Undergraduate / Ties, Girls and Universal Primary Education. Common App Essay. [6]

Hey, below is the essay i intend to submit with my Common Application. I am applying to Princeton, Stanford and Cornell and intend to major in engineering. Do you think it is appropriate? Please read it and give your critique, it will be highly appreciated. :)

Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Ties, Girls and Universal Primary Education.
I stand still; put aback by the sheer magnitude of the endeavor. Uneasily readjusting my tie, I try and gain composure. The room is silent; pregnant with anticipation. All eyes are on me. I begin to speak, but end up choking on my words; a false start. I let out a nervous chuckle, exuding pseudo-confidence. My eyes dart from side to side as I examine my audience, looking for a familiar face, searching for reassurance. The attempt is futile. It's now or never. With a final exhalation, I begin my argument. This time, I do not choke on my words; the fluidity of my presentation encourages me to project my voice further. I ease into the body of my speech with the poise of a professional. The voice coming out of the public address system can't possibly be mine. I sound convincing. Time for my resolution expires and I return to my seat; pleased. This is the East African Model United Nations.

Many of my friends find my commitment to the Model United Nations peculiar. They do not understand how year after year I sacrifice my time, resources and mental capacity to the same club. In fact many a boy in my year has questioned the motives of my involvement; suggesting that it is just a clever ploy to hit on girls or perhaps that am just interested in the vanity of dressing up in formal ware for a week. However, to understand my dedication to this club requires one to go beyond the superficial, to the very essence of the program: a forum through which the young generation can have their go at confronting the issues facing the world. It is in this facet of the program that I gain my gratification.

It is often said that the youth are the leaders of tomorrow. However, with M.U.N., I get to exercise the power to deliberate on issues as I see fit today. My opinion matters and is in fact sought after. I get a chance to employ public speaking, group communication, research, policy analysis, active listening, negotiating and conflict resolution to a current issue affecting the world. It is the ultimate validation of self-worth when a resolution you wrote is seen as fit for adoption by the General Assembly and it is even more pleasing when a heated debate ensues in the conference about the merits and demerits of a particular operative clauses you suggested. The flow of intellectual acuity is evident throughout the forum and without a doubt we all leave more knowledgeable and conscious as pertains international relations and the problems facing the world.

Through M.U.N., I have not found the answers to life's questions and neither have I fronted solutions to all the world's problems. No. I however have truly gained a multi-dimensional perception towards life in general through this program; appreciation of human rights together with tolerance towards diversity, awareness of the ethical dilemmas that come with most scientific advancements as well as the conflict of interest that many states face when involved in bilateral and multilateral political, social and economic relations.

You will therefore see me in M.U.N. next February. I may be expanding my mental capacity by discussing issues of international importance, nervously readjusting my tie as I try not to let the assembly's size demoralize me or perhaps I will be exercising my reasoning ability to formulate feasible methods of achieving universal primary education. And if I get the numbers of some attractive girls in the process, well that's just an added advantage.

Thanks... :)

Undergraduate / Engineers can turn ideas into reality. [19]

Below is my essay for the cornell supplement. I am wondering whether it is captivating enough and whether it adequately addresses the prompt. It is also way above the limit of 500 words ( It's 657), where do you think i should cut down? Please have your go at it, reap it apart, critique and let me know everything that is not clear etc. Thanks.

Prompt: Engineers turn ideas (technical, scientific, mathematical) into reality. Tell us about an engineering idea you have or your interest in engineering. Explain how Cornell Engineering can help you further explore this idea or interest.

I have always had an inquisitive mind. One of my earliest memories involves me taking apart my remote-controlled toy car to see who drives it from within. I was certain that I would find some sort of miniature man at the wheel, waiting for my cue. You can therefore imagine my astonishment when instead I found a bunch of colored strings hooked up to strange looking boards and an interior that was not at all accommodative for Mr. Mini-driver. Since then, however, my reasoning power has exponentially grown, and with it, my interest in engineering.

As I grew up, my curiosity was not only limited to the workings of toys and other playthings. I progressively got more and more diverse in my choice of test-subjects. It was not uncommon, to find me bent over, slowly taking apart the camera or perhaps going through all folders in the control panel of our home PC as I changed every setting possible, just to see what would happen. Perhaps the pinnacle of my junior engineering career is when I turned the kitchen into my very own chemistry lab. With my night-gown as my lab coat, I would gather many different spices, condiments, vegetables, canned goods and of course all the cleaning agents. With these, I would craft numerous substances of varied characteristics. From the thick emulsion of corn oil, egg and about a dozen other liquids that I made as a fertilizer, to the peculiar substance halfway between liquid and solid that I got by combining corn flour and water. The level of advance chemistry going on in that kitchen was rivaled only by Dexter in his laboratory. All through this, I would question the properties formed and try to determine which of my 'chemicals' caused particular observations. It is only now that I realize that I was actually practicing a very elementary form of qualitative analysis.

