Undergraduate / Tennis has been a part of my life ;extracurricular activity [3]

Hi i just need some one to proofread, any suggestions or comments are more than welcomed!!

Topic:
In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.

Tennis has been a part of my life since I was fourteen years old. I started to play tennis as a way of getting some exercise and played for an hour a week. It was also my mom's idea to get me out of the house instead of sitting all day in front of the television and playing video games. I agreed with my mother and the next day I was running laps in the court. The drills were tiresome and made me exhausted. However I did not quit, but persevered.

As I grew older, I became more passionate about tennis and I join the school's tennis team, despite the fact that I served poorly during that time. I became so obsessed with playing tennis that I would be playing under the scorching sun of Thailand for more than two hours every day. I soon realized that tennis was not only about sheer physical power, but it was a mind game as well. I was not physically formidable, but I was mentally tough. This mental edge won me victories against players with intimidating body size. These victories kept me going and made me realize that it was not all about size, but about will power and the desire to win.

Tennis not only gave me exercise, but playing tennis has made me more ambitious, determined, and disciplined when trying to accomplish a goal. Tennis also made me more mentally enduring, keeping me strong during the difficult times of my life. This mentality would be beneficial for a person majoring in finance like myself, because the chance of losing profit could be devastating to some. However for a person of strong mentality, he or she will stay positive and find ways to regain profit and succeed.

Undergraduate / Short essay on interest "finance" [NEW]

Just need you guys to proofread, any suggestions and comments are more than welcomed. Thanks!!

Topic:
In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.

"From now on you will manage your own money. This covers everything from toys to phone bills". My father handed me my first monthly allowance. Banks notes were tied together with a rubber band so thick that it looked like a brick. I was around ten years old and never in my life had I seen that much money before. "This is six thousand baht (about two-hundred dollars), to be used for the entire month." my father suggested. This perked my interest in finance. I was taught since I was young how to manage and budget money, as well as plan for each expense.

My interest in finance emerged when I was told numerous times that I was cautious at spending money. My mom told me; "Finance may be a major you would like to study". I began to research about what "finance" is, and how it functions in the business world. Having realized that finance is about managing money, I agreed that finance is the right major for me. Handling money since I was young is like a stepping stone towards my interest. My experiences of managing my allowances had confirmed my interest in finance and my goal to become a financer. "Financing is vital for any business to achieve success" said my father. It was this statement that propelled me to pursue my degree in finance.

To me, learning more about financing seems challenging and exciting. In today's world of competitive markets, finding ways to create profit seems like a thrilling challenge to conquer. I am confident that if I am given the opportunity to study more in the field of financing, I will continue to gain knowledge, learn strategic ways to manage, invest and make money grow, so that I may succeed in life as a financer.

Undergraduate / Essay on DEATH METAL! (personal issue) [NEW]

Please help me on grammar and provide any comments or suggestions!
Thanks in advance!!

TOPIC: Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

Death metal, a genre of music that is considered to be the roots of violence to its listeners is in fact the only genre of music I have in my iPod. Many people who have listened to songs in my iPod always said something in common, "what is this? Is this music?" or "how can you listen to that?" Every now and then people would give negative comments about my musical taste, and I would just tell them that it is something that I enjoy. My passion for death metal emerged as I was casually browsing through YouTube videos on the internet. I came across a video clip called "Top ten death metal songs" and I was mesmerized at what I heard. The vocals were nothing like I've heard before, it contained deep guttural growls and pig-like squeals, drums were played with sheer aggression and power which sounded like shots being fired from a machine gun, and the most awe inspiring part was the complexion of the guitar solo that was played so swift it left me transfixed. It was my first encounter with death metal, and it will change the way I lived my life in a whole new way.

Death metal has always been a subject of much criticism for being the source of violence. From grotesque art on album covers to satanic lyrical themes, it is stereotypical to say that death Metal fans are sadist and dangerous people. Sure, death metal may seem harmful and dangerous, but it all depends on the person and how they interpret the music. I believe that death metal, despite its negative themes, can positively change a person's life. An example could be taken from my personal experiences with death metal and all of the achievements that I've gain from it.

