Undergraduate / "Dimples and the outrageous nature of celebrity gossip" - Personal Statement [8]

Hello! I know that the essay I have written is not typical, but I hope that it works for the readers.
I'm a little worried that it doesn't show enough about me, and I'm also not sure about whether I should leave the first paragraph in.

DL is my name, I just abbreviated it for this website.
For the prompt, I chose "topic of your choice".
Thank you so much for the help!

The outrageous nature of celebrity gossip and the ferocity with which icons are harassed is laughable, as humorous as the daily comments I receive about my dimples. I sometimes wonder whether people value my "cute" dimples more than they do me.

DLD GOSSIP
#1 Juicy Celebrity Gossip site chronicling all about DL's Dimples

05.23.99 Mutant Child: Aliens descend and impart "gifts"
Theories about the origins of Deanna Loh's dimples abound. One German housewife claims that she was with Deanna when aliens abducted them and marked an infant Deanna Loh with the signs of "the chosen one". Upon questioning those who have met the young girl, however, the only comment we received was that she smelled of spoiled eggs. It was later discovered that the source of the odor came not from aliens, but from a Kleenex inexplicably lodged in her left nostril for three months. Perhaps this more than others reflects Deanna Loh's ability to tolerate discomfort and malady far beyond the capacities of other children. This does not, however, explain from whence the mystifying dimples came.

03.14.09 A New Face
Deanna Loh's dimples have been a boon to the plastic surgery industry - zealots have rushed to get the darling look that is the talk of the town. Actress Meryl Streep remarks, "Times have changed. In my day, women had plastic surgery to get rid of wrinkles!"

Deanna Loh, however, shuns the historically "cute" portrayal of her dimples. The dimples are inclined to appear at every twitch of the mouth, to which Deanna exclaims, "The dimples make building a reputation for solemnity unfeasible. While interviewing hospital volunteer candidates, in my efforts to intimidate, I was labeled 'the nice one!'" The trivial nature with which her peers regard her, a consequence arising from a disconcerting stereotype centered on gender, ethnicity, modest height, and a dimpled mien, exasperates Deanna. Thus, she has announced her campaign to shed the girlish image, a proclamation made in conjunction with the unveiling of her appearance in the serious drama "The Young Adult". Select scenes from the semi-autobiographical film will depict the dimples pursing over a hemorrhaged mouse spleen, taking on a life of their own with an oration on homelessness, and chewing over the contents of The Communist Manifesto. We anticipate a raging success for the film - at college campuses and artistic hubs, or at least among people who know her well.

10.08.25 Dimplegate Scandal!
Iron-hot controversy erupts over leaked photos of Deanna Loh's nude dimples. Critics deem the powder-less dimples as "the epitome of uncouth behavior" and "surpassing Watergate in abomination". The American Nudist Association rallies in support and sympathy of Deanna Loh's fight for naturalism, pronouncing her its official spokeswoman. "Why exacerbate the media's pernicious endorsement of self-loathing among young women?" Deanna asserts, "Experience has shown me that the impulse to distort oneself begins with the external and then steadily infiltrates the very core of one's identity. I am as how I present myself."

02.18.34 Priceless: A Dimple's Worth
Beauty fades quickly in Hollywood, but Deanna Loh's dimples continue to hold their envied shine and luster. When Marie Claire inquired what her secret was, Deanna denied doing anything to maintain her youthful features and candidly stated, "While others might amass eclectic collections of posh oil-in-water emulsions, I regard them as products of society's delusion that consumerism and materialism align with the 'American Dream.' Quite frankly, I would rather tend to my friends than to my appearance." DLD Gossip knows better, though, and we have conducted a rigorous investigation to unveil Deanna's close-kept secrets:

 Sleep irregularly and infrequently - hormone fluctuation and stress give your dimples that gorgeous ruddy look. Deanna has redefined the term "beauty sleep" - an enraptured reading of Toni Morrison's Beloved or Anthony Burgess' A Clockwork Orange replaces the classic REM cycle.

