Writing Feedback / IELTS (task 2) A year break for traveling or work before joining university. [2]

I'll be highly obliged if somebody can correct my essay and possibly provide feedback. For this essay, what band will I get?

Topic- "In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this."

In recent years, taking a year break after completing high school is a common phenomena among youngsters. Some advocate young adults should be restricted from taking this attempt. However, many believe it is a very good scope for young minds to ground their feet. This essay will look at disadvantage and advantage for youngsters to work or travel for a year in between graduating high school and starting university studies.

Its often argued that a year gap will not benefit youngster. Opponents, think that young generation are more likely to have inadequate education because many find it hard to restart with academic qualification. A large percent of this group either drops out from university or struggles to scope up with the standards set by the university, were as some finds the work more interesting which gives them an opportunity to earn. Refuters, also believe that the time period between completing high school and joining university is more than sufficient for young people to discover the world or to understand functioning of corporate world.

Nevertheless, a year break broadens the horizon for young adults as they become more confident, knowledgeable, and productive. It also helps them to identity the right program at the university which eventually opens a gateway to new job opportunities, that was unknown to us earlier. Where as, many of them get a chances to save money font only for the university tuition fee but also to bear living expense during their stay at university.

Although, there are undoubtably some problems with the idea of youngsters taking a year break yet, I strongly feel, this approach is right. It gives young mind enough time to defuse confusion and think clear about future and giving us a better civilization generation.

Writing Feedback / IETLS - advertising and consumer goods. What are the real needs of customers? [2]

Topic- Today, the high sales of popular consumers goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold

To what extent do you agree or disagree

The consumer goods can be described as basic necessity of buyers' to meet day-today life requirement and with the help of advertisement, the manufacturers are able to reach the potential buyers. Therefore, I agree that advertisement plays a key role in hiking sales and promotion of goods. However, I disagree that it ignores the right needs of the community.

Firstly, needs of individual varies from one another. The disposable income not only gives right to consumers to select a right commodity for themselves but also, to decide how they would like to spend their money. For example- average income family or a person will not exceed limit to purchase an item that does not fit into his budget . Here the role of advertising was to created an awareness among the mass. Advertising had least influence on that consumer in decision making process- that is, a decision of not purchasing an item.

Secondly, due to globalization consumers are informed and better educated not to fall in trap of advertisement. These days, consumers are shifting their preferences to social, environmental goods and often manufacturers of these goods have a reputation, that they would not risk by making a false marketing or letting unauthorized person access their name. Bodyshop is a world renounced example and first of its kind to support campaign that said no to animal products and testing. Here they showed a true picture about themselves which made them favorite. Thus, it proves advertisement does not ignores the needs of society.

Finally,advertising is contributing towards society by encouraging common mass to buy those consumer goods which donates a small portion of their profit percentage to NGOs. In India, for every purchase of Whisper, Pantine (all products) contributes a small profit to NGOs to support education for those children who live in poverty. On the other hand media is more active ever than before, covering small details of every advertising and continuously pushing government and regulation to take legal action if an advertisement makes a false promises about the quality. A large number of legal case on the manufacture of Fair & Lovely is one of the example. Thus, encouraging manufacturers to use true evidence for the promotion of their good by the means of advertisement.

In my opinion, advertising neither effect consumers buying decision nor manipulates phycology of consumers's mind and not to forget it is helping NGOs. It only helps in making a product known and the sources of its availability. The government action even further guards the interest of common mass.Advertisements are more like an empty frame. You will see only what you want to.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK-2 (some avoid changes and others believe changes are good) [4]

This is my first discussion essay, pls be free to comment.

Thanks

Neeta

"Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing"

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Globalisation and technology has a major role in a civilised society, where children mind are trained to practice self-control in order to protect their family and themselves from unwanted situations. This phenomenon later turns into fear, which prevents them from bring in change in their lives. On the other side, changes are considered good and raise question- "what our present would look like, if our ancestors' never thought of amending old constitution or inventing technology, on which our life heavily depends on today."

Today, millions of people feel insecure due to easy available of skilled and non -skilled labour on market and believe that having expertise can enrich job performances, which is directly linked to income and security, and much needed to keep family running towards prosperity, for example-a family man with housing and car loan has to keep on working even during unfavourable working condition. These people continue to work in spite they suffer from boredom to avoid unwanted circumstances.

