradually became part of you, that's why I want you to continue toward your goal. If I am really a part of your dream, you'll come back one day", she said.

By the end of the novel, he did find a treasure, however he discovered that "the real treasure lies where your heart belongs", and that the treasure was the journey itself, the discoveries he made, and the wisdom he acquired.

Through Santiago, I understood that in the deep of the heart people know their dream; however they are so accustomed to their lives, to the same people and things each day, that sometimes they don't see worthy to follow an ideal. But also I understood that it's the possibility of having a dream come true what makes life interesting.

There is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, you must pursue it, that's your mission on earth. What will make this world better is the people's happiness, to follow their dream until the end is the people's real obligation.

That may sound like an oversimplified thinking, but as Coelho states "simple things are the most valuable and only wise people appreciate them".

That day, when I finished reading the book, I got up. "Mom, I will be an aeronautical engineer". "In our country it is not possible, furthermore we don't have enough money. If you wish to study that, you would have to put aside the family, look for financial support and travel to other country", my mom said.

"Well, then I will leave".

Undergraduate / "Virola", A time I used my creativity essay! [5]

This is my first draft so any comment, critique, spelling or grammar correction will be more than welcome!
Thank you for your time!

Tell us about a time you used your creativity. This could be something you made, a project that you led, an idea that you came up with, or pretty much anything else. (*) (200-250 words)

In an attempt to increase local tourism, the mayor launched a school contest; it consisted to present an innovative product to be sold in a fair. Then, I came up with: "Virola"

The name came from the old nickname of my hometown, the surname of the first family who settled there.
Using a 50 square centimeters board I created a wonderland. It is a diced table game simulating the map of my city, with its real attractions such as "Ichanmichen tourist center", the Hawaiian beverage fountain, the Krusty Crab restaurant, the Gossip hair salon, the Mr. John grocery store and many other places which in fact are real parts of the city but are described in a suggestive and quirky way.

In the game, each of these places represent a station where you can stop by and do things you would do in real life and at the same time you gain, lose or interchange points along your crossing through the city.

The fame of "Virola" was spread out to the surrounding cities and many people came to visit the fair. My classmates and I sold around 150 hand-made boards.

I think the success relied on the creative and captivating rules and on the authenticity of the stations; everybody who knew my city must have felt identified with everything they saw, and for those who didn't, since that day they do.

That day we won the contest, but beyond that, we had pure fun made with our own hands.

Thank you very much in advance! :)

Undergraduate / When things didn´t go according to plan. MIT essay. [3]

Please I need help with this prompt! Tell me what do you think about the content!
Any editing of grammar, spelling, structure will be welcome!
Thank you in advance for your time! :)
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Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

My first camp in the community help association "A roof for my country". The beneficiaries usually are extremely poor, living in the country side. We had three days to build a house and then went back to the city.

This project pretends not only build houses, but also provide the families a bit of happiness by sharing a good time with the volunteer builders. That was not difficult, this people is very friendly and obliging; they preferred for us to be comfortable at the table while they were eating on the floor. I learned to appreciate them a lot to the point of calling them "my family".

On the second day, my group had built the foundation of the house. However, when the leader came to supervise, we had a terrible disappointment: a minor mistake in measurements. That meant almost everything had to be rebuilt! Our task now was finishing the house in half the time it was supposed to. Big challenge! We could not destroy that family's hope for safe shelter. From there on, we multiplied our efforts. Even I did some duties meant to be done by men, but I didn't care.I would do whatever it takes to finish the house on time.

We were supposed to leave the community at 5:00pm, we finished the house exactly at 4:50pm.
Sleeplessness and fatigue were overshadowed by the happyness they showed while hugging us. I saw tears of joy streamed down the face of Lorena, the seven-year-old daugther.

That was priceless!

Undergraduate / The way I see myself: Stanford essay. To my roommate! [8]

Please, help me with this!
Any comment or suggestion is welcome!

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.

To my roommate:
This is me, the way I see myself.
I am a very happy person. Smiles come to my face in a spontaneous way. As I am happy, I love to see that people around me feel happy too; hence you must know in advance that if I see you gloomy or in one of those dark days, I will do everything in my hands to cheer you up and to draw a smile on you. Maybe sometimes I won't be able to help you overcome the problem, but its load will certainly feel slighter by sharing it with others.

I love to enjoy the simple things of life. I could spend hours staring at the perfect harmony of the moon with each of the surrounding stars. This takes me to anticipate you that astronomy images will be covering the wall by my bed. I am an astronomy lover.

I also love math and aeronautics. Besides that, some of my favorite activities are watching soccer and tennis, playing volleyball and reading.
When it comes to studies, you must know I am extremely dedicated. I put my duties in the foreground and I do them as well as I can. I already envision the long and sleepless night at Stanford. If you want, you can be part of them and we can make them more agreeable while, between some laughs and cups of coffee to keep us awake, we help each other on the homework.

I enjoy my free time as much as possible; I love to go out with friends and to have a great time just by their companionship.

Moreover, I like diversity. I think this is what makes life interesting. I have many different friends and I enjoy learning new things from each of them. Finally, I consider myself friendly and reliable.

I sincerely hope that you can be not only one of the new people I meet, but also one of my new friends.