Out of all the things that death metal had made an impact on my life, the most noticeable change is my appearance. The way I dress was so different compared to the way I dress before listening to death metal. A lot of people criticize about the way I dress. "Aren't you going to grow up and dress more appropriately?" some even said "Why do you only have cheap looking clothes?" I didn't want to wear clothes that impress other people but clothes that express my personality and to show who I truly am. Before I was bounded to death metal, I was quiet, shy, and always worrying about other's opinion on what I do. Death metal made me became more independent and to stick with my beliefs no matter what other people say. Now I have always stood up for the things that I believe in, and take pride in doing the things I love no matter what people's opinions were.

Not only did death metal made an impact on my personalities, it had inspired me to play musical instruments. Having listened to hundreds of bands with catchy tunes and melody, I no longer wanted to hear them, but I wanted to play what they were playing. I came to the thought that I was repugned to five years ago, which was to play a musical instrument. I still remembered how I would just ignore my parents every time they suggest that I play some musical instrument. However, death metal had such a major influence on me that it helps me overcome my fear of trying something new. Before I knew it, I was applying for an electric bass lesson at a music academy. I took the lessons every Saturday for two hours and after class, I was so hooked into the music that I would continue to practice the song over and over until I can play it cleanly. Playing a musical instrument was always a challenge for me because I was scared of trying new activities. If it wasn't for my devotion to death metal, I would still have no skill in the field of music.

To some people death metal will always seem like a gateway to violence, but by looking at someone like myself, I think that these statements could be disproven. Death metal had not made me become more violent or aggressive, but gave me a stronger personality, confidence, and talent of playing a musical instrument. It would be hard to imagine what my life would be like if I wasn't introduced to this unique genre of music. My passion for death metal is like another piece of puzzle that fills up an empty space in my life.

Undergraduate / My Father's story "essay on someone who made impact on me" [6]

Please help me check my grammar, and most importantly please give me feedbacks, comments, and suggestions as what i could do to improve it.
Thanks in advance!!

Topic: Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

"When I was your age, I worked from dusk to dawn" exclaimed my father as he lectured me on my laziness. This nostalgic statement appears in almost all of the arguments we had. "Here we go again" I thought. The statement did not concern me at all and I thought that he was bragging about his diligence. However, as I grew older and began to understand things better, my father told me about his past in detail. After learning about his life, I felt ashamed of myself for being ignorant towards his lectures. My father's story revealed the rough life he had live and failures he had been through.

Persevering throughout his entire life, my father had fought through numerous obstacles to achieve what he had today. Determined, responsible, and dedicated are characteristics that my father inherits. These characteristics helped my father endure through all of the challenges that he has faced.

Growing up in a family with poverty, my father worked hard since he was young to earn enough money to support his family and to pay for his education. He took on almost every job that he could find. From selling coffee by the streets of Thailand, to working as a waiter in a restaurant, my father has done it all. Working as a waiter for several years, he was rewarded with a promotion for his hard work. His extensive years in the food industry got him a job at a company in the city, where he would work there for more than twenty years. But despite his commitment and loyalty to his company, he was deposed from his position from the new management team. However, he did not give up from this tragic event and aimed to compete with the company he once worked at. He began to establish his own private company, using his knowledge in the field of food science that he acquired throughout his life. The company gained outrageous amounts of profit even though it was only on its first year. It grew from a small business that hired only four employees into a company hiring more than thirty employees.

My father's story was an inspirational story that changed my perspective on life. Born into a poor family, he was able to build himself up of poverty, and to achieve what he has achieved today. The obstacles that he encounters through his life did not make him give up. Instead, he fought it through his will power and his desire to become a successful man despite his lack of proper education. During times of hardship and difficulties in my life, I would remind myself of my father's story and how he remained tough when faced with problems. My father may accomplish little compared to other people, but to me, my father is a model that I strove to be like.

