Writing Feedback / "The Soldier's Duty" - Argumentive Photo Essay need help with more Ideas [6]

Did I answer all the questions from the requirements for this assignment I had posted?

The minimum word count for this Essay has to be at least 750 or more. I hope I'm not redundant or unclear here. My grammar is probably off, I don't know.

I thank you for feedback! How is this so far?

Title: The Soldier's Duty

War is when two sides disagrees forcing soldiers to be train and prepare themselves to perform the evil action call of duty based on higher authority decision. Higher authority gave power for soldiers holding the guns in their hands forcing them to diminish evil people. We all fight for what we believe in sometimes other countries don't see eye to eye. The higher authority places soldier in a difficult situation which they are forced to place their lives on the line. Soldiers must find the strength to perform such deadly task on call of duty risking their own lives. The photo illustrates the idea that both extremes of good and evil can exist in a single person.

First of all, the details of the photo demonstrate how two opposite's extremes can co-exist together. The background blurred brings out the clear crisp guy holding the gun at his dull olive green tanker. The poles, ladder against the building in the background are faded appears to be black and white. His aiming the gun at his target from this photo directs the viewers looking upward in the photo. On the tanker are two small colorful pictures that stand out. His loving wife and innocent baby show us he is a loved warm hearted person risking his life.

I think I should change this paragraph topic sentences that will clearly make him not as evil as he's not. I not too sure if this is a good one.

In addition, the man seems to be clearly evil at first on call of duty protecting his country. Holding the gun at his target is a difficult task that any soldier is faced to be brave he must perform his deadly task for protecting his country and family he is aiming at. Soldiers cannot hesitate for one second, because that will be a sign of weakness, eventually his life will be taken. He must be strong and find the strength to perform his deadly task. He can take someone else's life away very easily as he can bring life and joy into this world as the two colorful photos reminds him of his family. While he is placing his own life on the line for other people he supports, he can be remembered as honorable soldier. His life can be easily taken by enemies surrounding him in the cross fire. Sometimes we are force to become a person we don't wish too be in War. His tasks from higher authority lead him to carry the gun and show destruction. Military men as soldiers are trained to become warriors to protect our country from evil people. They are forced to take a position risking their own lives for the greater good eliminating other evil people who are in disagreement. This is very hard position to take because soldiers leaving their families behind can be very dramatic.

However, the photo details of his tank show that he is not completely evil. Having a child with his wife, he can bring life and joy. There's not one moment that passes by when his life can be taken in one split second. He lives to be the survival of the fittest let him live like it was his last day. His wife and baby waits for him to come home. He being a sole provider for his family makes him a good person. Families worry that their husbands' safety dress in military uniform, at war will not return home. Soldiers on the front line in the middle of cross fire their lives are at risk. Soldiers on a daily basis miss their love ones and pray to return to their families alive. This experience will be unforgettable and the last that he will ever face in his life time.

In conclusion, soldiers are our protectors, fighters, and nurturers placing their own lives at risk on call of duty. When two countries disagree and don't see eye to eye, soldiers are forced to perform an evil action from higher authority who gives them a task to eliminate evil people. The photo clearly shows a soldier performs his duty in action aiming at his target in eliminating the evil person. It's hard not to notice two small colorful photos on his tank show his wife and baby he is protecting and his country from evil people. Families who worry that their husbands dressed in military uniform safety are placed at risk in the crossfire on the frontline. Soldiers on a daily basis miss their love ones and pray to return to their families alive. This experience will be unforgettable and the last that he will ever face in his life time.

Writing Feedback / "The Soldier's Duty" - Argumentive Photo Essay need help with more Ideas [6]

I guess in the second paragraph I could express the shadows of the building:

The background blurred brings out the clear crisp guy holding the gun at his dull olive green tanker. The poles, the dirt road, and ladder against the building in the background are faded appears to be black and white. The shadows show depth the buildings could be more than two story building. The enemy (sniper) could be hidden from higher level than the soldier aiming upward. His aiming the gun at his target from this photo directs the viewers looking upward in the photo.

Essays / Starting my cause and effect essay about women delaying having children [8]

I had a thought when I read your thesis. I tried shortening it a bit. I hope this helps.

Some women have priority accomplishing a career objectives and financial stability first, before settling down in a marriage with children.

Great start though.

I believe you could start out brainstorming with pros and cons!

One Pro would be getting the degree so woman can find their ideal job will allow them to become financial stability. Financial stability will find you happiness in life.

