Writing Feedback / TOEFL Topic: Lessons can be learned through playing games [5]

TOEFL Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing sports teaches us lessons about life.

I'm wondering if I write this essay in a right structure and I'm not sure if my explanation is proper to support my view. And hopefully, I could get some opinions on the score of my essay.

thank you all!

The Lessons in Physical Activities

My essay:

Admittedly, participating in physical activities, people confront unpleasant situations frequently, namely, sustaining body injuries, conflicting with others, deserting their study, etc. However, sports act as indispensable instructors in one's life as well. They help people to build good characteristcs, say, spirit of team-work, persistence through the hard time, courage of taking challenges, respect for adversaries, etc. These merits play important roles in our life, and therefore I am pro the statement.

Initially, sports provide the opportunities for people to learn to be cooperative. When a person is in a team game, such as hockey and soccer, it is of essence for him to have team spirit. Take basketball, which is a team sport, as an example. There are two teams of five players each trying to score by shooting a ball through a hoop. For winning the game, it is key to spend less time to make more baskets and to prevent the defence team from stealing the ball or deflecting passes . These require that each one of all five players in offence team should trust and cooperate with his teammates, in order to move the ball by both dribbling and passing more efficiently. Thus it is real team effort that contributes to the complete success of one game ,from which we can learn cooperation.

Furthermore, sports teach one to respect and regard rather than disdain and humiliate. Fierce sports competitions go with powerful contestants. Yet no matter how much intensity through competing or how much eagerness one longing for win, mutual respect among competitors carries the greatest weight. ' Friendship first, competition second ' is a renowned saying that shows the significance of regard. It means that if I won, I would respect other opponents' dedication and participation instead of scorning them; and if I lost, I would congratulate to the winner and keep my motivation to succeed next time rather than be consumed by jealousy. Hence this sort of sports spirit teaches me to be respectful and courteous, especially when I am confronted with the disagreement on my statement or divergent views for my solution in my life.

Besides, the courage to face new challenges and the confidence of overcoming difficulties are also cultivated in sports activities. While the challenges along with ceaseless new sports competitions are getting tougher, athletes are obliged to make progress and to update their own records more rapidly. As a consequence, pressure of training increases and stress management becomes more important for them. Their ability of conquering the fear and staying optimistic will be gradually enhanced through training, and thereby they will gain more courage to face the next competition, through which they may even gain more self-confidence. So people can benefit from the immense courage and confidence they obtained by doing sport in their life, when they are suffering hardship.

In conclusion, having sports do enlighten and instruct people. Lessons can be learned through physical activities and have a positive influence on people's life.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL--A job with more vacation time is better....& Teachers should show their... [6]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should show their political or social views known in the classroom.

Contemporarily, people have already hold the freedom of speech and everybody, including educators and adolescents, are allowed to support distinct political or social views. Admittedly, it is still not proper for teachers to demonstrate their personal angles on political or social issues during classes. Otherwise it will probably contribute to some unpleasant situations, including weakened education, conflicts between the teacher and students, introducing misunderstanding in certain policy or subjects, etc. Thus I don't agree with the statement.

Initially, if teachers show their political or social views in the classroom, the time for teaching will be unavoidably curtailed and the education will be weakened. A teacher's responsibility and obligation are composed of teaching and enlightening students, rather than assist students in establishing or correcting their political views. My friend's physics teacher used to complain about the policy our government executed during classes. And my friend told me that after the classes, most of her classmates always obtained a vague concept about the physical knowledge mentioned in the classes but a vivid memory of their teacher's annoying and meaningless complaints. And her classmates' feeling obviously indicate the education was negatively influenced. So as far as I'm concerned, teachers should not show their political or social views during classes.