Undergraduate / Whats up roommate? kind of essay [4]

Please help check grammatical errors. Any comments and suggestion is more than welcomed!!
Thanks in advance :D

Write a letter to your first-year roommate at Babson. Tell him or her what it will be like to live with you, why you chose Babson, and what you are looking forward to the most in college.

Hello, future roommate

These past four was hard work was it not? From maintaining grades, tests and quizzes, and not to mention the infamous SAT, it was tough. But we have managed to pull it through. Isn't it amazing how swift four years in high school have flashed by? Before we knew it, we are in search of the right college. Another big leap closer to adulthood, and the start of a journey that will forever leave memorable imprints in our lives. Like you, I chose to spend my exhilarating journey at Babson College.

Before I introduced myself, I would like to congratulate both of us upon our decision of attending Babson College. Both of us deserve an applause for all the hard works we have been through. I assume that both of us are eager to be studying in a prestigious college like Babson, and at the same time excited about the challenges that lie ahead.

I am sure that you too find that Babson is the right match for you. However, Babson is not just a match for me, but Babson defines the perfect college for me. I can tell you that my decision to attend Babson is one of the best decisions I have ever made. Decision making is part of the human nature. Every day we make countless decisions throughout the day. Making the right decision on a critical issue can significantly alter a person's life. My decision to attend Babson is that decision, a step further towards illustrious knowledge, challenging academics, and the success I seek. I am confident that Babson is the place where I belong. Researching through colleges after colleges, Babson had the radiance unlike any other colleges. It boasts a world class education, diversity among students, and its primary focus on business. To me, discovering Babson is like gold that I panned from the river. Finding Babson took a considerable amount of time and work, but the end result is worth the sweat lost in the process.

To some, living in the dorm may be a frightening experience to conquer. Family, friends, and teachers agreeably say that I am respectful, responsible, outgoing, friendly, and unique. I believe that these traits are perfect for us as roommates and for the greater community, the Babson community. As roommates, communication is one of the crucial factors in leading a healthy friendship. Having been in a boarding school for two years, I am confident to say that you will feel comfortable living with me. I am neither a neat freak nor a messy person, and I respect your space the way I respect mine. I can guarantee you that I never cause any disturbances as a roommate, and if you think that there is a problem, I am more than happy to discuss it with you. I am a great listener, and I will always be there for you when you need someone who you could talk to. After all, your roommate is the person who you will be spending the most of the time with. Which is why I believe that good relations should be emphasize and maintained throughout the rest of our year at Babson. As I type this letter, words can't describe how I eagerly anticipate the moment I nervously walk into the room and seeing you. I am confident that we will get along throughout our four years at Babson and that our friendship will last eternally.

Undergraduate / I am mr. Lonely. Advice type essay [7]

Please help me on grammar, and you are more than welcome to give comments/feedback/suggestions!!
THANKS!!

TOPIC: What is the best advice you have ever received? Describe how it has helped you and how you have used it.

"Persevere and move forward, my son" said my father as he patted those words on my back. His words echoed through my left ear and out the right as we stood watching planes taking off from the runway. Smiles cover the concerns and worries that filled his heart as a parent. My dad showed no signs of remorse as we exchanged our goodbyes. As I would later discover from my mother the sorrow he had driving home. It was on the night of my departure to my new high school in the States, as a junior. Eager to experience the new surroundings, I was unaware of the bumpy road that lies ahead.

Sweat secretes from my palm as I nervously haul my bulky luggage along the narrow dorm hallway. Nervous, excitement, and fear. all of these emotions bombarded me simultaneously. Never being parted from my family for more than a month (and inhabiting a dependent character, I was in doubt about my future as a boarding student. As the only Thai student in school, loneliness immediately became the first challenge I faced on the first week of school. My mind wandered nostalgically about friends and family back home. Reminiscing about family made me remember my dad's advice to persevere. I repeated his message in my head, and it made me feel better and also helped me become optimistic about my loneliness. After all, the primary objective of being in a boarding school was for me to transcend into a more independent person and strengthening my mentality. It was not as if I was the only student in the dorm that was feeling like the way I felt. Other students are probably also yearning to be with their family and friends in their country. Day by day, I opened my heart to other students, in hopes of fabricating a friendship. I engaged other students, conversing with them about interests, school, and sports. I became more open towards other people, making friends with people from various countries, learning about their cultures, and forging strong bonds with them. A month later, my dorm became like my second home. As I walk through the hallways people greeted me, joked with me, and gave me cool gang-like handshakes.