One Con in Marriage with children will slow you down in accomplishing your dreams. Majority of the time raising a family is a struggle. Without financial stability sometimes will add friction in a Marriage. Woman sometimes are not happy with their man because lacking financial stability. Man sometimes don't appreciate woman for providing them support like housechores is never 50% here and raising children is One example.

You don't have to agree with me here. Being a Single parent it's hard

Writing Feedback / Definition of Education-Need filter words & eliminate repetition paragrap. [14]

Traits in Good Teachers

How are students going to benefit from education without teachers, books, and funding. Teachers are a major ingredient in shaping student's purposes in life. Funding supports teachers in providing good books in the beginnings of an good education for students. Teachers are artist who gather and interpret books for students to comprehend at our level of understanding. Good teachers need to be very well dynamic in knowledgeable in each subject like arithmetic, writing, reading and history in our education system. The ratio of students assign to a teacher is hard to keep the attention of 15/30 students. Our first teachers, who were are parents that brought us into this world, raised us, become responsible for their children's education from five to eighteen years old, so teachers can enlighten students to become knowledgeable and prepare them for college. Good teachers have traits enhancing us to prepare and inspire students for their passion in life, using workstation method, teaching them responsibility by live humorous presentations, enforcing self-discipline, and using visual and encouraging parent participation.

For the bold can I used the word independantly
By allowing children a chance to be independant will allow children taking control of their own education.

One method of classroom setup encourages students is the use of work stations. Classroom setup and design is a good way to get and keep the attention of students. Workstations are a good way to encourage different types of learning visual, audio, and tactile. By allowing children a chance to choose which activities they want to participate in, children are taking control of their own education. At the elementary level, children are always learning and sometimes don't even know it. Nevertheless, preschool teachers may utilize workstations like arts and craft, game area for animated toys, gardening outside and popup animated book reading. For example, Arborland Montessori Children's Academy one station was for gardening and we could plant seeds and check them every day to see how much they had grown.

Obviously, parents, our first teachers, share their duties with preschool teachers. We discovered our natural instincts having curiosity, observant senses, and movement of our body parts. Preschool teachers help us with our hand, eye coordination through educational colorful Fisher Price toys games that are either animated with sound like listening to talking books, building color shaped blocks or buttons we learn to push that lights up. Therefore they will divide large number of toddlers into groups' activities rotating groups on day to day basis. When toddlers don't always get their way with another toddler, they fight over a toy, preschool teachers' resolves conflict resolutions, and they tend to be our mediator breaking up the war zone. Preschool teachers tend to punished them for their bad behavior for instance, stands in the corner quietly for 10 minutes. Teachers taught us from right and wrong situations resolving conflicts at an early age. If a teacher has control of his/her class most likely students will listen and have the desire to learn.

Generally, a good teacher who has humor, will be able to take a boring subject and liven it up. For example, if a teacher makes a boring lesson, some students can have problems learning and may lose concentration. Furthermore, some teachers have a good sense of humor they make jokes and accept jokes. They are not comedians, but they are entertaining. They tell stories, point out silly things, bring joy to difficult situations, and are not afraid of laughter. They use humor to connect with their students keeping their interest and concentration.

In addition, good teacher also enforces discipline, which allows students to become responsible. Students who don't care says, "Why do we have to come to class sit in our chair with desk, listen quietly, write notes and give our full total attention to our teachers, who give great presentations?" Without our complete undivided attention, how would the teacher know if we all are learning here? Our teacher is not going to force us to write down notes. It's our privilege to write down notes for remembering key points for a test given later. We have to be taught self-discipline to become responsible students; we learn this from our first teachers, our parents. As part of disciplining students, teachers provide students rules to follow. John Holt says, "Let's get rid of all the nonsense of grades, exams, marks" (Holt, 90). Why would we need grades? I believe teachers need to give grades for our work done to give students incentives. Shows teachers where they need improvement. We all have weaknesses to overcome. Teacher give students' assignments deadline date on when it's due, so teachers can follow their requirements and guidelines in our education system. Whoever thought we need rules to follow? If there were no rules, how are students supposed to follow procedures for their future work environment? So all teachers need to do is to enforce rules. Daniel H. Pink says, "Kids learned how to obey rules, follow orders, and respect authority - and the penalties that came with refusal" (93). Students don't follow rules, teacher will punish students. For instances, talking inside the classroom while the teacher is giving a presentation is being rude, disruptive, and disrespectful. Teacher set boundaries taking action in controlling their misbehaving students by giving them warnings with unsatisfactory mark "S" on their report card. Students need to remain quiet while the teacher is discussing major points in presentations. Teachers' will not tolerate a noisy classroom after the third warning given, and enforced the student to be dismissed from the classroom sent to the principal's office.