Nevertheless, changes are good to get away from a hectic life to relax mind, and do self-realisation, but many people wander from one place to another not because they are bored and wanting adventure but because they wish to learn various cultures and adopt good things from it for survival. Thus, it brings in awareness and affects psychology of a human. The best way to convey, what good changes brought in out lives is the fact that our ancestors are monkey. Another example is of a man, who decides to use public transport rather than his car, is more aware of global issues and taking measures to help society.

Personally, I feel everyone should transform their lives because insecurity develops fear and stops many people from bringing in much needed change. Where as, adequate change can benefit society and them.

Writing Feedback / IELTS- Resist making changes-problem and solution associated with it. [9]

Hello,

Your suggestion will be highly valued.

Neeta

Topic- "People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?
Give reasons for your answer and include any examples from your own knowledge or experience. Words-least 250

In the fast moving world, there are few people, who continue to believe a small change can either damage their reputation or traditional culture. Furthermore, they encourage people to practice same method and forget problems it can cause to individuals and society.

Those people, who develop resistance to change often suffer from monotonous and lack of enthusiasm because they are trapped in their work and lifestyle that advocated to worship repetitiveness and so, their health deteriorates and as a result their quality of life may be no better than before. A good idea would be to encourage them to take some time off for new activities of their interest such as sports, reading, traveling. By doing this people would feel energetic and improved concentration will eventually make them efficient and productive.

Moreover, these people are highly dependent on others as they lack adequate skills to complete a task. This happens due to fear and hesitant of accepting advanced technology. Consequently, their self-esteem is high suffered, which is reflected in their social behaviour. For instance, these people may withdrawn themselves from society considering others as crowd or may lack to built up conversation because of limited knowledge. The obvious answer is to help these people to be more self aware. This can be done either by communicating with people from distant land or traveling. Other possibility could be promoting benefits of advanced technology and guideline on usage. Additionally, support people with good library resources that has access to relevant articles, journals and books. Thus, this will lead them to be more knowledgeable and confident.

Last but not least, if people avoid changes, then the entertainment, hospitality and tourism industries may witness a downward trend as these industries largely depend on leisure time of people besides, unemployment will grow sharply, resulting slow down in the local economy. To avoid such situations, first of all, government must fortify public to take vacation and secondly, accept new ideas and fundamentals from the locals. This way, economy will bloom and country will have a good leader with a sharp realistic vision.

To put in nutshell, monotonous, unenthusiasm, lack of social awareness and a slow economy are some of the problems related to individuals or masses, which should be handled with a lot care. Therefore, government along with individuals should understand the goodness a change brings with itself to help transforms their lives.

Writing Feedback / IETLS-Importance of history and effects if not taught to children [6]

Dear All,

I'm having trouble identifing whether this particular essay topic is of hidden argument type. Also, am not sure of my writing in terms of contend and grammar. :(

Please comment to what extend I have covered the question.

Thanks & Regards

Neeta

To some people studying the past has little value in the modern world. Why do you think it is important to do so? What will be the effect if children are not taught history?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

History is losing its significances as many people failed to understand its benefits. A lot many consider history as a module that should be learnt by heart to pass exam and later it is as easily forgotten. However, history has a pivotal role in moulding law, societies and in the revolution of science, maths and literature. Therefore, this essay will throw some light on the importance of history and the consequences if children at school are not taught history.

First of all, history serves the purpose of achieve and give essay access to individuals for reference that is available in form of events and facts. As a result this information can be either used to predict the consequences and resolve matters before it is too late or to make changes and adapt as per modern generation needs. For instance, India's law is highly inspired by British law but due to new scenario, there are new amendments in law to serves its people. Furthermore, the old inventions such as electricity, car engine, train engine etc., are being modified to meet new demands. On the other hand, history preserves tradition that helps in bridging relationship between two nations by avoiding unnecessary situations due to lack of knowledge and communication gap. Additionally, it helps in wiping off unnecessary customs from societies. Earlier labours were treated as slaves but today, they have right to quit their job and find a new one.

Nevertheless, if school students are not taught history then a number of problems may arise concerning with economy and social behaviour of humans because history talks about experiences encountered by our ancestors and if they do not learn the moral lessons then the world will produce egocentric, immodest, corrupt humans who will be responsible for leading their countries into darkness because increase in the rate of hunger, poverty and unemployment rate will eventually shoot up crime rate. Thus, literacy percentage will fall down dramatically.

To put in nutshell, history preserves country's tradition and serves in forming or improving human's life and if advantages are neglected then it will not only affect the world economy but also, human race.