Secondly, teachers showing their views on political or social issues would probably ignite conflicts in the classroom and would give rise to prejudice between teachers and students. Supposing there is a student who is against the political or social views the teacher holds, he would feel offended or even humiliated when hearing his own teacher criticizing strongly on his views. He is likely to defend his angle and express his disagreement directly to his teacher, which is identically offensive to the teacher. If the debate goes on and develops into an unpleasant conflict, not only will the atmosphere in the classroom be intense, but the relationship between the teacher and the student will deteriorate. And it is detrimental to both of them: the teacher may ignore the student's problems in study, which will undermine the student's success at school; and the student may evaluate the teacher with prejudice, which will do harm to the teacher's career. Therefore I don't approve that teachers should make their political or social views known in the classroom.

Furthermore, it is possible that teachers showing their views in the classroom will introduce misunderstanding upon some sorts of political or social issues. During the period they spend in schools, students are still forming their own positions on certain issues. Teachers have no rights to interfere the progress. Besides, their views are not always right, since their different life experiences, educational backgrounds, religious and regional cultures would exert direct influence on their political or social views. And there might be limit and deficiency in their views, especially toward those naturally controversial topics, such as use of drugs in athletics, cloning and homosexual discrimination. Their perspectives are easily driven to extreme, which will mislead the students in a large degree if the views are shown. Consequently, teacher should not express their political or social views in front of their students.

In brief, personally, I believe that teachers should not show their political or social views in the classroom.

Thank you all in advance!

Writing Feedback / The advertising is the main cause of unhealthy eating habits. [6]

Thank you for your advice on my essay. And if I agree with the statement, what kind of points should I list and explain?

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advertising is the main cause of unhealthy eating habits.

Contemporarily, advertising plays an irreplaceable role in luring people to buy junk food and thus contributes to unhealthy eating habits. However, advertising is not the main cause of these unhealthy eating habits in that there are others factors give rise to unhealthy eating habits, say, increasing stress of work, wrong concept of beauty, less time for taking a good meal, regional factors, etc. Therefore I'm in disagreement with the statement.

First, people develop the unhealthy eating habits owing to their working stress. As the competition between people in the society becomes fiercer and more intense, the job stability decreased, which lead to more anxieties and stress in people's life. So some people gradually form a habit of eating a lot of food merely to stuff their stomach when they are not really hungry. A recent scientific discovery explains this phenomenon. It is said that chewing will help people soothe their nervous mind and a sense of satiety will give people a consolatory feeling. Besides, some kinds of food, such as bananas, contain certain compounds that will cheer people up. And thus it is clear that numerous people develop such unhealthy eating habit for the reason that they could relieve their stress and be relaxed.

In addition, it is the saying "being slender is being beautiful" in fashion industry that misleads people, especially young women, to follow an over-diet trend. Those young ladies tend to lose weight by refusing to eat even though they are hungry or by throwing up what they've already eaten right after the meals. Taking risk of being malnourished or even inviting anorexia to themselves, they develop an unhealthy eating habit only for the reasons that they mistake slim for skinny and desire to be as attractive as their idols on the covers of fashion magazines. Accordingly, one crucial cause of unhealthy eating habits is the wrong concept of beauty in modern society rather than advertisements.

Thirdly, lacking time for meals is another significant reason for developing unhealthy eating habits. The pace of modern life is accelerating, so that people are always required to accomplish a heap of work in a finite amount of time. Unfortunately, they often have to occupy their own spare time to complete the tasks in time. And thereby they won't have enough time to cook their meals at home or to enjoy their leisure time in decent restaurants. Instead, they eat fast food, which is often considered as a synonym of "junk food," and that's apparently comparatively unhealthier for them. And thereby, I believe, nowadays, people form bad eating habits partly owing to the hurry and bustle in their daily life.

In conclusion, advertising is not the main cause of unhealthy eating habits. Working stress, wrong concept of beauty and lack of time for dinners also lead to unhealthy eating habits.

Writing Feedback / The extended family less important; 'not bother to contact relatives anymore' [4]

Agree or Disagree ：The extended family (grandparent, cousin, aunts, and uncles) has become less important in modern society than the past.

Contemporarily, unconditional support and encouragement from a big family play crucial roles in one's life. However, the influence of the extended family on each members has abated in the modern society, due to the longer distance between where they live, less time for them to be together, fewer common topics to talk about when they are reunited, a larger social circle of each one of them and so on. Therefore, as far as I'm concerned, the extended family has become less significant nowadays than the past.