Besides discipline, teachers encourage parent participation in their children school activities. Nevertheless, I find a parents who are involved with their children's school activity eventually they will have good grades. Teachers will be pleased that parents who participated and involved with their children's homework and activities will increase students' motivation and self-esteem to become successful in school. This is why it's important for Parent's teacher conferences are scheduled, so parents can see their child progress. Students who don't turn in their homework assignments their grade will be lowered, they will not do well on their Exams teachers organized. Teachers have to know from students what was learned by giving exams they can monitor students' progression.

Moreover good teachers use visual aids like written information on chalk boards. It's important information that teachers may give examples, key points for students to prepare and remember what's on a test. A teacher who writes and draws design diagrams, arithmetic problem solving, statistics, or text information can easily show outline demonstrations on the board. Teachers who write a lot of text information using a chalk or marker can be very tiresome and waste time for covering a lot of information in one hour. Education has its benefits becoming more dynamic utilizing personal computers, laptops and slide projectors. Teachers can monitor their time to discuss each subject matter in 10-15 minute intervals when laptops or projectors are used. They can cover a lot of material in PowerPoint presentations, transparencies, and video conferences. Good teachers have great time management capabilities this teaching is easier for the students to comprehend material without falling behind. Slide projectors sometimes helps the teacher to show colorful information or pictures that can relate to what is discussed about. Sometimes handouts are given to students as a study guide. Teachers allow students to ask questions before moving on to another slide or given material as visual aids are given. Enhancing visual aids sometimes having video conferences can help students to see the material another way.

Need to develop a new topic sentences don't know if it's a good one---the bold print

However education has become more and more digitalized in a classroom environment replacing teachers by home learning experience sometimes referred to distant learning. Teachers today are being replaced by video conferencing by personal computers synchronizing information across the World Wide Web. Daniel H. Pink informs us from the Wall Street Journal that Home schooled children have higher grades than children attending schools. This article in Wall Street Journal explains children achieved at higher academic level education. Religion beliefs from families have importance inspired home schooled children.

Daniel H. Pink says, "According to The Wall Street Journal, Evidence is mounting that home-schooling, once confined top the political and religious fringe, has achieved results not only on par with public education, but in some ways surpassing it. Home-schooled children consistently score higher than traditional students on standardized achievement tests, placing on average in the 80th percentile in all subjects. In home schooling, kids opt out of traditional school to take control of their own education and to learn with help of parents, tutors, and peers" (95).

World Wide Web has become more visual aid enhancements from forums, blogs, e-books, and message boards. Assignments can be given by categorizing subjects in threads. Teacher's speech lectures can be uploaded in forums. Teachers can answer question with supported links that can be addressed to students for comprehend reading purposes. Teachers can organized E-books online can be access by students who can download text information, However teachers are moderators that have control how much information is viewed by students when they're ready for the next subject. They can proofread work easily with strikeouts and red ink text addressing correction to their students. Video conferencing can allow teachers virtually answer any questions students may have. Teachers and students have become more independent and interacting to enormous wide range of people with different cultural backgrounds and lifestyles.

In final consideration, good teachers have impacted students' lives for them to have a purpose in life. Seeking a career goal in college, students have prepared by good teachers to become responsible, disciplined, respect from the time we were born till we become young adults ourselves. Teachers shared humorous jokes to entertain students enhancing their learning experience. Good teachers give us handouts, slide show presentation from personal computers as visual aids tools utilized as study guide. The World Wide Web has taken over the classroom environment as home learning experience. In classroom environment, students have the social interaction with others students going to school everyday of the week. Now socializing has expanded through the World Wide Web interacting with all groups of people from blogs, forums and message boards. Education has become more and more dynamic for teacher's resources. Whoever thought teachers can now teach a student from the home, the learning experience has became more widely spread throughout all areas of the child's life.