 Fashion magazines? Make-up guides? Trash them. Deanna mysteriously shuns all reads related to maintaining any form of physical decency. Instead, she wrinkles her brow in contemplating a New York Times article on health care, chuckles over a Charles Addams comic, or shouts at computer screens: "Why should it even matter whether Obama is Muslim or Christian?!"

 Smile frequently to keep dimples fit and trim. Deanna spontaneously smiles at the hospital security guard or the Vietnamese immigrant at the DMV, eliciting the guard's recollection of invigorating army days or the immigrant's struggle with changing demographics. These now former strangers, it seems, become Deanna's good friends with a flash of that intriguing, sincere dimple.

11.29.71 In Loving Memory
Deanna Loh's dimples at last surrendered to the enshrouding wrinkle and sag of still fabulous cheeks on Tuesday. Deanna released a statement this morning: "My dimples meant many things to other people; they were beacons of optimism, symbols of innocence, enigmatic gifts from supposed extraterrestrials. Yet, I have always felt that my dimples and my appearance do not define me. Rather, I hope that it is my sincerity and desire to connect with those around me that reflect upon how my family and friends perceive me. My dimples have wrinkled and faded, but the relationships I have established, the loving people around me, remain."

Undergraduate / Green Squash - Common App Extracurricular [2]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate all the critique I can get.

Common App - Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).

A green squash. I envied no toothsome Godiva or golden apple, but a goose-bumped, lopsided vegetable. A petite, elderly patient presented the token of appreciation to the most unlikely Aphrodite: a middle-aged physician resembling a Taiwanese Santa Claus. "To the most deserving of gratitude" was the squash's succulent inscription.

A research volunteer at City of Hope, I shadowed the physician during patient rounds, an experience that solidified my resolution to pursue medicine. A humble shadow, I witnessed the great fulfillment and human connection the doctor achieves in his daily labor. Individuals come not just for his healing, but also for him. His touching relationships with patients supersede medicine, and patients' returning expressions of pure gratitude are his golden apples, dear motivators for life. I strive to one day be an individual deserving a gift as invaluable as a green squash.

Undergraduate / Self centered - Princeton - person who has influenced you [6]

Hello! This is my essay for the Princeton supplement. I tried to demonstrate a much more pensive and serious aspect of myself, since my personal statement is much more light-hearted in comparison.

Any critique/edit/comment is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

Tell us about a person who has influenced you in a significant way. 500 words

Self-Centered People

"People think you are self-centered" - these are some of the kindest, most well meaning words someone has ever told me, and they came from my best friend of six years ago. I had mistakenly believed that I was well liked, and my dear friend bluntly pushed me to realize that I did not know how to appreciate my friends; I wanted attention, but would not reciprocate affection. Her words have prompted my slow journey for self-improvement so that I have become more considerate of others, and perhaps, more deserving of friendship.

It is difficult. If expressing empathy were a race, I would be the sloth with stunted legs and a grotesque outgrowth of mossy bacteria weighing me down. I was not born with the ability to genuinely care for and love others, and perhaps no one is. Darwin might say that humans are intrinsically selfish in a survival of the fittest mentality, and therefore no one is inherently altruistic. Then, selflessness would be an acquired trait.

Yet, I am filled with a desire to succeed socially in society, where compassion is one of the greatest human virtues. That social Darwinism has lost its luster indicates that most others do too. Thus another, greater factor must be considered: happiness, which is found most in relationships with others. To fulfill my human, self-interested desire in finding happiness in friendship and love, I strive to become more sympathetic and caring. Altruism is based in selfishness; yet, it is a form of selfishness that is good for everyone.

