Undergraduate / "Grace, what do you want to be?" BROWN Essay: PLME essay (no word count limit) [6]

So, this essay doesn't have a word count limit, but I feel that I shouldn't go past 800ish. It's really long and I'm having trouble cutting parts out. Any comments would be GREATLY appreciated!!

1. Most high school seniors are unsure about eventual career choices. What experiences have led you to consider medicine as your future profession? Please describe specifically why you have chosen to apply to the Program in Liberal Medical Education in pursuit of your career in medicine. Also, be sure to indicate your rationale on how the PLME is a "good fit" for your personal, academic and future professional goals.

"Grace, whatever you want to be, do it for God and to serve others." Since I was little, I was raised to be a "serving leader"-someone who could fight bravely in the frontlines, but also one who was wise and humble to do the "dirty work". Blessed with parents who wanted me to see the big world, I developed my passion to serve others through service trips to Thailand, Kenya, and Korea where I taught English and distributed supplies. Seeing these children who could never even begin to dream of my life in the USA, I had vowed to help provide healthcare around the world. When this passion met my love of public speaking and foreign policy through MUN, I knew I wanted to study both international relations and medicine. I'd never ask doctors and nurses to commit to working in impoverished nations without working alongside them with skills of my own, nor did I want to wait for others to realize the severity of the healthcare issue. To some, I may seem naïve for wanting such an ideal world, but then again "Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will still be among the stars".

Right now, it is at 1,084 characters and I need 1000. Can someone help me cut things out? I've been staring at it for a while and couldn't find anything to cut without making it sound awkward. thanks!

Undergraduate / MUN delegate, George Washington University- Supplement Essay [2]

Hey.
I was wondering if you guys can look this one over for me.
I need to work on my style as well as cutting it down. I currently have 591 words and I need 500.

Please help me!
Any comments would be GREATLY appreciated!

Attach an essay of no more than 500 words indicating what most influenced you to apply to The George Washington University (required of all applicants). If you are applying to an accelerated or special program, also explain why you are interested in this program at GW.

"According to the World Health Organization, more than 2.6 billion people-over
40% of the world's population-do not have basic sanitation, and more than one billion people still use unsafe sources of drinking water. Therefore, the Republic of Korea strongly suggests that...."

Decked out in a formal suit, and with a clipboard in hand, I present my speech concerning the genocide in Sudan. Other delegations in the Model United Nations Committee of High Commissioner of Refugees busily write notes as I propose my solution for better sanitation and protection in the refugee camps near the Chadian border.

"Sobba!" (Blessings be with you!) I burst into the room, panting from our previous soccer. I reach down to clean my dusty shoes.. until my eyes glimpse the feet of my students-bare, and caked with mud from hiking more than a kilometer through Kenya's mountains every day to school. Silently chatising myself, I commence the lesson. One and a half hour later, I dismiss my students for recess and our soccer game continues...

As I rush out of the mud hut that was my classroom, I see Jamaul huddled in a corner, his makeshift crutch flung aside. Feigning indifference to the soccer game that his friends were enjoying, he stared at the dirt floor trying not to make his yearning to run with his friends and his anger at his unusable mangled leg obvious. I stretch out my hand to offer some kind of solace and pat his head-something round with patches of hair due to severe malnutrition. This was such a tragedy, but to the outside world, this little boy was merely one out of the 2.6 billion people in the world who doesn't have adequate healthcare.

I have made countless speeches as an MUN delegate for the past four years. And through various donations and support, I have been given an invaluable chance to experience the cruel reality of these speeches in Kenya. It is this reality that I want to share with not only my friends, but to the whole world. Rather than representing one specific country, I want to speak on behalf of everyone who desperately needs medical assistance. Multitudes of organizations around the world stay unused because of the piles of documentation that they have to go through. As a speaker who can converse with other diplomats and as a doctor who can constructively help in the distribution of medical relief around the world, I want to bring the two worlds of medicine and international relations together. If this can work, I know that not only will Jamaul be able to join the soccer game, but children around the world will receive adequate health care. This is why I want to attend George Washington University, a place that is the center of all political action-domestic as well as international. Each day would be filled with political discussions with students and professors who are as committed to international relations as I am. As a student, I would be able to talk to speakers and professors who are active in politics and have passion for what they do. GW's unique accelerated program in political science and public policy would immensely help me gain a full understanding of international politics as I see it in action everyday in Washington D.C. With my future education George Washington, I believe that I would have sufficient knowledge in both worlds to bring them together and make sure that the little boy that i met in Kenya would never be again just a number.

Undergraduate / What don't you know?- Brown Supplement! [7]

I had to just crank this essay out of my already exhausted brain so I don't know if it is any good. It's a BIT (haha) short.. like as in 339 words when I need 500. But I feel like if I add anymore, it'll ruin what I wanted to say. Anyone care to give me some comments? I would love to read your essays as well!!