Works Cited

Holt, John "School is Bad for Children" The Blair Reader. Eds.
Laurie G Kirszner and Stephen R. Mandell, Upper Saddle River, New Jersey,
2008. 86-91 Pearson/Prentice Hall

Pink, Daneil H. "Schools Out" The Blair Reader. Eds. Laurie G Kirszner and Stephen R. Mandell, Upper Saddle River, New Jersey, 2008. 91-102 Pearson/Prentice Hall

Writing Feedback / Definition of Education-Need filter words & eliminate repetition paragrap. [14]

Hi thank you for feedback, I think I will have to work on one paragraph at a time here by starting with revising the italicize introduction.

This is my goal, this time I hope I answer the question and all the paragraphs flows eliminating repetition. I need to work on combining sentences. It's been 20 years for me since I been to school so bare with me. This is my first semester returning to college has it's challenges.

Students benefit from a good education if they have excellent teachers, books, and funding. Our first teachers, who were are parents that brought us into this world, raised us, become responsible for their children's education from five to eighteen years old, so teachers can enlighten students to become knowledgeable and prepare them for college. In providing good education teachers are the most important ingredient in shaping student's lives. Federal funding supports and provides teachers good books, supplies and safe environment to meet at our elementary, junior high, high school and college. Teachers are artist who gather and interpret books for students to comprehend at our level of understanding. Good teachers would use their own methods supported by the government's guidelines in providing education. Textbooks are also an important element in good education for teachers to interpret for students to gain wisdom. Good teachers need to be very well dynamic in knowledgeable in each subject like arithmetic, writing, reading and history in our education system. The ratio of students assign to a teacher is hard to keep the attention of 15/30 students. It's important for teachers to have good classroom setups, a sense of humor, ability to discipline, utilize visual aids enhancements, and also be artists.

The bold print, I don't know if I should include this,"Our first teachers, who were are parents that brought us into this world, raised and encouraged us, become responsible for their children's education from five to eighteen years old, so teachers can enlighten students to become knowledgeable and prepare them for college." in the introduction or leave it out.

Any constructive criticizism is greatly appreciated. I think I need to move sentences and combined them as well. I'm not to sure if I know how to work on this. I'm also receiving other feedback however their confliction in our time days/week. Getting the same person to help me is also a challenge.

Writing Feedback / Definition of Education-Need filter words & eliminate repetition paragrap. [14]

So the introduction can have 2 paragraphs? As I thought the introduction was just one paragraph mapping out the body ending with a thesis.

My thesis was
It's important for teachers to have good classroom setups, a sense of humor, ability to discipline, utilize visual aids enhancements, and also be artists.

But then it sounds best if it was broken down then.

Can I connect the two paragraphs in saying something like this, "Teachers encourages parents' to be involved and participate in their children's classroom activities."

Writing Feedback / Definition of Education-Need filter words & eliminate repetition paragrap. [14]

I need help with revising this paragraph condensing it down staying with the idea of a good teaching. I've tried myself and I'm not successful here. I thank you in advance for any assistance.

One other paragraph besides this one includes discipline with preschool teachers breaking up toddlers fights and their are consequences for fighting for a toy. They learn to share the toy.

When we become teenagers we have rules to follow, their are consequences for not following rules.

Finally I have the introduction with my thesis down. My problem with this essay is organization and sticking to one idea here.

Is this paragraph ok the way it is or not? What sentences can I change?

In addition, good teacher also enforces discipline, which allows students to become responsible. Students who don't care says, "Why do we have to come to class sit in our chair with desk, listen quietly, write notes and give our full total attention to our teachers, who give great presentations?" Without our complete undivided attention, how would the teacher know if we all are learning here?

...

After discipline perhaps knowledgeable teachers can provide incentives having grades will allow students to overcome their weaknesses. I believe I mention grades in the discipline part. Would grades take part in knowledgable teachers, parents involvement, or teahers who are artist? I'm in debate with myself here. I need to cut sentences here and combined them as well sticking to the idea of good teaching.

Sincerely

babydoll

Writing Feedback / Definition of Education-Need filter words & eliminate repetition paragrap. [14]

How does this sound? I change the first part of the paragraph.