My interests obviously spilled over into my school life. I have always immensely enjoyed the academic and practical study of mathematics, chemistry and physics. It is hence not a surprise that a degree in chemical engineering has been the natural progression that seemed most suitable to me. I am significantly attracted to the course as I see it enabling me to combine scientific theory with a practical application in modern day emerging issues. The enthusiasm I have for this course is unquantifiable and I believe I will be able to utilize this passion to optimize my learning. In particular, the Chemical engineering course offered at Cornell has been my ambition for many years now. Apart from enabling me to obtain an unyielding foundation in engineering and chemistry; that it allows me to take a specialized course in a key interest area is extremely attractive. I already see myself taking a minor in operations research and management science. Furthermore, being able to coordinate an in-depth study, experimentally investigating a particular hypothesis, with materials other than ketchup and Clorox bleach, has long been a desire of mine. It is apparent that this is entirely feasible at the college of engineering through the numerous undergraduate research opportunities. I cannot wait to experience the application of the abstract concepts covered in my engineering courses through this program.

Most of all, the versatility of the chemical engineering degree offered at Cornell is the principle attractive quality. Though I will have had a chance to have the fundamental training in chemical engineering and also gain specialisation in a key area of concentration, I will at the end of the day have developed a critical, innovative and independent thinking capacity with which I will be able to apply my expertise in various fields. Society needs engineers that can and will change the world. I would love the opportunity to contribute to humanity through technological innovation and therefore, a degree in chemical engineering is the right path for me, and without doubt Cornell is the place for me to get it.

Undergraduate / Princeton Supplement, Short Answer: Past 2 Summers [11]

Hey, please read the following essay and tell me whether it is appropriate. Thanks.

Prompt: Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held, if not already detailed on the Common Application

The thrill of having finished my Ordinary Level examinations was quite evident in the first few weeks of the summer of 2009. I dedicated this time to a lot of rest and relaxation through one of my primary pastimes: reading. I read a lot of books, both fictional and non fictional, in the first month. I remember reading 'Wine for Dummies' and being fascinated by the culture behind the wine-making process. I found it quite remarkable how the practice was a delicate balance between science and art. In fact, reading the book has given me a resolve to find a way to scientifically control most of the variables of wine making to increase the process' efficiency whilst not compromising the product's quality. I hope that with a degree in chemical engineering, I will one day be able to achieve this. I also read 'The Six Suspects' by Vikas Swarup, a book that soon claimed first position in my recommended list. The author's ability to develop six distinct plots and ultimately intertwine them into a single story was especially captivating. I later enrolled in driving school leading to my receiving a driver's licence. Finally being able to drive my mother to various destinations was a high point of the summer.

The major event during the summer of 2010 was my attachment at the University of Nairobi's School of engineering. I was lucky enough to have an introductory course at the mechanical, electrical and manufacturing engineering workshops. Here, I gained invaluable insight into the practical component of the mechanical and electrical engineering course. I particularly enjoyed the fabrication laboratory where I learned the basics of computer aided manufacture using computer numeric control machines. The wall hanging I designed and ultimately crafted still hangs in my bedroom as testament to the incredibly enjoyable and educative time I had there. Another experience of great significance was voting in Kenya's referendum of a proposed new constitution. It being my first voting experience, I was quite excited to finally exercise my power to determine the direction the country took. Contributing to the realization of reforms is a great feeling and I am glad that I was involved in making history.

The past two summers were as interesting and beneficial to my development as a person as they were varied in types of involvements. I believe I was able to gain some transferable skills whiles still being able to enjoy my time, hence achieving equilibrium.

Undergraduate / Stanford Roommate Essay: My family's unique influence on me [11]

Hey, below is my essay for stanford's supplement essay prompt 2. Please critique it and tell me is it is appropriate. Also tell me a section you think it can do without as it is over the character limit: 2138 char while the limit is 1800 char. thanks. :)

It is often thought unusual, the level of intimacy that exists in my family. Going over and above mere cohabitation, the relationship is one characteristic of best friends rather than just family. My mother and sister are my confidants, my personal cheer squad and they form the muse from where I draw my inspiration for life. Perhaps this is the consequence of being a single-parent household, but whatever the reason behind it; my family is the most essential thing in my life.

It is quite ironic that my mother's name is Rose. Far from the delicate flower her name indicates, my mother is a fighter: knocking down challenges left, right and centre; but always coming back to her corner to discuss the next round's strategy with us. Ingrained in us from an early age, are values such as tenacity and amiability. She has demonstrated, quite practicably, that the issues affecting a person should never translate into devalued social interactions. In fact, rarely is the presence of friends as important as it is when one is facing trials. I intend to carry on this attitude within our room. Even when we are up to our knees in assignments and problem-sets, we should still find time to indulge: be it a cup of coffee at CoHo or perhaps even a casual hike up to the dish; we will form each other's support systems.

