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Posts by xoxsueshixox
Joined: Jan 1, 2010
Last Post: Jan 21, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 15  

Displayed posts: 16
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xoxsueshixox   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / "Helen" - Common App People Who Influenced Essay. [11]

Topic: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

Perspiration accumulated on my forehead as my mother left me with a stranger. The blond lady guided me through the hallways of my first elementary school in America. As I entered the first grade classroom, every student examined me from head to toe. I had encountered my first experience with people of different types and backgrounds. Some had pale or dark skin, while others had angelic blue or olive green eyes. No one in the room had a bowl cut or a Hello Kitty outfit like I did. I was dumbfounded. The teacher mumbled something in English that I did not comprehend at that time. She pointed at a seat next to a pulchritudinous blond girl and I scrambled to get there. When I sat down, the girl pointed to her name tag and said "Helen." She then rambled something in English and I just politely nodded.

When the teacher handed out a handwriting exercise packet, I had no idea what to do. As the other students worked diligently on their work, I sat there with a perplexed expression. A few minutes later, Helen looked at me and read my mind. She picked up my packet and demonstrated how to write each letter slowly. When she finished teaching me, my instinct caused me to say "xie xie," (Thank you) but I had received a puzzled look from her. I thought of ways to express my gratitude, but ended up giving her a thumbs up. Events like this continued to occur over the school year as we tried to understand each other by body gestures. Eventually, she taught me how to say simple phrases such as "thank you" or "lavatory." Helen even introduced me to her group of friends when I made an improvement in my verbal skills. She helped to transform me from a quiet and biased Chinese girl to someone who is outgoing and loves diversity among her friends. If it were not for Helen, I would probably have grown up to be isolated from society because people constantly made fun of me for my poor pronunciation (even today).

As I look back into the past, I realized that I depended on Helen too often. Although we are no longer as close as we once were, I feel that she ultimately changed who I am today.

I was chosen to be the guide and tutor for a recent Chinese transfer student at my high school this year. When I looked at the transfer student, I feel as if I am staring at a reflection of myself in the old days. Like me in the past, she is very quiet and does not speak English at all. This time, however, the tables are turned. Instead of receiving the help, I, like Helen, will be the one offering to help.
xoxsueshixox   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / NYU Supplement - Poem, Summer, Famous New Yorker, and movie [3]

What famous new yorker would you spend a day with and why? what would you do?
"The Color Purple" is one of my favorite films not simply because of the beautifully crafted message ,but also because of he impressive display of acting ability each cast member. For this reason I would love to spend a day with Whoopi.

Her landmark performance was not only impressive but inspiring. I hope to discuss how the role personally affected her life and for her to give me some advice on my own acting abilities.

Poem is insightful.

That's all I could find.
Perhaps you can look at mine?
xoxsueshixox   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / "Helen" - Common App People Who Influenced Essay. [11]

I was on the fence with that little section too. I had wanted to put it there to make it seem like I was not all that great. That I knew I was "taking advantage" so to speak.
xoxsueshixox   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / "Concept of a new idea, and its Execution " ; Why Choose Carnegie Mellon? [6]

Although I did not know it then ,

which lead to my self-studying of both the AP Macroeconomics and Microeconomics Exams, and ended up passing with flying colors.
Sounds like you're bragging. Don't the admiss see your AP scores?

Last paragraph seems like just one info blurb.

Side note: You're talking about BEST Robotics?

Can you read mine?
xoxsueshixox   
Jan 1, 2010
Undergraduate / "Single-eyed giant" - WoW essay: good or bad? [21]

It is not because I like playing the hero.

From the revised, the WoW is a great essay, even though I don't like slashing monsters.

Perhaps you can look at mine?
xoxsueshixox   
Jan 2, 2010
Undergraduate / BU 3 words prompt- "PIN: Polemical, Inquisitive, Nocturnal". [11]

The deadline is extended to the 4th.

I didn't find any mistakes that was not stated by someone else already.

Just the people at Boston University can help me find at least a helpful lead on these pressing questions.
Suggestion to change "just" to "only"

Besides that, I think your essay is great. It truly show your character and extensive vocabulary.
xoxsueshixox   
Jan 2, 2010
Undergraduate / "Leadership Achievement " - Business Program Prompt [3]

Midnight was approaching and the list of groups for my ASTRO 1105 final research project will be posted online. Finally, the clock struck twelve.

Redundant?
Maybe you can talk about "When I refreshed the page I saw..."

I never relish the thought of group projects. I experienced many instances at school where I had taken on the burden of the entire assignment.This was no exception. and It was no surprise that we did it together. conflicts with each other. I know what you wanted to say, but an admission officer might not.
xoxsueshixox   
Jan 21, 2010
Undergraduate / Is it not in my best interest to write "why this college" as a topic of choice? [6]

I would suggest not to.
Once you submit an essay, the same identical essay is used for every other institution that you decide to apply to. If you happened to mention "Upenn" in a part of your "why this college essay," it would be a hassle to send your applications to other schools because you would need to "create a new version/modify" your essay for other schools.

Personally, I think it is better to write something unique about you. However, if you feel comfortable writing a why this college essay, that by all means, do it!
xoxsueshixox   
Jan 21, 2010
Undergraduate / U of Michigan - Respect for Diversity - Cultural Diff. (Chinese and Americans) [6]

I used to study at an elementary school at the States, but currently I study at all-Chinese based Hong Kong high school. The experiences have been direct and I acutely sense two cultural differences at play between Chinese and Americans in as simple as in the classroom.

In the Chinese classroom, I was in English lessons with an/the? objective for an open class discussion. Myself, I enjoy classroom discussion and the involvement and I dived headfirst into the discussion with not the slightest tension. But I noticed there weren't many participants. Some had really brilliant ideas but were rather reserved at the beginning and would only speak nearing the end. Perhaps they preferred to have exhausted all careful considerations prior to any speaking up. The majority of the class was reservedmaybe a syn for reserved? and there were many dead moments of silence during that classroom discussion. Which onlyThis reminded me of similar classroom discussions when I was in the States, my American classmates were more assertive and we all feel empowered to hold open discussions and felt at ease. The experience had forced me to conclude my Chinese classmates tend to be more reserved (again repetition) and full of thought when it comes to verbal expressions in group discussion classroom settings, whereas Americans are more sociable and confident. Both cultural behaviors are unique and I have respected for both and to each their differences.

I like the solid ending and I don't think you should change it. If anything, you should work on the "experience part." Try to be more specific to cut the explanation.
xoxsueshixox   
Jan 21, 2010
Undergraduate / fascinated in art, ( goals & future plans ) [4]

Ivan pretty much caught grammar problems.
I agree with what he said about the disorganization of this prompt. To me, the end was especially choppy.

In the future I plan to open a pastry store. I love decorating cakes, and the College of the Bahamas can help me fulfill this dream with its art, baking and pastry courses.

This doesn't really fit in the essay. It's odd, since you never mentioned about culinary interests
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