In addition, good teacher also enforces discipline, which allows students to become responsible. Teachers come across difficult students who don't care to come to class sit in their chair with desk, listen quietly, write notes and give their full total attention. As part of disciplining students, teachers provide students rules to follow. John Holt says, "Let's get rid of all the nonsense of grades, exams, marks" (Holt, 90). Why would we need grades? I believe teachers need to give grades for our work done to give students incentives. Shows teachers where they need improvement. Some students have weaknesses to overcome. Teachers' give students' assignments deadline date on when it's due, so teachers can follow their requirements and guidelines in our education system. Good teachers monitor, evaluate and issues grades from student's assignments completed. Student needs to follow rules to prepare themselves in future work environment, they can work and follow procedures for their bosses. So all teachers need to do is to enforce rules, so students will gain respect for higher authority. Daniel H. Pink says, "Kids learned how to obey rules, follow orders, and respect authority - and the penalties that came with refusal" (93). Students don't follow rules, teacher will punish students. For instances, talking inside the classroom while the teacher is giving a presentation is being rude, disruptive, and disrespectful. Teacher set boundaries taking action in controlling their misbehaved students by giving them warnings with unsatisfactory mark "S" on their report card. Students need to remain quiet while the teacher is discussing major points in presentations. Teachers will not tolerate a noisy classroom after the third warning, and force the student to be dismissed from the classroom and sent to the principal's office.

Writing Feedback / Definition of Education-Need filter words & eliminate repetition paragrap. [14]

I ran out of time to edit: More I think about it I believe I should change my thesis from
My target date for turning this Essay in is April 14, 2008. This why I'm questioning this essay so much. I can't wait to place this behind me. I greatly appreciate any feedback. Thank you so much, Sarah.

Students benefit from a good education if they have knowledgeable teachers who enforce discipline, good classroom setups, and responsible parent involvement. to

Students benefit from a good education if they have resourceful firm teachers who enforce discipline, good classroom setups, and responsible parent involvement.

Is the sentence parallel?

Dissertations / Having trouble Analyzing an Argument (logical fallacies)! [6]

1. The goal of tax reform shouldbe twofold. One isto genterate a more reliable revenue stream. The other isto make the tax code more reflective of California's changing economy,which in turn couldstimulate more growth.

In the above sentence I believe it's an Either or... fallacy.

2. The industries that drive today's statef economy -- software, information services such as Google, high-tech, diversified manufacturing , movies, video games,professional and business services-- run onentrepreneurship, knowledge, creativity and technology. They produce more services and intangibles than hard goods. Operating in a global market, they face new comptetition from anywhere.

I believe this is false analogy based on how do you compare with storefronts and intangible assest such as websites. For instance website charges shipping and handling now on top of that we need a sales tax added? Not all websites are legit. Some websites are just informational retrieving educational resources.

Dissertations / Having trouble Analyzing an Argument (logical fallacies)! [6]

Here are a few more that I think I found.

The sales tax paid by consumers is also out of step with changing economic reality. Today, consumers spend, an increasing share of their income on such services as 1. healthcare, gyms and gardeners as opposed to such tangible goods as clothes and furniture. But California, unlike most other states, still levies the sales tax on a relatively narrow range of tangible goods while exempting food, utilities and medicine. As a result 2. , the dollars California spend yield about 30% less sales tax than they did in 1979. Even though California has among the highest sales tax rates in the country- the combined state and local rate ranges from 7.29% to 8.25% - the fact that it isn't levied on such things as amusements, repair services, car washing and limos causes revenues to lag behind the state's growth and the need for public services.

I believe this is comparison a false analogy.
Number 1. and the bold print the unlike and as a result! Comparing tangible goods like clothes and furniture with our food, utilities and healthcare providing medicines.

generalization hasting from percentages
Number 2. The author gives a percentage but on the other hand he doesn't mention from what sources, where locations. without showing examples or breakdowns, how he reached his results from his percentages.

Dissertations / Having trouble Analyzing an Argument (logical fallacies)! [6]

A smart tax system does its work of raising needed revenues while attempting to minimize economic harm and advancing certain social goals. California's system doesn't meet that standard. It taxes desirable activities - work, through the income tax, saving and investment - but not some undesirable ones, like pollution and the emission of carbon dioxide and other gases that contribute to global warming. And in defiance of all good economic sense, California has held down fuel taxes, which are a user fee, thereby shifting much of the burden of transportation funding toward the sales tax and bonds paid for with general taxes, and breaking the feeback loop between driving and paying for roads.

I believe the author describes this paragraph a cause and effect analogy.
the author is unrealistically this is the cause, if this happens. How can I explain the analogy here in the cause and effect. Should I mention the consequences?

Dissertations / Having trouble Analyzing an Argument (logical fallacies)! [6]

In the last paragraph or some through the article he grabs your attention by sympathy as appeals to emotion esp. how the title is "Throw out the tax code"

He tends to scare us a bit. He becomes uncertain toward the end of the article.