Initially, one's time has been already occupied thoroughly by his work currently, and thereby hardly could he spare some quality time for his big family. Owing to the increasingly intenser competitions among people in the society, it is of essence for a person to concentrate on his study at school and to dedicate his energy and sweat to his career after graduation. Accordingly, he has scarce time to be with his family or even to contact his relatives frequently, which would inevitably weaken the influence of these family members upon his own life. Thus less time for family members to be together or to be in touch with each other gives rise to less influence of the extended family now.

In addition, the number of common topics to talk about when family members are reunited has decreased. In the past, it is common that all family members choose the same job as a traditional family career. But now, since each member in a big family tend to hold his own interest and could decide the direction of his future development more freely than before, there would probably been huge distinctions among the fields each family member is educated in. Hence, fewer common topics could be shared when they fortunately have the opportunity to meet in a reunion, and the younger could no longer consult the senior with the solution or suggestion when they have confusion in their work. The precious help between generations is lost in the extended family, so that the big family is no longer considered as an indispensable part in people's life.

Furthermore, the social circle of each family members has been expanded and thereby the relatives would not be the only group of people a person resorts to help when he needs it. In the current society, one has much more chances to know more people. He would probably develop a great social skill and enlarge his social circle, both of which are of great benefit for his career. As he has more friends to ask for advice or gain assistance at hand, he would not bother to call or e-mail his relatives any more. Consequently, the extended family would likely play a less important role in offering help and consolation, so its influence on people debates as well.

In conclusion, in modern society, the influence of the extended family upon people's life is not as significant as it was in the past.

I'm looking forward to your feedbacks! Thank u~

Writing Feedback / TOEFL---Parents should help determining the future [12]

er... I meant to put it in Essay Feedback...
Parents should help determining the future of their children rather than allow children make their own choices.

Admittedly, parents, with more experience, social knowledge and deeper thoughts, could probably make better decisions for their children's future life. However, parents determining the future of their children could have negative effects as well. Children would probably lack decisiveness when they grow up, conflicts would be ignited at home easily, and a wrong decision is more likely to be made. And therefore, I hold opposite view to the statement.

Initially, allowing children to make their own choices will be beneficial to their success in the future. Supposing parents allow their child to make his own decisions, the child would easily develop a habit of independent thinking. He would learn how to make better decisions for himself and grow up into a decisive person. During his work, he would always look at an issue all-around, which is an advantage for his career, especially in current society where the competitions between workmates are increasingly tough. He would easily get promotions and would achieve his ambition eventually. On the contrary, if the parents always make decisions for him, he may gradually lose the ability of making a proper decision and end up with an ordinary life of no glory. Thus, I think allowing children to make their own choices is better for their future success.

Furthermore, permitting children to make their own choices is better for the relationship between parents and children. Since, nowadays, parents are more occupied with their work, the communications between they and their children become less. And thus hardly would parents know whether their children would be in agreement with the decisions they've made. If parents give children the freedom to make their decisions, many family conflicts, which due to different views and inclinations between parents and children, would be avoided, and thereby the atmosphere at home and the relationship between parents and children would not be disturbed. Yet if parents try to make every decisions for their children, the situation would probably go on to the opposite. Accordingly, allowing children to make their own choices is of help to maintain the peaceful relationship between parents and children.

Finally, children making their own decisions is of effect to keep away from wrong decisions. No one knows him better than the child himself. He understands his own feelings, his own thoughts, his own interest and his own capabilities. By allowing him making his own decisions, he would probably choose a better and more suitable direction for himself, so that he would develop his competence to the utmost. Comparatively, parents are more likely to take the wrong options and would regret deserting their children's gifts only when it is too late. Hence, it is better for parents to permit their children to make their own decisions.

In conclusion, parents should not always help in deciding the future of their children. Instead, they should permit their children to make their own decisions for their own life.

Well, somehow I just feel I didn't use some words or phrases in a proper way. I'd really appreciate it if someone could give me some advice or opinions about my essay. Looking forward to your feedbacks! :)