If I had continued in my purely self-centered and egocentric personality, I would have headed towards a lifeless and colorless world. So, I am indebted to my honest friend for drawing me away from a path of loneliness. How to listen to someone's troubles, brighten someone's downcast day, or comfort someone's pain - I have had to learn how to be a friend, just as a toddler learns that "A" is for apple, or as a student learns that "A" is for adultery. What began as a self-serving venture to satisfy my own happiness, however, has turned into a genuine care for friends and family. My friends, whom I once burdened with incessant troubles, I now try to support and listen to in sincerity. My mother, upon whom I blamed my unhappiness, I now try to enliven with companionship in hopes that her melancholy will fade. My truthful friend has spurred me, with her frankness, to pursue a worthy goal: to always strive to be a better person.

Undergraduate / "I relish freedom and liberation" - Princeton Supplement - 2 Summers [3]

Thank you so much for the help and critique! I truly appreciate it.

Please tell us how you have spent the last two summers (or vacations between school years), including any jobs you have held, if not already detailed on the Common Application. 2500 characters

Shepherding the boisterous group of youngsters, I groaned when I saw what I had to manage: stubborn "Bunny" squatted and hopped with a haughty pout, impish "Dragon" planted seeds of boyish commotion, and an Eiffel tower of ungraded essays cloaked the modest table. I braced myself for the three hours of migraine-inducing tutoring, or rather training, of these wild animals as I berated Dragon for his surreptitious attempts to sabotage his desk. As "Miss Deanna", I both loved witnessing the evolution of students' writing and loathed the demanding position of tyrannical supervisor.

The next year, in the heart of Shanghai I found myself imprisoned by my own supervisors. In traveling with my ballet studio to perform in the Shanghai World Exposition, I anticipated absorbing an eclectic mix of dance styles from Chinese instructors and fully experiencing one of the world's most vibrant cities. However, my only view of the beckoning cityscape came from within the plaster walls of the dorm and caging windows of the bus. I finally understood how it felt to be a squirming child in my tutoring class.

At City of Hope, however, I left my summer research position with a feeling of warmth and fulfillment. Though still supervised, my mentors gave me responsibility and independence, and trusted me with the handling of delicate embryonic cells and toxic, ethidium bromide gels. The director for the department of molecular pharmacology, upon my leaving, sent me a simple, yet most treasured, note, "You are a great student and we all happy to have you." My mentors were not only my supervisors, but also my friends.

Through my summer experiences, I have come to understand what does and does not amount to a fulfilling education and experience. Though I cannot expect that my professors will become my close friends, I relish in the freedom and liberation of thought and action within the educational branches of a Princeton education.

Undergraduate / "Biology is beautiful; biology is deadly." - Johns Hopkins - Why Biology [9]

Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experience influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

Cautiously, I pulled back the heavy dress and gently tucked away the cotton undergarments to reveal the Madeline doll's crimson scar; doctors had removed the feisty girl's appendix after she had fainted, said the book. A gasp escaped my lips as I gingerly traced the scarlet threads emerging from the doll's belly. My fingers itched to unravel the threads to ascertain what changes the doctors had made - how did they fix Madeline?

Eight years later, I at last unveiled what lay beneath the yarn. However, instead of Madeline, the subject was an ailing mouse, and rather than the appendix, the danger came from a glistening, pale organ - the spleen. Somehow, the knocked out p53R2 gene resulted in a cascade of minute disruptions within the intricate system of protein interaction and organ development, creating the spleen's deathly black hemorrhaging amidst the soft, pink tissue. How did we kill the mouse?

Biology is beautiful; biology is deadly. With Madeline, a small change saved her theoretical life, but with the mouse, an even smaller change jeopardized its life. To understand biology is to gain greater control over its processes and secrets, and to garner a stronger insight into the complexities of organisms. Spurred by an inquisitiveness cultivated from childhood curiosity to adult reflection, I yearn to join history's greatest pursuit: exploring and understanding the intertwining dynamics of the body. Through collective investigation, perhaps we may one day find a way to "fix" the mouse as effortlessly as the doctors fixed Madeline.

My concern is that JHop wants a direct, to the point answer instead of a very creative, descriptive essay. What do you guys think of that?

Thank you!