After I point out some of the fallacies I have to write my critiques and explain three analogies from the paragraphs. I hope I'm detecting them as I type them for discussion here from the Los Angeles Times in the editorials section, where the opinion journals are pg.M8.

Writing Feedback / Thesis essay on "Adoption issues" [11]

I thank you so much for helping me here, in the meantime, I need to recap my train of thought here. I'm finding this assignment to be the most difficult one, out of all the other Essays I've done here.

For me relating to the Giver shall I use these types of transition words. For each paragraph that I need to relate to The Giver. I'm experiencing a little trouble here. I need to recap my goal is for adoption.

This is where I'm having difficulty, I don't know how to combine/connect this Essay in relation to the Giver yet?

Antithetic: instead, on the contrary, in contrast, by comparison
Equative: equally, likewise, similarly, in the same way

My thesis: Adoptive parents should be required to inform children that they are not their biological parent; adopted children should be allowed access to their biological parents if they are available and willing.

My side will be for the children who grows up to be teens; they shall have access to Biological parents records. I thought if I express the thoughts how one becomes adopted from either broken home or other reasons. I can establish some mindset from the child viewpoint, when they reached the age 18, they will learn their genetic origin. I didn't consider the traits or when it becomes medically necessary access to records from Biological parents.

For example, my mindset is coming too the definition of release in the giver means, when the child is released like the twins, one's life is taken.

On the other hand, release could also mean; a child is released from it's family due to abusive relationship, cause child is not in a safe environment.

Since the birthmother doesn't have no rights from the novel, Giver, similarly biological parents releasing their baby to adoption, they gave up their rights from raising their baby.

I have one instance from a paragraph where a B-mother, Hillary was pregnant at the age 16, her parents didn't want the financial burden of their grandchild. Hillary experienced from her dysfunctional family neglection and little affection, Hillary crave for attention she didn't received from her family result in her getting pregnant at 16. However Hillary wanted her baby desparately but realizes she cannot support her child.

The controlled community didn't expressed any emotional feelings, affection, and love; they had pills in perfect families units created.

Any pointers will be greatly appreciated, recap, so I can stay focus here especially with the psychological effects that I'm trying my best to cover here from all sides.

I'm stump in the Giver relating the psychological effects in adoption as I have tried to mention Grief, Loss, Rejection, Control/Mastery and Shame. I think Jonas experience loss and grief toward the end. Jonas realized it was wrong to take one's life as his father release one of twins. He thought he was going to loose Gabriel because he was going to be released. Jonas was protective of Gabriel, when he took the responsibility in protecting Gabriel outside the controlled community, elsewhere.

Writing Feedback / Thesis essay on "Adoption issues" [11]

I rewritten some of paragraphs but not all, I posted the troubled paragraphs, I tried to place an argument or debate issues. I hope this is better. My teacher look over the first paragraph and she mention I only need to note the Giver only once, because I shared the Giver in the introduction, I don't need another paragraph or mention the Giver in every paragraph she's ok with it.

My problem is writing a reason for the proposed argument, thereafter refuting the arguement. Another is the sentence structure for the argument, how do I present it? I'm pro when it comes down to adoptee accessing their records, because of issues like identity crisis, medical misdiagnoses, and revealing birth certificates of this nature. Final draft.

REMOVED

Writing Feedback / Thesis essay on "Adoption issues" [11]

I had ask the professor if I can improve my thesis she said Yes I can.

I wondering if this is a good improvement. I'm trying very hard not to be to wordy here, having trouble with parallelism here.

Main points: I want to include least disruptive live on all parties, psychological effects, getting access to records in sound way not to be disruptive.

Sometimes birthparents vs adoptive parents custody battles.
And or adoptee adult shows up on birthparents doorstep without any prior notice because birthparents fears, who remarries start over, so it can place a strain by surprise if partner was not open in relationship regarding adoption, adoptee adult could return back into their lives.

Thesis: Adoptive parents should be required to inform children that they are not their biological parents/ adopted children should be allowed access to their biological parents without disruption their current life, if they are available or willing, and if doing so won't cause the children any severe psychological damage.

I have some other trouble with a few sentences contradictory.

Children can easily find out on their own by going to the Hall of Records, but the committee of Elders feel this would cause problems in the community.

Would it be different if I say something like this,

The committee of Elders feel this would cause problems in the community, if children can easily find out on their own by going to the Hall of Records.

After reading this one, How can I not confuse the reader on this sentence.