My sister, Sandra, the reason that the word perfectionist was added into the English language; she always demands the very best from me, shirts: impeccably folded, room: appropriately organized and food: suitably seasoned. Sandra has taught me never to be complacent; often, you can do better. Her high expectation of me has translated to my striving to achieve excellence in all facets of my life. You will therefore notice my constant quest for self-improvement: from matters as trivial as how best to economize on my closet space to more significant issues such as raising my grade point average.

Though my family will be miles away while I am in college, its influence on me transcends distance and is omnipresent. I hope that I can utilize this impact on me positively throughout college and indeed our time together.

Undergraduate / Stanford Intellectually Engaging Essay: Knot theory [3]

Hey, please critique my essay for the stanford supplement.

Prompt: 1. STANFORD STUDENTS ARE WIDELY KNOWN TO POSSESS A SENSE OF INTELLECTUAL VITALITY. TELL US ABOUT AN IDEA OR AN EXPERIENCE YOU HAVE HAD THAT YOU FIND INTELLECTUALLY ENGAGING.

"The bunny runs round the tree and into the hole." Like many children have, this is how I learned to tie shoe-laces and later ties. Hence, when I read the paper "Tie Knots, Random Walks and Topology", by Thomas Fink and Yong Mao, the information contained therein provided a sense of illumination into the tying of ties. The introduction of a mathematical guide to an aesthetic act was so eccentric as to make it fascinating.

Who would have thought that ties are homeomorphic to a constant random walk on a 2-D triangular lattice? A process that I had previously considered seemingly basic was in fact only superficially so. That the main consideration in determining the finite number of possible knots is size, i.e. the number of moves in a knot sequence, is particularly intriguing. The fixed tie length and aesthetic regard limits the maximum number of this moves to 9, thus the total possible tie-knots according to convention is 85.Further considerations like shape, balance and symmetry, however, invalidate 72 of these ties as aesthetically feasible leaving only 13 distinct ties that are wearable. I love the feeling of enlightenment I get when tying a tie and I know exactly what I am doing, why I am doing so and the effect of what I am doing on the symmetry and size of my tie-knot. The Plattsburgh, configuration Lo Ci Ro Ci Lo Ri Co T, has since become my favorite tie knot.

The possibility of application of knot theory across a variety of areas is overwhelming. For instance different function-specific proteins can be determined due to the ratio of particular types of knots or perhaps the distinct characteristics of some polymers can be established by the degree and type of entanglement. How many more processes can be conclusively determined in totality by such investigation?

There is a 1800 char limit btw. :)

Undergraduate / Stanford - I love Stanford, diversity, chemistry, designing, astronomy, cooking.. [9]

Hey, Please critique my essay for Stanford. Be devilishly brutal. I really need to get this right, and at the moment, I have a serious case of writers block, and this is due in 2 weeks. (EA)

It is above the 1800 character limit (1876) so feel free to suggest parts for amputation. Thanks. :)

Prompt: TELL US WHAT MAKES STANFORD A GOOD PLACE FOR YOU.

I love leading, I love chemistry,
I love designing, I love astronomy.
Whenever I am asked what I want to study at university, one word always comes to mind: everything. Though this is usually followed by disappointed glares and speeches attacking 'my indecision', I believe, and thankfully Stanford believes too, that confronting the issues facing the world requires a multi-faceted approach as opposed to one that traditionally lies within a distinct discipline. At Stanford, I will have the freedom to unite my passion for chemistry with my interest in management science, astrophysics and product design. By taking a combination of courses in these different fields, I will gain a unique perception that will enable me to provide a new angle of insight into processes that previously seemed straightforward. Stanford's multidisciplinary approach to education encourages exploration ensuring I graduate with both a depth and a breadth of knowledge.

I love cooking, I love discovery,
I love public speaking, I love photography.
At Stanford, I can be assured of holistic development through the numerous activities on campus. I can join the Stanford Photography Club and express myself using light, delve into the culinary arts with various lessons at the Bechtel International Center and indulge in the numerous opportunities for debate with the Stanford Debate Society as well as the Stanford Model United Nations Conference. Most notably though, I will be able to partake in the numerous undergraduate research opportunities; hence placing me at the forefront of scientific discovery.

I am a unique individual with already varied interests. Surrounded by an assorted student body, I will learn from different cultures to augment the knowledge I attain from my classes and hence ensure that in the end I will be a fusion of varied experiences.

I love Stanford, I love diversity