A.French novelist Anatole France wrote, "An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't. What don't you know?

With the world's population at 6,792,958,625 , I am but a mere speck, so infinitely small-almost invisible. Once again, I am humbled at the vastness of what I don't know. What the human race has brought us, what our advanced technology has discovered cannot be compared to the immeasurable amount of knowledge that has yet to be grasped.

I don't know what my future will hold-would I be able to achieve my dream to be a doctor and a diplomat? Would I be able to keep my promise to give that little boy in Kenya some decent bandages and a splint for the dangling piece of rotting flesh that was his leg, or would it be just empty words-meaningless and futile? I cannot even begin to comprehend the unrelenting poverty that has trapped this world. Why wasn't I born in some remote place without food, without water, and without hope? Why was I given this life of luxury and comfort while millions others struggled to survive each day? Would I even be able to live 'til the next day? Even if I did fulfill my dream, how would I, a little girl who knows nothing, be able to change the world? Would I even make the smallest difference in this world.

It is because I do not know this much that I am but a tool. Just as Mother Teresa had said, "I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.", I am merely a small, but sturdy pencil. All I can do is make sure that I'm freshly sharpened and prepared for Him to grab onto and write. It's not me that needs to know everything-for it is He who knows all and sees all from above-I just long to leave His mark on the letter, and on the world. And as long as he keeps writing with me firmly in His hands, I have known all that I needed to know.

Undergraduate / Brown- academic fields/anticipated degree essay (1000 characters) [2]

I feel like this is kind of generic, but i mean, i'm running out of time as well so i'm not sure how much I can change it... :( I'd appreciate any comments! Thank you so much!

Why are you drawn to the academic fields you indicated in the Anticipated Degree and Academic Interest questions above? (1000 characters)

"Grace, whatever you do, do it for God and to serve others." From early on, I was raised to be a "serving leader"-someone capable of fighting bravely in the frontlines but also digging in with humility as needed. Blessed with parents who encouraged grandly, I my passion to serve others grew through trips to Thailand, Kenya, and Korea where I taught English and distributed aid. Seeing children who could never even begin to dream of my life in the USA, I had vowed to help provide healthcare around the world. When this passion met my love of public speaking and foreign policy through MUN, I knew I wanted to study both international relations and medicine. I'd never ask doctors to work in impoverished nations without working alongside them with skills of my own, nor did I want to wait for others to realize the severity of the healthcare issue. To some, I may seem naïve for wanting such an ideal world, but then again, "Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will still be among the stars".

Undergraduate / Brown- why essay (an awesome place to hang out) [6]

I tried not to focus too much on the open curriculum because it's such a common topic. Any comments or corrections would be appreciated!

1. Please tell us more about your interest in Brown. Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply? (1000 characters)

In addition to its unique open-curriculum, Brown has appealed to me in countless ways. Although students at Brown complete challenging coursework, many students also label the school an awesome place to hang out. Although not a small school, the caring way the administration provides for its students-free H1N1 flu shots or its Peer Support Network that is open nearly 12 hours a day-has proven wrong the stereotype that college was all about "every man for himself". For me, learning cannot be done just through books and lectures-I have longed to learn outside the classroom, experiencing for myself the field that I study. The fact that Brown offers endless opportunities for such activities through the annual Internship, Research and Funding Showcase as well as interest groups such as the Women Leadership Council has exceeded my expectations. I hope that I may be able to enjoy these benefits as a future proud Brunonian and also find a way to give to the campus in return.

Undergraduate / 'the Asian Supermarket' - Georgetown essay about YOU [5]

I wanted to write about how I want to serve others.. but I'm not sure if this really answers the question. I was wondering if you can help me out..

"The Admissions Committee would like to know more about you in your own words. Please submit a brief essay, either personal or creative, which you feel best describes you.".

Holding tightly onto my dad's hands, I smile at him as we walk into the Asian Supermarket across the street. Mom had asked us to do an errand because she would be cooking for all the people from church tonight, a staggering number of nearly 40. Well, thinking about it, we really never had a day when we ate just the five of us. Our house was always boisterous and loudïmy brother and his friends wrestling on the floor, my sister singing opera as her friend plays the piano, and the endless buzzing of different conversations that the adults had around our big kitchen table. Yet, I was content with my home as loud and chaotic as it was. Our house was a community home of some sort. People can always find an empty room to sleep in for a night or two if they are having trouble. There is always someone who will listen to their stories and problems. Others can always count on delicious home-cooked food and lots of laughter and happiness as our familyïall 40 of usïgather to appreciate what it truly means to support and love each other even if we're not blood-related. I smile at this thought and continue into the store.