Importantly the majority of birth mothers' debates on adoption issue are those concerning of open adoption records and whether adult adoptees should have access to their adoption information.

should I change it like this

Importantly the majority of the birthmothers' argues whether adult adoptees should have access to biological parents adoption records on file keeping them open.

Another one sentence:
Agencies are mediators between two parties reaching an agreement on whether or not the adopted children shall have access to biological parental records in open and closed cases.

I tried to follow your earlier input, so I hope this sounds better.

Agencies are mediators between two parties reaching an agreement on whether or not the adopted children or professional representative shall have access to biological parental records due to medical illness. One biological parent give up their rights and consent is given or not given, the decision has been made by the biological parent the contract stands when signature are noted on the contract.

After these sentences I'm ready to put this away.

I thank you very much for assisting me here.

Essays / BCC ESSAY on my academic life and career goals - I don't know what do I wanna do in future as my job [24]

To add notes from above:

You may ask yourself, "Are you a follower or a leader?"

Describe yourself as a person like what qualities do you already have so you can apply them to specific career opportunity you're in search of.

Share traits:

Determination
nurturing
Responsible
people person
detail oriented
Assisting
Managing
independent
go-getter
patience
dedication
organize
devoted
care-giver
supervisor

Those words I describe may not be the ones you chosen, but I think it will describe the type of person you become, when you relate descriptive words to your career goals. Good luck!

Undergraduate / 'Off of an auto-pilot' - Bentley University Transfer Essay [6]

What past work experiences, skills, capabilities do you already have that you can bring onto campus?

Using past work or club experiences as examples can help! I would share three examples related to your field of interests.

Essays / BCC ESSAY on my academic life and career goals - I don't know what do I wanna do in future as my job [24]

From the top of my tongue I listed them in sharing my own detailed experience, so I apply them.

I had the thought, I made the connection. FYI, There is no listing involved, Kevin.

I was inspired to share.

Writing Feedback / What essential skills young people should have in our complex society? [14]

I thought you might add in the first paragraph (a comparison) the teenagers lifestyle compared to another age group life style. For example, an adult student has different lifestyle compared to young teenagers in our society.

Explain three pros and cons in supporting your debate for each side.

When I first read the 1st paragraph I thought there was going to be argument.

I'm getting back to writing again, so I hope that was helpful.

Grammar, Usage / Can I get away with recycling an old paper for a new assignment? [9]

I think you should try some other subject matter besides your old research paper.

At least you know how to do a research paper and that's a good thing. But now apply your research skills for another one, you will impress yourself and gain the benefits of learning.

WHY NOT BRAINSTORM FOR ANOTHER GOOD IDEA ON ANOTHER SUBJECT?

Your skills are transferable to be able to write. I agree with all the above comments, it's not a good idea for recycling an old paper.

Grammar, Usage / A DIFFERENT way to say "going towards" [18]

How bout "moving in the right direction"

Writing Feedback / Critique my current event paper (English Critical Thinking class) [5]

In the first paragraph for the last sentence as your thesis, can be rewritten like this:

Many volcanic activities affected the environment and cause many fatalities.
I don't know if my writing has improved or not, but I hope that made sense. I'm practicing my analytical skills here to help my virtual friends.

I don't want to give out the wrong advice either! So if I see something I thought can be rewritten I'll share.

Faq, Help / Question about EssayForum - How does this site work? [103]

Actually this site help me in many ways to overcome my barriers such as grammatical issues, organization, and preparation. Now, I'm preparing myself in taking course in Critical Thinking, but don't know if I'm ready though.

Faq, Help / Question about EssayForum - How does this site work? [103]

Actually this site has help me come up with my own ideas from overview essays here. It prevented me from having writers block. Besides essays here, I also use the resources available to myself on campus like the writing center when it fits my schedule. When other resources don't fit, I place my essay here so I can meet my deadlines.

Undergraduate / Goal setting is a powerful process; U Tirana/ AUBG (Broaden my global perspective) [4]

What's AUBG, If you know the meaning of the acronym I think it should be spelled out.

You can Spell out AUGB then afterwards place the Parenthesis (AUGB) then you can use acronym throughout the Essay.

I will continue reading but I may not be best person here in proofreading at this time. Yet, still improving those types of skills here.

Essays / "Ambition" essay - how to start it? [14]

I'm ambitious to share my thoughts on this subject. I hope it helps get you started. I agree with the above comments.