The advice guided me through times of difficulties and gave me hope of moving forward. "Persevere and move forward." This advice made me realize that I could not just cling to my past, I must move on in life and deal with other challenges that lie ahead, whether it was stepping out of my comfort zone and meeting new people, or learning to be independent. My dad's advice changed my perspective on life and made me realize that facing challenges is part of our daily lives; we all face challenges differently, and these challenges make us stronger and tougher both physically and mentally. No matter what life throws at us, we must embrace it and make the most of it.

Undergraduate / Essay on ZOMBIELAND. Just need QUICK confirmation about its appropriateness. [11]

Do you think this essay is totally inappropriate for college essays??

PROMPT: Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

Zombies roamed the United States lustful to sink their viral canines into human flesh. After mad cow disease transformed human beings into blood-seeking cannibals, only four survivors remained. Columbus, the protagonist from the movie Zombieland, is one of the survivors in the post-zombie-apocalypse film. His survival relied on strict rules he imposed on himself. "Double Tap" after executing a fallen zombie was to confirm their death. "Beware of Bathrooms" meant being conscious when using bathrooms. "Wear Seat belts": even though uncomfortable, it was for safety. These are three of the thirty-three rules that Columbus came up with in order to help him survive the zombie-infested planet. Columbus' strict adherence to his rules was the main reason for his survival.

As I entertainingly watched swarm of blood-drooling zombies being shot down one by one, more importantly I was simultaneously admiring Columbus' integrity and self-control. Throughout the movie, not once did Columbus break his own rules when lured by temptation. It was from his self-control that Columbus was rewarded to live another day without being infected by another zombie. As the credits roll down the pitch black screen, I sat in admiration of Columbus' character amidst the laughter of friend recounting the hilarious ending of the film.

Columbus, although a lonely coward who isolates himself in his room playing video games on Friday nights because he is anti-social, was a character exhibiting one trait that I needed to replicate, integrity. Like most normal human beings, it has been hard for me to resist temptations all around me. Peer pressure to do unethical things such as playing video games on a school day was a one of the temptation that haunted me every day. Instead of studying after school, I would power on my computer and play some video games-despite the promise I made to myself of not playing video games during school days.

With the start of a new school year just a couple of weeks before watching this movie, I yearned to be true to myself like Columbus and reject all the temptations holding me back. No longer did I want to regret the times wasted on playing video games when I could be using the time to study. Like Columbus, I fabricated my set of rules, which were to be followed strictly. The difference was that Columbus' set of rules was to keep him alive from flesh-devouring zombies, and mine was to keep me from my parent's wrath.

"No games on weekdays" and "start homework right after school" were two main rules to be strictly obeyed. The first few weeks following the rules were grueling and tormenting. I sat reading a novel as my roommate mocked me by playing video games inches away from me. However, I was determined to change. I popped a pair of earplugs in my ear to dismiss the sounds emitting from his video game and continued reading the novel for the upcoming quiz.

The following morning, my English teacher handed out the reading quiz. As a reward for my self-honesty, I aced that reading quiz. Although it was just a reading quiz, I felt that I had used my time wisely and productively. If I had broken the rules, I might have failed this easy quiz and regretted the time I had wasted instead of studying.

Looking back at Columbus and his integrity, I am able to say that I have successfully inherited his strong trait. I am able to stop myself from temptations that were luring me into the nihilism of video games and to concentrate on my academics instead. Though it may seem like an insignificant accomplishment, it was the thought that success came with my integrity and self-honesty that mattered to me. I was able to achieve my goal by staying true to my values and my new work ethic.