Buying the ripest bottle of kim-chi, a traditional Korean dish that one can never forget in all three meals of the day, my dad and I head to our brightly lit home. Women are gossiping while preparing food while the men intently watch the World Cup soccer game. I grab an apron and start helping out in the kitchen. Balancing America's valued individualism and a Korean woman's traditional duty in the kitchen was always a part of my life since I had immigrated here at the age of 6. Soon, it's time for us to eat. Doors from all 9 rooms in our house are sprung open as people stream to the kitchen from all corners of the house, each bringing their own chair. The kids eat in the family room while the adults converse over the vast kitchen table, which is clearly the biggest furniture in our home. I must admit to having wondered at a young age why our home could never have the serenity and calm that I observe at my friends' homes. Often, I was frustrated when having to clean up the scattered toys that the other children had flung onto the floor before leaving.

Yet as I grew up, immersed in the love and friendships that held our family together, I began to appreciate how much my family embraced those around us. Whether it was packing sandwiches for the homeless every Friday night, or just helping a family friend out by giving them a place to stay, our home has always been the go-to place for anyone who needed help. Rather than the embarrassment and the frustration that I had felt before, pride filled my heart at our ability to assist others. Like many other families, our family struggled to make ends meet. I witnessed this myself as I helped my parents figure out the bills. Writing out checks, visiting the bank to figure out the APR rate for our loans to buy our house in the first place, and organizing our own finance book, I know our financial situation more than anyone else in the family. Yet even with our own problems, I see my parents dedicate themselves toward charities and service, providing others with things that we never would have had the money to buy. My parents were the ones who instilled a passion for service and love towards othersïnot through words, but through their lives. I hope that I can do the same.

Undergraduate / Georgetown Essay: Summer Activity: My time in Kenya [2]

Essay #1: Discuss the significance to you of the school or summer activity in which you have been most involved.

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, my hands grope for my glasses and I sit up to look at my clock. When I don't see the familiar blinking of my alarm clock, my eyes flare open. Oh yeah, I wasn't in my comfortable room back home in California, but rather, the small community center in Masailand, Kenya. The jittering in my stomach from yesterday continues as if it had never left. Today would be the first day of teaching here in Africa. Judging by the sun that was just starting to peek out from Kenya's rugged mountains, it should be around 5 AM. I swing my legs from the small cot that I had been sleeping on and go to wake up the other team members. We would have a staff meeting in an hour.

As a 14 year-old, I was the youngest member of our 8-member team of college students in Kenya sent to teach English. So, when the head director appointed me as leader, I was shocked. It was true, that I had a bit of experience-I had gone to Thailand with the same organization to teach English and distribute supplies the summer before, and I had been helping out at the education center my dad had started since I was in the fourth grade. But, it didn't make any sense. How would I, a mere sophomore, be able to lead a group of college students, especially in a land that was completely foreign and unknown? But what was done was done, and worrying wasn't going to do me any good. I knew I had to find a way to gain the respect of my teammates, without giving out the vibe that I looked down upon them and felt superior to them just because I was the team leader. This would be tricky. I've had my fair share of leadership positions in the past. I had taken charge, and, as the perfectionist that I am, tried my best to execute each and every one of my actions successfully. But this time, I had to learn how to play both roles: the junior [or youngest] of the group and the leader that needed to be recognized as a leader if I were to successfully navigate ourselves in such an unfamiliar environment and culture.

Keeping this complex task in mind, I hurry toward a small row of huts that would serve as our classroom. It's two hours before the start of classes, but little boys and girls can be seen slowly trekking up the hill, using long branches and sticks as canes. Some girls have siblings tied to their backs. Most have a small twig called "mswaki" protruding from their mouths, with which they use to brush their teeth. I smile at them as I head toward the small room where we hold our staff meetings. All the team members have already washed and gathered. I pass out the curriculum files that we had worked on for hours to develop at the California office. Today would be the first day to see how effective these lesson plans will be. Giving last minute instructions, I encourage my team members to do their best and to love each and every one of their students. "The focus of our team is to serve these children in whatever way possible. If it is education that they want, we'll give it to them. But don't hesitate to offer a hug or a smile if it is love that they thirst for." Adjourning the meeting, I realize that this would be the day when my leadership skills as well as all my preparation will bear fruit. Today would be my report card, and I hoped that I wouldn't do too badly. But all the sudden, I realized that I shouldn't be nervous. As a leader, a teacher, and a student who has yet to learn much more, I can only cross my fingers and rely on my training, wits, and my heart to serve those around me-not just in Kenya, but for each step that I take in my life.

ALL COMMENTS ARE WELCOME!!! PLEASE HELP ME CORRECT THIS ESSAY.. IT'S DUE TONIGHT BY 12 PM.. AND I'M NOT VERY SURE ABOUT THIS ONE... IT FEELS LIKE MY WRITING ISN'T VERY SOPHISTICATED. ... MY VOCAB IS TOO SIMPLE...!!!! HELP!