"I'm very ambitious student in accomplishing my goals in life. I will do everything that empowers me to become successful and overcome my obstacles."

Essays / In general, how to write a term paper? [15]

I know from experience it's hard to decide what topic and subject to write about. However I learn to form ideas from reading books, articles, and newspapers! Basically I form my own opinions in my Essays by setting examples.

I would explore topics, Brainstorm what you like to write about from what Subject?

Depending on your Course, normally the instructor will give you topics to write about! Or if a topic is one of your own be sure that you get approval from your instructor before going on!

Your instructor will give you guidelines for your Essay. We do need more specific details in your assignment in order for us to help you out.

Essays / Help on thesis statement Subject: Greek heroism [13]

What do these heroes have in common?

Perhaps when you read and find a common thing, you can use a similar word to describe all of them in a thesis statement for example:

characteristics, traits, qualities etc.

Book Reports / "the right stuff" book report. [5]

For the quotes you need to include the author to the page number,(author, 22) when you cite your paragraphs. I scheme through as I read and found many quotes in paragraphs that need author's name.

I'm unsure of the formatting details if this is regarding MLA, or APA style.

Scholarship / Scholarship Essay - My Perseverance Goal [8]

How can I initiate managing care for all my family membership medical hardships over the years such as My Mom suffering from Bone Marrow Cancer is most recent, My Dad's terminal cancer, who died in November 1999, and My Son born with a disability, Cerebral Palsy.

I feel my time is rushed to obtain my degree without means to support myself as single parent struggling.

My work is limited upon caring for my Mom, when will my break begin for landing my ideal job, work is a struggle while I'm attending school. I feel I'm rushed through time here getting ahead is hard. Matching my Mom's outgoing expense is a challenge. I have plenty of time taking courses for obtaining my degree, but I feel I'm rush because my Mom's life span is deteriorating. I know she may live another 10 years or 20 years, but how can I know?

I want to be stabilized financially before I'm in trouble here for the worse case scenario.

Scholarship / Scholarship Essay - My Perseverance Goal [8]

Yes, Sean it's the characters. I tried condensing my Essay in this rewrite.
1101 characters without spaces
with 1311.

Today, my vision in life is set to transfer and obtain my Bachelors of Science Degree at the University of California, Los Angeles. Without the financial assistance in living expenses, Tuition, books and supplies, transportation maintenance from the scholarship program I will not be able to continue with my educational goals especially in these hard economic times. I'm very enthusiastic to continue studies in biomedical technology where one examines human cellular material in search of abnormalities that are the warning signs of cancer-a disease (bone marrow cancer) my mother currently suffers from.From my experience in managing care for all my family member's medical hardships over the years such as My Mom suffering from Bone Marrow Cancer is most recent, My Dad's terminal cancer, who died in November 1999, and My Son born with a disability, Cerebral Palsy. My increased curiosity intrigues me to learn more about how symptoms can change the body chemistry and body, mind, and spirit and how it can also motivate one to overcome such illnesses. From these difficult experiences, I will be able to contribute my research and studies to formulate a treatment so other people can benefit relieving overcome their medical hardship. I wonder how the environmental surroundings may be a common factor.

Should I leave out the bold print or is there a way to shorten. Will they want me to explain the field I am studying or would they assume that I already know from my experience?

2nd rewrite without explainations.

Today, my vision in life is set to transfer and obtain my Bachelors of Science Degree at the University of California, Los Angeles. Without the financial assistance in living expenses, Tuition, books and supplies, transportation maintenance from the scholarship program I will not be able to continue with my educational goals especially in these hard economic times. From my experience in managing care for all my family member's medical hardships, I wonder how the environmental surroundings may be a common factor. From these difficult experiences, I will be able to contribute my research and studies to formulate a treatment so other people can benefit overcoming their medical hardship.

Scholarship / Scholarship Essay - My Perseverance Goal [8]

I'm now playing with the words here try to shorten ones where I can be precise.

Today, my commitment is to obtain a Bachelors of Science Degree at a University specializes in biomedical technology. How will I become a master scientist without the financial assistance in proper training, educational equipment and tools? I'm very enthusiastic to continue studies in biomedical technology where one examines human cellular material in search of abnormalities that are the warning signs of cancer-a disease (bone marrow cancer) my mother currently suffers from. From this difficult experience, in my research studies I will formulate adverse effect for cancer and cell abnormalities so other people can benefit.

My word count update is at 631 with spaces.